My mum (she’s 48) was diagnosed on Tuesday. She needs to go back in two weeks to get another set of results.
She’s been told that she will need surgery (in March) and six weeks of radiotherapy.
She’s really scared and keeps crying. She doesn’t want to go to the next appointment in case the results are worse. And she’s had a pain in her neck/shoulder on the same side as the lump for months and she’s convinced it’s where the cancer has spread.
Her breast/the lump still hurts from the biopsy, which is scaring her as it has been five days. Is that normal?
The doctor seemed quite positive that it’s treatable etc. but my mum still thinks the next results will say it’s worse.
She keeps complaining that she has a stomach ache (which she also thinks is connected to the cancer) and she keeps feeling sick and won’t eat much (she’s lost half a stone since she found out).
I’m really worried about her, she’s really stressing herself out and I don’t know what to say to her to make her feel better. And I’m scared about these second results.
hi CT - tell your mum I@m 43 with 2 kids - 10 and nearly 16 - and was a wreck when I found out - yes, every niggle you relate to the bc, headaches too etc etc, we’ve all been there unfortunately but it does help to know others feel the same. The biopsy site can be tender and uncomfy to sleep with, tell her some nurofen and paracetamol should help it. I felt sick and tired and lost 12lb in 10 days - which is a record for me and one that any weight watcher leader would have been proud off and of course I wondered if that was related!! Hubby kept buying me favourite cakes and choc that I couldn’t even look at…appetite came back just before op though. She has to take it one day at a time even though its a cliche and the waiting is the hard bit…if she only had the biopsy done then there can’t be too many results left so that might make her feel better.
It sounds like you’re being so good to her too - well done kiddo, will mum come and post on here - I think it would give her such a help…mary x
What your Mum is feeling is completely understandable and most of us go through it. I too lost my appetite and weight before my surgery and treatment, but it does get better. Stomach aches and headaches are usually caused by extreme tension and worry and that’s what your Mum is feeling right now. My biopsy didn’t hurt much afterwards but I know some peoples do for quite a while especially if laid on at night. Can you get your Mum to post on here herself or at least get her to read some of the things people say and she will quickly realise she is not alone in all of this and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Best wishes to you and your Mum.
Hi CT,
I was in exactly the same position as your Mum in Dec/Jan .I was in a dreadful state, and it was my son that got me to come on this forum, and I am so glad he did, and I am sure it will help your Mum like it did me… My biopsy’s were sore and ached a bit, but paracetamol helped. Also my neck/shoulders/ribs have hurt for ages and I was convinced it was something awful, but my bone scan came back clear. I also lost weight (nearly a stone!!!) and headaches every day and feeling sick all the time.But it all comes down to worry and stress. When your Mum feels up to coming on here, there will be plenty of ladies willing to help in what way they can. My son is 26 and I am really thankful that he put me in contact on here, mind you he had to do most of the typing at first as I was so useless(mind you I am typing with two fingers now) I am 53 have 2 boys, 26 and 31.
Hope to talk to you soon.
love Jan
Another one here in the same situation, I was panic stricken when I was told. I was diagnosed on 17th December and, even with Christmas going on, managed to lose about a stone between diagnosis and results of operation 3 weeks later (I was operated on 5 days after diagnosis and barely ate at all in those 5 days). Every ache and pain does scare the living daylights out of you (still does!), but what you’re describing sounds like tension muscle pain.
Once you start to receive treatment and feel as if something is being done to help it does get easier. Not easy, never easy, but you find a way of getting through without that awful sick feeling of dread and panic with you every second of the day.
I’m 41 with 3 children aged 9 and 6 (twins). Your mum would be very welcome here and I think might find it helpful to talk to people in the same boat. It’s not all doom and gloom, we have a bit of a laugh here too.
The others have said it. Your mum’s reactions are normal, and she’ll feel like this till she gets all the results and/or just starts to get her head round it with the passage of time.
There’s not much you can say other than maybe tell her that she’s not alone. We’ve all been exactly where she is now one way or the other, and we all found that you need to do it one step at a time like Mary says. Maybe encourage her to come here. But she won’t really hear that till her panic starts to subside. Give her time, and just be as supportive as you can. Listen to her, stay calm yourself, and maybe try and get her to do as much as normal in her day. It does help. But in the end she needs to cry this out and know that she has her family behind her. It’s not easy.
Try not to be scared of the second results yourself. This is a really worrying time for you too, but if the doc is being positive take that as a good sign. Breast cancer is common, and because it’s common the docs know what they’re doing and do it really well. It must be very stressful for you seeing your mum in this state, and you’re probably putting on a brave face for her. Take some time out for yourself to adjust to this too.
BCC have published a booklet for those newly diagnosed which may help you and your Mum to understand more about diagnosis and treatments for breast cancer, you can order it via the following link:
You and your Mum are welcome to call our freephone helpline on 0808 800 6000 which is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm where you can speak to one of our team who are either specialist breast care nurses or have had an experience of breast cancer themselves and are here to support you and help you through this difficult time.
CT, everyone will tell you that your imagination is your own worst enemy at this time. At 3am we’ve all been to deep, dark places that we had no right going to. You do imagine every ache and pain is sinister, but it’s not.
I had a two month wait between diagnosis and my lumpectomy/lymph node sampling last Thursday. That was because of the type of cancer I have and the need to have an MRI and subsequently another biopsy. But in the end, the extra tests were worth waiting for because the surgeons knew exactly what they were dealing with when they operated last week. I had five weeks of a roller coaster ride before finding out the final complete diagnosis. Your mind runs riot and that is normal, but once I knew what they were going to do and when they were going to do it, I felt quite calm.
Once your Mum has her results and knows exactly what her surgery will be, she will have something to focus on and she will feel better. Acceptance of the situation is the key. You have to accept before you can move on and that can be difficult because you feel fit and well and it all seems unreal. Acceptance, however, doesn’t mean giving up, it means preparing for the fight.
My daughter (who’s 27) came with me and my husband to the appointment after I got my diagnosis and she found it really useful. You might like to do the same. The bc nurses are fantastic and very happy to talk to relatives too, so do call them if you feel you want to. You will get fantastic support both here and at your hospital. Everyone really understands and you are not alone.
She’s been back for her results and the lump is bigger than they thought, it’s 3.8cm instead of 1cm - because it’s pear shaped or something.
Her surgery has been moved from the 17th to this Tuesday, and she’s now been told she’ll need chemotherapy or hormone therapy rather than radiotherapy. She was “relieved” when she thought she would be needing radiotherapy because she doesn’t want to be ill as a result of chemotherapy. I think she’s more worried about that than hair loss.
She has a fear of hospitals and my dad had a hard enough time getting her to go to get her results, and now she has to go in on Monday and then Tuesday for the operation.
I will try to get her to come on here and read the site and forums before the surgery, although it’s her birthday tomorrow (well, technically today) and we have family staying so she’ll be quite busy. But hopefully it’ll all be a distraction for her.
hi CT - I’m sorry about your news but unfortunately it seems quite common and once she’s on the road towards getting better it should be easier…think of the chemo as strong medicine to sort it all and a lot of people don’t have half the probs they tell you about…look forward to her posting…take care, mary x
ps CT I was told prob just radio after but then found out that chemo would be best as it will really help…there are lots of us just started and due to start soon and lots of good chats going on about chemo too which should help mum, mary x