Emma that is an emotionally strong and supportive description and I hope everyone reads it.
I am 5 weeks post chemo and I could have done with reading your post over the past winter.
If it is of any help to others I am starting to feel absolutely great - I have moments when I have a surge of hope and adrenalin and realise that yes there is an end to the nightmare that I have lived through over the past 6 months.
It does become a conditioned mindset during chemo that it is always going to be this bad and that you are never ever going to feel other than very physically sick and old before your time. I felt like this. I couldnt remember not feeling nausea and pain. I felt that my face was permanently depressed looking.
I still get waves of that feeling of fear that I am not going to ever recover - especially when I am surrounded by people who do not know anything about my illness. Then I get a surge of happiness because I am back in the real world and doing normal things again.
So there is an end to the nightmare - dont forget that