Hi Aguila Glad to have you aboard though not for this reason! I was at your stage in November- I got the news on a very painful anniversary which only made it harder. Lucky for me my husband was sitting next to me holding my hand which helped to steady me up. The Bcn said- go home and enjoy your favourite tipple. Not the advice I would give but it did help a bit. I cried a lot in the interview with the CS, and in the one after. Later I learned it was his first month (he's a locum and he's moved on now)and I was one of his first patients there but he took it really slowly and gently. Looking back on it I think the worst bit was the 8 days in between biopsy and results. The biopsy was painful (never had one before) and I did not like the look of the mammogram. I'm harder about it now-Just more used to it.
So- after talking over the options in Nov with CS, I had adjuvant chromosone therapy and managed to keep it together through Christmas, which I really enjoyed. By then I had my grown-up children and grandchildren, workmates and close friends on board. I did have a lot of trouble with sleeping, and this was hard to predict, so I swore off caffeine and booze but even then I struggled, and it was all down to anxiety. During the day the tablets were making me nap for half an hour at least. But I wasn't sleepy enough to go through the night so I got a good book, set up a book light and happily read away the small hours until I drifted out of this phase. When I started getting back to the gym or shovelling snow (I did a lot of that I remember!) I began to sleep better.
I think what I learned was how to do two things at the same time which are so hard to do- to take little bites out of the things that need to be done now (and maybe yesterday), and to be mindful of the prognosis/long term but to let it sit there on the horizon and enjoy the next little piece of time. This was so hard for me and still is because I am a planner by nature and need to make lists, keep calendars, accounts for my time etc etc. I also am a Christian with a brilliant church and I got support through my faith and our fellowship. This does not stop me having a good cry regularly!
It sounds as if you are getting lots of welcome distraction from your jobs- well, go to it! Good luck as you swing into treatment and see you around on these pages perhaps.
Jackie, thank you so very much for taking the time to reply, sharing your knowledge and experience is much appreciated.
My GP gave me some Lustral, which apparently will keep me on an even keel long term, although I managed one day on it and thought I was going to explode with adrenaline, so I didn't take any more of that! 1mg of Diazepam every 4 hours seems to keep the panic at bay and allowed me to function extremely well over the weekend, such that I found someone to look after my business (small self employed thing), built a shed on our allotment, wallpapered the guest bedroom, and organised for someone to help after the op so that my bunny can go to work without worrying about my care too much.
MRI on 13 May with consultant follow up on 17 May so should know plans in the next couple of weeks, at this rate the whole house will have been redecorated :0)
Aguila, I really feel for you. As I'm sure many people will tell you on here (and many other threads will show), it is waiting around that is the hardest thing. Coping (or not) is very individual, isn't it. I spent the times between stages of diagnosis etc cleaning, getting work things organised, sorting out cupboards(!), avoiding google, seeing friends etc. there are some things that will be certain 1) you will require surgery, and it will be relatively soon (I believe there is a guideline of max 31 days from diagnosis to surgery?) so depending on your circumstances, there may be (work/family) things you need to organise for that to happen and for you be looked after in the days that follow 2) you will be looked after- the NHS comes in for a lot of criticism but I think in general their treatment of women with Bc is very very good. Prognosis for many of us is excellent. It will take a while for all the information to sink in and there will be dark days, but you can and will get through this.
Dianosed 2 days ago with grade 2 lobal. MRI in a week when they will know more and decide treatment. They tell me we have caught it early, and that it is treatable.
in itself this is great news, but can any of you out there tell me how you managed to deal with the overwhelming panic and negative thoughts that assail me out of the blue?
would really appreciate tips a thank you