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Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

7 REPLIES 7
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Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Hi Angel
It sounds like you are having 2 nightmares! 1 coping with your mums situation and trying to support her and 2 the situation at home.
Have you tried to get support face-to-face or on the phone as it may help?
Cancer does affect the whole family and everyone reacts in a different way. My parents are divorced but friends. My Dad visited my Mum only a couple of weeks after diagnosis - when you think its the death sentence - and he told her about 3 of his friends that had died that year! I mean she did not need to hear that! He meant no wrong but poeple can be weird.
Its awful to see our Mums in pain and uncomfortable but like the others said its to make sure they get rid of it. Belts n Braces they call it here in Yorkshire.
It sounds like you are a wonderful daughter to your Mum. Make sure you look after yourself and try to get to have a day out with her - just the 2 of you maybe?

Love Suzy x

Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Hi fallenangel I appreciate that this is a hard time for all of you and none of us want to be in the situation we are in or be in this exclusive club, try to think of the chemo as an insurance policy to improve her chances and yes I agree with skelts it is easier to cope if you are the patient, at the moment I am on a bus mans holiday being treated for cancer as opposed to treating and caring for patients and their families I keep my chin up boobs up and deal as best as I can with whatever comes my way, I did cry the other day when my 17 year old neice told me she was very proud of the way in which I was coping, there is no right or wrong way to deal with your emotions we all react differently. Keep trying to get your mum to open up, it will get better. x

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Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Thankyou for your replies. Its nice to just get it all off my chest and know that I'm not burdening anyone. Tried to talk to my mum but she just talks about divorce, after 23 years of happy marriage. Anyways just a quick note to say thankyou. I think I might try the BCC helpline.

Angel XxXx

Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Hi Angel

If you think it might help to talk to someone about the tough time you are going through with your Mum please feel free to use the BCC helpline. Here you can talk about the worries and concerns you have about your Mum with one of our trained members of staff, who will offer a listening ear as well as support and advice. The number is free phone 0808 800 6000 and the line is open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturdays 9am to 2pm.

I hope this helps

Kind regards

Sam
BCC Facilitator

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Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Hi Fallen Angel
It must be so hard for you to be stuck in the middle of your Mum and Dad,yes this disease does affect the whole of the family.
Has your mum been on this site,it does help to talk to people who know exactly what she is going through.
I agree with skelts it might do her good to get out when she is inbetween chemo,I love a really girly day out with my daughter,
I also know that you can become addicted to these threads,but they can take control of your life,and you need to try and do some normal stuff in between
yes that can be hard.You sound a loving daughter.to both your mum and dad.and yes i think it is a true saying that you always take things out on the ones you love most.hope things improve for you all soon xxxx

Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Dear Fallen Angel , so sorry to hear about your mum its so hard to deal with , i lost my mum when she was in her mid seventies to ovarian cancer and watching her go through all the chemo was heart breaking so i have some idea how you are feeling , i now have breast cancer which is why i saw your posting but funny thing is going through it myself doesent seem half as bad as watching mum go through it . Main thing is to be positive and get your mum to laugh at something anything ! it helps. I can be crabby so i expect your mum can be difficult to live with so your dad is finding it hard. How about taking her for a girlie day out , gives your dad a break and it might cheer her up and it gives you both some time together without being in the house if there is an atmosphere. Good luck and hope she is better soon

Skelts

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Re: Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

Hello Fallen Angel,

So sorry your mum has this horrible diease and so sorry you have to watch her go through it.

A diagnosis of cancer can put terrible strain on a family and relationships. From my own wexperience it will get better. I think it made life easier when we started being honest with each other and talked more rather than bottle it up and get snappy. Well done for accompanying your mum to chemo. it is not easy watching someone go through that process too.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Ruth

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Need to talk... don't know where else to turn

I just need a bit of a rant really. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in March, shes undergoing chemo but its making her really ill. I hate seeing my mum like this and feel so helpless!!

Shes changed so much, which is understandable, I can't even begin to imagine what shes going through but it seems like all the family does is argue. The atmosphere is so bad that I hate going home, luckily I get to spend alot of time at my boyfriends house but then I feel guilty for not being at home to help her around the house etc.

I think that my dad is struggling to cope with it all, he does try but nothing he does ever seems to be good enough. My mum and dad always seem to be bickering, I can see both sides of their arguement but its unbearable sometimes. My mum spends most of the day in bed on her laptop, I understand that she needs the support of others online, but my dad seems to think that shes talking to men!?!? He goes out once a week (which he has always done) but my mum moans at him for going out for 2 hours a week. He just needs to get away from it all sometimes as my mum just snaps at him all day when he is in.

I took my mum for her chemo last week, Ive never been able to take her before and it was one of the most horrible experiences ever; watching the amount of chemicals they pump into her and the amount of people that are in the same boat is mad!! It took all my strength not to break down and cry seeing my lovey mum going through that, I would do anything for it to be me instead of her!!!

I was talking to her yesterday and she was having a moan, she mentioned in the conversation "when I die.........." . Woah, she is not going to die!!!! They caught the cancer early enough to treat it and the Drs are positive about it. It was like a slap in the face when she mentioned death!!

Sorry to rant so much and if you're still reading this then thankyou. I'm not looking for answers as I realise its not as simple as that but I just needed to get it all off my chest!!!

Angel XxXx