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Libido

9 REPLIES 9
Member

Re: Libido

Thank you for your wonderful post, Cherry. It made me laugh and also bought tears to my eyes. I do miss having any desire. Although my husband couldn't be more considerate it does leave me feeling even less of a "real" woman. I hit the menopause aged 15 courtesy of chemo for leukaemia and have struggled over the last 30 years coping with infertility. I was on HRT which helped with libido, bones etc but can no longer be on this. I feel as if I am whingeing all the time. I want to be more like people who are able to focus on being glad to be alive rather than being trapped by pain..

Member

Re: Libido

I'm 66 and been happily married for 42 years, but libido is a big issue for me now so I'm glad I've found this thread. I don't think anyone or anything can help - but writing this down and sharing might. Before breast cancer, I had been on HRT for 9 years, plus testosterone implants for 5 years, too. This was to help strengthen thinning bones, but in truth I didn't give a hoot about my bones - I was just enjoying the sex drive of a thirty-something! My husband did too, and after 30 odd years of mediocre sex, we whooshed into 10 years of hotsville .... but of course, breast cancer rather put a halt to all that. I had a mastectomy, no reconstruction, and now 5 years of anastrozole plus Vit D and calcium for those returned thinning bones.

 

The good news is, it's hardly affected our marriage and maybe it was just fun to 'borrow' some youth for a few years. The bad news is, I do miss it. The libido, not the sex. I don't want sex - but we make love and with the mechanical help of a vibrator and plenty of lubrication, we muddle on, possibly as well as a lot of mid-sixties couples. And there's always the consolation of never minding whether it's satisfactory or not because I don't have any need at all.

 

But just sometimes I feel the loss, throwing those pretty little sexy bras away, wondering if he feels regret (but never shows it), looking wistfully at attractive women who obviously still enjoy sex, oh - just a bundle of sensitive feelings. I doubt I'll ever feel randy again and I'm mostly thrilled to be alive and, I hope, very well.  I just wanted to tell you all, a bit selfish really, because my life is good. But still .... thanks for listening. Love Cherry

Member

Re: Libido

Wonderful, sounds good. I will have a look round next time I'm out.

Member

Re: Libido

Yes, maybe buy some for when you are ready? Have it in your drawer and remind yourself that you WILL be wearing it! I am going to do the same soon and may even buy myself a nightie for the summer!

 

 

xxxx

Member

Re: Libido

Hi, this doesn't worry or scare me, I was thinking in terms of never so 4 years given that I am 2 years in, doesn't seem long at all. I wonder what would happen if I just bought some pretty lingerie, even if I never wore it. Just plucking up the courage to do so. I think I would need to wait until after my reconstruction is done and the swelling has gone down..

Member

Re: Libido

HI there drdspg
I can empathise with you deeply. I don't want to worry or shock you, or be negative, but I am 4 years post Dx and do you know what, my libido has only just returned ( now I feel a bit embarrassed typing this, but it's true). For me, the loss of my breast and the recon made my hate my body. I have no feeling in the recon and thought what's the point of being intimate. But my OH is a persuasive soul and has reassured me from day one that I am still me . He knows I get frustrated with the recon , but I am 42 and am not going to let this damn disease take every ounce of my feminity from me!! I Felt the same as you about lingerie and for years I have not been able to look at any let alone buy. However I have now ditched the frumpy bras and am planning on buying some new ones and You will too when you are ready . What I am trying to say is that it all takes time, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel xxxxxx

Member

Re: Libido

It's not easy. I know that my husband values at least being able to cuddle up together. I don't know how it can ever change..I can't look at pretty lingerie anymore as I feel I don't have any right to. Everything feminine about me has gone. The chemo I had when I was 14 put paid to ever having children. It doesn't stop hurting or get any easier. I used to have HRT but with triple positive tumours that isn't a possibility any more. I'm still waiting for reconstruction surgery- bilateral DIEP ,don't know how it will feel after that. I can hear that I sound very whingey but am so out of ideas.

Member

Re: Libido

Hi. I know how you feel. I have a husband who is very understanding and has in his words left me alone as he thought that was what I wanted. However would be nice just yo have a cuddle however I am frightened that he would want more and I just can not bring myself to thus stage. I am still only 53 and we have been married 35 years so he knows me well. I am thankful that still here but just can not get into my head that still wants to be intimate. I had left diep with immediate reconstruction that went very well and I am so pleased with the results.
Member

Re: Libido

Hi drdspg

There's absolutely no need to feel embarassed about this, I am sure you will find from you fellow forum users that you are not alone.  To try to help you I have put for you below the link to BCC's publication Your body, intimacy and sex, also our helpline team will be only too happy to talk to you further about this if you feel you can talk to someone over the phone.  Calls are free 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/treatment-side-effects/your-body-intimacy-sex-bcc11...

 

I've also put for you below the link to the area of this website where this is also discussed.

 

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/impact-breast-cancer/relationships-fami...

 

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/impact-breast-cancer/relationships-fami...

 

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

 

Member

Libido

Since my diagnosis, I haven't just had no libido, it has gone into negative. I find the whole concept of sex repellent. It not much different from the way I felt as a child when I discovered how babies were made- ugh! Surely people don't do that?!
My husband is lovely and takes everything in his stride. I have no doubts that he still finds me attractive despite bilateral mastectomies. Not sure how he can but he does. He is completely non pushy. Whilst I have no libido , it seems rather a shame to spend the rest of my life this way, I am only 45. Cuddles and Masters Johnson stuff doesn't make any difference. I am on Letrazole but this stared before I started taking it. It has now been over 2 years...
It's rather embarrassing writing this.