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MARCHING together

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Re: MARCHING together

Hi Sharon

So sorry you've had rather an upsetting time with your dad. It's so distressing when you feel helpless to do anything to help a loved one. Both my parents passed away some years ago but I still miss both of them a lot. When I can't sleep, My visualisation is to relive the trips my dad and I used to go on to Brighton for the day. It was ten shillings return from Victoria (!) and i can remember the roof of the station was full of steam from the trains. Happy childhood memories. My other fond memories are of going on the 88 bus to see the Xmas lights in Regent Street and going to see Father Holly in Selfridges. Xmas tradition! Anyway, i'm sending you lots of virtual hugs. Got my DEXA bone scan next week so things moving forward a bit. Could do without a 6 Week wait for the BRCA result but I'm resigned to it. Next step, gastroscopy to check the tum out, oh joy. Had a nice day out with OH today and treated myself to a crepe in a very nice cafe. Now chilling out and having a cup of tea with a Rich Tea biscuit. XxFrancine
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Re: MARCHING together

Hi ladies,

 

Just back from a few days with my Dad and feeling very anxious again.  Poor Dad not doing very well at all, had to make an emergency trip to the GP and he has been referred to a Cardiologist again but more worryingly, he seems to have lost the desire to live now and wanted to talk to me about his getting his will updated. It is so much worse seeing people you love suffer than going through it yourself, I can hardly bear it. Hardly even mentioned my Mother this time around as when we did, we both welled up with tears. Sigh.  Being a grown up is much harder than it looked when I was young Smiley Sad

 

I'm still doing OK, aches and pains are a nuisance but nothing too serious and I'm making an effort to be out and about as much as possible at the same time as jobhunting just so that life isn't all grim.  Riverdance was fun (but not as good as the original) and the V&A have a fab shoe exhibition coming up so that's something to look forward to.

 

Hope you're all doing OK.  

xx

Sharon

 

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi Pandorra. Missed you in the snivel club!! Xx
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi my special ladies. Like Chezz, just wanted to say hi and hope everyone doing ok. Still have achy boob but slightly better. Hope you enjoyed the theatre Sharon, thinking of all lol xxxxxxx

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hope you're ok, Cheryl? xx
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi all, just a quick line to say hello and have been thinking of you all, ad sending lots of love and hugs. Fora change i have run out of words but I just wanted to let you know you've been in my thoughts x x x x
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Thank you Sharon. Very intetesting discussion with the consultant geneticist today about BRCA1 and 2. Apparently BRCA2 tends to hit older women whilst 1 is associated with BC in younger women. He has written a paper apparently on the 'Angelina Jolie effect' and her work to prevent private companies patenting gene sequencing techniques. Good for her, she's risen in my estimation. Will be a 6 to 8 week for the result. Feels rather strange to think that someone will be sequencing my DNA In a lab in Nottingham and will know everything about me! My Dexa bone scan is now on 12 June so we're getting there. Just need Kettering to wake up and arrange my follow up for the bottom end! Oh joy, i'm so looking forward to that, not. Hope you're feeling a little better, phsically and emotionally. Going thro my family tree today made me think of my mum who passed away in 1991. I do miss her and her daughters can thank her for their fighting spirit, she was a very determined but gentle lady, taught us all that women could succed as well as men could. Sending hugs to everyone going thro treatment, lovely ladies xx Francine
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Re: MARCHING together

Hope all goes well with your tests today Francine, one more step along the way nearly over...Smiley Happy

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Thinking of you Sharon - tough times. Riverdance should help - friend I know went years ago but had an obscured view behind a pillar and could only see the top half of the dancers - which kind of missed the point. Like mass shrugging! Made me laugh anyway!!
Hospital appointments a pain - part of me glad they keep a check on things but most of me just wants to forget about it all and get on with life.
You take care and have a lovely day
Love to everyone else too xx
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Morning all and thanks so much for all your comments, it really does help to know I'm not alone Smiley Happy

 

Well I'm still an achy boobed/ribbed mess and feeling shattered but no signs of any bug or illness so it must just be a radiation side effect.  I'll wait it out and if I do get a radiation follow-up meeting at the hospital I'll ask about it then.  I haven't been given an appointment yet so maybe I've fallen off their monitoring list which, I have to say, I wouldn't object to as I'm rapidly becoming phobic about hospitals Woman Frustrated

 

Bit of an emotional mess at the moment too as today is the second anniversary of my Mother's death, so I'm off to the theatre (Riverdance) and afternoon tea with a friend before heading off to see my Dad tomorrow. Hopefully that will keep the blues at bay.

 

Hope you all have a good day

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi all,
I have been following the thread and couldn't agree more on Work being so incentive! Wow, sorry ladies. Also, as for the aches and pains from what I have read heard and been told radiation effects can last a year! Shrinking and possible broken ribs...painful But to heal on their own! I have expanders for both breasts and waiting to hear when I will be ready for surgery but I know it will be months and I see my plastic surgeon monthly (I believe ). At least I'm scheduled one month out from Rads. Grateful at the moment nothing to complain about...how unusual. I will enjoy this moment.
Wishing everyone well.
Love,
Sue
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Re: MARCHING together

Hi to all,

 

Even  though I haven't been positing I have followed the posts here. It is amazing how many animal problems happen simultaneously to our BC. My little Fifi, adorable 14 year old Coton de Tulear had to be put down two weeks ago as she had develped cancer of the liver among other probs and was on her last legs. She stopped eating, staggered around and could not even lift her head. It has left William our other little Coton a widower. I do miss her, she was always under my feet (literally often). Anyone interested can see her and our other animals at http://www.la-couscouillette.com.

 

Sharon, I suddenly developed a backlash as well. Having finished rt at same time as you until a week ago was pretty active and not too tired. Gardening, made lemon marmelade etc. Suddenly the tirednes has just hit me, tired when I get up, dragging myself around all day. Think it must be after effects of rt.

 

Next worry on the list is my high eye pressure which can lead to glaucoma. Have talked a pharmacy in the UK into sending me Ganfort uni (eye drops without preservative) which are great, no more red inflamed eyes. You can't get the stuff in France. But the eye guy was not happy with the eye pressure, thinks it's still to high at 13 and I fear he'll try and put me on something worse or, heaven forbid, operate.

 

As for BRCA, I had the 23andme internet  testing kit done some months ago after my diagnosis. That is quite fast and among other info tells you about the BRCA. I came out ok. Probably not as reliable as having it done via a bloodtest and the official channels.

 

Leave you all for now, keep posting, keep pushing on,

xxx Margaret

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Re: MARCHING together

Hi ladies, hope everyone doing ok. Just got back from a break in Dorset, mainly for me to visit monkey world as I just love them. Anyway lovely hotel and food and plenty of walking. Sharon, I saw my surgeon on Friday before we left as I had been getting awful stabbing pains, in my boob. Felt like pieces of glass, plus nipple sore. My BCN very kindly got me in to see him although she believed it down to after effects of rads. He checked me over and said it was the rads and can go on for upto 3 months. The pain has been awful, aching,throbbing basically flippin awful!  He advised a sports bra and said it is a bad time now with the rads still working. I am 4 weeks post rads today. Also, about this time for emotions to play up, so really we all need to be given whatever we ask for. Would be good. Anyway just when you think you are over whatever hurdle we get to, another one pops up and says Jump higher!  So all my lovely ladies, stay strong and nimble, to get over these hurdles, and we may then run the marathon. Love to all xxxxxxx let me know how you are Sharon xxxxxx

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Re: MARCHING together

Well done you Kim. I would have done much the same

 

I am actively looking for a new puppy/young dog. My lovely collie cross died the same week I had my diagnosis, but hopefull I am now fit enough to have a new walkmate.

 

Boob is still uncomforatble and if I move wrongly it feels like a tight piece of elastic across it. As I am still sore underneath where the infection was i am still in 'granny' bras. I long for the day when I can wear some fancy underwearSmiley Embarassed

 

Does anyone have a really painful shoulder on op side? I am getting a bit worried about it as it seems to be getting worse.

Community Champion

Re: MARCHING together

It certainly does Sharon but I've heard from quite a few people about rib pain for ages afterwards and fatigue , my oncologist told me to expect a twingy uncomfortable boob for possibly ever, can't wait! It's so hard not to worry though but I'm going to try really hard not to, diagnosis certainly changes you and your out look on things and yes every single hissy fit I have I feel fully justified over too!!!! 😜 Xx
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Re: MARCHING together

Thanks ladies, you're all very reassuring as always Smiley Happy

 

Francine you are so right, nothing like BC to give you a bit of perspective.  Although oddly enough, I can only seem to find perspective when other people are playing up: when I have a hissy fit over something it is completely justified of course Woman LOL  I don't know anything about the BRCA testing I'm afraid so can't help but I think our Lynne (Loubyloo) had it done very recently so hopefully she'll be able to tell you.

 

Jo I finished my rads 5 weeks ago and other than the normal skin reactions and tiredness at the end stages, had no real problem with it and have been reasonably active ever since. The achy/throbbing ribs/muscles thing has only come on over the last few days so I've ditched the wired bras again and gone back to the softy things that are meant for nighttime but even they are hurting.  I think it's probably a reaction to the rads too so hopefully it will solve itself.

 

Seems never-ending doesn't it.

xx

Sharon

Community Champion

Re: MARCHING together

Chez I had to chuckle at your tantrum in the garden centre, I had one today over a poor dog shut in a car in the car park, it's been really warm here today and my car was reading almost 20 degrees,poor little thing was going frantic so hubby went in with the Reg number for them to announce over the tannoy for the owners to get to their car quick! I was ready to smash the window in and hubby knew this so ushered me inside before the women came out, luckily there was an volunteer RSPCA officer shopping so she dealt with her, upset me so much I could have punched her in the face!!! Hope your little pup is doing ok now, what a worry for you, we lost our golden retreiver before Christmas to cancer at the age of 9 and it broke our hearts, we now have a new baby , 7 month old Gracie and she has been a god send to us since my diagnosis, anyway hope you are doing ok and your little Millie continues to improve xx Jo
Community Champion

Re: MARCHING together

Hi Sharon, how long ago did you finish your rads? I'm only a week in and have been having aching in ribs on and off and have been told it may get worse and continue for months afterwards , they can get damaged from the radiation, and the fatigue can last a while too, it's all such a worry I know and every little twinge can send you nuts, I've managed a weekend of endless gardening so feeling pretty good all things considered! Start back on treatment tomorrow so may be a different story by next weekend! Love Jo xx
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Re: MARCHING together

Hi Sharon. Sorry to hear you're feeling under the weather. It's probably the after effects of the rads, which can come on a good while after you've finished I understand. Bound to be some irritation of the nerves after all that zapping. Likewise the tiredness. You're probably doing a lot more physically than you think, compared to before. I still get some discomfort from my SNB and where my armpit joins the boob. Chez, having a laugh about your tantrums in the garden centre! I had a bit of a wobble on Saturday as OH had a bit of a rant about his mobile phone. Spent ages whingeing about how useless it was and I reminded him that in the great scheme of things, did it really matter. Felt like having a snivel but ate a chocolate eclair instead, tum was not too impressed but it was worth it! Had a difficult conversation with my daughter re the BRCA test which was upsetting. Don't think she'd really taken on board the implications if I'm positive. All in all, bit of a stressy weekend but not a surprise I suppose. Anyone know how long the BRCA test takes? Hugs to all. Xx Francine
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Re: MARCHING together

Hiya

 

Reading these comments about employers I'm pleased i'm out of it, mind you to get out of it was not that straight forward - still that is very much in the past.

You do wonder how some of these men would feel if it was their lower glands affected don't you

 

So pleased little westie is on the mend. Dog searching here now, but still unsure whether to go for a puppy or a young rescue. 

It's funny how the feelings and aches suddenly catch up on you when not expected. Still catches me out.

I have found that stretching sometimes aggravates under my arm, especially after gardening or other stretchy exercise.

 

Hope you have all had a good day - 

Beryl

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Re: MARCHING together

Thanks Cheryl, you're right and it's probably something very minor but I've turned into a worrywart on any and all health things these days Smiley Sad  Fortunately I do have some of the new M&S Rhubarb & Custard sponge cake in which I hope will work as well as Tarte au Citron and I can have a lazy day tomorrow to see if that helps.  

 

Gah, bodies ey!

xx

Sharon

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Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi, not exactly, but some aches and pains near Snb site and breast often feels heavy, is is possible,you have pulled a muscle? I know you said you have been doing less,,but i seem to remember some gardening?? Think for peace of mind, a call to,your breast nurse and no gardening for a while, plus chocolate, tarte au citron and I will send you a lemon meringue roulade, take care x x
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Re: MARCHING together

Big hugs and hurrahs for Millie, hope she is getting better by the hour Smiley Happy

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi all, hope you're at least enjoying the time away from work over the weekend although a bit of sunshine wouldn't go amiss would it Smiley Happy  As for you all having to face it again tomorrow...Smiley Sad

 

Not sure why but physically I seem to have taken a big step backwards over the last few days, boobs is twanging and achy and the ribs/muscles underneath are sore.  So much so that I had trouble sleeping last night. No idea why as I haven't done anything other than my normal stuff and if anything I've been less active than usual.  I'm also physically tired - went for a walk this morning and gave up and got the tube home after 20 mins and normally I can walk for hours.  

 

Anyone else getting this?

 

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Thanks all, your comments and support mean an awful lot. Someone said to me last week at work they were glad as I was back as I am the conscience of the organisation, I brushed it off but I am beginning to think they were right. My confidence with them is now at Rock bottom and trust....well that's over. I just need to work out how I keep going for the next few weeks. Rose so sorry to hear that you are being treated so carelessly and insensitively it beggars belief. We will get through this thought I am confident of all x x mind you I did loose it at the garden centre yesterday, not quite a tumour Mayo moment more like that toddler in the adverts who has tantrums in the aisles!!!
On the plus side, Millie my westie, is recovering amazingly well, on Sunday @2am vets were preparing me for the worst, but by 3pm she was ready to come home. And has been doing really well since. Tomorrow I have zoladex injection, cataract check up and the last day of the moving forward course so at least only 3 half days this week. If you don't hear from me for several days, I will probably be at hmp Lewes for hitting someone..there is a little list at the moment. Hope everyone has a good week and that the bank holiday weekend has been kind to you all. Thanks again really appreciate your support x x x x
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Re: MARCHING together

Cheryl and Rose, am livid for you. As an ex HR person, I cannot conceive that it would appropriate in ANY circumstances to immediately serve someone back from sick leave with a discliplinary notice. An employer must be able to show they have acted reasonably, taking in to account all the circumstances. Unfortunately, when you're at a low ebb, you are least able to defend yourself properly. As if this horrId BC wasn't enough to cope with. There really are some awful employers out there. Don't they realise that their staff are their biggest asset? I left my job in 2011 because of continual bullying. Basically because I wouldn't participate in sny of his little schemes to cheat the customers, he set out to make my life as miserable as possible. Had to sell our house to set up my business and now we are renting in our 60s. Still it was worth it, as i'm doing well and he's going under!! Absolutely refuse to let the BC take me out of it although I've had many days when I couldn't face talking to my customers. Thank God for the OH keeping things afloat. Stay strong ladies, you have already gone through so much and made it through. You just need to keep doing it. Hugs to everyone. XFrancine. PS Sharon, think i'd have Conchita to my sleepover!!
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Rose I can't believe YOUR employer is being so incredibly insensitive too - having a junior team member do your refresher training?!!! Have they NO understanding of how anybody would feel about that?! Not in the least bit surprised you want to get out but it is entirely wrong that you should be put in this position. I can understand why you don't want to make a fuss about it as it's yet another drain on your energy but I think it's worth mentioning to your boss that this is more than a little insensitive.  Honestly, some employers are just unbelievable.

 

I'm beginning to think that not having a job to return to was a stroke of luck...although I expect my mortgage company won't see it that way

 

xx

Sharon

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Re: MARCHING together

Cheryl, I don't know what to say about your treatment from work. OK they may have procedures to follow but their timing and lack of consideration for your circumstances is APPALLING. I'm undergoing refresher training, which is useful, though the person who gives the bulk of my feedback does not give it in any kind of positive or constructive way. She was very much junior to me before my "break" and seems to enjoy pointing out any areas she feels i am falling short. I can't be bothered disputing it, just thank her for her input and go home feeling inadequate. I am looking round for some kind of part-time job which I can do, and go home and forget work. I'm lucky that i have a little pension from a previous job which started once i turned 60, and it would sub part-time wages. I was trying to reduce my hours before BC hit, but it's fulltime or nothing.

Good to see on fb that Millie is doing well and really hope that continues. Animals are such a huge part of a family. Two days after my 1st op my daughter's cat was killed by anti-freeze, that hit me much harder than BC. She lost a second one to the same thing a couple of months later. 

Good luck with bring forward your appt. Would they let you call each day to check for cancellations?

So sorry you have all this to cope with at once

Love

Rose xx

 

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Re: MARCHING together

Dear Cheryl, 

Bless you, were not braver than you honestly! In your current circumstances we would all struggle!

Like Sharon said its hard to know quite what to say, but rough times lead to peaceful times and although your in the middle of what seems endless problems you will get through. 

I will pray for you as I do for all the dear cancer sufferers and a special doggie prayer for your dear little westie.

I dont know whether you are a believer but all I can say is I am and my faith has been my amazing saving grace. All my friends, cant believe how well I look and how strong I have been, even now I look back on whats gone and my forthcoming operations (double mascectomy and reconstruction due to me having the brac2 gene) and have a peace inside me. If someone had said this to me years ago that I would become a Christian and that I would cope with cancer, I would have laughed in their face!

Im sending you big hugs and love that little by little each day will give you peace and healing.

Lynne xxxx

 

Ps keep posting on here, its a brilliant forum with such lovely people and we can hopefully give you a little lift when your feeling down. Xx

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Re: MARCHING together

What?!!!! Cheryl that sounds AWFUL, I cannot believe your employer could be so totally insensitive, you must dread going into work each day now.  As if you didn't already have more than enough to cope with.... and your little Westie, oh no, heartbreaking!  Will say a little prayer for her that the operation is a success and she will be OK.

 

Is the health thing connected to your previous treatments or something altogether different?  Oh, I just don't know what to say, I just want to jump on a train and come and weep with you and hug you and do whatever I can to help you feel better.  

 

Have sent you a PM

xx

Sharon

 

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Ps 70's cake for is battenburg and awful rock cakes made in domestic science🍩🍮🍰🎂
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Re: MARCHING together

Hi all, I feel wretched too and did not want to post in case I was spoiling the upbeat mood, so thank you all for being braver than me. I have started back at work and on the first day was handed a letter saying I was under notice of a disciplinary investigation. I had been aware since end of March that an error had occurred but in usual circumstances we do mgt investigations or performance investigations with a caveat that it might be escalated to discipline. I am absolutely rocked, that they have chosen to use this route and am finding going into work the hardest thing ever. On top of that I have had a copy letter from the neurological dept (sent to my go) telling me that a recent Mri scan is showing features of demyelination. My appt with the consultant is not till 16/6 and i am now in dispute the hospital trying to get an earlier appt(PALS) are being very helpful. And to top of it, my beloved Mille (westie) has just had an operation as she had serious uterine infection and its touch and go. I am struggling with the BC and echo all of what you have said about feelings/coping and my life just seems to be a car crash in slow mo, I am seeing a counsellor and she is being very helpful but even she got stumped on Thursday when I updated her. I have a strong work ethic and I am loathe to book sick again but I just don't know where to turn...and I can't find my joke book!!! I have felt embarrassed about sharing all,of this as it just seems surreal and if I am honest a little unbelievable.
Matts,,really pleased to hear that bones vacances was good and has helped, francine,,pleased to hear that things are still improving and long may that continue, Sharon, your fun bags will resume their purpose but I really get the violation, I have summed the treatment up as mutilation, irradiation and abject humiliation
Rose, I think from a previous thread you have shared your role is quite senior, so is mine and the pressure to be seen as coping from my 'senior male' colleagues feels a bit like a vice around my head, can you see if a longer phased return can be agreed on, I know they are tricky but hopefully with some give and take?
Thanks for reading.... Appreciate it x x x x
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Re: MARCHING together

I agree Sharon, I escaped the chemo and I get the impression that some of my friends/acquaintances think I didnt have proper cancer! Like you I want ti show them the scars. But the real scars lie inside me along with the wretched braca 2 gene.
Love to you and all the great, strong ladies on here!
We can fight and can cersurvive!!!!
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Re: MARCHING together

*Ears prick up* did someone mention cake?  Yes please, I'd like some 70s style cake to go with my Eurovision evening, although I've no idea what sort of cake we ate in the 70s: was it all black forest gateau or was that a 60s thing?

 

Like both of you I also feel a bit of a fraud because I didn't need chemo and I feel the need to tell everyone who asks that I was lucky in that respect, but I agree that the reaction I get is that somehow I haven't had 'real' cancer because of it.  Wish I was brave enough to show them my scars/misshapen boob as I expect that would convince them

xx

Sharon

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Re: MARCHING together

Ooh, you must let me know next time you're in town visiting your daughter Francine as I'm just moments away and would LOVE to meet you.

 

I'm just putting the final touches to my Eurovision Contest Scoring Sheet (we have the obvious categories to rate the songs, singers and general pizzazz of each act but we are always given a couple of blank categories that we can choose ourselves so I've gone for 'likelihood of inviting the group/singer to a sleepover' and 'how much alcohol would it take').  I'll be playing along with various friends scattered across the country and swapping notes via WhatsApp so that's my evening entertainment.  Right, time for dessert and then I'm hunkering down for the long haul fabulousness that is Eurovision....enjoy your evening too Smiley Very Happy

 

xx

Sharon

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Re: MARCHING together

Hi Francine

YES to your question, to the point that i almost feel guilty for escaping chemo.

I know I'm fortunate, but we can only fight the battle we're given. I really feel for those who have had to undergo chemo but  they are not doing it for "cancer brownie points", it is not their choice. Does that make sense?

I am guilty of playing this down, maybe because i no longer have to "be a brave little fighter" that's why I'm a fully signed up member of your snivel club.

I trust the AGM will have lots of cake on offer to follow the curry buffet?

Love

Rose xx

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Re: MARCHING together

Hi Rose
Good for you. I also had some anti depressants from the doctor and I think you'll find there are a lot of ladies also taking them. Anything that helps you get through a hellish time is fine, as far as I'm concerned. Why should we struggle on if help is out there. Trouble is we're too good at pretending to everyone else that we're coping fine when we're not. I have noticed that some of my friends seem to think that because I'm not having chemo (thank goodness) I'm not going thro too bad a time. Now of course chemo is an awful thing for anyone to go through but if you're not it doesn't mean that you are having an easy time. Anyone else get that reaction?

Sharon, perhaps we were sisters in another life, lol. I'm always up for a day in London, bit of shopping (have to go to Libertys) then nice nosh! Tum on the mend I think so soon be ready for something other than chicken, cluck cluck. Know a nice Lebanese place. Re the BRCA test, I have to go to the genetics dept and have a blood test. Why they can't use all the tissue they took out in my two ops I don't know. They must have a path lab full by now! Apparently the consultant wants to see me himself, as I am an interesting case! Just as long I don't have to bare my boobs again to yet another medic or my backside, come to that! OH is cooking tea, fish tonight, oh joy. Can't tell you how much I'm hankering after a curry!! Love Francine xx
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Re: MARCHING together

Glad to hear it Rose, I took an antidepressant when I was falling to bits during treatment and it did help - it sort of took some of the heat out of my emotions and allowed me to process them a bit more easily.  You might find that it will help with some of the side effects from Tamoxifen too.  Still think counselling is a good idea too though as all sorts of issues pop out that I hadn't managed to articulate clearly even to myself!  Anything that gets us through this in reasonable shape is a good thing in my book Smiley Happy

 

xx

Sharon

 

 

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Thank you for helping me put this into pespective and accept that it's "normal"!

I'm going to ring my GP on Tuesday and see if he can offer me some immediate chemical help, Counselling is definitely an option but I want a quicker fix. (That old impatience thing creeping in again). 

You are such a wonderful group of women, and I said this before but it's worth repeating: meeting you all is a huge positive from this whole hideous experience.

Love to all

Rose xxxxx

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Re: MARCHING together

Hi Francine, see, proof that we really are soul mates because I feel exactly the same Woman LOL having to show my boobs to anyone in the hospital who wanted to see them was horrible and that has left a few emotional scars and it must be even worse for you as you've had much more treatment.  At the time we all sort of make a joke of it but now that I've popped out of the end of the treatment process I can recognise that that aspect felt like a violation.  Think that is one of the reasons I'm keen to be a trollop just so that getting my boobs out becomes associated with pleasure again rather than humiliation and pain!

 

That said, I think I've come out of the process with a whole new respect for my body because I'm just astonished at how quickly and well I have healed.  So much so that a few days ago I decided to tackle a very visible skintag on my collarbone that has been mildly annoying me for over a decade because I thought that if my body can deal with having big lumps chopped out of it without any trouble, it should be capable of a coping with a little bit of DIY cosmetic surgery and hey presto, it worked!  A cotton tie and sharp sterilised scissors has dealt with it so that you'd never even know it had been there.  Am now looking for other bodily bits that I can 'improve' by DIY Woman LOL Woman LOLWoman LOL

 

Is the BRCA test you're having done via a new biopsy/blood test or can they use the tissue they took last time around?

xx

Sharon

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Re: MARCHING together

Absolutely agree with Sharon. The emotional aspect of a BC is underestimated and poorly dealt with by the medical profession. Thank goodness for the charities that offer this sort of support but it shouldn't be up to them. I have certainly experienced a complete lack of empathy from some medics, particularly the oncologist who was clearly very irritated when I started to ask questions about my treatment plan. She just couldn't understand that I needed to ask because I felt I had no control over my life any more. Things were being done to me and I just had to let them do it. We also forget that we normally treat our breasts as a private thing and choose who we show them to. This is no longer the case when you have BC and it can be difficult. I did feel embarrassed to start with as I have very big boobs and have always had a thing about it, always wear baggy tops. How ironic that I longed for a reduction but now may end up with none at all! Sorry for the ramble! Love Francine xx
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Typed a long post here about post-treatment reactions and how they could be addressed by the NHS but then realised that I'm really just 'thinking out loud' and it would be of no interest to anybody so I've deleted it.  Think I'll spare my ramblings on the subject for my local MP who gets to bear the brunt of a lot of my musings and probably dreads my emails Woman LOL

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi Rose, sorry you're having a hard time but you are definitely not alone.

 

I'm seconding the counselling suggestion, I also think that the emotional impact of BC is underrated by pretty much everyone we come into contact with.  To me it feels like we are, for the most part, a set of physical symptoms to our medical teams (and not even particularly interesting ones given that our treatments were less traumatic than many of their other patients so not worth much time or attention) and to our colleagues/friends/partners we are people who have had a disease but should now be over it and neither are true.  

 

I think that part of recovering means having to identify what has changed for us so we can recognise what we've had to sacrifice (loss of security, fear of the future, unhappiness with our changed relationships with old friends/partners...whatever it is that feels 'different' in our particular circumstances) and come to terms with it. Sometimes I think it is just recognising that nothing is different and we feel that it should be.  For me it has been recognising that I panic when I feel I don't have control over my life so having surgeons just 'announce' what they are going to do to me, without explaining and listening to my views, was my personal nightmare and has really shaken me because if I don't even have control over the controllable elements of what happens to my body, I wonder what the point of life is?  We all have different concerns though, and I'm lucky to have a career coach who has become a sort of life coach over the years and I know I can talk to him about anything and everything and that helps enormously as he is able to give me new ways to think about things.

 

Sorry to ramble on, but just wanted to say that I absolutely get what you are saying and as everyone else has said, I think almost all of us are in the same position now and this is precisely the time that we need some help to deal with it all.

 

Love to you

xx

Sharon

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Oh Rose! I feel for you. I have been on an antidepressant for a short time. I knew I needed it after a big meltdown (I knew I wasn't my normal self). It helped. We're all in this together, this unlucky common bond we share, but I'm grateful to be talking with you lovely ladies. It helps too.
Love to you,
Sue
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Do seriously consider the counselling, it really will help you to talk to someone you don't have to tailor what you say to them. I find the same thing, soon as you say the word 'invasive' they look horror struck and some of my 'friends' never contacted me again. I think they just couldn't handle it. You're not making a fuss, you've been through a very traumatic time and are bound to feel apprehensive about the future. Allow yourself to accept help, I fought it all for quite a while, was in denial, told everyone I was coping well etc but I wasn't really. Had a mega meltdown one day, feeling I didn't want to go on and realised that I needed help. Now I'm facing a single and possibly double mx, I feel better able to cope with it all since the counselling. Sending hugs to everyone Francine xx
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Counselling I had helped me so much - said things I would never have said to anyone - also say stuff on here I would not normally say, but having someone who can guide you through the 'grieving' and help you see through the feelings was great.

Would recommend it - I used Haven but I think there are servces offered elsewhere.

Yes I do take care what I say to others, Most don't know I had Invasive Lobular Cancer - that word Invasive seems to terrify people. Let it slip to my friend in France - she was horrified.

 

Having flown now I can assure you my new boob didn't swell, harden or explode when in cabin Woman Very Happy

In fact now the infection has cleared it feels softer and has even begun to 'droop' in a natural way Smiley Embarassed

 

Beryl

 

 

 

Member

Re: MARCHING together

I have thought of speaking to McMillan about counselling, also seeing the GP. Can't help feeling I'm making an unnecessary fuss about what is probably something which will pass. As an over-thinker,I worked out that it could be that I never really believed I had cancer, always seemed like it was happening to someone else so I kind of breezed through it all in a state of denial. Or is it Tamoxifen creating havoc with my eyeballs as well as everything else?!.

It may be good, if i can pluck up the courage, to get counselling in place. Does anyone else feel they are tailoring what they say about the experience to whoever they are talking to? eg family, friends, colleagues all get their own answer to the same questions? A dispassionate listener might be helpful.

Just when I thought life was returning to normal, I start being crazy.

Stupid cancer!

Love

Rose xx

 

 

Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hi Rose

Well as the chairman of the snivel club, you have my permission to snivel whenever! What's happening to you is absolutely understandable and just a reaction to what you've been through. The brain and the body have their own ways of coping with horrid things. I think it's like a grieving process for the person you were before BC. Have you thought about some counselling? I've just started some, free of charge via a local cancer charity, and although I'm not someone who normally goes for that sort of thing but I found it very helpful to talk through some issues with someone outside the situation. Perhaps you can find out if that's on offer in your area. You could also go and see your GP in case you need some anti depressants just as a temporary measure until you feel better. Do you need some time off from work perhaps? Anyway, just sending you lots of virtual hugs and be kind to yourself. Love Francine x x
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Oh Rose

I'm not a regular poster on this thread but I've been following you all. I can identify with this feeling, just helpless. I called the helpline on here and they were wonderful, as if I was the most important person in the world and they had so much time for me.

Must say I've moved on from this feeling and think I'm much more in control of my emotions. So hopefully it'll be another one of those phases. I've been through many I blame it all on hormones. Hoping it passes soon for you but definitely give them a call.

Big hug if that helps......ah maybe not. Sympathy made me blub too. Wendy xx
Member

Re: MARCHING together

Hello

So very sorry

I was going to start a new thread and then eveything went bottoms up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My lap top totally crashed and I am not a techno phobe, then my friend cme over from France and had to be entertained,

In all this was antibioyics and infection and can I fly or can't I fly - Wednesday of that week I was finally given the go-ahead to go - flight was on the Saturday, so I have just returned from a very pleasant time in France with my friend,

She didn't 'stifle' me like OH had been and slowly I have begun to not only heal (I think properly this time) but slowly have become to feel oh so much better - YAY

 

I had a quick read back and see, as ever, some are getting there and some need a shoulder to cry on

 

Come on girls we will get there - don't push yourselves too fast though

 

beryl xx