Hi ladies
I saw an old post on here last week about memort boxes and it has prompted me to start thinking about the unthinkable. I have obviously thought about starting a memory box for some time but simply cant face it. I cant really talk to my hubby or mum about it as they will think Im being negative and giving up but after reading biking girls post from a while ago, I dont want to leave it to a point where I am in a frantic panic. I am hoping to do it gradually and have already started planning what to put in and looking for nice boxes online. I also bought some books today from amazon, including the ‘no matter what’ book, which I will include in the box.
Facing this is difficult for any mum especially with younger children but my boy isnt even 2yrs old yet Im hoping treatment will be effetive and bide me some quality time (just had 2nd carboplatin yesterday) but this triple negative bc is a totally different beast to other bc’s and so far has proved resistant to surgery, chemo and rads. But I live in hope that there is treatment out there that will help me stick around for years as opposed to months.
Anyway, I feel that making a memory box for such a young child presents additional challenges as we havent got anywhere near enough memories together yet. Im also unsure about the birthday card thing as it might seem a bit wierd for him being so young.
Any suggestions would be great- Im obviously going to include pics of us together, a memory book, and other bits and bobs but would welcome advice especially from those in a similar situation
I might be coming from this from a different angle and have to remember that techology etc has moved on. But, I lost my mum to cancer when I was two and although that was 40 odd years ago the things I really wish is that I had a visual recording(films etc) of the two of us together. There is one piece of audio tape of us together and it’s one of my most treasured items. It’s a desperation to know her as a person and the relationship we had together. Other peoples impression of her just doesn’t fit the bill. So I’d say films of everyday interactions as well as special intimate moments of the two of you together.
I wish you all the very best and hope you have as much time as possible.
Oh Tina, I added to the post you mentioned when I noticed someone hadn’t realised bikinggirl had sadly passed away. I hope the thread may have given you some ideas. It’s such a hard, such a sad task although I know some people have found comfort from compiling their memory boxes. Perhaps you could include some written down memories of books, toys, programmes or games you and your little boy enjoy right now.
I’ve asked my sister to fill in stories of me as a child when I’m no longer here.
I hope your chemo is working well and you have much longer to take your time over this. Take Care…x.x.x
Definitely video footage of you both together, and your favourite perfume or bath/shower gel, to bring back the ‘smells’ of mummy. Such a difficult thing to do - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My father died when I was 5, and I really miss not knowing him. Video and audio recordings of you together would really help. Also I would have loved to know more about my father and his life, his likes and dislikes that sort of thing. So if you could write a little history of yourself etc. I really hope you have a long time together, but I think planning for the worst can give a real sense of achievement. Good luck with it and many it bring you some peace of mind - and take you a very long time.
A special letter for him to read when he is older perhaps.
My cousin bought a first watch for her little boy and had it engraved to xxx from Mummy.He was given it when he started school-she died when he was 3.
What a heartbreaking thing to plan…My dad died very suddenly when I was 13, which was horrific. I agree with dancing girl above about the video/audio recording, as I did have a tape of him I’d recorded one Christmas, which my son broke when he was a toddler! Very upsetting! I also agree with horace about the letter. A few special things perhaps. Photos definitely…hoping and praying this chemo.works for you.
I sincerely hope you have many years to plan and collect things. One thing I thought that I would do was get my old dressing gown made into cushions for them to cuddle at night. I have written each of them a bed time story, which is individually about them, telling them things I know about them and making them the main character. Just a couple of ideas.
Just remembered re-reading your thread that there was a prog. on a couple of years ago called “The Mummy diaries”, which was on channel 4 or Living,I think. I’ve seen it on On Demand, although I wasn’t sure if I should watch it given my own situ. It was about three women, I’d guess late 30s/early 40s with incurable cancer of various types, making up Memory boxes for their young kids. They had help from a woman from somewhere. (Not very specific, sorry!). Anyway, if you could bear to watch it maybe you could download it from somewhere online.
I was diagnosed with secondaries last week and have a 6 year old daughter. I too have started the unthinkable of searching online for memory boxes and what to include. It there is anyway we could perhaps support each other with ideas or thoughts please leave a meassage.
Hi ladies
thank you all for taking the time out to reply to my post I appreciate your suggestions + support. I’ve been feeling quite rough after Wednesdays chemo but have been Reading your responses. I must start getting our camcorder out at regular intervals- we have lots of great photos but very little on film so that’s the first thing I will address. I looked on winstons wish website last wk before posting on here- I am going to order a box from them + also they sell a nice boxof cards to just write little notes, etc on. I’m hoping I have plenty of time left but I think being prepared is the responsible thing to do.
There is a link to the ‘mummy diaries’ on the winstons wish website. I will try to build up the strength to watch it during the week. It won’t be easy to watch but I think I should…
Ruth- yes it would be nice to support each other through this but I hope you have many years left ahead of you still. Please send me a pm + we can share ideas x
Thanks again + fingers crossed my little dude won’t have to see the memory box for a good while yet.
I have been giving this a lot of thought recently. My mother died of cancer when I was 5 and ‘left me nothing’ It has haunted me for the last 35 yeasr.
My absolute priority is to start my daughters box , well ahed of time…i hope. My daughter is 6.
I love some of the ideas I have read on here. I thought of 2 others lying awake last night.
We recently went of a cruise and had some formal photos taken so I thought I woud leave the photos and posh frocks etc that I was waering in the phots.
Having a cast make of my hand so my daughter can place her hand in mine.
The shop Paperchase have some beautiul album, cards and journals too.
I have looked at several memory boxes on the internet and am sure none of them will be big enough!!! I like the idea of th wooden ones so they are hard wearing as I want Sophie to use it whenevre she wants.
I thought I would make a special one for my husband too,
Hi ruth
the hand cast idea is lovely + I will definately be looking into that. Are you getting it done professionally or are you buying one to do at home yourself? A lovely thought. I’ve also worried about the size + durability of the memory boxes I’ve seen online. I quite like the ones on winstones wish website as they have nice little compartments + drawers etc but they are not wood. Maybe we would be better getting one made especially?
Another idea for the box is a recordable story book- a neighbour bought dan one for his christening from m+s so I am going to record myself Reading the story- when I can face it. I’m coping ok with this ‘planning’ stage but I think I’ll fall to pieces once I actually make a start got to start this week it’s my goal…
Just had the camcorder out + will make a concerted effort to use it on a daily basis. After all that’s why we bought it before Xmas but it’s hardly been out the box…!
It would be lovely if you could get a conversation - if your toddler is old enough - even if it’s you reading a story and him making sounds and attempts at words. perhaps just leave camcorder/audio running and then keep particularly interactive bits between the two of you.
I also think the contents of the box are the important thing, rather than the box itself.
You have wonderful ideas and it does sound like you will be needing pretty big boxes
Have you considered the American idea of a cedar chest? My mother in law had one in which she kept all the momentoes of her own childhood, marriage and her children’s early years.
Ive just been looking at hand casts online and found a lovely one- its a do it yourself one and creates your hand holding your baby’s. Or the whole family’s hands can be cast. See link below…
My only concern would be making a total mess of it!! Think I’ll order the parent and baby holding hand kit and take a chance as its such a lovely idea.
So pleasd we have this thread I will look at the link. I have PM’d you Gingerbud.
Another idea was taking a special trip to The Bear Factory and choosing something together. (Photos of course) and then when we have gone its another link they have, to look after mummys bear.
No mother should ever need to think about this, it is the most awful, gutting, fracturing thing to bear.
wILL INVESTIGATE THE CEDAR CHEST. I have looked about an have seen what is described as Merchant Chests. They needn’t be too big but have several drawers in which could possibly be for different aspects of their life etc. Just a thought.
Im hoping treatment will be effetive and bide me some quality time (just had 2nd carboplatin yesterday) but this triple negative bc is a totally different beast to other bc’s and so far has proved resistant to surgery, chemo and rads. But I live in hope that there is treatment out there that will help me stick around for years as opposed to months.
I appreciate your suggestions + support. I’ve been feeling quite rough after Wednesdays chemo but have been Reading your responses. I must start getting our camcorder out at regular intervals- we have lots of great photos but very little on film so that’s the first thing I will address. I looked on winstons wish website last wk before posting on here- I am going to order a box from them + also they sell a nice boxof cards to just write little notes, etc on. I’m hoping I have plenty of time left but I think being prepared is the responsible thing to do.