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Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

25 REPLIES 25
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi everyone, I've been reading all your posts and I too found it difficult to tell anyone. I was diagnosed (3 weeks ago) on the tuesday and had op following monday therefore did not have time for the news to sink in or accept it. I had to tell work as I returned to work in a mess after receiving the results. I could not bring myself to tell my partner until the following evening and I felt awkward telling my son, which I did the day before surgery. I cannot really explain why I couldn't tell people, was I embarrassed, was it due to being a delicate subject, or was it because I could not accept it so how can I explain it to other people. Why do we feel like this ? I down played it aswell like the other lady on this forum, saying it is small, they've caught it early and easily treatable. I still haven't been able to tell other people apart from one close friend but I think once I've received results of my WLE & SNB next week and know what I'm working with then I will be able to tell others. Reading your posts has been reassuring I'm not alone and I wish all of you a good recovery, love & hugs
Funkilala
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Sorry. posted in the wrong thread.
Deleted
Theboyz5
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi ladies
I want to say thank you all for your support during my surgery in Feb.2012(removal of my infected silicone) after my breast recon.My wound is fully closed now after six months of dressing, following your support and advice to eat more fruits. Those of you that are waiting for your text result,surg and treatment you will all be fine,this a good forum to share your experience with other people and also to get support.Once again take you all and good luck to everyone of us
Best wishesxxx.
Theboyz5
Morwenna
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

I am praying for a cancellation.
My surgery will not be until mid-December otherwise, and that is on the "urgent list"

However, my breast surgeon wants to consult with my hematologist about my platelet levels, which are now over 1million.
I really dont know what's going on with this stupid body of mine!! 😞
Funkilala
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Thanks Tracy

Are you still waiting for you op or have you had it now?

Grandchildren are amazing! I have 3. One is 10 one 4 and one just about to turn One. They are my world

I have started to tell people now and I feel much better. I wrote a list of all the people that I wanted to tell and how I would tell them. My friends have been great and really strong for me.

Yes. I'm glad I didnt take the cancellation now and most people I have spoken to about it have agreed.

Best wishes
Funki x
tracyld
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hello there,
That is great that you are enjoying the autumn leaves and being with your grandson. I cant wait for grand children but as my daughter is only 20 I may have to wait a while longer yet !!
I told everyone about my diagnosis , but that is just me and what everyone would have expected from me. I tried to be very positive and upbeat and my work colleagues, best friends, church friends, and all my family took the news really well. I could not have kept my news from them as I am a very open and honest person so I am glad you have told your duaghter and I am sure she will give you the love and support you need.
Well Done on not taking the cancellation if you did not feel ready. I had my op delayed as I had immediate reconstruction and my surgeon had a full diary but I was happy to go back to work for a couple of weeks and act normal even telling all my regular customers who again were brilliant and bought me flowers and chocolates.
Well I will say Good Night and send you lots of positive vibes and big hugs . Love Tracy xxx
Funkilala
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Thank you Ladies x
I feel a lot better today now that I have told her. I went to see her again this morning and we walked my Grandson to school together. I wanted her to see that I was fine and could still run through the leaves and skip with my grandson. I think this reassured her that I was still the mad nutty me.
I also got my chest xray results today and there fine so that has taken a weight off my mind. Something I wasnt prepared for though was a phone call saying there had been a cancellation and that I could have my surgery Thursday if I wanted. I wasnt ready for it and have kept my original date of the 20th
Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Glad you managed to tell your daughter .Ihad to tell my 3 children by phone as they live away my eldest in Oz but they were fine mostly although I think my youngest took it hardest as he is very close to us.Good luck again I am sure you will cope as you seem to have good support.When I was diagnosed my daughters next door neighbours mum was dx at same time so they could support each other as I worried more about my family than myself love Janice xx
Funkilala
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Thank you Ladies

I have just come back from telling my Daughter. I didnt start well as all my Grandchildren were still up when I got there so we sat in the car and talked. She did cry but was absolutely wonderful. I did play it down and didnt use scary words. Along with my Hubby I know that she is going to be my rock. I am truly blessed.
JCJ
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

I hope it went OK telling your daughter. I played it down with my own 'children' (27 and 24) stressing "They got it early" and "It's only a lumpectomy" - but my daughter already knew I'd had a recall from the routine mammo - so she was half prepared. I hadn't let our son know that part as he is such a worrier - and I didn't want him to fret unecessarily, if it turned out to be nothing.

I found it really hard to tell him when the core biopsy results showed cancer, especially as the wife of his boss (boss is also his best friend!) has been being treated for BC since March last year - straight after she came back from honeymoon! 😞 I texted him to tell me when he was at home so I could phone. That alerted him to the fact it was something important. He seemed to take it OK and said I'd be fine.

My colleagues (in school) knew I'd had a recall letter - because I'd joked about the initial mammogram being on Friday 13th!! - I had to have time off work for the follow-up appointment, so I texted one of them when I got the biopsy results and asked her to let all the others know.
When I went into work the next day (not that afternoon, as planned!!) I told them not to be nice to me as I was barely holding it together, but I continued to work until the week before my WLE op - which was half-term anyway. I found being as normal as possible helped me, but it was good to know that they all knew what I was going through in case I had to bail out of class for emotional reasons!! As it happened, my OH broke his leg in 3 places 9 days after my dx and 2 days before half-term - so it was good everyone knew MY news and could understand why I went to pieces about that and didn't go to work!
Both children were wonderfully supportive: Son and his GF stayed with me over the weekend while OH was in hospital and helped with the visiting trips and daughter took time of work and came to stay to take me to my appointments/surgery as OH unable to drive for 8 weeks.
The more people I told, the more had stories of people they knew who went through BC years ago and are 'fine now'. I also found out that a couple of people I knew had had it! Suddenly it wasn't so scarey. I realised I COULD get through it.

Some old friends who I rarely see have been wonderfully supportive - dragging me out for coffee or visiting the house when we were both laid up. It's true you don't know who your real friends are until something like this happens!

The only people I DIDN'T tell were our next-but-one neighbours who are nosy gossips. I didn't want my obituary all around the village - and the village where I work, as they have relatives who go to my school! I had to field some awkward questions from them about why I wasn't going to work - (initially they assumed it was because of OH's leg!) and I felt very guilty about that - but eventually managed to convince myself that it was THEIR fault I didn't tell them - if they weren't such gossips......

You've found a goldmine of support and friendship in these forums. We're all here to support, console and cheer each other.

Hugs xx
ruthu
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi again Funkilala
Hope it goes Ok with your daughter.xx
Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funki... I think that you have been very brave in dealing with this ... I was diagnosed on the 25th October.. not sure what grade yet until after my WLE and Sentinel Node biopsy on the 27th November. I fretted over telling my children.. my son was on holiday in Cuba where he was going to propose to his girlfriend and I didnt want to take away that happy moment for them.. also my daughter is heavily pregnant and I just didnt want to worry them.. but you know they have been AMAZING when I eventually told them.. my daughter is being quite bossy with me as Im stubborn :-)) the doctors have even allowed for her to be induced a week early so I can be at the birth before my operation. We often think how difficult we THINK others will take the news.. but often or not it will surprise us... Im only now just getting my head around it all.. still have my up and down days where I get tearful but I have an amazing husband who just hugs me xx..... nothing can prepare you in how or if you tell friends and family.. decide on what you feel comfortable with.. im an open person so found it difficult to carry on as "normal".. wishing you all the best.. and like yourself the ladies on this site have certainly stopped me from going insane most days xxx
Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hello and welcome to the forum
Sorry you find yourself here but having had your diagnosis this is the best place to be. Lots of lovely ladies who are happy to share their experiences with you in the hope that in some way it will help you through the test/treatments and especially the waiting that we are subjected to.
My BC was diagnosed as a result of a mammogram in July (my PCT screen slightly early than most , I think from 47 - 74?)
I went to the recall appointment with the thought that most recalls turn out not to be cancer at all and I was quite confident that it would all be nothing. A few hours later and the FNA results were back to tell me I did in fact have cancer (fortunately just in one breast, they had done tests in an area on both).
I had a lumpectomy and SNB on August 28th and just completed my three weeks of Radiotherapy on 1st November.
I told family, people who I saw on a day to day basis and some friends who I see infrequently due to their geography but wanted them to know. Its all personal preference but with work colleagues I wanted to be open with them while I felt I could hold myself together about it (before surgery) as I thought if I returned to work and someone asked me how I was I may have felt a little more emotional. Also I think my work have been extremely understanding and have put no pressure on my re returning etc. so it may have helped.
I put off contacting some friends I knew I wouldn't see until after it was over as I didn't want anyone to think I was looking for sympathy by telling that what was wrong with me, stupid I know but it was how I felt at the time.
Well now the surgery and Radiotherapy is over just the five years worth of hormone left.
Please ask anything you need to know, there is always someone with some knowledge about what you want to know and always remember that there are no silly/stupid questions

Take care
Karen
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi funkilala I was diagnosed like you 2 years ago and wasn't going to tell anyone but my hubby said people would start to realise things weren't right so I told my family and friends and I did find out who my true friends were as they have been very supportive as all my family live away and I just had hubby here.My advice would be to tell those who really matter to you first and take it from ther/Good luck and hope all goes as well as it can under the circumstances.I have just had all clear from my 2nd mammo so keep positive and use this site its fantastically supportive big hug Janicex
southpool
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi

Sorry to hear you have had to join us here but it is a brilliant resource. I have just finished chemo & near the end of rads. We only told my sister and a couple of close friends when I was diagnosed as it was unclear & I needed lots of further scans. Once I knew what I was dealing with and had some facts I told mine & OH parents and more friends. Something I found helpful was my closest friends offering to tell people for me so that I didn't have to keep reliving my diagnosis & deal with other peoples reactions. I still haven't told anyone on Facebook and probably never will!

You will know what is right for you & yours.
Good Luck
Sx

ruthu
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funkilala,
Firstly I think that you've taken a very positive step joining this forum in the early days of your diagnosis. 4 months down the line and this is the first time that I've posted on here. Think I should have listened to all those people who told me that I shouldn't try to cope with this alone!
Your diagnosis sounds very similar to mine. I found a lump in July which the doctor thought was nothing but gave me the option of a scan. Thankfully I decided to go for a scan but like you wasn't too worried. On the day the delays were awful and I nearly walked out, but stuck it out and ended up with a mammogram and a biopsy. A week later the results came and we discovered that I had Grade 1 cancer. 2 weeks later I had a lumpectomy and 4 nodes removed. Thankfully nothing had spread. I've just completed 3 weeks of radiotherapy and am now on tamoxifen.
As far as telling your friends and family - we were given the advice from day 1 to get it all out into the open and be honest. Timing was tricky for us as we needed to tell our children first and with 1 away at Uni we had to wait for a good time to do it. Once we'd told them I spent a day texting the mums of my children's friends to make sure that they all had the same information and they could be supportive. I told a couple of close friends in person, but otherwise did it all by text. I think my aim was to avoid awkward conversations in the street with people who didn't know. We live in a small community so word soon got round, but even so I spent the first few weeks wandering around with my head down trying to avoid people - still do on bad days!
At the end of the day only you can make this decision and it's not an easy one. I'm naturally quite private and really struggled with the fact that everyone knew that I had breast cancer but I think I would have struggled more if people hadn't known. One of my most supportive friends said to me the other day - 'you don't want people's sympathy, you just want people to be aware' which really helped.
Sorry - not sure if my waffle will have helped you, but I wish you all the best for your treatment. I've finally started following some advice given to me very early on - don't try to do this alone. You're already following that advice and I'm sure it will help you to get through it. xx
Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funkilala,
Like you, I am new to all of this having been diagnosed with Breast Cancer only last month. I've only just got access to this forum and it's been a lifeline for me - thanks so much everyone for all your posts to date!
Before my operation (I had a mastectomy two weeks ago), I have to laugh now at the number of versions of my condition I had so as to deal with different people and prepare them as the tests became more and more serious: version for my children, my boss, friends, close friends, elderly parents, siblings and of course the "true"version for my wonderful hubby!
Looking back, I have been exhausting myself trying to protect everyone and have been spending all my energy reassuring everyone that I am going to be fine and coping very well. In fact, now I've admitted to my close family/friends I have had to had a mastectomy (can't feel I can hide that fact!) I have been able to actually come to terms better with the whole situation myself and feel "unburdened". My kids have been brilliant (son 14yrs, daughter 11yrs). So, I've said to myself, if my hubby and kids can deal with it, hopefully so should everyone else! A close friend said that I should at least tell the people in my life who can help with the situation as they can provide support etc so I've done this. However, I quite understand it's a personal decision which only you can best decide.
Finally, part of me also feels that we may wish to be "ambassadors to the cause" and if someone hears that I have BC, and it makes them check themselves, tell their wives, mothers etc, then there's a lot of good that can come out of all this after all..
Best of luck with your treatment everyone x
Jayne_m
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funkilala
Sorry you are here with us. Like you, I didn't tell many people to start with, only immediately family and those at work who needed to know. Just before my op I confided in a couple of close friends as I knew that I would need help post op with lifts for the kids etc. One tip that was given to me was to tell people via email or text as that way they have time to take it in and you dont have to manage their initial reaction - I also made it clear in those messages that I didnt want outpourings of sympathy, just a coffee and chat at some point. I found this worked well for me and quite a few people said they were glad they had time to gather their thoughts and that I gave them a steer on how I wanted them to be with me.
Since the op I elected for chemo as although luckily I had grade 2 IDC, no nodes, ER+ and HER2-, as the tumour was just over 2cm they offered me the choice and I was glad to take all treatment on offer. I am having my 3rd dose this week and have now gone public, including on Facebook as with Chemo it becomes a bit more obvious. I have also got my own head around the whole situation now so find it easier to talk about but in those early pre-op weeks, I wasnt ready to share.
We are all different and should do what is right for us, there is absolutely no need to feel guilty or bad if you choose to keep it to yourself.
Hope all goes well for you x
Ali_H
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funkilala, fab name!!! I know exactly what you mean about telling people, it was the hardest thing I had to do - especially one person who I love dearly but took it even worse that I thought (screaming hysterics, nice). And they are still reacting badly, 10 months later....at times it's taken all my strength to deal with MY fears and worries and I've really struggled trying to deal with this persons worries about me too. But, what if I hadn't told them, and they'd heard second hand from someone else???? Nope.... I couldn't bear that. Maybe wait till you've got your full results and a treatment plan, practise on someone 'easy' (wrong word I know, but I can't find a better one) because it took me ages to find the words, in fact a lovely friend stepped in and said enough, I'll tell everyone else (I'd already told close family).
Equally though I agree that if you don't want to tell anyone, then don't. I'm not sure though if just telling a few people would really work, news tends to travel? Good luck Hun x
Teej
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funki, sorry that you've found yourself here but hope we can help.
I too wanted to deal with it all myself. I didn't even tell my husband anything until after diagnosis (convinced it would be nothing!) Then I told just my husband and sister and gave myself a week to think it over before telling kids and my mum. Then I told a couple of close friends and was really helped by their support so gradually told everyone. I have to say that some people have reacted strangely - it really is true you find out who your real friends are but I've also had wonderful support from the most unexpected people.

But it's up to you entirely - it's time for you to put yourself first I reckon, and deal with it however makes you most comfortable.
xx
suzee64
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

hi funki, it entirely up to you who you tell, while i was going through the tests i only told my sister, daughter, son, boyfriend and my manager and a couple of friends at work, but only because some of the tests were when i was suppossed to be at work. i didn't tell my mum until i knew for sure what results were. has we'd only just lost my dad to prostate cancer, i actually found the lump the day of his funeral, which was a big shock. then it was just a whirlwind of tests and scans. like you i have idc but i am being treated with chemo first as mine is in nodes under arm and between lungs, so they hoping the the chemo will shrink it enough just to do lumpecotmy. i am now 7 days after 2nd chemo. hopefully things won't be to bad for you, you just have to go with the flow and keep your head high and really enjoy the good days
big hugs xx
suzee
Cackles
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Morning Funkilala, I am sorry you have had to join this forum because of your diagnosisl. It is all very frightening at first but for most, once the initial shock is over, you grit your teeth and get on with normality. ....and I was suprised that I could. Everyone has differing opinions on telling people. You have to do what is comfortable for you. I told everybody including my 86 yr old mother ( i am an only child and all she has apart from my two children and husband) i was suprised at howwell she coped. You can get a few people that make a drama out of your illness. They are a pain but on the whole I found it better to get it over with and tell all my friends when I saw them. You will get the odd crass remark but I learned to laugh at them.
I hope all goes well

Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

I agree with Di that this is a time for you to be selfish. You probably have a good idea who you can tell and who you should not. First time I had BC I wanted keep things to myself, but was advised by the BCN that I should tell everyone. I said I was ok with most people, but was reluctant to tell my mum. She said that mum would surprise me and be a big support. She didn't, and she wasn't. My mum went completely to pieces and did not help at all. Dealing with her was the most difficult thing I had to cope with. Twenty one years on, and I have a new primary diagnosis. I have told my chidren (24, 22 and 17), my sisters and brother, two work colleagues and a few friends (but not everyone). My OH has been able to confide in a couple of his friends and colleagues, two of whom have also had wives who have been through this. My advice would be to go with your gut feelings. If you think people will be able to cope with your diagnosis, and will support you, then tell them. If your experience tells you that they will disappear, or you will end up having to prop them up when you need help yourself - then don't!
dib
Member

Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi Funki,
Im with 1J,sorry that your here but you will get lots of support.Its good that your OH is very supportive but your very close friends and family will also be a support too(mine were).Some of my friends were able to keep me laughing in spite of bc whilst others were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on,others just good to listen when I needed a rant.The hardest part was telling my daughters even tho they are adults now.But if you want to keep it to yourself then thats fine too.This is one time when you can be as selfish as you damn well please.Good luck and best wishes,
Di.x

Guest user
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Re: Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Hi,
First of all sorry that you are in this position.
Just wanted to let you know that all of the relatives and friends I told coped really well and have all been very supportive. I know you feel strong and I can understand that but my son, daughter and Dad and sister in law would have been devastated not to know. I was very matter of fact when I explained and even my grandchildren took the news well. I find that people are genuinely interested in how I am getting on and I have valued their support.
Up to you to decide!
Hugs and best wishes Lynn xx
Funkilala
Member

Just wanted to introduce myself and ask for your opinions

Can I start by saying how grateful I am to each and every one of you that post on this forum. You dont know this but you have all kept me going over the last few weeks and I have learnt so much from all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart X

I went to the Dr's on the 19th of October with a painful lump in my right breast (right where the bone in my bra come down the side). He didnt think it was anything to worry about but sent me for a Mammogram to put my mind at rest the next week 26th of October

I have had one before so I knew what to expect and to be honest I wasnt worried and fully expected to walk out of the hospital feeling very guilty for wasting their time. How wrong was I. I had the Mammogram followed by an ultra sound and then they did a biopsy while I was there. It was at that moment I realised something was wrong.

I went back 5 days later for the results but didnt need to be told as when I walked in to the consultants office there were 5 people in there. I didnt hear a word anyone said and thank god my husband was there with me.

I have a grade 1 IDC and I am booked in on the 20th of Novemeber for a lumpectomy and they will check my Nodes? Sorry I havent got used to the names yet, please forgive me. They said if all goes well I will just need 3 weeks of Rads and maybe some tablets
I have had my pre op and chest x ray and bloods done and I am just waiting to see the surgeon who is on holiday at the moment

I'm very calm and agree with you all that the waiting for the results is the worst bit. I have a wonderful Husband who is my Rock and a brilliant network of friends.
This is my problem...
I havent told anyone yet and wont until I know the results from the chest xray and I know what I'm dealing with. I would love to be able to do all this without worrying everyone and keep it to myself but my husband made me realise that I would be upsetting people by keeping them shut out. I'm just dreading telling certain people as I know some of them will go to bits and I dont know if I can cope with that. Am I being selfish? I'm not in denial, I know what I have got and what they could find once the lump is out but I just want to take each stage as it comes. I just want to deal with this by myself ( and with you wonderful ladies) and not have to keep telling the story over and over again.

I would really value your opinions. Please dont hold back and if you think I'm odd or a selfish bitch the please say

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and or reply

Funki x x x