That's good news - thanks for letting us know. Only the other day i was wondering how things were going.
Now you and your mum can just enjoy the time that remains, and here's hoping it is a long and contented time. xx
Hi again to all the ladies who came back to me about my 90 year old mum and her breast lumps. I just wanted to keep you posted on this one. The Matron got involved somehow on this and despite telling me she would come back to me and let me know their decision re my mum, they called mums care home and discussed the situation with the staff there who then agreed that they would call a meeting with me and mum and the nurse practitioner and one of the nurses at the care home to discuss the problem and see what my mum decided. There was a long discussion about the rights and wrongs of what was happening and my mum began by saying she would cooperate if that's what they wanted. However, it transpired that she thought that the biopsy would cure her cancer and when I told her no it wouldn't do that but it could tell them what kind of cancer it was and they may be able to give her a tablet she was quite emphatically not interested in that at all. Obviously, the reaction I hoped for and to that end had taken a typed letter with me, hidden in my bag until the right time, which I brought out and mum was only too pleased to sign it as she didn't want to go back there to that place for anything. I have obviously sent that to the Hospital and hopefully that will be an end of it all. I'd just like to say thanks all for your support and encouragement and your kind comments and hope you all receive the same encouragement yourselves. Love and hugs to all of you xxx
Hi everybody, I just wanted to say thanks so much for all your encouragement, support and lovely comments about my mums experience. I feel that the decision to decline treatment and indeed any more testing is absolutely the right way to go especially having seen the dire effects that have followed the examination, mammogram and scan. I didn't expect to have to fight this battle so soon after fighting a similar one for my dad just 10 weeks ago before he died but I am determined they will not put her through any more distress. I gave determined that if I hear any more from the hospital I shall tell them that if they want to discuss it any more they must meet at her care home with my mum, myself, one of them and a trusted carer to hear my mum say she doesn't want to go any further. I'm sure I will only have to ask if she wants to go back to that place that she will decline and if they decline to come to her home they will have to do without seeing her because I'm not taking her back there. Thanks again for all your support and I hope you all manage to complete your treatments, kick cancers butt and live your lives to the full again soon xxxxxx
I have been reading all the posts about your lovely mum. I have to say this is about what is right for your mum, not the medical profession and good for you for fighting your mum's corner.
Sending you both loads of hugs
Hi Rollercoaster, just caught up with your story. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, but I would also like to add my voice of support for your decision, your mum has enough to deal with than being messed about with fir what seems like little/ no gain. I am also one of the ladies from the oct thread who are doing fecx6 so thank you for answering Chaffinch' s questions as we've all been wondering, about the later treatments as they're not many on the forum doing fecx6 that are still posting by the end. Good luck with your mum I hope you get the right outcome for her.
Hi Chaffinch17, I hope this info encourages and helps you. I really struggled with FEC 3 and I said to my daughter quite emphatically that I felt I could not go on, I wanted to stop. Being her mothers daughter bless her, she decided not to argue or cajole me but I instead said OK, that's fine it's over, we'll tell your oncologist, don't worry any more just rest. I knew as she walked out of the room that I would go on because I wanted to give myself the best chance of survival and she knew that's how I would feel so she said just the right thing at the right time. FEC 4 wasn't bad, by number 5 I knew there was only one more and that buoyed me up but number 6 was the hardest, it took me two weeks to get out of bed and if they had said just do one more I think I would have decked them with every ounce of strength I had, but having said that I felt so proud that I had achieved the 6 and I knew I had done what I needed to do. In short, yes, Chemo is hard and there are times when you feel you can't go on but the finish line is bliss and you have done your very best, you should be proud of yourself at that time because you have kicked the butt of cancer. I found it helped me to try and build in to the cycle things to do as treats when I was able to get out and about and have set days when nobody was allowed to talk about cancer but talk about more pleasant subjects and plan things to do after the treatment was over. Sorry if I've rambled on a bit but I hope find some of it useful, and I wish you all the best with the rest of your treatment and your BC journey, love and hugs to you all. Btw, I haven't heard any more from the hospital about my mum bug the carers have told me that since her experience at the breast clinic her Parkinsons has really advanced and she is struggling to even stand up, all this while she is grieving the loss of my dad in September, her husband of 70 years, my heart aches for her.
Hi Ali49, and thanks for your reply. I do have Power of Attorney along with my brother who is firmly of the same mind as me on this subject. However, what we have is Enduring Power of Attorney, which is the forerunner of Lasting Power of Attorney so it doesn't give us the automatic right to decide on medical issues. That being said, my mum just gets so afraid and so confused she just doesn't answer at all which is no help but quite understandable. This is why I was speaking for her and I totally agree she needs dignity and respect and for them to understand that even a simple thing like getting a shower is traumatic enough for her now. I appreciate very much your thoughts on this as I wondered if I was being too negative about the situation and wanted to know what others thought, thanks very much. I hope all goes as well as it can for you and you are soon putting BC behind you xxx
You absolutely have your moms best intersts and hopefully they are just covering their butts on this one.
Can you perhaps contact your mom's GP for advice and support and ask for a written explaination of how additional meds could affect/undermine her current treatment plan
I agree with your decision too. What point is there in pursuing this? Surely the priority for medical staff is 'first do no harm'. Your mum has enough issues to deal with, without adding to them.
Big hugs for you and your mum. It sounds like it really was a stressful day for you at the breast clinic. It really does sound like a biopsy would have been too much for your mum on that day, so you were right to say no.
With the breast clinic team getting in touch with you again, you have another chance to weigh up the options. Maybe the breast team will meet up with you to discuss your concerns. I would want to ask them lots of questions before making any decisions or letting them go ahead with a biopsy.
1.What the procedure would be if you did decide to have a biopsy done now - is there a way of making the procedure less frightening?
2.What benefit would the results of a biopsy be to your mum?
3.What treatments would they offer her and would hormone treatment even be an option alongside her other meds? How would the treatment improve her quality of life?
Lots of love, Cath
I'm so sorry you and your mum have had to go through this. Your decision was absolutely right and I would have made the same one. Hopefully the Best Interest meeting will come to the same conclusion. I would hope you would be invited to that meeting to advocate on behalf of your mum? She seems to have made her wishes very clear. (Incidentally, I am a little confused that they asked you to sign the consent form for the biopsy - my understanding was that someone cannot sign consent on behalf of an adult or if they do it is pretty meaningless legally. You might want to get some clarification on that, as I think the hospital was in error unless things have changed a lot in recent years....) I hope this gets resolved quickly for you and your mum. xx
I too agree with your decision. Maybe its worth finding out what rights you and she have about treatments. Surely if she doesn't want to go for tests, then its her choice. Equally if that turns over to you, then you can make that decision.
Hi everybody, I guess I'm looking for some common sense on the forum really. Let me explain a bit more. I had breast cancer 4 years ago and had a WLE, then 6 x FEC, 15 rads and a year on Herceptin. I'm ok now and getting on with life or so I thought. On Monday 27/11/2017 my 90 year old mum who has Parkinson's and Dementia, Lewy Bodies, was put through the mill at our nearest breast unit. She endured, and I mean endured a terrifying (for her) ordeal of getting undressed, examined by a male doctor, sent for a mammogram and an ultrasound scan before being hauled back in the consulting room and told the lumps she has look sinister and a biopsy would be the next thing to do but not to worry as its little more than a pinprick. (That's not what I remember from mine). She was already traumatised so much by the whole procedure she would not speak at all at which point she looked at me with fear in her eyes. We were told that this would not lead to any treatment other than hormone tablets as she is too old and sick to tolerate anything else, so there is no cure for her. I was not surprised by this and really as a family this was pretty much what we expected. ( I was also told by her carer/nurse later on that the hormones would interfere with her meds for her Parkinsons). Seeing how my mum was reacting and weighing up the information I had, when I was asked to sign the consent form for the biopsy I refused and said I thought my poor mum had gone through enough and was terrified enough by all the events of the day, I didn't feel it was right to subject her to any more trauma for very little benefit. The doctor said he understood and that was fine, he left the room and mum was allowed to get dressed and go home. When we arrived back at her care home and the carer asked how she was my mum said there's nothing they can do so I haven't got to go back. Later on she twice told different carers that she had been scared and upset and she didn't ever want to go back there again. I felt satisfied that I had made the right decision about her diagnosis and treatment. Today I received a phone call from the hospital to say they are not happy to leave that decision in place and are going to discuss her best interests with their multi disciplinary team and may send for her again if they feel she would benefit from a biopsy and treatment. I am extremely upset by this action on their part and I'm dreading having to explain to my mum that she may have to go back and endure more trauma. Does anyone have a different point of view on this or can anyone give me some idea of how to deal with all this when none of it makes sense to me, let alone my mum, thanks.