Lesbian single parent going through BC treatment alone

[Amazing lady78]

The loss is so huge.
I feel rage and such sadness as I feel my agency has been taken away.
And I feel invisible and voiceless.
I have breast cancer - treatable - I am very lucky I know. Chemotherapy right now- 4 sessions left and then a lumpectomy and radiotherapy .
I am single mum to three boys under 12.
I do not have a co parent active .
So my mothering is 24/7 week in week out.
I’m a graduate with a PGCE , I was formerly an actress.
But my marriage ended after 17 years as my partner had serious mental illness which initiated emotional abuse and I could not continue with it.
I’m still grieving the breakdown of the family unit and also the death of my dad in December 2017.
I have been in benefits largely since my husband left. I was the stay at homeboy parent .
And I rhalso bj this being trapped is the most desperate thing to cope with.
I can’t see a way off benefits and Into work that pays enough to cover all my costs and leave me time to parent the boys adequately .
I’m so angry at the government for not supporting single parents better .
I feel angry for you . I wish you had more support.
You need to stop looking after everyone except you and your child.
I ask for help everywhere I can. I do therapy . And I lean on the sxhool community heavily . I am not proud.
Xx 😘 people keep saying I’m strong. Which is ridiculous. And infuriating. I think it makes them feel better .

[delly]

Yeh, Saphielola,and Ele J  a warm Hi from me too,

Really tough going for you Saphielola, sorry.  Plus all your other contacts having various diagnoses. Dare I ask how you're 'X' faired or is it bad news? I tried to put that question as delicately as possible.

Yeh I agree with Ele, contact the forum helpline, they may be able to advise you on whether you can get any assistance if you feel you need some as well as any other advice.  Do you live quite close to your parents ??  I'm interested to know what the "breath hold" method is?  I'm intrigued, espesh with you saying it looks like something out of a horror movie!

How's your boy coping with you being unwell? You've got to be lively with an 11 yr old too haven't you. Awwww. Hey don't ever apologise if you want to have a moan, that's what this place is for as well as picking up useful advice and exchanging notes. Plus we have a good laugh too which is always a big help. I do a lot of posting elsewher on other threads. It helps a lot if you're feeling lonely.

Ele J, sorry for your diag, and chemo. Hope the rads go ok for you too. It ends to be a bit quiet on this section doesn't it. But then again, if we don't give it some use, it will be wont it. Guess it may be because we're a minority group in no's.

I'm a single 56 yr old. Had mastectomies 9 and 8 yrs ago. Wanted immediate recon for both with being single and knowing I would have probs with body image and confidence, but it didn't happen for a no. of reasons. Took me up to last March to finally be in a position to embark on it  It's a loooong process from delayed nothing, with a lot of appointments right through to nipple recon and tattoos. I did my six months of inflations to the expanders and was pretty excited about it to begin with.  But my surgeon cancelled the next stage op last September, to have the expanders replaced with silicons which knocked my momentum switch off, plus I went into a bad mental slump due to other factors. So I haven't got back on the horse again yet but I think I'm working back to it again slowly.

Stay in touch to say how you're doing. Love and healing thoughts to you both

Delly xx 

[saphielola]

Thank you so much for replying to my post it means a lot.  I hope your chemo is going ok although I'm sure you feel yucky. I will check out other parts of the website it will probably be helpful. Good luck with your treatment and thank you for answering my post. Sending  you healing hugs xxx

[Ele J]

Hi, so sorry you are going through this.  It's tough for everyone but sounds like you have it particularly tough being a single parent and with everything else going on...my heart goes out to you.  Remember that you're doing really well just keeping on going, especially for your son, and you will have low and lonely days but you will also have some good ones and you will come out the other side!

Have you been on other parts of the forum?  In the 'Going through treatment' section there is a radiotherapy thread so you may find someone else doing the same radio as you.  Have you talked to you parents about how you're feeling...they may think you're coping really well and not realise you are finding it difficult?  Even though they work they may be able to help in other ways (could they take your son out at weekends so you can rest?)  I've not had radiotherapy yet (currently having chemo) but I have read that tiredness is the main thing with radio, so just be kind to yourself and do the absolute minimum of chores needed (e.g. Cooking, but not ironing!)

There is also a helpline on this forum you can phone to talk things through if that would help.  Best of luck, and hope that in the week since you posted, things have improved a bit!  You aren't alone.  Big hug xxx

[saphielola]

Hi there,

I have never used a forum before so hope I do it right.  I am a 45 year old single gay parent going through breast cancer treatment alone and am really struggling.  Last year my ex partner was diagnosed with ovarian cancer so I moved her in to stay with me and my 11 yr old son that way it was easier for me to sort out work, school run and take her to hospital for chemo etc we always remained close friends.  She moved back home after a difficult year in Jan but sadly, this march the cancer had metastasised and gone to her brain:-(. I quickly moved her back into my  home again with a view to look after her.  I discovered a lump in my breast in July, I wasn't overly worried but went to the Gp who referred me to the breast screening clinic.  I went with my mum and was convinced I would be told I had a cyst. Unfortunately not, It was a grade 2 hormone sensitive tumour, I had a lumpectomy and am currently having radiotherapy. Given my cancer was left side breast,  I am doing the breath hold radiotherapy which initially I wasn't prepared for has anyone else done this? It's painless but looks like something out of a horror movie.

I am very tired and have never felt so lonely in my life.  My parents both work so my days are filled with getting my son ready for school, having treatment, resting then doing all the normal household chores.  It sounds like I'm just moaning and your right I am but would be good to speak with others in a simiular situation.  My best friend, three weeks after my diagnosis was also diagnosed with bowel cancer.  I feel like cancer has taken over everything in my life.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my first ever post.