Living with SBC

[rosie53]

Oh Tomboy81 I'm sorry love, I know you so needed some good news today, life is so unfair sometimes you have a good rant and rage session I know it won't change anything but it might make you feel a bit better.

Now then Mrs not all is lost their are lots of treatments out there its just the frustrating game of finding the right one.

You be kind to yourself and take time to take today's news in, it's not all bad news though as your bone mets are stable so that's good.

Sending you a huge hug 

Janette xxxxxxx 

[belinda]

What a shock for you tomboy, give yourself time to adjust to the news, you will go forward but feeling angry right now, of course you will, it's so ****** unfair and hard. But Ellie is right hang in there. With Love. X

[EJ81]

Oh tomboy how frustrating!! Glad they are doing a biopsy as hormone status can change so if will hopefully help inform your treatment. I feel your frustration as I'm now on my third chemo in the space of a year. Every time the news is bad it just throws everything in the air again doesn't it? Something I found just as hard as the bad news as I like to plan ahead. I'm assure they will find the right treatment for you really soon. Hang in there. And in the meantime have a really good swear. One friend advised me to get some charity shop plates to smash on days like this. Not resorted to it yet but I can see the temptation!!!
Lots of love, Ellie xxx

[tomboy81]

Bone mets stable but they've now found a spot on my liver. Onc is going to do another scan and take a biopsy. This is the second hormonal which hasn't worked (tamoxifen and anastrozole with zoladex) I'm so angry as I'm 8/8 oestrogen positive and 3/8 progesterone positive- why aren't the drugs working!? They've stopped the anastrozole for now but had my denosumab & zoladex today. Onc says the liver met appears to be isolated so they can cut it out or blast it with radio. Onc is also going to check if my HER2 status has changed (my primary was HER2 negative) I'm so angry and sick of receiving bad news!!!!! Any kind words for me ladies? Help!

[rosie53]

Good luck today Tomboy81, holding your hand today, please let us know how you get on

Hugs Janette xxxxxxx 

[rosie53]

Just want to say a quick hello to Tomboy81, hope you're okay love, best of luck for Thursday will be keeping everything crossed for you.

Hugs Janette xxxxxxx 

[stresshead]

Tomboy, please take note of what Mermaid has said. It is very scary and very difficult to put yourself first when you are used to thinking of others but you are now No.1. try as you might you cannot carry on with life as before. I cry with frustration at all the things I cant do now and i'm talking small things not moving half way across the world, pressurised job etc etc. Please think of yourself..at the moment that's all that matters. I do so hope you find sone answers. Keep in touch.xx

[Mermaid007]

Hello,
Hope you don't mind a few words from a much older woman (54) but..... Does your OH know truly how you are feeling in both you mind and body? Or are you maybe trying to pretend to him that you still feel like the "Old You" ? If it is the latter them it would explain his seemingly not "getting" exactly what you are going through both emotional and physically with regards to dog and move. If it is the former then is this really the Man you want to be with? Who is putting his own needs before yours? You have such a lot to be dealing with in your young life and you need to be amongst supportive people. Take care xxx

[helen44]

Hope scan results are good & you'll be able to move forward with your treatment tomboy. Live life to the full if you can but be kind to yourself too.

Take care, Helen x

[LemonDrizzle]

Tomboy, I'm keeping everything crossed for you too. In the meantime keep busy doing nice things as it will help to take your mind off it all - there must be so many 'what ifs'
constantly going through your mind. Put you first and be gentle with yourself
LD x

[Marie123]

Keeping everything crossed xxx Marie

[rosie53]

Will be keeping everything crossed for you, but I'm sure it will all be fine, please let us know how you get on.

Take care huge hugs Janette xxxxxxx 

[EJ81]

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Please do stay in touch xxx

[tomboy81]

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. There seems to be so much riding on this scan. If I have further progression I'm pretty sure I'll pull out of the America job offer. I might not even want to proceed with working full time, buying a house and even living in London. All of this will definitely cost me my relationship. I'm petrified. Results are next Thursday. I'll keep you posted xxx

[lalie]

Aargh tomboy. Hope it all works out for you. My advise would be like others have already said . Be kind to yourself and listen to your body. I was in a similar situation with a partner and thought I could keep up with him doing the things we used to do, unfortunately for me , I could not as some days i felt like I could run a marathon , next day I was so tired and needed to rest all day. I had breast cancer 2007 and was clear till 2013 when it came back to my bones and liver. I'm reaching my two years having secondaries and doing fine . I luckily have not so far had to take any pain killers just have denosumab . Look after your self and I hope all goes well with the scan xx

[EJ81]

Tomboy I know how you feel. I am also 33 and was diagnosed with secondaries last year. I feel so old some days especially when friends are making plans and talking about the future. I'm not on the same treatment but I have been through the chemical menopause of chemo and suffer from a lot of tiredness.

It is so great that your work are supportive. I was advised to go on sick leave for MX and initial treatment (at first was just diagnosed with primary then found spread to liver) but have had too many obstacles to going back and recently accepted that it wasn't going to happen. The move to the US sounds exciting but also perhaps quite overwhelming? By wanting a change of pace you are not 'letting cancer win' you are making sure you have the time and energy for the fun, important stuff.

You are probably right that you are feeling worse right now with scanxiety. Like Janette says, be kind to yourself. Xxx

[rosie53]

Aww Tomboy81 sending you a big hug, just remember be kind to yourself.....sometimes you need to put yourself first!!!!! 

Hugs Janette xxxxxxx 

[tomboy81]

Thanks Janette. I just feel so exhausted, achey and depressed right now. I keep crying for no reason and the smallest things tip me over the edge! For instance OH pressurised me into getting our dog back from my parents this weekend. They've had him since my treatment last year so he's quite settled there. My Mum and Dad love doggy to bits, they're both retired and have a big house and garden for him to run around in. We on the other hand live in a small London flat (where we're not allowed pets) and work full time. However OH insists doggy should be with us! Result= sad dog, sad parents and extra cleaning, walking, sleep deprivation (the dog barks all night) and guilt for me. Brilliant! Just what I need right now... Hoping my current state is due to meds and scanxiety. Fingers crossed for good results next week which will make me chill out a bit more!

[rosie53]

Hi Tomboy81, just been reading your post, sorry to see your really struggling at the moment, like Belinda said why don't you wait until you have had your scan and results before doing anything hasty. You sound like you have a good onc and also work for a good company, maybe a chat with your GP about how you are feeling might help. I'm 47 and have been put on zoladex injections and tamoxifen and I have noticed how tired and drained I feel some days, sometimes the smallest thing is such an effort!!! you are very young and understandably angry with your dx but just be kind to yourself and listen to your body, I understand your partner saying " don't give in to it" but if you need to rest then do so!

Take care hugs Janette xxxxxxx 

[tomboy81]

Thanks B. I'll let you know how I get on. Rest assured I will definitely be staying in touch! Like many ladies, this forum is a lifeline for me and keeps me sane during intense periods of scanxiety (i.e now!) It's so good to get the opinions of those who understand. Good luck to everyone waiting for results/receiving treatment xxx

[belinda]

Hi, it sounds really good news your Oncologist is on board about your move. I've been on Anastrozole twice, 2004-2008 and then it kicked in again a second time, for 18 months, in 2013-2014. I do remember the first time around the side effects did seem to improve or perhaps I just got used to them. I still have my ovaries but am now menopausal. I've just started Letrozole and am feeling all the familiar hormonal stiffness again. Amazing how a different place, the buzz of new beginnings can lift you, carry you far though. Keep in touch, if you find time, if you do move. Good Luck. 🙂 x

[tomboy81]

Thanks Belinda. You always give such great advice! My oncologist is on board with the America move as my "total volume of cancer is very low" and he believes I can be maintained for "many years" My company are also covering medical costs whilst I'm out there. I had a complete response to chemo and I'm 8/8 for oestrogen positive (HER2 negative) However I feel like an old woman since being on hormone therapy! I keep thinking about a quiet life, back in my native North. I could get an easy job and escape the craziness of London. However my partner is dead against it. I think it would cost me my relationship if I made any drastic decisions (although I feel like my body is crying out for a change of pace!!) Do the side effects get any easier? I'm also scheduled to have my ovaries removed later this year- is a more "natural" menopause any better? I hate feeling like this!

[belinda]

Hi, guess I would advise see how you your scan goes, if the results are good, I hope so, you may feel much more up for the move. But as much as you want your old life back life has changed and it's not that you are "letting cancer win" you have been thrown physically into the menopause at 33 and taking Anastrozole can make you feel stiff, ache, older. (Was older than you on diagnosis but also pre-menopausal and had Anastrozole.) And living with the uncertainty of this disease is really hard, stressful.
It seems a huge move to go to America, especially with your ongoing health situation but is it worth talking to your Oncologist, GP? Rule nothing out, I have been living with secondaries for twelve years and had years of feeling well. Good Luck with all these decisions. X

[Jo_BCC]

Hi tomboy81

I have put for you below links to 2 of BCC's publications you might find helpful.

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/about-breast-cancer-care/support-people-living-seco...

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/about-breast-cancer-care/support-younger-women-brea...

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[tomboy81]

Hi ladies. Before my diagnosis in March 2014 I was loving life- I had a prestigious job, world travel, a brilliant social life and a great relationship. I had FEC/Taxol chemo with mastectomy and was back at work full time by November 2014. I'm now on denosumab (for bone , zoladex and anastrozole. Since I've been on this combo I feel like I've become a different person. I'm constantly exhausted, depressed, anxious and angry. Not to mention the hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings and aches and pains! I worked so hard to achieve what I have and now I feel like I just want to run away from it all. My partner is pushing me to continue our old life (i.e "don't let cancer win") but I feel like I can't keep up any more. The pressure is probably increased as I'm waiting for my 6 monthly scan as I type! If this one is stable we'll be going to America with my job for 3 years (which my partner desperately wants) Plus, we're in the process of buying a house and have just got engaged! I feel like it's all too much and I'm only 33! Any advice?? Help!