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Just in utter shock!

34 REPLIES 34
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Thank you chascat. I had thought that as well tbh. I kind of think everything happens for a reason we're just yet to see what it is x x
chascat
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi DMCF, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going throughout this crap at work on top of everything else and share my story with you. I was diagnosed in January 2012, surgery, chemo, rads, tamoxifen. Worked through most of my treatment, only going off sick just before I started rads. I returned to work October 2012 and within about 4 months my employer decided to give my job to someone else and dumped me in the redeployee pool, where I languished for 12 months, constantly being harassed to get another job in the company or get out - there were no jobs. I should say I remained on full pay throughout. I went to grievance which I lost and appeal, which i also lost and eventually ended up in the Employment Tribunal this year, again I lost, the panel though were highly critical of the way I was treated. I was and still am employed by a large Blue chip company and have worked for them 24 years. I was told at the outset it's extremely difficult to prove disability discrimination and they were right. Cancer doesn't stop you losing your job, if they're able to justify for business reasons why they have done it, which my employers were, not that I believe a word of it, I think they coped without me for a couple of months and therefore saw the opportunity for cost savings, but they were never going to admit that. I am now left feeling indescribable anger that they got away with it and part of me wishes I had never taken them on. All I will say is that unless you have cast iron proof that this was due to your illness then don't pursue it, it won't just be a massive cost financially, but emotionally too. Take care CC x

Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I made the mistake of telling my boss face to face on the day I was diagnosed so I have no proof to say that i told them. But they have to live with the guilt every time they think of me, see a pink ribbon or anything to do with cancer. I will fight that fight when I'm better but it's a small business and my actions will have repercussions on the other people that work there so I'm still in two minds at the moment it wasn't their decision to sack me. It was just a massive gut blow. I'd been so strong and positive about my diagnosis & beating it but then loosing my job to boot just was the straw that broke this camels back. I think for me it was the thought that with the support of my family I know I can get through anything and then suddenly I had no way to support them back. I'm a very proud person. but you know what if I fight them they will probably get angry and they don't deserve anger they deserve guilt & knowing that they will have to live with their decision and I know that sounds petty but hey ho x x
LSM72
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi, I think everyone of us is angry on your behalf! Disgraceful treatment right when you don't need it. I can 100% see why you've only one fight you want to concentrate on, especially as you're also a busy young mum - more than enough for anyone. It seems so wrong that they can do this to you so maybe there is a way to let others fight it for you - be it the media, CAB, Macmillan WR service or a family member who can take the strain for you without you having the added burden of being the "main woman" in that battle. Wish you well with your wee ones and with your forthcoming health and treatment plan. X
Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I am so sorry, and angry on your behalf. How some people can sleep at night after such complete disregard for the consequences of such a decision is beyond me. Bless your little one- I hope he or she had a wonderful birthday and that you're there to celebrate many many more in happier circumstances xx

Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

My employer didn't say it was due to my illness. My 3 month trial period (which i knew nothing about as I hadn't even been given a contract to sign) had come to an end and it "wasn't working out"........the words get out of jail free comes to mind. I do have cause for tribunal but I've only got one fight in me at the moment. My husbands friend works for a local newspaper who want to cover it and the editor of the daily mail has contacted us as well. But although we will struggle financially it's probably best at the moment that I just concentrate on me and my kids at the moment. I have a 7 year old and my youngest turned 1 today x x
Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Surely that is illegal? Do you have the strength to check this out? Illness should never be a reason to sack someone.

Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

You are very fortunate to have a supportive work. I got diagnosed and then got the sack. Still everything happens for a reason. Or so I've been told xx
Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Thank you, you are so right. Today I feel much better. Work have been really kind. I will have an official welfare meeting if/when the diagnosis is confirmed. In the mean time if I feel rubbish for whatever reason, I just have to tell them and go home, Their very strict attendance policy has been suspended for me. Just have to play the waiting game now.

Butterfly318
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Evening Rosemaryanne

 

Really sorry you find yourself on this forum.  Yes shock / stress is really exhausting, following my diagnosis i went from lethargy where i couldn't physically move to euphoria almost manic..........  With hindsight i realised following my diagnosis that i'd been unwell, just niggly little things recurring chest infection, what felt like a panic attack ( i had never had anything like this before  but work was hectic...........).  so in answer to your question it really is likely to be the shock / stress making you feel like this....

 

Take care and keep posting.  Please ask anything you need to know.    Gilly x     

Rosemaryanne
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I'm so new to this. Got recalled after a routine mammogram, had ultrasound and biopsies yesterday. I had truly thought they'd give me the all-clear so I share the shock factor. I have a two week wait for the biopsy results but the consultant was very honest and said she did not want to give me false hopes, so it looks probable that I shall be joining you ladies on this awful journey. I have a question. I've been feeling weary for a while, but today I'm absolutely exhausted. Is this just reaction to the news or a symptom? I had to leave work early today, could hardly put one foot in front of the other.I want to carry on as normal so far as possible, just hope this is temporary.

Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Good luck tomorrow Dmcf, and hope you don't have to wait too long for the results. And hope your meeting goes well on Wednesday with the consultant and you get a treatment plan sorted. You will feel a lot better when you have it in place.

Brewster it sucks you're still waiting as it's the hardest part of all this. Do you know when you're going to get the results? Must be hard not knowing which treatment you'll be getting first. I definitely feel fortunate that within a week I was diagnosed, had ct/bone scans, node biopsies and had my 1st chemo booked for the following week!


Keep us all posted xxx
Brewster
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Thinking of you Dmcf and hope all goes as well as it can. I am still treading water and although triple negative like you I still don't have a plan. Waiting for node results and then they will decide whether surgery or chemo first.mhas to go back to MDT but not until nov 10th. All this time is passing and am so anxious to get started .
Thinking if you and hope tests are ok xxxx
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Glad to hear you still have no side effects. Keep us updated. I have Breast mri and abdo ct tomorrow. Consultant next Wednesday x x
Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Good luck on Monday Daffodil. I hope the side effects aren't horrible to you. Fortunately I've had no side effects from my first one, fingers crossed you are the same. I really didn't want to see my sons being ill. And Definitely lean on your friends, that's exactly what they are there for! Xx
Daffodilli
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

So chemo on Monday now trying to sort out friends to stay with me on the night of the chemo. I do not want my son to have to be my carer. Having to look at lists of emergency contacts in case I become unwell. Doing this as a single mum is hard thank goodness for friends.
Daffodilli
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

The waiting is terrible I have more biopsies of lymph nodes MiRI and CT scan to go I'm terrified that it has spread. Facing my son is hard I just want to start the treatment.
Rodent
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Just to say I'm glad the chemo isn't too bad KF791, there are some lucky people for whom FEC is ok so keep going, you may be one of them!!!
Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I know, it's very strange. I've got to take my 3yr old to a party this morning and thought I would be feeling rubbish today...but nope still nothing. I'm sure it'll hit me like a ton of bricks at some point.....but until then everything seems 'normal'.

I'm on FEC-T chemotherapy, which seems to be quite common around here! Don't know too much about it tbh, just known I've got to have it so kept it at that! A little part of me is thinking 'ignorance is bliss' at the moment.

I really hope you do ok when you go on the 7th, just think positively, that it's what's got to happen to beat this!

But the waiting is definitely the hardest bit, I was a nightmare waiting for results and waiting for chemo to start. Once everything was in place I was able to breathe a bit better and get some sleep!

Xxx
Brewster
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hey Kf, great you have started already AND feeling okish!! That's good news. What chemo did you have ? I am having Taxol and Carboplatin. Can't wait to crack on as waiting is awful. Hope I am like you and don't feel the effects too much (who am I kidding 😄😄)
Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi Brewster and Daffodil.

Really sorry to hear your news. And Dcmf, really sorry to hear about the job, that really something you could have done without, b*stards!

Once you have a full plan of your treatments you will feel a bit better and feel like you are back in control (a bit!).

I too am having chemo first and had my first one on Wednesday. And at the moment I'm feeling fine, no side effects at all. Tbh though I am finding that a bit weird! I'm sure I should be feeling a little bit icky or no appetite or something!

So I know it's only early days but at the moment I'm feeling ok and now I know I've started to kill this thing, I'm starting to feel mug better! Xx
Brewster
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi Daffodilli

Same boat I think. I am newly diagnosed, TNBC and also a nurse ! I start chemo on nov 7th. Hope we can all support each other on here . Love and best wishes to all xx
Daffodilli
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi Dmcf
Thanks but it sounds like you are having a terrible time. I hope you have good support around you look to your family and friends as much as possible. I don't know about you but one moment I'm very focused then the next I can't remember my own phone number. It is one step at a time and don't look to far ahead not that I'm finding that easy. I have to have chemotherapy first and have my appointment on Tuesday I'm a nurse and finding it very scarey. Hang in there.
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi Dmcf
I am sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment, our helpliners can offer a listening ear and have further practical and emotional support for you at the end of a phone so please feel free to call. Lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

Take care
Lucy BCC

Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

So sorry you are going through this as well daffodil x x
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

To top it all off I've just been sacked from my job!
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi Daffodilli, I am sorry to read that you are going through such a worrying time at the moment

In addition to the support you will soon have here please feel free to call our helpliners to talk things through, they are on hand with practical and emotional support for you on 0808 800 6000 and lines are open today 9-5 and tomorrow 10-2 (weekdays 9-5 Sat 10-2)

You will find further support ideas and information which may help in our 'Just diagnosed' pages via this link:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis

Take care
Lucy BCC

Daffodilli
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I can't believe this is happening to me. have just been diagnosed with grade 3 ductal ca, it is huge and they are worried that it has spread. I too have to have more biopsies of lymph glands. MRI and Ct scans. My husband left me earlier this year after nearly 30 years together and I have a 12 year old son. I'm so frightened for him and the future, so much to think about. I fell like the rug has been pulled out from under me.
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

I'll have a look thank you x x
Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Yes I'm having the chemo first as it's spread to my lymph nodes so they door first to stop it spreading any more. Then I'll have surgery once they know how effective the chemo has been, plus depending on the result from my genetics test that I had done.

You sound a lot like me, I thought I'd have loads of panic attacks and just fall apart. But I've just said to myself, there is no other option but to beat this so that's exactly what I'm going to do and haven't thought about anything else!

I've already had a CT and bone scan and that's when I went into panic mode, just knowing what they were looking for. But as soon as they said they were clear I instantly felt a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders.

We will get through this because we have to! There is an absolutely fantastic support group on FB if you are on that. It called Younger Breast Cancer Network and the ladies on there are absolutely brilliant, they have got me through these past two weeks. So hopefully see you in there (if you're not already!) xxxxxx
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi kf791

Yeah I almost feel at peace with it today. As soon as he said I'm sorry to say its cancer. Everything became vivid. I was zoned in on exactly to what he was saying and it was all really clear. I have had a mammo and bloods done today. MRI of the breasts next Thursday and a body MRI (app yet to come) as I have something else going on in my stomach. He said if nodes show on the MRI then I'll be called in sooner.

I have a daughter who's 7 and a son 11 months. The only time I got upset today was answering my daughters questions she was worried she could catch it like a cold.

Are you having chemo first. My consultant today spoke of lumpectomy then radio therapy and chemo. But everything is a kind of wait and see first until they know what they are dealing with fully.

It's just so surreal at the moment. I thought Id go to pieces but I've been surprisingly calm and determined to tackle this head on.

Thanks for all your replies x x
Kf791
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi DMcf

So so sorry to hear your news.

I was diagnosed two weeks ago. Exactly the same as you Grade 3 invasive Ductal carcinoma. Im 30 and I also have two children, 2 boys one nearly 3 and one is 7 months.
So definitely in the same boat as you.

All this waiting is definitely the worst bit, everyone says you will feel better once you have a treatment plan place and they are definitely right. Somehow I've managed to cope quite well, better than I thought I would.

I had my first chemotherapy session today so all felt very real!

Please don't hesitate to talk to me about anything. Here for you xxxx
Dmcf
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Thank you poemsgalore. Mine def isn't hormone responsive. I'm only 31 just sat looking at my 2 babies & dreading the next few months. Consultant said we'll discuss surgery ect in 3 weeks after I've had all other testing done so we know where we're at x x
poemsgalore
Member

Re: Just in utter shock!

Hi DMCF

 

So sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. I was diagnosed with the same back in November 2012. It had spread to one of my lymph nodes. I had mastectomy with 3 lymph nodes removed, followed by chemo but refused radiotherapy. Now on Anastrazole for at least 5 years as my cancer was 100% Oestrogen positive. I can honestly say I had a really easy time considering, and as far as cancer is concerned I am now classed as NED (no evidence of disease) but have annual mammogram/breast checks for 5 years. Wish I could say the rest of my health was good, but that's nothing to do with BC.

 

When You have a treatment plan in place, you will begin to feel more in control. Just deal with each decision as it happens, don't think of it all in one go. Sending you big hugs and wishing you the very best.

 

poemsgalore. xx

Dmcf
Member

Just in utter shock!

I've just been diagnosed. Grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma. I'm numb I think x x