Melt down in GPS!

[Rachy65]

Hi hun
Thank you for this..im meeting with my onc tomorrow..ill mention this to him.. am so weepy and low moods most days and I'm sure it's to do with the Arimadex x
I'm finding that the most helpful thing for me is having a workout at the gym xx

[Riehen]

Hi Rachael,  I hope you’re feeling a bit better now.  One of my friends had problems with anastrozole.  One brand of anastrozole (not sure which one) made her very weepy and depressed, but apart from aches and pains she is fine with Teva brand.  I have another friend who had problems with tamoxifen, it made her want to hit people.  She is fine taking Letrozole.

Best wishes....Christine

[Moijan]

Rachy, what methods are you currently trying, to be able to let go of this fear? And which ones have been the most useful?

Mx

[Rachy65]

Hi Janey 2..its a bit of a roller coaster isn't it? .had a couple of good days and then i start to worry about future again and what ifs etc..its a strange life now xx

[Janey2]

Hi Rachy. Mindfulness is very good but I would also ask about whether counselling is available via a local cancer charity if there is one?
Ann's suggestion a referral could be made to your local community mental health service by your GP is sound. They will be able to signpost to helpful services, but more importantly should be able to advise on possible interactions between medications. Antidepressants can make things feel worse initially. There are others they can suggest and also other hormone treatments (I swapped). Good luck with it all Xx

[Rachy65]

Thankyou so much Betty Boo. Its certainly a life changer isn't it?..I realise now I'm lucky to have had the onco, and at least a little reassurance that it came back low..I'm now planning to keep as busy as pos. Back to work within 2 months to keep the wheels of commerce churning lol..I've asked my partner if he wants to stay with me..explaining that I now have such an uncertain future..we have only been together 18 months and he is 15 years younger than me. He assures me that he does, but I of course have my doubts at times. He just says it's over with now and get on with things.
You ladies on here have all been mu god send and I don't know where I would be without you...thankyou so much x Rachael x

[Bottyboo]

Hi Rachael. I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of it all. I remember being at your stage a year ago. I wish I had been offered the oncotype test as I was marginal with one node positive. I've since found out you can have the test with one positive node. I chose to have chemo because originally they had told me I would definitely need it as I had a positive result on my initial lymph node biopsy. However one chat from my bcn sticks in my mind. She was totally straight with me and it's what made me decide to do my best to stop worrying about the future as it will eat into my time when I am well. She said that you can have a lady with the worst possible prognosis and 20 years later she's still around and fit and healthy yet another lady could have the best possible prognosis but it still returns quickly. Statistics are just that. They are not fact and are very out of date by the time they're published. Also we are not medical textbooks, nobody knows how each individual will fair. My best friend from school's mum suddenly started to get a really swollen tummy. Turns out it was fluid in her abdomen caused by ovarian cancer. Normally by this stage it is an incredibly poor prognosis. She had chemo and an operation. The type of chemo meant she didn't lose her hair. She is fighting fit and has had no more problems. This was when we were 14/15 and we're 50 now. Treatment was so primitive then compared to now too.
I know I'm rambling on but what you're feeling is entirely natural. I promise you it does get better. For me the best leveller was returning to work. I work in a primary school and only told my closest friends before I went off. The head teacher then had a meeting the day of my op and told all the staff I wanted to be treated normally. I returned this time last year as financially I had no choice. People treated me like I'd never been away. I have had a wobble again this holiday as have had my op on good boob to match and it's another reminder of what I've been through. However I know once I step back through those doors again on Monday life will be back to normal as far as everyone is concerned and that is just what I want.
Be gentle on yourself. Xxx

[Moijan]

Your gp sounds very good Rachy. He probably knows just what anxiety can do...I suspect GPs spend most of their time dealing with that xx

well done

Mx

[Rachy65]

Thankyou M.. I've had a better day today after realising I could not carry on the way I have been..think it was after th melt down last night. ! ..and the fact the doc have me 2 days worth of diazepam lol!! Xx Rachael

[Moijan]

Lastly Rachy, reading your post about the medics......to be really honest...its a no gamer trying to work out why they think we are more - or. Less likely to get recurrence...and honestly, that wont help you, not at all.

Although.....i agree...I do think a chat with the oncologist will help.....I was prescribed my anti oestrogens by an Onc, so I did have opportunities to ask all those questions......

This is easier said than done.....but try and travel hopefully...not expecting a recurrence. Just being yourself and make a few plans to do stuff you have been meaning to do, please, please, dont waste precious days worrying about things which might never happen.

Moijan💚💚💚

[Moijan]

Well done Rachy xx

i think we all understand not only where you are coming from, but where you currently are.

the others have given you really good suggestions....try out one at a time......you may be surprised about just how much better you feel.

i dont mind sharing that there are times when I really enjoy getting to a private space inside my mind.

sounds strange, I know, but when I can get there, its a haven. I would like to do it more often - but the mind does need that control...it can act like a wasp in a jam jar......you will find a way xx

very best wishes,

Moijan💚💚💚

[Rachy65]

Thankyou Mrs Merton..I'm hopefully going to increase with my mental well being over next 3 months, as I will have to return to work then.Try to learn a way of putting this to the back of my mind and continuing with life..I'm going to try get back into walking again thanks xx

[Ms Merton]

Sorry you found your visit to the GP upsetting.  He was obviously trying to empathise with you and reassure you that your reactions are normal but it came out wrong somehow! Oh dear, they try but I am amazed at how some medical professionals are talented at inadvertently upsetting patients.  But Oncologists are really good to talk to in my experience. I have anxiety esp medical phobia.  Not great when you have cancer! I have found counselling very helpful.  I also recommend yoga and reflexology - neither of which I would ever have tried before the BC.  Even a walk in the sunshine can be a tremendous mood lifter. Although I confess that on bad days I also buy shoes .... The anxiety will hopefully lessen for you over time as well. Take care xx

[Rachy65]

Thankyou Treeze. .I'm alot more calmer today. .I set myself a to do lost last night. .which I'm trying to follow..to give me purpose while I'm off work xx

[Treeze]

Hi Rachael hope you're having a better day.I had my share of down days, I found meditation tapes and music really helped to relax and destress me.I am quite fatalistic by nature and don't spend too much time worrying..in a.way I kind of assume it may well return so don't want to waste time worrying now.I had bc and 3 weeks after diagnosis they discovered kidney cancer too so had 2 ops to remove kidney and lump and 18 lymph nodes.I had 4 months off work which I needed but as I'm on my own I had to return as soon as I could.

[ann-m]

Hi Rachy,
You're so right, also glad to hear you've got the appointment with the oncologist. Being able to talk it through & focus on the facts as well as looking at mindfulness approaches in managing anxiety as Moijan & Rhona suggest, should help you to move on & put it in its proper place.
very best wishes with it all
ann x

[RhonaBoat]

Hi Rachael

I was diagnosed on 28th June invasive ductal, no node involvement, grade 3 Her 2 positive. I had WLE, therapeutic mammoplasty, symmetry reduction and SNB on 6th July and then margin shave 8th August. I start chemo next week.

I'm feeling pretty good at the moment as think the mindfulness allows me, not to ignore my thoughts, but to acknowledge them, but put them to the side for a bit and that helps reduce the worry.

I hope you can access the mindfulness if you think it would be helpful.

Rhona xx

[Rachy65]

Thankyou Rhona..I may try to contact them to see if this may be available to me. How are you doing? Was your diagnosis a while ago? I'm planning on going back to work in about 2 month.. (its a necessity), so I need to put my plans to br more or active actually into practice x Rachael x

[RhonaBoat]

Hi

I hope you don't mind me sharing my experience of mindfulness. I was struggling with some issues around how my diagnosis was initially communicated to me, which made me think it didn't sound that serious, but turned out to be grade 3 and Her 2 positive. I felt very angry about this for several weeks and this was making me more reactive emotionally than normal, including a small meltdown after a second surgery for a margin shave. However, I saw a mindfulness practitioner at Macmillan who I have just started to work with very recently. After, just a short time the mindfulness has made me feel much calmer and more able to deal with my thoughts and emotions. xx

[Rachy65]

Hi M and Anne..thankyou for that. I feel that meltdown was needed.reflecting on it this morning, it has sort of shocked me into really trying today to change a few things.
My "sticking point" has been questioning the logic behind the medics placing me in "low risk of recurrence" after onco trst came back low. .even though I had a large tumour..I have sat baCK and thought about it. I now need to believe them and get on with my life as best as possible.
I have been so unfair pm my partner and mother, who have only been trying to help .
My lovely Bc nurse has booked me in to see the oncologist, as I have never seen one yet, to fully explain the onco result etc.
Thankyou so much for your support. .Rachael x

[Moijan]

Yes Ann...that is a very good idea. And I think Rachy might get some useful tips and help from them.

Rachy -you are not alone - most of us have had very frightening health issues to deal with, even tho we might sound very calm on here.

im afraid there IS no Quick  Fix.....for anxiety. We have to Learn how to Manage it. Each of us may do this differently as we are all different.  

I think I did suggest trying mindfulness......one way of doing that is by taking slow, long deep breaths...you can mentally count each in and out breath. Up to a count of ten...then begin again.

As you practice this, you will find that you are able to do it for longer periods. As your mind starts wandering away and panicking - start counting again. This really works...but you do need to take control over it.

i really hope this helps whilst things start to settle down for you

Best Wishes, Moijan💚💚💚

[ann-m]

Hi Rachy,
Sorry to hear you're going through this.
Just a thought, is it an idea to have a referral to your local mental health team anyway, as they have the necessary expertise to help & are more expert than the gp in medication issues.
Do hope you'll feel better soon.
Sending hugs
ann x

[Rachy65]

Sorry folks. .for being a bit neg again!!..just went to my GPS for a bit of support,I came out a bit duscruntled! ..told him I'm on a megga downer and suffering from tremendous anxiety..I'm on arimadex which seems to be sending me potty and so depressed.
He wasn't much help really and said that he would feel the same if he had had my diagnosis.. (which didn't really help)
I'm also on mitasapene,anti depressant..which doesn't seem to be doing much..can anyone offer support with this? ..he asled me if I needed the psychiatric intervention team!..he made me feel worse after saying I'm in a helpless situation. .need change my gp!..Sorry for rant. .Rachael xx