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Mixed Bag

Community Champion

Re: Mixed Bag

Man up! Really? What a plonker. I guess he's past his sell by date if he can't relate to patients better than that. You don't need to apologise for your behaviour, or explain yourself . He on the other hand.....and no, he's not a nice guy! Hopefully you don't need to see him again, if you do take some one with you. Fortunately not all are like him, thank goodness, and I'm really sorry you experienced that. Big hugs. X

Re: Mixed Bag

Regrettably I've met quite a few surgeons who have the people skills and empathy level of a water biscuit. I've come to accept the reason they're surgeons is that they're better at dealing with people when they are unconscious.  Oncologists by contrast tend to be wonderful warm, kind people.  Do keep an eye on your collarbone pain and if it persists insist it is investigated because you do have lymph nodes up there. Unlikely to be a problem if you had clear SNB but never be afraid to make a fuss. I've learnt in this game that sometimes you have to be willing to make yourself a bit unpopular to get the level of care you need, which is a shame and v difficult when you are feeling emotional. Don't worry, we've all been where you are now emotionally but know that it passes eventually and you become more resilient again.  Hope you don't have to have chemo but if you do it's not that bad and passes quicker than you'd think. Take care. Xxx

Re: Mixed Bag

Thank you ladies. I really struggle between taking his words for good advice and telling myself I need to stop feeling sorry for myself to wanting to ball my eyes out and screaming "you don't understand!" to everyone in my house. Melodramatic, I know, but for one who hates drama, I'm feeling rather dramatic.


I wonder if he saw me crying whether he would have rectified what he said. He'd just examined me and walked back round the curtain when I asked if he wanted to see where the pain in my chest is when he said his most comforting words. The BC nurse looked at me and could see I was upset but he'd gone by that point so she made an off the cuff comment about smacking him later for me but didn't seem to recognise how devastating it made me feel despite the leaky eyes. Just bundled me out the door with a comment about some more waiting (now got to wait for the Oncotype DX result to know if I have to do chemo).


It just kinda feels that the people closest in my life are expecting me to be jumping up and down with joy right now. I am over the moon that the margins and nodes are clear but feel I'm an emotional mess on the inside whilst have to be a rock for everyone on the outside. Writing that down I guess it's not a total shock that two silly little words may have made my head explode slightly.

Re: Mixed Bag

Sending hugs MamaBear, don't care if your surgeon was being 'humerous' - when he saw your reaction he could have rectified the situation and made you feel better.  I think you've done wonderfully well and it's no surprise that all sorts of things will make you go under at this time, doesn't matter that at other times you may have been able to cope - at this time you can't. There are all sorts of ups and downs - don't always try and be the strong one, sometimes you just have to let it all out.  I can well remember many 'duvet days' when I just hid in my bed, letting life wash over me, then felt better and able to cope again.  I'm now 2 years on, and can tell you that you will get there and put this behind you - but this is very early days for you, take time for you. Cat Happyxxx

Sue C
Community Champion

Re: Mixed Bag

Hi Mama-bear

I think surgeons forget they are dealing with real people at times!

But what I really want to do is tutt, and say 'men'!! No idea!

I am not surprised you feel low. You're coping with the diagnosis and recovering from surgery. You need as much support as possible. Give your BCN a call and talk things through with them.

Sending a hug xx

Mixed Bag

Apologies for the essay in advance Smiley Happy

I was diagnosed with 34mm, grade 2 Invasive Ductal BC at the end of May. My family took it really hard, I think more so because I'm under 40 so spent a month holding everyone together and being really positive about the prognosis and treatment planned with my WLE and SNB on the 30th June, a week and a half ago.

I went back to the hospital today to get the results of what was removed and it was all good news, clear margins and clear nodes. Yippee! Sigh of relief.


My surgeon, who is lovely and an up beat type of guy, asked if I was healing OK. Told him the two wounds were healing well, had no problems but had a pain at the top of my chest, under my collarbone which can get quite bad. My surgeons response to that, word for word, was. "Man up!"


I appreciate my surgeon hasn't been at home with me over the last week and a half when I've had to just get on with life instead of resting because my husband can't cope with having to do everything I do around the house and for the kids. He's also not seen me in various degrees of pain and tiredness because I find it difficult to get comfortable and sleep. He's also not aware of having to take a trip to A&E with my 14 year old last Friday by ambulance which ended up with both of us staying in overnight (in the stress of it all I forgot to grab my pain meds so had to be booked in myself so they could give me some paracetamol in the hospital while treating her) but the one thing I mentioned, the one thing that wasn't on the list of pain to expect.....and he tells me to man up like I'm a hypochondriac. I wont lie, it made me feel stupid and like the inners of a babies nappie.


I appreciate most people will presume I'm being over sensitive and that he meant it in a jokey manner, like my husband, but since this whole journey started two and a half months ago, I have never felt this low. I don't want to sound ungrateful for what he has done but I figured some of you lovely ladies may understand the blow that it was.

OK, rant over. Sorry about that.