Well I had my results on tues and I'm in total shock, I've been told I have 2 areas on my liver largest 8.8cm!!! F***ing hell...small amount of both lungs...my onc said areas on liver are big and need to get n with chemo, but went to marsden and they said caught it early and not too big and I can basically pick my start date!!! A bit confused.
anyway I start chemo again on Monday, starting gemcarb...it's almost a year to the day that I started this bloodly horrific journey, I had just got off the ride and started to plan my life after bc.
Ive just come back from hols, where I've swam for miles, walked miles, abseiled, zip wired and actually felt normal..then bam come back to have an ultrasound and wollupe off we go again. It's just not bloody fair.
i saw the top man in the marsden and probably won't get invited back after my rant!
I basically went on about the professionals tell you not to bloody smoke, eat crap, be fat, be active, breast feed your kids etc and yet I still bloody got it, what about the woman sat stuffing her face with burgers, a bottle of Stella and 40 Marlborough a week..what about her...
ive got two wonderful beautiful girls 12 and 3...why don't I get to see them grow up..I had a fantastic childhood and wanted to give my kids the same experiences and yet this bloody disease is going to rob me of the right to be a mother!!
I can't seem to stop crying I don't know how I'm now supposed to get on with my life. Every time I look at my kids, husband, sister and parents it makes me cry cause I don't want to leave them cause I love them too much and I know how much its hurting them.
I've read the posts from other ladies with secondaries and tn and can't believe how positive they all are, when it feels like I am wobbling on the edge of hell.
is anyone else on gemcarb? What are se like do you lose your hair?