Can identify with you all. I try not to let it get me down and most days am ok, but sometimes I could just cry. Have backache at the moment and am just praying that it will go away and I dont have to have a scan. Always tell my friends that having good health is the greatest gift, apart from family!! Would give anything to get back to the way I used to be, and I do try. I even feel guilty having these thoughts as it is selfish as I am a survivor. It helps being able to put this in writing and know that someone will read it!!! Haven't tried antidepressants as feel I am taking strong enough medicine. Does anyone have insomnia? Any tips?
Harp, i am so glad we have one another too, these forums have been a real life line for me also!
It is just so hard sometimes, i chose to have recon, now i don't like it and i feel guilty as hell as people are now expecting me to be over the moon. The truth is, i am not, and there is not an implant in the world that is going to ever make me feel whole again, i know that for sure.
Thanks for being there.
Naz, of course you are entitled to mourn the loss of your breast, don't feel guilty about it. I am now flat chested and although I chose not to have recon and it was my own decision, I still get downhearted about it and I cry buckets! We have all been through a tough time physically and emotionally and it is going to take us all a long time to recover I think. I'm just so glad we have one another on these forums-they've been a lifeline for me!
Thank you everyone
Most of the time i get on with life, work, children, house etc etc, and then bang, it hits me out of the blue, and i dwell on things and get a bit emotional.
I have not come to terms with my reconstructed breast, and know that it should be the last of my concerns, but it is there along with the rest of the 'stuff' that hits me.
Potmaid,i am sorry that BC has come to you and not let you go, you are in my thoughts and you message is very much appreciated.
Can't add anything either except to say that I'm just the same. I'm 3 months past the end of treatment and celebrating the fact that at the moment I'm healthy and working on getting fit again. I love being back to almost normal and I am very happy and loving life most of the time. Suddenly out of nowhere I get sad. I am lucky to have a fab friend who always listens and seems to know just what to say, but it is hard sometimes. My BC is genetic and has wiped out 9 out of 10 women in our family, all under 50. But my Mum is still here 38 years after her first encounter with BC. I just find it hard to think I could have passed it on to my two daughters. I do allow myself to grieve for what I've lost but then I know that it will pass, and that in time I will think about it less and less.
Potmaid, I think you are a real inspiration and a lovely person, it shines through in your post. My thoughts are with you and your loved ones.
Hi there ladies,
I just wanted to say that it does get easier honestly. I'm quite a few years down the line now but I remember only too well waking up every morning & for the first few seconds everything was fine & then it would hit me like a brick that I had BC & from then on it was at the front of my mind all day, not even a minute of respite. But suddenly one day I realised that I hadn't thought about it all morning & it felt so good. I hate to use the old cliche but time really does heal, we just need to be patient that's all!
IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE!
Love n hugs
I had a bad day yesterday ... Why me? It's not fair! I hate the way I feel! I hate the way I look! I just want to be the old me ... No one in the family understand! You have to be us to understand how we feel...it's hard to be positive 24/7....I try for the family but it eats you away! I wake up thinking about breast cancer go to bed thinking about it and even dream about it ...I suppose at the bottom of it all is I'm scared! At least when I read th comments on the forum I realise I'm not the only one...just the only one I know!
Hi Naz, how I feel for you. It just never seems to end does it. You kept me going when I was down, so chin up. Having a legal battle as well as all the discomfort and worry doesn`t help, but my daughter finally won her battle last year and was awarded a substancial amount and this week her and her hubby are in Dubai and then on a cruise. It doesn`t make up for all the discomfort and pain but she can have 2 weeks trying to forget. She has already had to spend some of the money on private treatment for gallbladder removal as when she went back to the hospital who made the errors in pain they once again gave poor treatment. Such a pity there are some Dr`s who we have no faith in.
I still have my `hole` think its there for good now. I`ll have to get a diamonte stud put in Ha!
Chin up, tomorrow is another day.
NAZ, I know just what you mean and can't offer any helpful suggestions other than those already made by potmaid, so I just wanted to send you a hug.
We all have off days, its allowed you know........but try not to let this dreadful BC spoil the real pleasures in life, which is for living. You sound like you have been through the mill several times and have been let down by the sounds of it, big time.
Thinking about BC every hour of every day is normal when first diagnosed and I can remember that it took me a good few years for me to finally realise that it wasn't at the forefront of my mind and other normal things had slipped in ahead of it 🐵
It will get easier, in time but if your feeling really low, don't bottle it up, talk to someone, either a friend who is understanding or this helpline on here or go to your GP and get a referal.
I know its easy for me to say, but I do know, I have lived for 10 yrs with BC and now am dying of it, so I just want you to make the most of what you have and try to put most of the negatives behind you, for your sake and the sake of your family too.
Sorry sounds a bit of a lecture, good luck.
It don't even know why!
The sun has been shining, my kids (4) and (7) are happy, and dinner is cooking, but the whole BC thing won't go away!
It is there, when i wake up and before i go to sleep.
it keeps haunting me, when will it just do one?
I am tired of thinking, hate my 'new breast' tired from the anxiety of all the surgery, the tamoxifin, just everything!
I want to be innocent of BC, to have by breast the way it was (minus the disease.
I am taking legal action against my previous hospital trust, for clinical negligence, and am angry at the surgeon for my poor sub standard attempt at recon. After all i had gone through with the trauma of chemo and hair loss, he failed me!
A new surgeon had to pick up the pieces and now the result is not as good as it could have been.
Just feeling cross.