69.1K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Life 2 years on - HELP!

7 REPLIES 7
Bluerythem
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

Wow its my 2nd year mark 14th Feb 2015  respect and  listen to your intuition I do think both of you would benifet from professional  help. in a nutshell I suspected .y hubby was wandering  my mum was dying I knew that my left breast was not looking good instinct  through my cancer   treatment yea he was a rock  then in recovery I actvated find my I phone I learnt different  he had  been double lifeing  me and was swinging a Filthy old man  I put spyware in car listing devices also in house he was watching self and group in porn ... he put me down as a possessive woman  ttellng his family I was deranged any way .I cremated  mum kicked him out  my friends thought I had lost plot it was the worst time ever anyways im still standing and divorced now just. I had to pay divorce my belif in human beings is ????  Fear holds us back  reki and guided visualization moved  My enrgy to a survival level . There are all kinds of relationships out there maybe you  can find one with yourself heart n soul  then build on that. Im not at relationship stage yet tho I have grown a life with higher belif n energy other than human boy meets girl  I would freak out if I went on line dating im dreading my 2 yr check and 2nd part recon  getting in touch with my soul I don't see peeps through my eyes I feel there energy good  and bad and go with that. Dont blame self or hubby take a break anxd go on a positive journey both of you . Grow and love your life   fear n stress at earth level is horrid  meditation reiki g visualization find you get professional help it may  be a step into a wonderful new life for both of you xx  praying your sca ns are ok xxx

 

stresshead
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

Hi want to remain anon...

ou are a brave and lovely lady having the courage to talk about this subject. I am not quite in the same position as you and am probably very lucky in that my husabnd has out up with me (well i think he has??!)..coming up to a year now since we had any intimacy. I'm just not interested and havent been since my first diagnosis 3 years ago when i was thrown into menopause had double mastectomy and reconstruction. Been even worse since my recurrence was diagnosed. We dont realy talk about it which is robably half of the problem..its al i can do to get through each day without faling apart nevermind think of anything else. Nothing is worse than aiting for scan results so my heart goes out to you. havernt realy helped with any advice but just wanted you to know you have love and support from people on here. x

Jenji
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

I really feel for you and I hope you can find a way of getting through this in the way that makes it best for you.  It is a huge shock to the system and not what you needed now.  There are specialist people who you can talk to and the phone line might point you in the right direction but the only thing I can advise as others have said that in no way ever blame yourself.

 

Be gentle with yourself.

Big hug

Jenjix

songbird68
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

Hi I hope all is NED on your scans, I would be devastated too if I found this out about my husband.
How dare he try and blame you for him watching porn! That's just an excuse, him knowing it's wrong and trying to justify it.
I think you need to ask yourself do you still love him? Is he a good man and worth staying with?
He said sorry and that he won't do it again, can you give him time to prove it? It's about what you need and you have to be selfish, even though you don't want to be. How would he feel if it was you downloading that stuff?
I just want to let you know that you have every right to be loved and respected - don't be ashamed cos it wasn't you that watched that rubbish. he's the one that has shamed himself.
Tell him you're having tests and work from there.
I hope you two can work this out.
x x
applestreet
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

Don, t know what advice to give but big massive hugs to you

Kentstar
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

My heart goes out to you. Men, usually in my experience are more selfish I'm afraid and don't deal that well with having to be the strong emotional one in a relationship. I know I worry my partner may take a similar route too as I don't have the energy at the moment to support him emotionally. I am sure you will get lots of conflicting advice? My Advice, for what it's worth, is to think long and hard before you throw the relationship aside. Searching for "Sex without strings" sounds like he wasn't looking to replace the love just satisfying physical needs. Some relationships can go on to be stronger but it takes a lot of mental energy. If you separate that too would take a lot of energy. Only you know how much you love your man and whether or not you can forgive and move on. I wish you lots of strength to get through this and hope your scans are clear. X
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Life 2 years on - HELP!

Hi there want2remainanon

Along with the support you will find here please feel free to call our helpliners to talk through the difficulties you are going through as they are here to offer you support too. Lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2 on 0808 800 6000

Take care
Lucy BCC

Want2remainanon
Member

Life 2 years on - HELP!

Hi, I am a user of this site, but due to the intimacy of this subject I have set up another account because I just do nor know where to turn! I am 2 years NED after an original DX of 2 tumours, mx, chemo and Tam. Whilst going through treatment my hubby appeared to be an absolute rock - going way and above and even raising 2k for breast cancer care. I had a serve bout of depression after treatment finished, and did put my family through hell However after borrowing his phone to go to a hospital appointment about my recon, I discovered a huge amount of Porn videos had been downloaded. Of course this alerted me and after checking his history I could see he had been logging onto "dogging sites", dating sites and searching for local ladies interested in "no strings sex". Although he insisted it had never gone any further than a general interest you can imagine the impact it had on me! He apologised and cried, and said he would make an effort to "make me fall in love and trust him again". He assumed that once he had apologised it would all go back to normal. Each time we now get intimate it is clearly "wham bam thank you mam" I have tried to explain that I NEED to feel loved and respected again, however he says I made his life hell whilst going through treatment and took everything out on him. I have tried to send him info on the affects porn can have on a "normal" relationship, which he refused to watch -stating "I have read enough stuff about cancer". I am really at my whits end about whether nor not to try and salvage this relationship, we have 2 children aged 23 and 20. I feel to ashamed of what my husband has been looking at to talk to friends or family, but he seems to have no remorse, just says tell them and then I get get it over with and move on! I am due for scans on back soon for possible secondaries, but have not told him about this due to situation. Any advise is welcomed with thanks x