Just newly diagnosed

[Sue H-S]

Hi Pinkloz83

Yes, there is life after all of this - much life! Actually - there is even life through it! I got chatted up by a rather handsome guy, whilst just post chemo 4  - AND he saw me bald, no lashes, no eyebrows - amazing what well applied make up can achieve! 

I really should have popped in on this thread much earlier, as I used to in the past. Much time has been spent starting and initially supporting the monthly chemo threads. 

But here I am....again...and shall be 'hovering' in the background, should any questions arise.

Hugs

Sue x

[Alex1967]

We'll all be clunking those champagne glasses on Xmas day 2017 but this year I will have to make sure I don't wrap my 18 year old daughter a bottle of "I hope it's not prosecco mum cos I don't like it" surprise! Mind you she felt pretty 🙁 when she opened it - no worries mother in law drank it with her turkey leg 😄

[Pinkloz83]

Haha Alex!! I don't blame you! Bless them. My brother was the same with me, I know they only mean well. But he was saying 'it's not been confirmed'... er well they were 90% sure!

sue - I second Alex there. Thank you so much for your post. There is life after this!xx

[Jo C]

Sue, thank you so much for popping up on this thread. It is inspirational for those of us at the beginning of our journey and lovely to see you looking beautiful throughout your journey. xx

[Jo C]

Alex, you have so made me smile! The best advice I've been given is to punch well wishers on the nose when the tell you to stay strong, blah, blah...so I totally get the turkey leg comment 😂

My OH and I have been planning Christmas 2017 too. Sounds so bizarre doesn't it?! I was upset this year because I'm divorced (x2) and none of my children were home with me at Christmas. I convinced myself that I wouldn't be here next year. Now I planning on the biggest, bestest family Christmas ever. I know I have a tough year in front of me but I'm determined to have a lovely reward at the end of it.

[Sue H-S]

Hi Alex1967

That is such a kind thing to say - thank you - and much appreciated.

Feel free to ask any questions, which you may have, I shall do my best to answer them. I might not be a medical person, but have learnt so much over the past year. And much about this forum and the various threads is about sharing experiences.

Hugs

Sue x

[Alex1967]

Sue you are an inspiration!!!x

[Sue H-S]

Hi all,

I have just popped into the thread to see how all is going. It is so great to see how much support is on this thread to all who join it. I am so sorry to see you here, but also very glad, as there is so much support here for all. Rant, rave, cry and laugh - and many virtual hugs.

My 'journey', well the active treatment, was completed on the 26th October.

It is unfortunate that the route of diagnosis can have ups and downs. Often the final results, on which treatment plans are based - are ony post op - may that be an SLB (Sentinel Lymphnode biopsy), lumpectomy or mastectomy. There are many varying reasons for it - age, breast density, type of cancer.

I was diagnosed on the 5th January 2016 and initially it looked like operation and tablets. Well, post operation they threw the whole kit and caboodle at me.

My hair is back and I have never had such beautiful long nails for years, as I have now! And that is nearly to the day 12 months post initial diagnosis and the whole raft of treatments.

It will very much depend on your type of chemo treatment, should this become the case, whether your nails MAY be affected. Nail bar treatments and gels, however, are out, if you should go through chemo. But there are things you can do to help them stay in place and there is, of course, the cold cap, too. No guarantee your hair will stay - it might or it might not. However, if, as and when the time comes - there are many tips and tricks on the forum and on the monthly chemo threads. Those who start in the same month tend to swap their tips and also ask for help and advice. They are a great support through all of this.

I am vain, too - and this is before - during - now...I hope it gives you hope and strength that you can handle this. Yes, there could be some challenging months ahead - but you will get through them and come out of the other end.. 

Hugs to all

Sue x

[Sallyann43]

Laura, your BCN is right really, we are all individual cases and treatment plans are just "ours"
The results from my MRI scan did take about a week to come through but it wasn't the Christmas period. I'm presuming they will tell you all the results once they have gathered them. Initially I was just told it was a grade 2 and approx 2cm but a few weeks later I was given more results after the MRI etc .. different authorities seem to do things slightly different so results are given at different times. I'm now waiting for post op results xxx

[Alex1967]

I feel so much more prepared mentally for my diagnosis news on 10th after joining this group. Can't wait to join the thousands of survivors of this *bleep* and I'm looking forward to a great Xmas 2017 after this Xmas was quite frankly torture - if my mother in law had said she was "praying for a miracle" anymore on Xmas day I was going to blop her with a turkey leg 🍗 Remember "no such thing as a problem..... just a solution" cx

[Pinkloz83]

I haven't had any info regarding size of lump or anything! I even had an MRI inbetween xmas and new year and he didn't give me any results from it!

My bcn kept saying 'it's you're treatment, it's your body'... I only have small ones too. I'm wondering whether I'll need to go down that route too... long road before that though for me. The joys! xxxt

[Pinkloz83]

I haven't had any info regarding size of lump or anything! I even had an MRI inbetween xmas and new year and he didn't give me any results from it! 

My bcn kept saying 'it's you're treatment, it's your body'... I only have small ones too. I'm wondering whether I'll need to go down that route too... long road before that though for me. The joys! xxx

[Jo C]

Hi Laura,

Sarah is right, you have joined a great group of ladies. The waiting is the pits and really is the worst. We're all at slightly different stages in the process with different diagnoses and different treatment plans or still awaiting treatment plans.

Big hugs to you.

Jo xx

[Sallyann43]

I don't mind at all - I was diagnosed with grade 2 lobular cancer and after MRI scan it was found to be approx 4 cm and another smaller lump behind .. I only have small boobs so a lumpectomy would have taken a lot of boob although the consultant did do a lot of thinking about it .. I made the decision for him in the end 😂😂 and told him to take the whole bloody thing off ... I haven't had reconstruction as they said I can make my mind up later if I chose not to have it on the day. At the moment I'm happy with my decision but who knows once I'm through treatment .. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to bother xxx

[Pinkloz83]

Hi Sarah 

oh I know! I'm already loving the community spirit. It's helping so much to keep me level headed (for now!) 

do you mind me asking what diagnosis you had before the mx? Everyone is so different, I'm having chemo first then the op! 

xx

[Sallyann43]

Hiiii Laura and welcome .. you have just joined the best group everrrrr!! These ladies are amazing ... I am a little further along .. I was diagnosed on 28th October and had a mastectomy on the 22nd December .. had MRI scan between. Anyway, it's 2 weeks tomorrow since my op and I have results day next Tuesday 10th. I haven't a clue yet what treatment I'm going to have next and the waiting between appointments is definitely the worst .. stick with us and let us know how you're doing .. we are all here for humour or rants or just general peed off days .. Sarah xxx

[Alex1967]

Hi Laura

22 Nov - mammogram screening trial
14 Dec - appointment for call back, ultrasound scan and biopsy on 22mm mass in left breast
25 Dec - Xmas day from hell lol
10 Jan - biopsy results but already got told by consultant radiologist at ultrasound it was BC

Xmas and New Year delay has been torture!

[Pinkloz83]

Hey Alex

when did you have your ultrasound? It's been a right pain with the Christmas delays! I had the weirdest festive season ever! Had my scans on 20th Dec....

What I keep forgetting is that it's all just temporary.... things might be crap for a few months but after that... is that it? Back to normality? God knows 😞 

i wish you all the best for the 10th, make sure you keep us posted too. We need to stick together! Xxx

[Alex1967]

Hi Laura - sounds very similar to me although I haven't yet got my type diagnosed yet (get that on 10th) as was told "yes" it was BC after my ultrasound. I also never checked my breasts (not regularly anyway) and was picked up on mammogram after trial screening for under 50's. I'm not sure yet what my treatment will be but now at the worse case prepared for the hair loss - never been able to grow my hair anyway as so thick people would have to side step me to get past. 😂 As far as nails go not had those for years either due to being a midwife and not allowed - for obvious reasons ouch - unless on 2 weeks annual leave when we dive to the nail salon for temporary gel nails! I've found this site brilliant, very supportive and actually hilarious at times. In fact my husband has just said "who are you on with now?" my reply being "'my new found family" 😂 Keep your chin up and keep us posted x

[Pinkloz83]

Hi Zena

sorry I have no idea if I 'reply to thread' or just 'reply' !! Thank you for your lovely response. I have a feeling that you ladies are going to keep me going through this. My parents have been amazing taking me to all my appointments, my friends are a bit cheerleadery.... 'you can do this, you're strong'... bla bla bla! 

This time really is the pits, when the whole journey is ahead of you, and you have absolutely no idea what's going to happen! I don't  even know what stage it's at.

im looking forward to hearing from the other girls xx

[zena75]

hey Laura ,

so sorry that you going through this , Im in early stages too so I know how awful the unknown is.. 

cant write more at the mo cooking tea and ironing to do (yorn )  , but the other gilrles will kick in soon. Its amazing support on here and has helped me so much already.

I so get the looks thing , im really worried and will just internet shop and hide for a year I think ... or probably get over myself and be proud Im fighting this bleep  .. but guess we will have bad days and thats when we can come on here and find solidarity.

(((((hug)))))))

zena xxxx

[Pinkloz83]

Hello everyone! I've been a 'lurker' on here for the past couple weeks, gathering information and reading all the positive stories from you amazing ladies!

So yesterday it was finally confirmed that I had invasive ductal bc. I'm 33 years old, no children, and honestly just don't know what to think! I found a lump 3 weeks ago in my left breast, no idea how long it had been there for as I don't  check myself 😞 

i have an op on Monday to check if it's gone to my lymphs, then I've been told I'll need 6 lots of chemo every 3 weeks, followed by a lumpectomy/rads or mx. 

I feel relatively calm which is weird, but I'm absolutely petrified of the chemo. The advanced practitioner I saw 2 weeks ago after my us/mammos said they were 90% it was bc and to prepare myself but said it would be an op and tablets! So there was me, thinking I'd be swerving the IV way... I'm a woman who takes great pride in her appearance (hair, lashes, nails) and I'm going to lose all that. (I'm sorry if it sounds vain, I'm really not!) 

Plesse tell me how you cope!! 

Laura x

[Steph J]

Hi Sudzi 

OMG Im so sorry . I knew something was wrong . Half way down your message I thought pathological fracture ...I ll be praying the lesions are of degenative nature ,. but nevertheless all this will be so painful for you . Its  so unfair . I imagine that you were very frightened and my heart goes out to you  it really does . I have no words that could possibly make you feel any better . 

I hope the medication that youve been given has kept you comfortable at least . And no you are not boring me at all .. I am just speechless and helpless . 

I kind of guess that your sisters struggle because they too feel useless . I hope today is a better day . Dont worry about private message  it was only me attempting to find out how you were doing . Try and keep your mind from wandering .. I know thats easier said than done . Do you have holistic therapies linked into your Breast cancer clinic that you could access ? I was given some meditation techniques and reflexology while I was in hospital . Iv been referred on to a local holistic group where I live but havent heard anything yet. Ill take anything offered that will help me relax and stop my mind wandering . Big hugs Suds ... lots and lots of fairy dust . Thinking of you xxxx

[Brenda77]

Hi Sudzi, So pleased you have had a better day.  I worry about everything and also have the thoughts what if my cancer returns.  I hope these thoughts get less in time but I expect that everyone with a cancer diagnosis must think the same.  I have a couple of friends who had quite sizeable breast cancers, with positive nodes, who had chemo and radiotherapy and are both still doing well over ten years later. 

Best wishes and happier times for you in 2017.

Lots of love, Brenda xxx

[Sudzi]

Thank you for the hug, much appreciated.

Best wishes Sudzi x

[Sudzi]

Hi Marydan,

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

I've read your post and it got me thinking. Yes this has been a scary journey so far. Your mind conjures up all these horrible scenarios every time you get a new ache or pain. I just have to start realising that I'm not the only person who feels like this and nit every ache or pain is bad news.

That won't be easy for me as I'm a born worrier.

I really hope that it's good news regarding your MRI.  I'll check next week when I go back for check up that appointment for my MRI has been made.

Sending you a big hug and best wishes xxx Sudzi

[Sudzi]

Hi Brenda,

So nice to hear from you. I have been wondering how you've been getting on. Very glad to hear your doing ok. 

I've had a good day today.  Feeling a bit better.

I feel a bit lost at times as I'm not sure what's normal and what's not.

Most of the time I'm very positive then I have a meltdown and start thinking what if these other aches and pains mean the cancer has spread, what if I'm going through this chemotherapy and it's still there or doesn't make any difference. Some days my head is a total mixed up mess.

I don't have anyone I can speak to about it as only others on this journey know what it's like. My sister's don't understand. They think that once I'm through the chemo and radiotherapy that's it, It'll be ok and everything can go back to normal. They don't understand that if I get through all this, I'll always be wondering if and when it's going to creep back up on me.

I'll stop being so gloomy now, don't want to bore you too much lol.

Sending you big hugs xxx

Please keep in touch and let me know how your doing.

[marydan]

Hello Sudzi, I am sorry you have had such a rotten time with the backache, sounds like you were in agony.

I, too have extremely bad backache (nothing as bad as yours by the sounds of things) but like you I have been kinda scared that the cancer has spread.

I have multiple sclerosis and had my annual brain mri 2 weeks ago and the neurologist wanted a spinal one also so am awaiting results of that. I really get your worry/anxiety and I think we are all kinda guilty of this as the journey we have been on has been a scary one. I wish you all the very best and will keep you in my thoughts. Take care Mary xxx

[Brenda77]

Hi Sudzi, I tried to send a hug but it has not worked! I want you to know that I am sending lots of hugs to you.
Brenda xx

[Brenda77]

Hi Sudzi, We have not spoken for some time but I have just seen your post. I am so sorry you are having such a bad time. We were diagnosed at about the same time and I have been following your progress. I am recovering from my double mastectomies but having trouble to get a bra that works well with the prostheses', I am thinking of you and hope you will be feeling better soon. I send all my love and hope that 2017 is much kinder to you.
Lots of love, Brenda xx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

Sorry for not being in touch, but having a tough time over the last few weeks.

Was admitted to hospital a few days before xmas after having one of the worst nights of my life. I spent the night crawling on my hands and knees in pain. Two of my sister's were with me. I was in agony. The pain was in my back.

I phoned the cancer helpline first thing following morning and told them what had happened. They jus told me to contact my GP as I didn't have a temperature or the sniffles or a cough.

I went to my GP who immediately sent me to local hospital where I was admitted. They said I had a small fracture in my back, this was causing the pain. They gave me a whole load of drugs which over the next few days made me throw up quite a few times, then I had diahorrea. Not a pleasant few days. They tried to do an MRI scan but I threw up while in the machine. So I've to have it done as an out patient. I got home on xmas eve and I've been taking it easy since then.

I went to doctors today and she said the report said that the xray of my back showed some small lesions but they think that they're of the degenerative kind. 

So I'm now worried sick that the cancer has spread to other places.

Apologies for being such a moan and hopefully I've not bored you too much.

Sending big hugs x

I don't know how to reply to private messages sorri

[Steph J]

Thank you Ladybowler I will try that . Best wishes xxx

[Steph J]

Hi Sudzi 

You have been very quiet ..are you ok ?? . I really dont know how to make private messages on here ? Do you know? Im sensing things are not the best for you ..hope Im wrong . !! Thinking of you xx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

So glad your over the operation and now feeling better.

It's really good that everything is going great, well done so far.

I hope you've not been in to much pain.

[Steph J]

Hi Sudzi 

Hope you ok . I have come home today following my mastectomy 05/12/16 . The mastectomy and recon has up to now been successful . I did however hit some complications with internal bleeding and oedema . I had to have a second trip to theatre the following day and was bit poorly for best part of week . But after four blood transfusions and copious amount of fluid I have picked up , and home now on ninth day . I am absolutely exhausted with minimal exertion but very glad to be home . Steph xx

[Steph J]

Hi Suds 

Good news for me today . No lymph node involvement . Passed pre op yesterday . All scheduled for mastectomy on Monday as planned . 

Im a happy bunny .. I must admit I really do have to praise all the hospital staff , Consultants , nurses , phlebotomy , photography  & ECG dept staff , admin in fact everyone that Iv been in contact with for their  professionalism and interpersonal  skills  . Iv sat back as a patient and fellow nurse and watched them all deliver  high standards of care in an absolute effortless fashion . . I guess as a nurse I cant help but notice things , and Iv been so impressed . Iv experienced the NHS at its best .  I would certainly say  that because of them my journey has been made easier and I have no fear of my pending hospital admission . 

I have said this all along so its not me being euphoric because Iv had good news  . Its made me a bit sad when Iv read on here that some of the ladies have not received the same dedication because they should . 

Hope you ok honey and things running smoothly .. Best wishes ,  big hugs & fairy dust xxx

[Steph J]

Hi Moijan 

Glad to hear youre doing well with your chemo ,  thats fab news it really is . I know what you mean about the veterans ...but I can actually relate to the perhaps too upbeat to be normal thing . In my case it still feels all surreal almost like Im having a tooth out and not losing my breast and I do think this phase of serenity cant last ...surely I will move into another phase soon . So maybe its not so much being a veteran as being in a certain state of mind at the time because its def not a good place or group to be in ...and I dont think anybody would disagree . This journey is full of highs and lows as you rightly say . And this site is so valuable for being  able to speak as you feel its def kept me going and Iv learnt so much too . 

Hope you keep doing well and please stay in touch . Big hugs xxxx

Ps Yes markets great ..love the atmosphere x

[Moijan]

Hi Steph,

thank you. Yes im  trying to spoi myself too. We all go through lows, even tho some of the veterans sound as if  we breeze through. Im doing well on my chemo, but there are some cycles when im happier than others.

i hope you enjoy the xmas marketsx Moijanxx

[Steph J]

Hi Moijan 

Nice to hear from you.

How are you getting along ?

Iv def picked myself up thank you . You may have read the post to Sudzi but yes I was feeling a bit low . I think the anaesthetic made me more fatigued than anything , prob contributed to my feelings but if Im honest I was dwelling on something else too . But I am going to make sure that I dont do that again , as Iv got a lot of things to cram into the next two weeks and yes as you say pamper myself ....good advice which I will be taking no worries on that one ha ... Hope youre taking your own advice and looking after yourself .Big hugs Steph xxx

[Steph J]

Hi Suds 

Im doing ok thanks ...bounced back after last weeks dip . Blue pee and green poop gone now .. even the white of my eyes had blue tinge ..daughter took a pic and I looked as though I had used that eye dew stuff people used to use ha .

I think Iv got to the point now where I need to get op out of the way its been a while since I was diagnosed . So 29th Nov pre op ...mad since Iv just had one for the node biopsy but hey ho its the protocol . 3oth Nov  results of biopsy and then 5th Dec mastectomy so not long now . 

On lighter note Im off to Manchester Christmas markets tomorrow , and theatre next week as well as Christmas party so Iv got a busy schedule ...Unfortunately due to my blip last week Im behind with the house bits I wanted to do so I think a couple of things will be left now ...best made plans eh ! Im not that bothered as long as place clean . Would like to say tidy but not a chance ...got my daughter and grandchildren living here at moment along with my son who not showing any signs of leaviing any time soon ha . What happened to becoming independent at 21 ...what a laugh .

Glad to say you sound brighter too ...and why not be chuffed with yourself for reaching half way ...well done x  Im happy for you .

Do you know why they use three different chemicals ..what do they do exactly ? and T is that a single chemical then ? 

Will the T chemo make you feel poorly ? or is it a case that you dont know until the time .

But only three to go regardless yippppeee . Big hugs and fairy dust for you Suds ..and of course Ill keep you informed . I dont go away that easily lol Steph xxxx

[Moijan]

Hi Steph, good to have. The op out of the way! Hope you are feeling better now..the anaesthetic will take a little while to get out your system also, you had a lot of things to think about pre op, so now theres an anticlimax? Enjoy a bit of pampering if you canxx

Sudzi, well done with the chemo...so glad its going wellish. Good to know you are half wayxx

hugsxx

moijanxx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

Glad your operation out of the way now. I hope your feeling a bit better.  FEC T is the chemo regime I'm having. I get three rounds of this FEC, which is 3 different chemicals, then I have to get 3 rounds of this T which is different from the first 3 rounds. Was so pleased with myself on Friday as I'm now half way through it. It might seem silly but I was so happy to have reached the half way Mark.

What's next for you? What happens now? 

Hopefully you won't feel be feeling bad for too long as I know the anaesthetic is not nice. Just think your on your journey to recovery now whoopee!!

Keep in touch and let me know your getting on please, sending big hugs x

[Steph J]

Hi Suds 

node op out of the way now ...so with a blue nipple and grey face Iv started my journey . Feel a wee bit low today but I guess the reality is kicking in and yesterdays anaesthetic doesnt help . 

So youre almost half way through ...how wonderful . Excuse my ignorance but what is FEC and T ? Glad youre picking up and youll feel much better once your bloods are sorted aswell . Big hugs to you ..Speak soon xxx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

Was up at hospital yesterday to have bloods done. Was told that I have lost two grams of haemoglobin, they've said that's why I'm getting breathless and tired. So they're checking it out and if it doesn't come back up I might need a transfusion. 

I feel a bit better today so I'm hoping this cold is on its way out.

This Friday will be my 3rd round of chemo. I have to have 3 rounds of FEC, then 3 rounds of T. I'm just concentrating on when I'm done on Friday, I'll be half way through _ yippee !!

I hope everything goes ok with your operating. I'll keep my fingers crossed. Sending big hugs. Let me know how your getting on.

[Steph J]

Hi Suds 

Nice to hear from you . Yes soul weekend was good as always .. managed to keep dancing . The B&b however nearly killed me ...the heating was on full and usually Id love it but we couldnt lower it and we almost baked ha . 

Im off my HRT now because the DCIS is hormone receptive and the sweats are doing me in . Have you any advice ? Iv gone into full on menopause . 

So sorry that youre not picking up yet .. I believe the chemo is a tough journey . Im off to Whiston tomorrow for the dye ready for the lymph node removal on Thursday . I feel like Iv been waiting for ages ...fingers crossed everything is as predicted ! 

I hope work are supporting you . I can imagine you must be chomping at the bit to get back but I think you need to be patient honey and get yourself 100% first . And obviously Iv got my fingers and toes crossed your bloods are ok . How many cycles have you got to have in total ?

Big hugs Steph xxx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

How are things with you? How was your soul weekend? 

Good luck for the 16th, hope all goes well!

I still have this cold and cough, I can't seem to shift it. I've not been able to go back to work yet.

I've been house bound for over two weeks now and I'm bored beyond belief.

It's my 3rd round of chemo this Friday, so I'm hoping that come Wednesday my bloods will be ok and that this cold won't affect my schedule

[Steph J]

Arhh Suds Im so sorry to hear that youve been unwell . Have you tried asking on here has anyone else experienced the blisters and how to manage them . I know I make light of stuff but Im truely sorry youre suffering like this it sounds awful . The liquid for your mouth Im guessing may be nystatin and Iv heard its not that great . If your tummy on fire it could be the thrush has gone beyond your mouth so if it carries on speak to GP you  might need the one off tablet.

Im ok Iv got four more shifts in work , then Im away to Blackpool to my soul weekend , which Im looking forward to .

I go to have my lymph node removal after that .. I think its 16 th Nov . Iv started thinking about it more now the time is getting nearer . Im beginning to think Im not normal ( and not in a funny ha ha way ) It still all seems so surreal . Im not in denial because I know I have cancer but I feel so well other than having bouts of fatique . Maybe Im going to crash after the surgery begins .... I just want to get on with it now .

In the meantime I have things to do ...mainly tidying house up and preparing early for Christmas . And Iv got a couple of social things planned in between nodes and mastectomy . So that my dear is me ! 

Sending you lots of fairy dust and big hugs , look after yourself , these bad days will pass . Keep me informed I have been looking out for you . Speak soon Stephxxx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph J,

 Sorry I haven't been in touch. I have been unwell since second round of chemo.

The antibiotics I was put on for the blisters on my scalp made me ill. I had to contact the cancer centre and my GP. I told them I wasn't going to take the antibiotics for my scalp. I've spent most of the week indoors. I just feel nauseous and very fatigued.

Truthfully I've been feeling sorry for myself, I had a lot of tummy pain for two days, I though my stomach was on fire as well.

I now also have thrush in my mouth, so have been given different antibiotics for that along with some horrible stuff you have to put in your mouth.

I managed a shower this morning and went a walk to the shops with my daughter in law, but came back shattered. I think I over done it! 

Only three more days of antibiotics then I'm hoping that things will calm down a bit and I'll start to feel a bit better.

How are things with you? hope your doing okay?

[Steph J]

You have a good way with words Suds ... and yet again I hadnt thought about it in the context that you have ...so well said and I couldnt act normal if I tried ha . 

Glad you like you like your wig ...youre going to need it now Winters coming . Id need a thermal lining if it was me ..hate the cold . 

Anyway hope all goes well with your next lot of treatment . Im not going to have much to report until mid Nov .. But Ill be on here stalking you ha ... only joking but I will anyway . 

Big hugs ..take care xxx

[Sudzi]

Hi Steph,

I used to have long hair but as soon as I found out about the chemo I went to the hairdressers and had it cut quite short. I did it because I thought I wouldn't feel so bad when my hair started to come out.

I was a bit upset last week when it came out but not as bad as I would have had it  been my long hair.

I chose a completely different shade from what my natural colour is. It's called sand mix. It's sort of ash blonde colour, I really like it and it's about the same length as my own short hair was. It looks like I've just changed the colour really.

I know what you mean about it all being a bit surreal. I feel the same. Sometimes I have to stop and catch up with myself lol. I think whoa wait a minute, over the last few weeks you've been told you have invasive aggressive cancer, you've been in and had surgery and your now starting chemotherapy, why are you acting as if this is normal? 

Then I think, it's not normal but you can't do anything about all this so get on with it.  I try to be positive every day, but some days it's not easy.

But you can't just give up can you?  And I know if I think about it to much I will go to pieces. So I tell myself I'm lucky, it was found on time, the tumour has been removed and I'm going through the rest of this as a preventative measure, to try and make sure it hasn't spread and doesn't come back.

I try not to take anything for granted. I intend to spend as much time ad I can with the people that matter to me, making memories as they say!

I'm learning to look at the bigger picture, I try not to get stressed, I don't bother arguing over silly little things as they don't really matter and it waste s time. Time is very precious to me now, since being diagnosed I realise just how precious it is.

So we are not abnormal. We are brilliant. We are standing up to cancer and saying I am not letting you get to me and I'll do what I can to keep you at bay.

So Steph, you just keep on acting abnormal. I'm with you on this!