Hi again Rachel,
Have you started your new job yet flower??
Why exactly do you feel your future is so uncertain?? What is it, specifically, around your BC diag and treatment that's made you think and feel that way - given you such doubts?? Are you still having any treatment? xxx
So he's NOW asking such questions as "do you think you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with me"!
Just how UNcertain do you think your life is? I thought you and him were finished weeks ago, so I'm surprised to hear of a present you and him.
I, and you have to question, whether it was his initial reaction to your BC, was just shock, and lacking in support and weakness of a much younger man. And that, maybe with a bit of time, he has or would come round to it all. We can all do that. If so, maybe it's still worth a go.
But, I'm sensing that it's been such a massive shock and change to you, that YOU may be hanging onto him, because of the familiarity of it all when you MOST need it. Perhaps not wanting to be alone. When, in fact, YOU may be better to break away from him, because of whats happened, and felt so let down by his initial reaction? Can't trust him, and could you ever?? "I feel it's because he knows my future is now uncertain, he can't hang around"? There's you and your now extra current needs, and different FUTURE needs because of your BC experiences, and there's him, what was and NOW is, and could there possibly be?? Mmmm, that's only if he's committed. Perhaps you're making excuses for him, because you don't want to be on your own. I dunno. It all needs some HONEST heart searching and honest bashing out, so you both know what's what, and can then move on WITH each other or without, but without much more time wasting, as is currently happening. It obviously isn't healthy for you.
Just found your thread. Did I read wrongly somewhere, that you recently said you've never had difficulty "pulling a fella". I admired your confidence in that statement, so guess you could do to find a way of maintaining it. It's sooo much more difficult when you're feeling low, to make the effort. And you're still early days.
Perhaps once you've dealt with the soon change of job,a major step after your BC diag and treatment, and are more settled into that, you will feel more confident and up to putting yourself out there for dating again.
It's been soooo bloomin unfortunate, that the guy you WERE with, didn't have the maturity and balls to stay around and help you through all that you still going through. But you're not alone there, from what I've read of other women having to deal with BC, and it's many relationship ramifications. Personally, I would think yourself lucky, that he showed his "real true colours" early on, and departed. I don't wish to appear sexist, but an X boyfriend told me he'd finished with his previous girlfriend to me, because she'd developed cervical cancer, and he was afraid of catching it !!. Needless to say, I didn't stick around much longer after hearing that - talk about ignorant. And that is what your X is I'm afraid - ignorant, lack of balls, selfish and not really committed. Can't really blame him, can you. But look at it, that you've had a lucky escape - when the going's got tough - he's fffflippin let you down. Not a good basis for any successful ongoing relationship. Lucky escape in fact.
As long as you currently have some form of support, from family and friends and whatever other support, to help tide you over this current difficult period, and settle new job wise, I'm confident from what I already know of you, that you'll find yourself a much better partner. one that's older, more mature and understanding than you're previous much younger BABYBOY!!
Much love and positive wishes to you