Mum was first down this morning for her mastectomy. Because she has lobular they have located some of the cancer, but the doctor says there is another suspicious area that they won’t know for sure what it is until they open her up. They were hoping for a partial mastectomy. Nipple being removed and a reconstruction on both breasts, but if this turns out to be worse than expected the whole breast will go and there will be no reconstruction for the time being until after chemo.
I am sitting here going through all these silly thoughts on my head, and sitting here imagining what there doing to my lovely mum. Its been nearly five months since the cancer was dx as they tried to shrink it with Letrozole first. It took me a month or two to get my head around it, and then life kinda continued. But today it seems like its all brand new again. Like the day I first found out. Feels really raw.
She is at the Marsden in Sutton so is in good hands. I was determined that I would not visit her today, but there is apart of me that wants to jump in the car this afternoon and see that shes ok.
That will be too soon though won’t it, she wont be upto visitors today rather than my dad as the surgery is four hours long.
Hi Jules - This will be a really hard day for you, thinking about your mum and feeling so helpless. Even if your mum is not up to visitors today, it might be that your dad would appreciate moral support from you, and your mum might even appreciate a very quick “hello” - at least it would put your mind at rest. Good luck to you and your mum. Let us know how things go. Sarah x
Thank you Sarah, I have decided I am going. I rang the Marsden up and they have said there is absolutely no reason why I should not pop up and see mum. I feel I need to see her (providing there are no complications and the operations isnt longer ofcourse) This day has been a long time coming, and my emotions are all over the place today. When she was on the Letrozole although she was having treatment, it wasnt obvious, I could almost try to forget she was ill. But now there is no pretending now she has had surgery and all the things like chemo etc in the future.
So glad that you are going, she is lucky to have a loving, concerned daughter, and I am sure that, together, you will all get through this difficult time and that you will help your mum get through the coming treatments. xx
I had bilateral mastectomy so the op was more than 4 hours but I was really happy to see people at the end of it, you may find she’s not as bad as you think I was apparently joking with the recovery team but that’s me and I am still in my 30s. I would just see what she wants and how she feels, you never can tell.
Hope it all went really well. It was the scariest day for me out of all of this and still is. Glad it’s done (wimp when it comes to surgery) so I’m not surprised you feel raw… As we kept saying … this too shall pass, and it will and then the healing can begin… for all of you.
jules the first people i saw when i came round were my two daughters ,although i dont remeber what i said to them it was lovely to see them there .and i think it helped them as well to see me ok . wishing you and your mum well .catch up soon .let us know how she is ,seems like a full mastectomy is on the cards then ? lynn x
Thank you so much ladies your all wonderful. My sister will probably come too, we are both so concerned about mum. Mum said something to me not long after she was dx and that she feels blessed to have been surrounded all of her life by people that really love her and that me and my sister and the most precious things in the world to her. I had to come off the phone quickly as I was crying. I love my mum so much and just want her to be well and happy.
And Aroma, there is a good chance there will be a full mastectomy from what the doctors have said this week.
I went to see mum and she was better than I expected. Very tired but quite with it. I expected her to be a Zombie. I have never been to the Marsden before and I found it particularly upsetting seeing so many cancer patients in one go. The lady in the bed next to my mum was very poorly. It really really hits you just how cruel and horrible bloody cancer is. There is a kind of calmness over the hospital. I can’t explain what I mean, but not the hustle and bustle of normal hospitals, as in it was peaceful and quiet. (The hospital I had my lumpectomy in was a general hospital and was so noisy). People are not allowed to use there mobile phones on the ward which is good as people need there rest. Again in my hospital I came around from surgery to two women in the beds opposite having loud conversations on their mobiles, which I personally think is wrong.
Mum had a partial mastectomy today and a reconstruction with back muscle and and a reduction of the good breast to make them the same. She was quite with it but she looked so pale and weak and it made me want to protect her from anything and everything, it was horrible seeing my lovely mum like that. At one point one of her machines went off, it was nothing serious but it made me jump and I was worried that something was going wrong, but it was nothing to worry about.
I stayed an hour and a half with hubby and dad and she seemed to really appreciate us all being there. Thank you ladies for encouraging me to go, I am so glad that I did go today and not wait until tomorrow. She kept trying to sit up to have a drink so I held some black tea to her mouth and gave her a straw and she managed to drink it. I was worried she would try and hold the cup and scald herself. I took her up some nice flowers and so did my dad. I arranged them into three vases for her and they really cheered her up and brightened the place up.
Now the nitty gritty. They have warned us that they wont know until they do the pathology whether they have enough margins and whether her nodes are affected.
If the margins are not enough they will have to take her back in and take the rest of the breast off, so more surgery. Again they have said there is a good chance she will need chemo and defo rads. She said she wasn’t in any pain, but she was having morphine in a drip!!! We had only been there ten mins (an hour after she got back from surgery) and she was going I think I will be fine to go home Saturday!!! I said mum you have only just come back from theatre lets wait and see.
She started to fall asleep a bit so we left, and my sister will be going in tonight. I am glad the surgery is over, but I feel its the start of lots of big things now, it has become real and I felt really sad. I took my time entering the ward because I was worried I was going to start blubbing, but I managed not too! The sadness of the whole situation is what really gets me, I just want my lovely mum to be well and immortal I guess.
Hi Jules
glad you managed to see your mum. fingers crossed for the results to be good. we are all thinking of you and your family and wish you all the best. hope tomorrow brings a better day for her with good news. I can only imagine what you are going through. it must be so hard.
will be thinking of you and watching for the good news
deb x
hi jules,
Glad your mum’s operation went as well as expected…and that you went to see her.
Like you say now is the next waiting game…waiting for pathology results…and then finding out the next course of treatment.
Know what you mean about a ‘’ peacefulness about the hospital’‘…when I have visted friends on the oncology ward there is less hustle and bustle…I actually had my WLE on a gynae’ ward as my surgeon liked his ladies to go to that ward as it was smaller and quieter.
Hope your mum feels better tomorrow…I know your probably not going to sleep much tonight for worrying…we are all thinking of you and your mum.
Thankyou Debs and Karen. She is such a trouper. She has gone through hours of surgery and she was acting as if it was nothing. I am so proud of her, and the way she never moans or complains about anything. She seems to think she can come home on Saturday!!! (her opinion, not the docs) She is almost totally deaf now, and said today that is harder to deal with than the cancer.
We will have to wait two weeks to find out if the margins are ok, or whether she will need the rest of the breast removed. I didnt sleep much last night so feel absolutely drained, but feel so glad I got a chance to see her today. I shall be up there again tomorrow lunch time and hope she will be up and not in any pain. I have heard mixed things on pain after mastectomy. A few say there is a bit of pain but most of you ladies seem to say the pain can be controlled by paracetamol, so I am hoping mum will be the same (not that she would let on if she was in pain!!!) I kept saying to her, make sure you squeeze the morphine pump if you need to mum, I was worried she wouldnt use it if she needed it. She still asks me bless her if I have pain from my lumpectomy, which was nothing compared to what she has gone through, but thats her through and through. I know I go on about her being this and that but to me she is the most perfect person in the world, and everyone who meets her agrees.
I completely understand how you must have felt about seeing your Mum. I also felt like that - a feeling of dread - first 2 weeks ago when she had a lumpectomy and Sentinal Nodes taken. Then this week when she had the rest of the nodes taken. She looks fine - really well, in fact she is home after only 2 days (she said the “old faggots” next to her were snoring their “bloody heads off” and mooching around at 3am!!) She was the youngest there in her 50’s. Shes quite a character and also she is a nurse. I ended up belly laughing at her stories. She said that the physio lady came and got them into a group. Then asked what there occupations were. MUm thought the old ladies wouldnt leave her alone if they knew she was a nurse so she said that she worked in Boots instead!!
Back to reality though, we have to wait now to see how many more nodes are affected. I pray none, but I do know there may be a few.
The worst thing for me is thinking of my poor Mum having chemo if she needs it. She is being really tough now that she has got most of her head around it. But I asked her a simple question and she had tears in her eyes. It hurts.
I have used almost all my holidays up now, and I dont know how I can let her go the 25 mile motorway trip alone for the treatment, maybe she wouldnt be allowed to drive - I dont know. Also she is our little son’s childminder 3 days a week, so we may have to consider nursery for a while. Now my mind is wandering again, and as my sister says, take every day as it comes, and we will cross the hurdles as they come.
Bless you and bless your Mum too. You will get through it. It sounds like you are a strong family and your Mum has a great support network. As a lady on here told me, make sure you look after yourself too - its hard to think about anything else though isnt it?
hi jules, thank god its over for now and your dear mum can recover safely,you really are a caring daughter and i know from what my own daughters have told me the fear when you see a loved one in hospital is awful,but your mum sounds strong, and has a wonderful family to support her ,and whatever comes she will have your support to get through it,my own daughters were my rock ,my eldest especially,youngest was only 16 at the time and goung through gcses,every appointment i had she was with me even sitting through chemo treatments, .god will give you the strength you all need ,and you will soon have your mum back with you ,it will not be an easy ride in the next few months but you will get through it together .wishing you all the love and hope .lynn xx
thank you Suzy for your nice message. I have been rolling with laughter at your mum telling calling them old faggots lol she sounds such a character! And yes she was correct to pretend she worked in Boots (mind you they could have started asking about drugs etc lol) but seriously she was right as some people in hospital, or in general usually the ones who have nothing much wrong with them moan about every ailment and make a big deal out of it. I had a lady in the bed next to me with problems going to the loo, and all she went on about was how ill she had been and every operation she had had in her life in great detail!!! I was preying to get out of there asap!!! I do believe, and I know I keep saying it but its the people with real things to worry about that say nothing and the ones with not much who go on about rubbish. I have people on my facebook who are constantly down about the weather, and I am thinking for gods sake find something serious to worry about and stop whinging about a bit of rain!!
I can totally understand your mum getting so sad about the chemo, I think it will really hit my mum if she has to take that route. She told me the day before the operation she had ten mins of sheer horror and then she was fine. I really hope your mum continues to make good progress and gets the good results that she deserves sweetie will you keep me posted with her progress. I am sorry that you have such a journey and are trying to work. I don’t drive so practically I am not much good to mum, but my dad and my sister between them make sure you gets to her appointments, (my hubby is fantastic though so would take time of so we could take her if it was needed) but it must be a worry for you, but I am sure the hospital will help you if you tell them your worries and fears.
Give your mum my best wishes and I will be adding her to my concerned ladies list (there are a few on there).
ps you sound like a lovely caring daughter, and mum will be so happy to have you.
Thanks Lynn, you are a good friend and always say the right things. I would do anything for my mum and so would my sister. Mums are precious like diamonds and are to be treated like royalty and nothing less. I am pleased your girls were supportive to you, they will have been and still be very worried about there mum being so ill. I think the thing that really hit me was her being in a cancer hospital. It really hit me like a thunder bolt how ill she was, and that she had cancer. I have never seen so many people with cancer in one go, and that in itself was very overwhelming but also humbling as a few chatted to me and were so cheery and friendly which was so nice.
Thanks again for your friendship Lynn, its really appreciated.
Ps mum got up to the loo with my sisters help last night, (typical of her, probably held so she wouldnt have to use a bed pan and bother the nurses)!! When I was giving her a drink by a straw she said I dont want to drink to much incase I need the loo! I said mum just ask the nurses, thats what there there for (to help and care for you)!!!
We are off to the Marsden today at 2 to see her today.
hi jules .how was your mum today? a lot brighter i hope ,and yes she should ask the nurses to take her to the tiolet ,drinking is essential after surgery. i know when i first went i was like a tottering baby! especially as i had to carry 2 drains with me .always used to joke to the other ladies that i was the milkman and how many did they want today!lol!! was a great relief to have them removed though even if it took 4 goes to have them drained before they were actually removed . hope your mum continues to recover ok and dont let her do too much too soon ,baby steps!!! big hugs to all .love lynn xx
My mum is so naughty!!! I had to report her to the nurses!! I said mum did you sleep well last night and she said no, and I said why not. She replied “well i was bursting for the toilet, but everyone was asleep and I didn’t want to be a nuisance and ring the buzzer, so I waited until the nurse came in the morning to do the obs”!!! I was so upset that she lay there for hours in discomfort rather than be a nuisance, I said mum thats what there there for! The nurse who I told, told her off and said she would get a urine infection if she was not careful. I have told mum that if she needs to go in again I am going to ring the ward and warn them what she is like. I know she is caring and doesnt want to be a nuisance, but she makes me cross the way she suffers when she doesnt need too. She also didnt get any pain relief because she wasn’t using the pump proplerly. Anyway she was up out of her bed and sitting on her chair today and seem bright and perky. She had her make up on and had some colour in her cheeks. It looks like she might get home tomorrow (prob because she never asks for anything they think she is fine)!!!
A lovely thing happened this afternoon at the hospital. A lady from here called Dawn, I think Dawnhc were her initials, sorry if I have the wrong Dawn, and I am sorry I seemed so shocked when you turned up. But anyway this lovely lady from these forums called into see mum and brought her a card and stayed and chatted for a while. What a lovely lovely thought and so kind, it was really appreciated Dawn, thank you for being such a sweetie. (sorry if I acted a bit dumb but I was a bit confused about who you were for a moment and thought maybe you were a friend of my sisters dropping something in). But thank you so much again for your kindness it was lovely.
Hi Jules
Hope your Mum comes home tomorrow then - thanks for the update. Bless, (and very naughty!) wanting a wee all night but not wanting to disturb anyone - she sounds lovely.
My Mum insisted in walking to my house with her drain bag of blood which is 2 miles away, in the rain! She was with my sister, but she goes back home next week. She is naughty though - I dont want her overdoing it.
Wow, Dawn sounds like an angel!! What a wonderful gesture, Whoever you are Dawn, I think you are a beautiful kind person.
Sounds like your mum is as naughty (and lovely) as mine. She also had to sleep with her bed in the upright position because she didnt know how to lower it (her and technology do not mix bless her lol)! I said mum were you confortable last night, she said no it was really uncomfy to sleep upright, but I didnt want to bother the nurses! What with that and her wanting to wee, she is a nightmare. I know she is trying to be no trouble, but she is ill and thats what the nurses are there for. When I got there today she was lying flat on the bed having a sleep, I said mum is that comfy, let me put it up for you and she said no its fine, I wont want to bother the nurses later to get them to put it down again. She drives me mad, but in a worried daughter way.
When she had her hysterectomy, she didnt want to bother the nurse who was working at night time because she was pregnant, so she managed to get out of her bed (even though she had an infection and was really ill), anyway she got lots of sick bowls and a couple of bed pans and they just piled up as she kept being sick as she didnt want to bother the pregnant nurse!! Give me strength yes the nurse was pregnant, but mum was ill and the nurse was being paid to work! But I won’t change her, not that I would want to shes adorable!
She has three drains, is that the norm for this kind of surgery?
How on earth did your mum manage to walk two miles, omg me she must have been shattered poor love!
And the lady who visited me was Dawnhc, what a lovely lady, I have heard since from other ladies on facebook, that Dawn has a reputation for being a total sweetie, really kind and caring, so I feel very honoured to have had the pleasure of meeting her today.
Thought I’d tell you all about my Dad! He was an ex-para and a good long distance runner so very fit. When he was 60 he woke one morning and had had a stroke during the night. We called the doc who said it was better that he stayed home and told us what to do to improve his condition. He could barley talk and his right side wasn’t working at all. We’d take turns sitting in bed with him getting him to answer crossword questions. (His mind was fine) then we started getting him to walk. One day we got him downstairs and the London marathon was on TV. I told him that that was his goal, to run it! After 8 weeks I took him for a run and although he fell over and broke his fingers he persevered and the following year he ran the London marathon. How proud was I?
Then he started to have small strokes and the hospital offered him an operation to clear an artery in his neck which would prevent him from any further strokes. They said there was a very small chance he could have one during the op. He had a huge one and was put into a rehab ward. After a few days he was out of bed and kept trying to go to the toilet on his own. The nurses thought it was because his mind had gone and didn’t realise he needed help. I told them that it was because he was trying to prove to them that he could do it. The rehab was hit and miss so I would collect him each morning in his wheelchair and drive him home. I’d get him doing exercises all morning, have a nice lunch together then get him going up and down the stairs, followed by a sleep, dinner then back to the dreaded hospital. He improved quickly and each time I collected him we would hum the dam buster tune during our escape. Social services said he couldn’t go home till his house had certain things fitted and I’d ring them everyday to hurry them along.
He finally came home after 8 weeks. Unfortunately my mum treated him like a baby, didn’t want him to do anything and fed him cake all day as a treat. His weight ballooned and he went down hill. Within a year he was completely incontinent and had carers in twice a day to clean him up. He ended up with a hospital bed in the lounge. After a couple of years social services put him in a home for 2 weeks to give my mum a rest. The home said we shouldn’t visit him for the first week. I lasted 3 days, when I visited him, he was still in the same clothes that he had arrived in, his new toothbrush was still in the sealed wrapper, he hadn’t been shaved and stank. They hadn’t even been putting him in his PJs at night. I became hysterical, screaming at everyone, demanded to see the owner and call social services. The woman from social services arrived and actually said that the FUSS I was causing would result in an enquiry. I put him in his wheelchair and kidnapped him, pushing him the 3 miles home bawling my eyes out. The home was closed down soon after the enquiry started.
He lasted another 4 years at my mothers home before dying of Pneumonia which took 4 days to kill him.
All this time my dad had his marbles, his body just wouldn’t work!
Parents can be so strong and sometimes it doesn’t matter what we do as children, sometimes it just doesn’t work!
I know he didn’t have cancer, but like so many of your mums he was a hero and deserves a mention.