74.2K members
1.2M posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

42 REPLIES 42
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

lily...I look out for your comments, so glad your now feeling you have some help, must say my hubbies been and still is being brill.
Sorry your Mum can't help or cope, maybe someday soon, when things are less stressful you two may become close again....sending hugsxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Finally accepted that my mum doesnt want to no. My husband has taken some time off work, and it has made everything sooooo much easier. my hubby is an absolute star,financially not good but will look into benefits.
brooktop, thankyou for your comments, sounds like you have your hands full with 2 little ones. mine have been great for a distraction, and have helped me to just get on with things

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lily - sorry to hear of your problems. The feeling of loneliness must be over-whelming. My wife is just 32 and we found out 3 weeks ago she has BC. I've been a wreck but getting a bit more strength now I'm coming to terms with it and we know what the treatment plan is ie mastectomy, lymph node removal...followed by Chemo.

We have a 9 month old and a 3.5 yr old and they have been my wife's focus. She has been so strong, I just hope I can be as strong as possible to support her through the hard times ahead.

We're in Nottingham so I can't comment on help in Leamington Spa, but I believe my wife is applying for some incapacity benefit (I think). If we get it, we plan to use it for a cleaner/ironing. Is that a possibility for you? I know it's not much...but every little helps.

I do hope that all these fantastic, supportive ladies on this site are giving you a bit of moral support.

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lily, so sorry things arn´t improving for you, I really wish I could help out, I`m in a different country let alone county.

I would type up a draft and e-mail to the papers, radio stations, but first send CC`s to all the authorites, You might find you get a different response, sometimes they have to know you mean business!!

Try to keep your chin up I know easier said than done!

Oh I found out yesterday starting 6 to 8 sessions of Chemo, first one Thursday!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Take care,

Love Teresa

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilythepink

I take it you are from Leamington? I'm sure that someone knows someone who can help. I've sent an email to my sister-in-law (now in NZ) who I'm hoping knows someone who can help you out.

I think that somepeople are frightened to admit what you are going through and don't realise what treatment does to the body, they are in denial.

with love

Wizz

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilythepink,
I am so sorry that the help is not there for you. I just want to get in my car and come and give a hand. It must be hard having young children to cope with, mine are older and can fend for themselves if they have to. As for the Mum thing I have seen mine twice since my op 8 weeks ago, and one of those was after my sister who lives in australia had a go at her, then she came up and critised the fact that the dusting hadn't been done and the laundry room needed hoovering, I just about managed to keep my temper!!.
Notice your post was early morning are you not sleeping?
Perhaps you should go to the papers and the local radio,
All the best Liz xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

no homestart in south warwickshire, nearest one rugby, and they are not prepared to travel to leamington, i have begged surestart, health visitor,crossroads, family services, children services, i am going to have to go to newspapers to name and shame this so called help. Emailed mom as was too scared to phone, no response to email, so time to move on time t

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi, have you looked into homestart? they should be able to help you pm me when you get this i maybe able to sort something out honestly!

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Lily,did you text your mum? God if I was anywhere near you, I would be pleased to help you.I feel so bad for you and unfortunately I do know about the lack of support from your family,mine are exactly the same.I really don,t know how you young mums cope with your little ones.my big ones were bad enough.lol.You keep on threatening social services and follow it through if they don,t do anything for you.Personally,I think they are a waste of time but you never know.

(((((((hug)))))))

Ann

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilyinpink, I have just caught your posting and my heart is crying out for you.
I know how you feel though, i have a 3 10 and 12 yo and my family have not been to see me once and phone calls and texts are very very rare. I know my mum is having a hard time with my dad who has dementia but a phone call or tx dosn't take much.If it wasn't for my inlaws who i didn't really get on with prior to last year i don't know where i would be now they have been a godsend staying with me for my worst weeks while i coped with the s/e of tax. Keep fighting to get help and email your family...fingers crossed.

Gina xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Nice to see you back lily, just done get to bogged down, hubby needs to take some of the stress and strain..and let your Mun know you love her, but you are really struggling....hugs to youxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Out of hospital now, Hubby had to take time off to look after kids, it was a relief for him when i got home as the little monkeys had been playing him up,

I have threatened social services if they dont sort out some help for me i am going to go to the papers, even if they do sort something it is not likely to be for another 6 weeks. Will keep you posted.

Going to email my mum, i know if i phone her i will just cry, and i dont want that. So atleast its done then

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

were all worried not like u lily to not b on line . you must b in hospital hope your ok. remember" we have cancer it dusnt have us "!!!!!! xxxxxxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hey Lily, if you get a chance can you let us know you're OK? As I've already said we are all here for you, and you know you can PM me anytime.

Love and hugs

She xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilythepink

How on earth have you kept going so long without support?? You shouldn't have to beg your mother for help - perhaps she just does not understand what you need, it sounds as though, like my mother, she is just so frightened by all of this she does not know what to do! I shouted at my mum when she came to see me and she didnt come back for days, but I just told her why I felt like I did and she started to come round again. I really dont think they understand how it really is and are to frightened of losing us to really look at it. I am sure if she knew what help you needed then she would be able to help. I think sometimes they are just scared of doing the wrong thing. I am doing this without the added responsibility of two small children, surely she would be willing to help you with them??
I am really sorry I cant offer any practical help, but if you would like to talk things through then please please feel free to pm me and I would willingly lend an ear if that would help?

Dena x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi, I´m really worried about Lily it sounds like she really needs help, I know she lives in Leamington Spa, it tells you on her profile, unfortunately i´live in Spain!!! No bloody good to Lily, but If you do read this lily let some of these women help you, thats why we are all here!
Luv and hugs Teresa xxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Lilythepink honey, if we can help you there are bound to be some of us who will. If you can tell us where you live, someone will be able to offer some support
sending love
monica xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Friends/neighbours, someone must help you..have you done all the suggested contacts?...you have to put yourself first for a while, can you go stay with a friend, family member...Dad will cope with the children then maybe he will understandd your struggle...what area do you live in, maybe even one of us could offer some practical help

...hugsx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hey lilythepink, just wanted to echo what the gorgeous Rozita has said.

You know that we are all here for you too huni - just wish we could give you a hug ((()))

Shenagh xx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

oh my god u poor thing wonderd how u were doing after chemo u havnt been on why r u in hospital? no wonder u cant cope my advice is what hav u got t lose!!! if they let u down this time then dont even bother again surely no one could do that. let us know whats happening lots of love rozita xxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

should i phone my mum and beg her to help, my chemo going ok. but have been in and out of hospital abit, in hospital at mo. kids missing me (lily 5. dan 2) hubby doing best. the kids need stability, and i need some help.
my mum knows i have had two ops and going through chemo. so do my brothers and sisters. but they havent contacted me since november.
In november my mom came to stay then sneaked off home without telling me, i had shouted at her because i was scared.
Dont know what to do, not sure can cope with rejection again, while going through chemo

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Lilythepink,

Sorry to be so blunt about this but if you don't share your burdens with someone soon and stop missing appointments you won't be fit to look after your kids or worry about your mortgage. Please pick up the phone to MacMillan and make it a priority. They are there 24hrs.

Jan xx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Just read you post.... you have worries that you really don't need at the mo...but lifes a bugger and things happen!
Your OH is probably very scared ( some men have a funny way of showing they care) and he's probably also worried about the business.
Your mum is probably the same ( mine was very similar when I was very ill).
Time to phone homestart/social services/ dr or in our area we have a great organisation called Family & friends. You need support in all directions. Try not to struggle alone.
Thinking of you..

Bethy xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

lilythepink

Leave home!!! What, as in kicking you out?

Have you managed to contact any of the help listed on previous postings. You sure need it!!

Good luck. Ann x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

was really trying to be positive, but had to cancel appointment with consultant re results on lymph nodes as hubby forgot and agreed to work have no help with kids or shop, so carnt go. he then asked me to leave home when i got upset about it.
wouldnt mind so much but spent 2 hours today begging the building society to be symathetic as cannot afford to pay mortgage as paying staff

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilythepink,

None of us deserves this sweetheart, please don't be so hard on yourself. The others have given good advice about contacting the people who can help you. I know it's hard to ask for help, especially when you have people close who should be doing it. My husband has buried his head in the sand and carries on as if everything is normal. It makes me feel I can't ask anyone else for help because he should be doing it. But, I've found that once you get over it and ask people they are pleased to be able to do things for you. MacMillan and the District Nurse (Health Visitor in England, I think) have been wonderful. They have clout and all the right contacts. If you haven't already, please find the strength to contact them.

PS. they won't mind if you have a hard time talking about it without crying.

Jan xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

It seems that your priority is to get some rest. What about contacting like others have said, your health visitor,GP, social service etc for how you can get temporary help and if the children are at school, contact the headteacher and ask if she could see if any other parents could help take them or take them home after school etc. My experience is that people are very willing to help if they know you need it - they tend to stand back and not ask unless they know you well in case you are offended but if they know, they will help. As for your Mum, families often do the most peculiar things just when you need them most for all sorts of reasons. Leave you Mum to her own devices at the moment and she may come round depending on why she deserted you.

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lilythepink,
Loads of us would love to help out - where do you live?
Karen xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hello Lilythepink
my heart really does go out to you. Please contact your health visitor and tell her how things really are, you need practical help right now. I also agree that talking to your GP for some psychological help would be useful, your first comment about 'deserving' this in some way does concern me. You don't deserve this, honey, you deserve support to get through it. There are people who can and will help you. It might be worth letting us know the area you live in as people from your local area may know of helpful organisations. I wish you real fast improvements to your situation and I know others on this site feel the same, please keep talking to us
much love
monica xxx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hello Lilythe pink
I was so sorry to read your post. I'm due to have a MX on the 7th December and am dreading it. I am lucky enough to have friends and family who have offered to help but at the day's end I will still be a single mum with two kids, one of whom is a hectic toddler.

My heart goes out to you and I hope you do contact your health visitor etc. Mine's been great at helping me apply for some free childcare places. I may not get it but it's worth a try. Definitely see your GP for their advice too. Getting over major surgery like this is hard enough but if you're not being looked after and have to run around after your children, how on earth does anyone around you expect you to heal?!!

I hope and pray that life gets better for you soon.

XXX

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi lilly
Oh my goodness you are having a rough time, how do you ladies cope with this nightmare and look after small children. Where do you live? If you are anywhwere near norwich we could meet for coffee and a chat, I have just moved here, friends are very thin on the ground for me too, we moved 2months before i was diagnosed with breast cancer. I have my op next tues 24th, having double mastectomy, absolutley terrified!! I have found this forum to be very friendly and helpful. You have already had lots of good advice on here, people are here to help as much as possible, i would definatley help if you are in my area.
Take care and please try to get some rest, you need it.
Tracey. xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Less of that talk young lady xxxxxxxxx
love guess who xxxxxx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi Lily,

you are clearly feeling very low and in need of lots of support, emotional as well as practical. I'm sending you a big hug and wish I could do more. Rock bottom is a desperate place to be and saying that the only way is up sounds terribly trite but it is true. You really need the time to recover and I hope that your husband can take over the childcare and household duties this weekend to allow you to rest completely otherwise you'll make yourself ill.

You've already had lots of advice as to who to contact for help. I would willingly help of you're in my area, my children are older now. You can always talk to us here.

Please take care and look at my name!

xx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

You obviously need some practical help-how old are the children?Are they at school or nursery?if not ask your health visitor for advice on getting some daycare to help.Can you ring your mum?If she helped for 2 days she may be willing to come part of the time when your OH is at work next week.Where do you live?Is there a church support group that could help?Maybe the library would know.Good luck-all will be well eventually and we are here and will do what we can.
Love Valx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Thanks i will ring them tomorrow,

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

I will give them a ring in the morning, thanks. My life doesnt allow any time for me, as i have the children, my own business and alot of other complications, but my husband is helping with my business tomorrow and hopefully my friend can watch one of my children so i can have a morning respite make the phone call take some painkillers and try to rest.

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi lilythepink

I am sorry to read you're having such tough time at the moment. As well as the support you are receiving from the other users please do give the BCC helpline a call. Here you can share your feelings and concerns with one of our trained members of staff who will offer you a listening ear as well as support and information. The helpline is open tomorrow from 9am to 2pm and again Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. The number to call is 0808 800 600.

I hope this helps.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Lily, so sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment. Can you speak to your doctor about how bad you are feeling. It sounds as though you may be depressed (and no blooming wonder) and maybe he could give you something to relax you a bit, which may help you sleep at night. I'm so sorry your mum has left you to it, maybe she's struggling to see her 'little girl' suffering, but she could have tried a bit harder.

The helpline on here is very good, although I think they may be closed over the weekend.

You say that friends are thin on the ground, well just remember you have hundreds of new friends on here. There is always someone to talk to, whatever time of day or night.

Hang in there. You will get through this, but it will take time.

Sending lots of love

She xxx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi, things sound very rough for you, dont want to preach but if your hubby wants you well you have to rest in order to heal, thoughts with you I could not manage with this journey with young children to look after,

I have a little pink budda , they say if you rub his belly and wish all will be well, I will rub his belly for you to night.

take care...you are number one in this.

xx

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Hi
What can I say? Things can only get better because from what you have said - they can't get any worse. I think you will find lots of friends on this web site. They can't help you physically but can offer moral support. You can also use this site to let off steam - and that helps. Try taking one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
God bless.
Liz

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

Oh bless you, you sound so so sad...wish I could help....your husband must understand what your going through, make him see...please get some rest......gawd I don't even know you but my heart is so sad for you.....I really wish I could help...shout if you just need to talk..hugsxxxx

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

macmillan are very good at times like this.
they are not only there for the end of life stages but throughout cancer from the start. i'm sure you could get some help and support from them
all the best and hugs too
debi xx

Guest user
Not applicable

Mum deserted me, friends thin on the ground

I think you must get what you deserve in life, i am battling cancer, and ongoing kidney problems, my mum has deserted me after 2 days helping with the kids(the first time ever), friends are thin on the ground, my husband wont accept any help from anyone. I have just got out of hospital after surgery and have had no time to rest. I have begged Homestart, any any organisation going for help with my children to no avail.
I have hit rock bottom, they say the last thing to come out of pandoras box is hope, but there is no hope