Hiya Aeani,
I am so pleased you feel you are doing better than expected following your MX. I had mine 29/8. Yes, i agree the drain is the worse part. mine felt uncomfortable and it was difficult to sleep. I felt relieved when it came out. My pain and discomfort now is ok, and surprisingly much less then I expected at this point.
I do understand what you mean about not being able to pinpoint how you are feeling, the breast cancer trip is so enormous that I think it takes time to process and understand what we have been through. I think you should not force your feelings but just accept all feelings as they come, be they: fear, numbness, relief, sadness. You may find that you have many conflicting feelings. accept those too. This will help in your recovery. Do not let others 'talk you out of what you feel'. That is something we do not need.
In time hopefully, your emotions will settle. But, If you are finding it just too much, then there are many agencies that will support you and help to soothe some of the anguish and disorientation. They, too can help bring us to a brighter future. It may however, be slower than we would like.
Best Wishes
WS