Hiya, it’s not me but a friend dx with bone, brain and liver mets. She has always had drink issues but since dx is drinking heavily prob averaging couple bottles wine daily. According to her Partner who has asked me to find out more that’s roughly her intake but could be more as she acts oddly sometimes like moody and he suspects she is drinking during the day.
I haven’t said anything yet but want to help her. We are worried that this level of intake will encourage her cancer to spread. They are a young couple with no kids.
I know it’s prob her copin mech but she can barely tell side effects from hangover so can’t be in good position to act upon new symptoms.
Are there any fact sheets on alcohol and cancer and does heavy drinking encourage spread?
Meeting her on Monday and going to try to talk to her gulp!!
Lynn xxxx
Hi Lynn
Oh dear, you are in a difficult position – I hope your friend is able to take all this on board, but it sounds like there are other pressures that migh make it hard for her to change her drinking pattern right now.
There was a thread on here a while ago that linked to a report about alcohol & cancer. Here’s the link to the BCC forum thread: breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/alcohol-link-to-breast-cancer-recurrence-t24566s0.html and here’s a link to a report about the research on the BBC’s website: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8406273.stm. Hope this helps.
Marilyn xx
M thank you this will be v useful xxxxx your right it’s prob gonna be real difficult but even if she can spk to her oncologist xxx
I’ll read up on this before Tom xxx
Hello Lynn,
What an uneviable task and you’re a very good friend to attempt this. It sounds to me like the drinking itself could be a problem, so whilst its important to know what affect it will have on your friend’s cancer, you may need to speak to specialists to find out how to address that. Can I suggest Al Anon? It is a companion organisation to AA and is for the friends and family of people with a drinking problem. Even if your friend isn’t an alcoholic, it sounds like she is suffering from an alcohol-related problem and you could get useful advice from others based upon their personal experience. I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic and I’ve been fortunate in that he’s been very open with me, so that I understand some of the complexities. Simply telling your friend the impact her drinking will have on her health (cancer-related or otherwise) may not get through to her. Alcohol is an addictive substance and understanding how that affects those who are vulnerable to it, could help you to help your friend.
I wish you, your friend and her partner the very best. Hard enough to have a diagnosis of secondaries without having other challenges to meet.
Take good care
Debs x
Hi debs thanks for your reply…
You are bang on the drink has been a problem for years but worse now since mets dx xxx
I am in car on day trip at mo so will reply properly later xxxxx
Lynn x
This is a really difficult situation. Her increase in alcohol intake may be temporary - after all who knows how any of us would respond to that news. It seems to me that it would be extremely difficult to start tackling the drink issue now if she’s always had a problem.
Perhaps what is most important is her emotional state and maybe she needs therapy. Some people are more open to this than others.
I think the danger is that she may read intervention on your part as criticism however well intentioned. On the other hand she may realise the problem herself and be glad that someone wants to intervene. I couldn’t agree more with Debs about contacting somewhere like Al-Anon who know more about this. Your friend is very lucky to have someone like you to support her. Hopefully they will be able to advise on how to approach this.
take care, Elinda x
Please think carefully before talking to your friend about this-irreperable damage could be done to your friendship (I speak from experience).Some years ago, it became clear that a friend was drinking excessively-myself and another friend were very concerned, so decided to “help”. It was a dreadful mistake-she (like any alcoholic), was in complete denial, and said some truly awful things to us, and effectively cut us out of her life. The three of us had had a close “3 way friendship” for many years, thought we could be open and honest about anything-but how wrong we were. It took years for her to accept us back into her life-by which time she admitted she had a problem-but the friendship was never the same again, floundered quickly, and once again, she has disappeared from our lives.
I notice you said that her partner has asked if you could find out more-what exactly does he mean? Does he want to know how much she is drinking)I doubt she is going to be honest with you, so asking the question may not achieve much). Is he asking for some kind of guidance as to how she can be helped-in which case, the ideas suggested above, would be a good starting point. People with this illness need professional help-well intentioned friends can try their best, but in honesty, won’t get through to them-and as I said, the friendship will likley suffer-and then you will be unable to do anything to help now or in the future, as she’ll simply freeze you out. Please speak to the professional organisations in the first instance, and see what they suggest. But, as she has been a heavy drinker in the past, it may be unlikely that she’ll change now. Many people do find the cancer diagnosis a wake up call to make adjustments to their lifestyles-but when the problem is as deep rooted as this, then she may feel (especially as she has a secondaries diagnosis), that she’s going to die anyway, so may as well carry on drinking to blot it out/give her pleasure/relax-whatever excuse she uses.
Good luck-but plese take some advise before talking to her-another few days of thinking things through won’t do any harm-and may give you some idea as to how to best tackle this horrible dilemna.