Hi feisty flora,
i wonder if you have any tips you can share? Hubby was fine thru treatment but now it's back to ..I don't know, feeling ignored and critiscised. I was embarrased tonight because my 11 year old daughter said, mummy is daddy a bully? How do I answer that?
I finished my treatment about two years ago and I'm in a similar situation, similar age, similar awkward hubby! It is always easier to look at a problem when you are not so emotionally involved. Your husband moaning about his 'flu' must feel damn frustrating and you are responding quite naturally, by feeling cross and put out BUT his behaviour is 'paying off' because he is getting your attention. In psychological terms it is called positive reinforcement I believe. For example if a kiddy starts misbehaving and you give it a smack it will yelp but hey, mum is taking notice of me at last! The best thing to do when he starts moaning is to ignore him and walk away. I've had marital difficulties of my own, believe me. It is never too late and you can change how things are but only by changing the way YOU respond you see. I'll send you a little PM if that is okay because there are other things I would like to add.
Hello, & thanks for your message. My husband & I have actually been married for 43 years, since I was 18 & he was 23. I met him when I was 16. He has always been a bully, & emotionally abusive.
I feel really upset, & wonder whether anyone can help? My recent breast cancer was treated with surgery, radiotherapy, & now tamoxifen. I have recovered well physically, but am finding it hard emotionally because of my husband's insensitivity & self absorption. He felt slightly under the weather today & was convinced he had got flu, even though he has had the jab. He googled to find out what the symptoms would be, & made such a fuss. I said that I had had breast cancer a few weeks ago, & was irritated by his lack of a sense of proportion. He then said, "Ah, but flu is a very nasty thing". I pointed out that he was very unlikely to have it, & in any case it was hardly like having to face cancer. I know what I would prefer to have had. His only reply to that was, "But flu is very serious!". I felt insulted & upset by his utter selfishness, especially as he had just eaten the dinner I had cooked for him, & said I felt upset by what he was saying. I felt invalidated & not understood. His only reply to this was, "Flu can be fatal you know". So can cancer, & far more likely to be, & I've had it, & he never said a word about it. All through my cancer experience, the hardest thing to bear has been my husband's attitude.