I was hesitating about using this thread for what I'm about to ramble on about, but this is where I feel most comfortable so here goes.
I can't stop crying. All the time. Everywhere I go. I don't feel particularly sad, but the tears won't stop. It's like being a crazy woman. Sobbed all the way to work on the bus, when I sorted out my plan for the day with my line manager, even now while I'm typing this. Nothing is particularly upsetting me, everything's trundling along as it should be. No issues at work except for being tired at the end of the shift.
What do I do apart from bulk buy tissues and drink loads of water for rehydration? I feel ridiculous.
Not looking for sympathy as none needed, I don't feel sad.
Anyone else had this sort of reaction?
Thanks ladies 🙂
Met an old friend for lunch today and had a catch-up. She lost her Mother a couple of years before me and we ended up having a quiet weep over coffee and cake as we swapped happy memories of them. I have nothing but the fondest memories of my Mother (I even miss the tellings off she used to give me!) and it was good to share them and to be a listening ear for her too. Received a beautiful bouquet today from another friend so I'm feeling loved and supported.
Lynne I've just seen your news re having BRCA gene on the other thread and really don't know what to say. How are you doing now the shock has worn off a bit? Do you have a care plan in place yet? Do let us know how you are doing and if I can help in anyway at all just let me know.
Rose, will cross all fingers, toes and bendy bits that the new brand of Tamoxifen is an improvement. We need to get you properly fit and well again ahead of the Neil Diamond outing - you can't be expected to shake your bits if they are hurting!
Love to all
PS friend I met today was the same one I went to Riverdance with 20 years ago and we were reminiscing about that which lead to some hilarious Irish dancing attempts as we left the restaurant. Wonder if we ever truly grow up, inside I still feel about 22!
I was so sorry to read that you have been feeling a bit low. Its no wonder with it only being 2yrs since your dear mum passed away.
I lost my mum too, but many years ago, I still think of her and miss her, after all we only get one mum.
Hope you start to feel a little happier soon.
I'm sorry you're sad. This must be a difficult time for you, as you must be already feeling fragile without taking into account the anniversary.
I've got a happy/sad occasion coming up. My late friend's husband is flying over next week from the USA to visit her family in Bucks. He'll be driving up to Yorkshire to see me, first time I'll have seen him since my BC diagnosis, 2nd time since she died. He's such a lovely man, and has been so supportive to me while dealing with his own very raw grief.
We have none of those courses here. Nearest place is Leeds, and that's a bit of a hike (50+ miles each way).
Enjoy Riverdance! I shall be stalking Neil Diamond through the streets of Birmingham in July. That's if his famous feet ever actually walk along streets!
Hope you cope ok with the family reunion. I'm sure your dad will understand any tears.
Rose, I read your post on another thread about your Tamoxifen woes and I'm so sorry you're still suffering. Does it make a big enough impact on your survival chances to try replacing it with a different drug or would you want to stop the hormone treatment altogether? Definitely worth a chat with your Oncologist I agree.
Hope they manage to sort it out for you
Hi ladies, sorry to have gone all quiet on you 🙂
Wish I could say it was because I've been busy with the job search or honing my trolloping technique but actually I haven't done much at all for the last few days other than potter around feeling a bit sad. It's the second anniversary of my much loved Mum's death in a few days time and I'm missing her terribly. Feeling a bit sorry for my poor Dad too who has done a great job of picking himself up and getting on with life but is physically very frail and I feel a bit guilty that I haven't spent as much time with him as I would have liked since the cancer diagnosis. Still, I'm visiting him the weekend after next as it co-incides with a family birthday and will do my best not to blub all over him (he's very 'stiff upper lipped' and hasn't found the BC stuff easy at all; he can't really deal with any obvious signs of emotion and used to leave my mother to deal with that sort of thing). So, I'm just feeling a bit quiet-ish but very grateful I haven't got work issues to deal with yet, not surprised you're all having a hard time with it and hope it settles for you quickly but I suspect that others just aren't capable of understanding the impact that BC can have (and for their sakes, let's hope they never do)
I mentioned on another thread that I went to the 'Look Good, Feel Better' course yesterday and thought it was marvellous. It's all about skin care and make-up and was just so uplifting and life affirming, the volunteers, who are professional makeup artists, made it special and the other ladies were a joy to be with. Watching women who have gone through months of chemo get their makeovers and the delight on their faces as they recognised themselves as beautiful again made me want to weep with happiness. So worth going along if you can.
I've arranged to go to the new version of River Dance in Hammersmith next week and looking forward to that. I went to the original many years ago and watching the entire audience attempt the dance along the high street as we left was a sight to behold and STILL makes me laugh when I think about it. Roll on the good times!
Love to all
Cheryl, if you find those t shirts, I want one too, but mine would have to say it's the left one!
I feel like a spare wheel at work, trying to slot into a place where they've got along without me for the last 6 months. My confidence is at an all-time low, so I cry a lot, which makes me feel and look stupid. I can see the eyes rolling and "She's all clear now, what's with the dramatics?" I may be imagining that, though.Had a couple of refresher courses since I got back which have helped, bit when I toddle off after 4 hours of trying to put my heart and soul into my work, I'm exhausted,and they don't see that.
Sue, I've spent a fair bit of time in your lovely country. My best friend, who sadly passed from BC last July, moved over there to marry a guy in South Jersey several years ago, so I used to go stay every year. Also have friends in Philly. I hope one day to travel over there again, but I guess the cost of insurance would price me out for the time being.
Francine, good to hear you sounding chirpy! Have a wonderful weekend with your daughter!
Sharon, you little trollop, you're being very quiet. Been "busy"???!!!
Love to all, sorry about the moaning, I blame the Tamoxifen moodswings!
Woohoo Suebee, you're done! Phew, bet you're relieved to have all the radiation treatment over and done with 🙂
Fuffs glad to hear you're feeling a bit brighter today although I'm sure you must still be feeling terribly anxious and frightened. Lots of rest and relaxation needed I think so you're in the best possible position for the next bit of treatment. I have to say I am just overwhelmed with admiration for how you are handling this, you're amazing!
I'm having one of those glorious days where nothing particularly special is happening but I'm just unbelievably happy and loving everything and everybody. Spent a big chunk of the day gardening and pottering around and I've even managed to get slightly sunburnt (shh! don't tell the radiotherapy bods that I was out without any suncream!). Supper cooking and a restful evening before a day out with some friends tomorrow. Hate to be all Pollyanna-ish but life just seems even better than ever now.
Hope you're all enjoying your weekend
So so sorry Francine, totally frightening and miserable for you and OH and let's hope the endoscopy happens quickly so that doesn't delay things too much but in the meantime, take the very best care of yourself.
Love and warm hugs to you. Don't lose the faith though, your fan club here will be ready to cheer you on every step of the way and you WILL get through this.
Oh Francine, have that curry!!! Not good news but it is going to be sorted and you will soon look back and think, what a lot of .... I have been through. Get strong and then this can be dealt with. Sending hugs, strength and curry aroma. Lol xxxxxxx
Morning all 🙂
Francine I just want to add my best wishes for today, hope you get good results and can move on to the next stage of the process (and perhaps celebrate with a Thai curry, bit easier to stomach than the Indian versions :D)
Just a fleeting visit from me as I have to run around a bit today, but suffice to say that whilst my mini-date was perfectly pleasant, my inner trollop still hasn't come out to play Not from unwillingness on my part I might add as it wasn't MY courage that failed! Ah well, plenty of time to put that plan into action I suppose (who am I kidding, I'm on a mission now, patience was never one of my virtues!)
Love to all
Great to hear you are getting there Francine, that curry will be there for you when you are ready. Take it easy and wishing you lol xxx hope all good with you Sue, how many? No news from Sharon, do you think she has eloped? Thought we would have been invited, or bridesmaids. Hope everyone doing ok, lol xxxxxx
Good luck Sharon, enjoy. You know the bit where they say ' show us your white bits', well you just strip right off and wow. I use St Tropez as I find it lasts so long and looks good. Not at moment though as need skin to heal properly. Doing my legs only. Anyone going over the 15 sessions which I had needs a medal! Stay strong! Well, hope everyone ok and once again, Sharon enjoy! Lol xxxxxx
Morning all 🙂
Suebee you sound a bit low about it all and no wonder, but you're nearly there now and our skin does seem to heal amazingly quickly once the radiotherapy stops. It's three weeks post-rads for me and I'm completely healed and have been wearing my underwired bras for the last days with no problems at all (and what a relief that is!)
Glad your phased return is going OK so far Cheryl. Hadn't realised you were having trouble sleeping, that's a problem in itself isn't it as it makes every other little problem seem so much worse. Nothing like all those 3am circular ruminations to leave you feeling tired and out of sorts 😞 Is it a side effect of the treatments or just your mind working overtime as you process the last few months?
Big wave to everyone else, hope your re-entry to normal life is going smoothly. I had all sorts of grand job-search related plans for yesterday but the weather was so lovely I didn't quite get round to any of them. But my beautiful peonies are now properly staked ready to burst into bloom and my patio pots planted for the summer so that seems like time well spent. Procrastinating you say? Nooooo, of course I wouldn't do such a thing
Off out tonight on a sort of date with an ex-colleague (very 'sort of' as I'm not at all sure this is wise) but it'll be a first step in putting Operation Trollop in to action, always assuming my courage doesn't fail me. Feeling all 'winter white' and less than attractive still so I'd like to get the fake tan out but bit worried about how my skin would react. Dare I risk it do you think?
Evening all 🙂
Just popped in to wish you well with your return to work tomorrow Cheryl, hope it isn't too much of a culture shock.
Pandorra you've made me snort with laughter again!