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New and scared :(

18 REPLIES 18
LS1972
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Millymolly..excellent think you've hit the nail right on the head there.
We are all definitley on this journey with those who are closest to us, I've had close friends crying on my shoulder and telling me how strong I am too, I'm just over a week in and still have really 'wobbly' moments when I just find myself crying and the odd moment when I think 'why me' but those feelings soon pass, I figure that its not going to change anything by worrying about, I just have to wait for my treatment plan..!!
I have a date for my lumpectomy & SNB and depending on the rest possible node clearance (7th February) am glad its confirmed (next available date was 26th and didnt want to have to wait that long) but obviously now I have know its happening I'm more than abit scared, but at least my treatment will be underway. Sending hugs to all those who need them right now xxx
Lola65
Member

Re: New and scared :(

I agree, very well ranted PG and so true. I have been told to keep my chin up - even got a card with those words on the front. I've been told I'm so brave by my best friend. Cobblers. She had tears in her eyes when she said it. I looked at her and said "no, I am not" and started blubbing myself! I think it shocked her. Now I've had good results from my surgery biopsy, they all think I'm cured and back to normal. Makes you want to spit, doesn't it! They mean well though ..... I think!

Thank goodness for my lovely husband. He understands only too well.
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Bless you millymolly, and after all you have been through. You give me the strength to carry on regardless (wasn't there a carry on film called that?) Well we are all having a right carry on don't we. There's lot of love in these forums, we do well to make the most of it.
Hugs pg xxx
millymolly_m
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Well ranted pg - my feelings exactly. Now I just tell people I'm F I N E - Frightened (that's the polite version), Insecure. Neurotic and Emotional.
Good luck JW
M x
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New and scared :(

It's strange isn't it, as soon as you tell people you have breast cancer, they begin to treat you like an invalid, even though you feel quite well (if scared). I found that after mx and snb, I was being treated as though I was cured and all I had to do was wait until wound had healed. Everyone telling me to 'keep your chin up', 'you're strong, you'll get through it' and 'you're very brave'. Firstly what good will keeping my chin up do, I'm not strong at all, but I'll make damn sure I'll get through it. And as for being brave - what b****y choice do I have!! Sorry for the rant, but it really gets my back up.
Anyway JW, Jolly good news. Good Luck and big hugs all round. Are you in the February Valentines group? So many new members in there, I can't keep up. If you are, well done. If not, get your bum over there asap, we want you with us.
Love pg xxx
toriaconey
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Brilliant JW1970.. It sounds like they are really genned up and all set to give you the best treatment possible.
Sounds really good your daughter can be involved so that she feels she is not shut out. It is something the whole family go through rather than just the 'sufferer'.. all will have their own bit/lot of suffering too.

x
JW1970
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi

LS this is a brilliant website and very informative with accurate information and I have found great support too and from friends who are and have dealt with this firsthand. It helps. I have an update......
My diagnosis was confirmed yesterday as expected from the core biopsy and three bits of good news, 1. its the most common type of BC so not complicated to treat, 2. Its not hormone driven so I won't need to go on Tamoxifen (not sure how you spell it) for 5 years after of have to fuss about with having my coil removed and it didnt have the HER2 thing either. This is good news and well needed. They plan to place a clip in my 'lump' then start chemo immediately to shrink it, check me out in 3 months to monitor it and if shrinking then carry on with chemo, if not then immediate surgery. Followed by Radiotherapy. Got the steroids here ready to start taking and am expecting a call tomorrow (30/01) hopefully with a start date next week. Had a look around the dept where I will be treated and have a fab chemo consultant who is a bit of a laugh, really nice fella. They have completely armed me with all the info I will need and that it wont be a picnic but I can call them day or night for help. My daughter 'J' came with me, she's 12 and was glad to know what to expect too ~ she is going to help me 'choose my new hair' !!! (((Hmmmm please not something bright pillarbox red!!))) So I am ready.... I went to work today after staff being told of my ordeal in my absence, and they were so lovely and are all rooting for me too. Some couldnt believe I was even in work but I actually feel well at the moment and want to keep busy as long as I feel well enough to. So... I will let you know my next update soon and "staying positive" I am finding is the key and it helps 'J' to know I am alright too and not to worry. Lots of love to you XXXXXXXXXXXX
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi LS
Be assured you have come to the right place this time. So when you feel angry and want to rant, do it here. We've all had a rant from time to time, it's what these forums are for. Good luck to you, and to jw too. Sending you both big hugs.
pg xxx
LS1972
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi JW1970 (and everyone else)

I am recently diagnosed too, aged 40, type 1 diabetic, I found a small lump last summer, visited my GP after 6 weeks who sent me away saying it was nothing to worry about! it was only at the beginning of January I visited my GP again with a chest infection that I mentioned it was still there and was referred to the Breast Unit, had my ultrasound, mammogram and biopsy on 17.01.13 and confirmed ER positive BC on 23.01.13, my lump is small (approx 8mm), I experienced the 'sledgehammer' effect too and judging by what I've read here it seems to be quite common, I made the mistake of googling before finding my way here, I am feeling scared, emotional, sometimes angry but I have been told with surgery, radiotherapy and possibly chemo that it is treatable and the prognosis is good so I intend to carry on with life as normally as I possibly can, I've found reading posts on this forum over the past few days extremely helpful, informative and positive and although I wish none of us were going through this its a comfort to know we arent going through it alone and are all supporting each other xxx
JW1970
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, it is making me mentally stronger everyday to face this and I am facing it head on. I meet on Monday 28th for a full diagnosis, stage, size and treatment as a way forward and am also taking a look around the chemo dept so i know what and who I will be seeing when I begin. I will go with an open mind and I have support from so many family and friends. I very much appreciate your comments and will continue to post with updates on how things are going, its scarey but I can do this. This is treatable ~ they told me to keep telling myself this, it helps me stay positive. Take care all of you and sending you big hugs XXXX
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Not only is it treatable jw, it is curable. It takes time and is sometimes a bit unpleasant, but we are all here to hold your hand through it all.
Take heart and take care.
pg xxx
Wendy56
Member

Re: New and scared :(

J

So sorry your too have this terrible disease but really hang onto the word treatable as they would not use it unless it was absolutely true.

I was diagnosed 7 December and was not too shocked as I also had it 14 years ago and was far more frightened first time due to lack of knowledge and no sites like these.

We do survive and you will too. Maybe a long road ahead but follow the light at the end of the tunnel and just take one step at a time.

If you want to pm me at any time just add me as a friend and message me anytime

Wendy x x
JW1970
Member

Re: New and scared :(

A huge thank you to all of you for your kind words, it is so appreciated and gives me hope. I had my appointment and was diagnosed yesterday 21/01/13 that I have BC and in the armpit node too. I have to go back next week to find out which type I have and whether I will have chemo first to reduce this 'lump' or if surgery is the next course of action if so this will be within 30 days, followed by chemo and then radiotherapy. I feel like I have been smacked with a sledgehammer One minute I am calm and the next I realise this is all happening to me!! I am a single parent to a 12 year old but have an amazing family and partner who helped me break the awful news to her. She is obviously scared and also extremely brave but I have been honest with her and have drummed it into her that my care nurse has told me THIS IS TREATABLE, she told me to keep telling myself this too. The help and care I received during my mammogram, ultra sound and core biopsy yesterday was absolutely fantastic and so professional. It has given me the confidence to be strong and calm and take each day as it comes. I have no idea what is ahead of me, I just know its going to be tough and I have to be too. My work are amazing and have told me to take all the time off I need, my job is totally safe and they will support me 100% throughout and are there for me. I have also notified my daughter's school so they can keep a close eye on her and she can talk to someone if she needs to whilst there. The head teacher called me today to assure me, they are there for 'J' and she will be totally safe and have told various teachers to be available immediately should she need somebody at short notice. I am very lucky that I have people around me who are fighting for me too. I would like to write on here of my journey through this as I think it will also help me come to terms with this and allow others to know some of the challenges they may also have to face. I really appreciate all of your comments and am steering clear of google and other websites as I feel it will all be too much to take in and dont want to frighten myself anymore. Its good to know I have new friends here to talk to who understand how I feel right now. I thank you all and will continue to post my journey with this. XXX J XXX
millymolly_m
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi JW1970,
They're all quite right. Waiting is hell but I promise that finding out brings some peace whatever the outcome. Hold hands, there are lots of us ladies in waiting. Have a laugh (and a cry if it helps) looking at BENCHLAND and wonder at the strength shown in STANDING OUTSIDE THE DARK,DARK WOODS.
Keep reading here, ask questions. No one here will think they're silly and someone will have had a similar experience.
Big hugs,
M
mfdoll
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi JW

i think the hardest part of all this is the waiting game, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and hope its good news and nothing doer you to worry about, its hard not too speculate but to be honest, these professionals know what they are doing and are on the ball with treatment and diagnosis. Keep busy and it will come around in no time. Xxxxxxxxx
JCJ
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Hi JW

Of course you are scared, that is only natural. I was terrified when I got a recall from a routine mammogram. Most lumps are NOT cancer, but as your GP seems to think it might be, at least you are prepared for the worst.

The waiting for tests and results is definitely the worst part of the process - everybody says so, but you have come to the best place for support. Once you have your diagnosis, it gets easier because you'll either be celebrating that it's NOT cancer (fingers crossed) or you will immediately be given a plan of action for getting rid of it, which gives you something to focus on. The actual diagnosis is never as bad as our worst imaginings either!

Don't scare yourself by reading about secondaries or chemo threads (like I did at first and really upset myself) as neither of these may apply to you. I think nearly everybody has surgery and rads, and a lot have hormone therapies. Also, THE GOLDEN RULE: DON'T GOOGLE! A lot of info is out of date or just plain wrong! Stick to Macmillan, reputable cancer research sites or this one, where there is loads of info, and I'd suggest sticking to what is relevant for you at the moment.

One step at a time. Try to keep busy to keep your mind from dwelling. I was amazed how many people I knew either had BC themselves years ago, or were related to/neighbours of someone who had, and is fine now! We tend to hear about the ones (especailly celebs) who don't make it, but all those who came through, we never even know they had it! Hold that thought to support you in your bleaker moments.

Good Luck next week. Let us know how you get on. xx hugs xx
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Dear JW
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this worrying time right now. Waiting is the worst time, but please keep visiting these forums and DO NOT Google for any info, as a lot of info you will find is just plain wrong, or out of date. This website and these forums, and also McMillan website is all you need for correct info, and of course support. The ladies (and gentlemen) on here have all gone through what you are going through now, and know just how scary it can be, Once you have seen the oncologist and found out what is ahead, you will feel more able to cope with it all.
Hugs, and love
pg xxx
Janet_BCC
Member

Re: New and scared :(

Dear JW1970

Welcome to the forum. I am sure other members will soon be along to offer support.

You could also give our Helpline a call just to talk things over. They will be able to offer you information and support. The opening times are 9-5 on weekdays and 10-2 0n Saturdays. The number is 0808 800 6000. Calls are free and confidential.

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

JW1970
Member

New and scared :(

Hello everyone ~ I am 42 and am feeling very scared. I found a lump in my breast last Summer and stupidly did not get it checked out because some days I could feel it and some days I couldn't. I put it down to hormones every month as I had an gland that came up each month and had it checked out back in 1996. Anyway, I knew I should do something it was on my mind. I saw the GP on Friday 11th Jan and he has told me there is a lump in my lymph node under my armpit too, I hadnt noticed this but can now feel it! He has told me the chance of this being cancer is 70% and has referred me to start a cancer program. I am terrified. I have a daughter who is 12. I got a call an hour later to visit the Oncology dept but have to wait until 21st Jan to see someone. I am really trying not to get worried up until they tell me for definite what this is. I have read some of your stories with regards to diagnosis, the tests that are done and some treatments but dont want to frighten myself more. I have found it hugely useful and also very sad that so many people are currently being treated and diagnosed. I just wanted to say thank you so far for this information and I will update when I know more.
X