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New here, need help getting a grip

20 REPLIES 20
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Thanks Jivey. It turned out to be nothing though, see my post above about my visit. All the best x
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hey Rowchelly,
i am sending you a big hug. I can totally empathise with the way you are feeling, it is very an anxious time and I felt exactly the same. You must go to your appointment of course and with luck you can walk away from it feeling totally relieved. I went through all of the emotions you describe and unfortunately for me my lump was cancer. However, you do need to know, you have a lovely little girl whom needs her Mum around and whatever the outcome there will be lots of support for you. I wish you the best of luck and will keep my fingers crossed for you. Xx
Morwenna
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

That's wonderful news! 😄

Now the thing will be to try and put it behind you and not dwell on it! Try not to keep feeling for lumps, but maybe go back to the old idea of a formal and meticulous self-check once a month at approximately the same time in your menstrual cycle. Many people do find their breasts do get more or less bumpy at different times, so it would be good to know for yourself what is normal for you.

I remember having a scare myself in my 30's which turned out to be a large cyst, but I don't know, I guess it was having gone through the stress of facing my own mortality for the first time, and never speaking to anybody about it, but I went into quite a severe depression for a while. I never sought help, (silly me), and it took a long time to "pull myself together!".

If you do find it hard to move on, please don't struggle alone, as I did, but get some help via your GP or counselling!

Take care xx
tracyld
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

We are so pleased for you Rochelle. We are always happy to hear Good News !! Enjoy yourself with your daughter and remember to have some fun , you deserve it after these weeks of stressing. Take good care of yourself. Love Tracy xxx
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hi ladies,
I'm beyond relieved to say that I had my appointment today and all went well. I got the all clear. I was in a state this morning as yesterday I was prodding around and felt two more lumps and also when I pressed down on the boob, I got like a popping sensation, almost like something bursting.
Anyway as soon as I walked into the centre today I burst into tears as a month of anxiety let itself out. I think they thought I was a bit of a basket case as I kept crying.
I saw a nurse who examined me and said she felt 'nothing of concern'. I had to show her where the lumps were but she still couldn't feel what I was feeling.
Then had mammogram, two shots of each boob. Was uncomfy but not painful. Consultant came in while i was having ultrasound and said she saw nothing of concern on mammograms. Then had ultrasound at least expecting to see cysts or something but there was absolutely nothing there. I was only in the hospital for less than an hour, start to finish and everyone was so lovely.
So I'm home and relieved. I can still feel the lumps that sent me in the first place but I have to accept that they found nothing and stop worrying.
I have to say we do moan about the Nhs sometimes but my experience couldn't have been better. I was able to choose which breast centre I went to and was able to book my appointment whilst at the doctors. I only had 8 days to wait and was seen very quickly today in the centre. Everyone was so lovely.
Its lovely that you ladies are all here to offer comfort and advice and I really appreciate everyone who took the time to help me through what has been a nightmare month of anxiety.
I wish you all the best with your treatmen. You're an amazing bunch of ladies. Rochelle x
Melrose15
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hope all went well for you today Rowchelley x
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Rowchelly, I've sent you a personal message as I'm having my treatment at Nottingham too. Please don't take the cancer references you keep noticing as signs of your own diagnosis. I too noticed more cancer related things when first diagnosed. Like when I was pregnant years ago, everything was pregnancy and baby related. You just notice it more than you would if it wasn't relevant to you.

Best wishes

Poemsgalore xxx
Jan_mints
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

I have been thinking of you today Rowchelly x
valkeh
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Stay positive girl! This journey demands positivity and calmness. Thinking of you.
I have been diagnosed when I was 39- 2 years ago... Not an easy journey...Ask help from your closest friends and beloved ones.
Valia
x x x
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

I am doing the same things Hun..looking for signs and saying in my head if I do this then it will be bc if I do that it won't..I feel demented at the moment and just waiting to hear from the clinic.i even stopped preparations for my wedding just incase!!sometimes I'm numb sometimes I'm in agony!!good luck for your appointment I will be thinking of you..Emma x
Jan_mints
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

I know. I am currently psyching myself up to tell my son and daughter in law when they skype me shortly!
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Thank you. Today has been the worst day ever. I've been so tired and feeling really down and teary. I'm in such a state I doubt the reality can be any worse than this.
Jan_mints
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Will be thinking about you Rowchelly on Tuesday. I totally identify with your thought processes.
MarthasSOS
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Haha Rowchelly, I'm only 42 😉

Keep us updated with your progress. My fingers are crossed for you.

The ladies here in the forum are amazing and can offer a lot of advise and support.

Love
Martha x
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Thanks Caz x
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hi Morwenna,
Yes I've told my husband but he works away so I'm alone during the week. I've told a couple of friends but no one really knows what to say. I know Tuesday isn't far away, just going to try and be strong until then.
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hi rowchelly sorry you find yourself in this position the waiting to be seen is a mad, horrible time were you veer between going wise up everythings ok im making a fuss over nothing to suddenly thinking you will be dead within the yr .
what you are feeling is really very, very normal but please if you take anything away from coming on here is dont cancel your appointment .Have you talked to any friends or family? and have you got someone to go to your appt with you ?
8 out of 10 lumps etc in the breast turn out to be benign but you cant tell just by feeling so its important to have the tests done i hope your on here next wk saying yippee its ok all that worry was for nothing and rowchelly even if it is bad news we are on here coping and living our lives .
Take care and dont cancel look at your little daughter and go for her lots of love will be thinking about you if there is anything you need to know however silly you think it is just come on there will always be someone along .We all know how you feel take care xxx caz
Morwenna
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

OK, so take a deep breath.
To be honest, the not knowing is the worst bit for anybody with a mite of imagination. Believe me, however bad the news is, and let's face it, the odds are in your favour that all will turn out to be fine, but if it does turn out even to be not good news, you will start to feel calmer once you know.

In the meanwhile going over and over all the worst scenarios in your mind, by the time anything really bad were to happen you will have already experienced it in your mind, so to speak! And once you have a diagnosis, and come up with a plan if needed, you WILL find it easier to deal with.

So, as hard as it is, do anything you can to distract yourself during this time "in the waiting room". At least you found the lump, you went to the doctors, and are being referred to have it checked out. For now there is nothing more you can do. You have done all the right things, so try not to torment yourself, and TRY to avoid Googling any more as there is lots of scary stuff out there in Google Land, much of it erroneous or out of date, and the vast majority not at all applicable to yourself!

So, hang on in there. You will get through this. Do you have a partner, or close friend/family member who you can confide in? Either way, everybody on here knows the type of feelings you are going through, and you will always find a sympathetic ear and some virtual hugs with the lovely ladies (and gents! Yes, guys get breast cancer too!) on this site.

xxx
Guest user
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Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Thanks Martha, and I'm so sorry to hear your situation but you look like a strong lady (and also not old enough to have a 13 year old 😉 ).
I go through ups and downs and am trying to prepare myself for the worst and in the meantime trying to keep busy.
Thanks so much for reading and all the best with your treatment.
MarthasSOS
Member

Re: New here, need help getting a grip

Hi Rowchelly

I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this forum. I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago with BC and my whole world was turned upside down. I have a 13 yr old son and a 7 yr old girl and like you, I started to think that it was the end. I can tell you that is most certainly is not....It's just the start of a very long rollercoaster of life and one which you are not alone with..

I turned into a complete basket case, crying un-cotrollably, begging, praying, shaking, palpatations etc etc. I even went to the docs and received some meds to calm me down - They actually turned me into a zombie for 3 days and so I decided to stop taking them.

I highly recommend that you go to your appointment. You will begin to calm down a little once you know what you are dealing with.

As I mentioned, I am newly diagnosed myself. I am due to have a lumpetomy on 3rd May and the removal of my sentinal nodes under my arm pit just to ensure they are ok also. As far as I am concerned, once the lump is removed...That's is gone. Not only that, the follow up treatment is just to keep it gone.

Stay strong and busy yourself with your kids and keep things as normal as you can. It's ok to cry and stamp your feet. It's also ok to call the BCC helpline - I've done that a couple of times and it helped me.

I am also self employed and if I'm ill then I don't bring any money into the house, so no pressure lol

Take care and good luck.
Martha xx
Guest user
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New here, need help getting a grip

Hi ladies,
I've been lurking for a while and would like to get everything out that I've been bottling up if that's ok.
I found a lump in my right breast on 26 March. It's not really in the breast itself, but right at the top near my armpit crease. I had just got back from my father in law's funeral that day who sadly passed away from pancreatic cancer.
I panicked as you do, and with it being Easter, the first GP appointment I could get was for 3 April. I turned 40 on Easter Sunday but couldn't enjoy the day at all. I saw my gp on 3 April and she gave me a breast exam. She said she could definitely feel a lump about 1cm but asked me to come back in two weeks. Needless to say those two weeks were horrific with anxiety but I tried to keep busy. I did Google and managed to scare myself silly but then came across this site too.
The two weeks was up last Monday and I saw her again, the lump hadn't changed and she said 'well, we have the option to refer you to the breast clinic if you like'. She didn't seem overly concerned but I'm not sure if that was because she didn't want to give me an indication either way. I was lucky in that I was able to make my appointment there and then using the 'choose and book' service. I could choose which hospital to go to and as I live between Leicester and Nottingham I chose the breast institute at Nottingham. My appointment is 23 April, next Tuesday.
These last weeks have been awful and I go from bursting into random bouts of tears, planning my funeral in my head, and looking at my 9 year old daughter as if it's the last time I'm going to see her. I'm sure you understand and have probably done the same. I'm a makeup artist in the wedding industry and my job is to make brides look beautiful on their happiest day. Needless to say it's been really difficult to try and keep smiling and I just want to cry all the time.
The lump sometimes feels sharp and sometimes feels rubbery and could be my imagination but seems to change size during different times of the day. Had a real panic attack this morning on my way to a wedding as I thought I felt two smaller lumps next to it, but they seem to come and go. Also the skin around is slightly red but I'm not sure if that's because I don't leave it alone.
I'm making myself ill and I've convinced myself this is bad news. I rang the helpline on Thursday, they were very helpful and I relaxed for a few hours.
I've also been looking for 'signs' (if the next traffic light is green, everything will be ok, that kind of thing). I went shopping last week and as soon as I stepped out of the lift I faced a McMillan sign saying 'no mum should face cancer alone'. Then two weddings I did last week both had bridesmaids going through BC.
I met a girl who was 30 a few years ago when I did her makeup for a wedding. She had just been diagnosed. She was in my head this week and I decided to look her up to see how she was doing. She died on 8 April. Her name was Francesca Marvell, I think she was quite well known on the BC forums. It seems that all around there are things just pointing to the worst outcome for me.
I'm so scared and I've convinced myself it's bad news. But now I'm seriously thinking about not going to my appointment on Tuesday. If it's nothing, then it won't matter. If it is something, I'd rather not know.
I need help please, just to get a reality check. I can't stop crying and I'm trying to keep it from my daughter and have to keep disappearing into the toilet so she doesn't see me.
If you've got this far, thank you so much for reading. Just typing it out helps a bit.
x