72.1K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Left out

5 REPLIES 5
Jo1
Member

Re: Left out

I agree - cancer sorts out who really are your friends. I had breast cancer 5 years ago, what I came to think of as 'only cancer', as I was told by the oncologist that if you had to have breast cancer, DCIS was the one to choose! I had 3 WLEs within 7 weeks, a really awful time! Some friends were a rather off about it - not just that they didn't know what to say - I know myself that can be tricky but any small effort is fine - even just a card and good wishes. I no longer regarded them as friends, but others who were little more than acquaintances were very supportive and became dear friends.

 

I had a mastectomy on the other side 3 weeks ago, with a very long wait for tests before that, and have had loads of lovely emails and photos of all sorts of social events from a French friend, who I regarded as a friend before, but she has been marvellous with her support through this. We normally spend half the year there and have far more friends and a much busier social life there than in England now, and it's been lovely to be able to see what everyone's been doing. Conversely, very few others have been in touch, although I sent an email to several of them after my op to say I was fine and would see them after the summer - we're never there in July & August as it's too hot for us then.

Jo

 

So my list of friends has been shorter each time I've had cancer - but it jolly well makes you really appreciate the ones who do offer support in whatever way.

 

Jo

Pammyx
Member

Re: Left out

I am with you all the way . I think it does make you question the quality of the friendships you had in the first place. I find myself trying to make excuses for them but I do know that I would behave differently if the roles were reversed.
mary32
Member

Re: Left out

Well, cancer changes lots of things, maybe one of them will be your friends....

bettymoo
Member

Re: Left out

It could be Mary - but then again, having not gone through this myself before, I'm still learning about it - so it isn't just them.

 

I know they are there, but not the same when they don't seem to want to spend time with you in probably the time you really need them.

mary32
Member

Re: Left out

Hiya

 

I think it is to do with people not knowing what to say so they feel it is easier to avoid the person altogether. The other phenomenon that I have noticed is when you're with people who know about your dx but fail to mention it or ask you how you are, ie just don't acknowledge it at all. I have been close to jumping up and down saying 'I've got cancer!' 

 

I just put it down to it being their problem, not anything to do with me.

 

Mary

bettymoo
Member

Left out

Don't know if this is the right place to put this, but has anyone else felt like since you've been diagnosed, people don't seem to want to know you or spend time with you? Almost as if you're being treated like a leper, even though its just cancer (yes I know, its not "just" cancer, but you know what I mean?) - they seem to text or ring now and again, but it doesn't seem as though it was before - going round to see them for a cuppa, maybe going for a meal etc - sorry for this, but I think I'm having one of those days!