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New member, going through all the scary stuff!

9 REPLIES 9
Jan53
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Thank you so much poems galore for the links. I haven't a clue what you're talking about at the minute, grades etc etc. I'm sure I'll find out next week though. I only googled breast cancer and got this site. I'm to scared to trawl the Internet. I did that when I had my brain haemorrhage and I found a great support group then too. The support on here will be just as good, and I know you'll always be here when I need you!
poemsgalore
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Hi there

 

I'm so sorry to  hear you are both going through this horrible worrying time. This time last year I was in a similar position to you both - well, in Ocober anyway.  I had my biopsy 25th October and results on 1st November. Ductal Invasive,  ER and PR positive. Had mastectomy and snb 12.12.2012. Tumour was 3cm and grade 3. Three nodes removed, one containing cancer.  February this year I started chemo (last one on May 23rd) and now Anastrazole for at least five years.

 

Jan, you mentioned that you can't believe how calm you feel. That is what happens, when you know what you are dealing with and a treatment plan is in place, you will feel more in control and able to deal with it.

 

Britbox, I had to laugh when You talked about putting 'Clive' in box for a while. I now keep my left boob in a box all the time. My prosthesis, which I don't wear very often. 

 

It might be too late, but please don't Google. What you find on there is not only scary, most of it is out of date or simply wrong. Stick to this site or the Macmillan site for advice or information. 

 

This is a  link to all the booklets on here concerning your diagnosis

 

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer

 

Two of the booklets are all about diagnosis and possible treatment. When you find out what type of breast cancer you have, there are booklets under the same link for all the different types so whichever one you have will be on there for you to read.

 

Sending you both big hugs and best wishes.

 

poemsgalore xxx

Jan53
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

I love you called your lump Clive LOL! Boob isn't too bad just a ruddy big hole in it, it looks like another inverted nipple hahaha! Under my arm is black though. We've just been to the local town, we went for coffee and I said to Steve, I can't believe I'm so calm, I was a blubbering wreck on Thursday. The breast cancer nurse said she'd keep an eye out for my results and hopefully ring me Mon night or Tues with the results. She's hoping I'll be back in clinic on Thur to go through what it is, how big, advanced etc and my options. Don't forget to tell me as soon as you here on Mon. Where abouts do you live? xxxxxx
Britbox
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Pleased that you got some much needed sleep last night Jan..Me too, I actually managed to kip until 5am. Then all the thoughts kick in and drown anything pleasant out of your mind. Couldn't wallow too much, had to get up and walk our two dogs..They don't give a damn about Clive, they still need their exercise. 🙂
Funny you should mention the pins and needle thing. I've had that in my back for the last few months, before all this other worry..It sort of moves about, up towards my shoulder on my right side., The opposite side to the affected breast. I've ignored it because its not really bothered me, just felt weird. Now of course, it's exacerbated , and I think it's Clive doing his sinister work elsewhere. 😞 What I have found to help is the liquid Ibuprofen capsules, not the tablets, but the red long ones..Takes the tingling away, so for a while, takes the worry off.
Pleased you've got the dressing off, I expect like me you have a fabulous breast that is swollen to Katie Price proportions, and is bruised so much that it's day glow and rainbow coloured!
What is the plan on Tuesday, they will ring you with your biopsy results, and arrange any further tests,? or will you have to go back to discuss your options? ..Im hoping we can both walk away from this with good news, but if not, we have a wealth of knowledge to draw on here.
What I want to do this weekend is put Clive in a box, and forget about him until Monday..I hope you can do the same, and find some nice things to occupy this horrible waiting game.
Thinking of you,. Xx
Jan53
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

On Thursday the consultant told me the mammogram and scan both indicted breast cancer. He said the biopsies are just confirmation of the type etc. I've never even looked or tried to get my head around all of the types, numbers etc. I had my best sleep last night, a whole four hours. Took my dressings off this morning and will have a nice shower. One weird thing is I've got pins & needles in my right arm& hand (oppositec side to my lump) they won't go away. Not sure what to think of that. Maybe Janet will know. By the way I don't go in for my results Good luck for Monday, keep us informed xxx
Britbox
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Thank you Janet..I'm sure I will need some help in the days to come.
Britbox
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Oh Jan..So sorry you are going through this torment too..It's awful playing the waiting game isn't it?. The thing is I think in my case, the breast care nurse and doctor have tried to prepare me for bad news on Monday, but a tiny little bit of my mind hangs on the hope that it will be ok..I got a copy of the letter they sent to my GP on Tuesday. It was all about the measurements of 'Clive', and had the letters M5 and another U5 corresponding to another area..Scary stuff, Of course I read up on it, and the M5 part means malignant...On the other hand, in the letter it says 'I have explained to the patient that this might be a small carcinoma'. 'Might' and 'Small' are the words I'm trying to focus on at the moment, without much success I may add. It's awful losing sleep isn't it?..I didn't go to work today as I've been so exhausted, not been able to concentrate properly on my work, and just feel so down. My Manager has been fantastic, and told me to take all the time I need . This Clive seems intent on blowing my life apart already! I want Monday to come, to find out, but on the other hand, I don't because I'm so terrified of what lies ahead. 😞 ..I hope with all my heart that you get good news on Tuesday Jan, in the meantime, if you can't sleep, neither can I..if you like we could start the 3am chat club! LOL . Cyber ((hugs)) and good wishes coming your way. X
Jan53
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

WOW!!! Reading your story I could be reading my experience. I had two biopsies yesterday. One in my lymph node the other close to my nipple. The Dr said he wasn't too concerned about the underarm one just being over cautious but the lump in my breast indicted breast cancer. I too am awaiting the results. The consultant and breast cancer nurse I didn't a lot of time existing my options once my results are through. The nurse told me she'll ring me the results no later that Tuesday she hopes. I had all the years yesterday, didn't sleep again last night. Today I've tried to carry on as normal, going and praying they've made a mistake!
Janet_BCC
Member

Re: New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Hi Britbox,

 

A warm welcome to the forum.  I am glad you have found it helpful and that you will continue to find some support here. 

 

You might also find it helpful to give our helpline a call for information and support.  They are open tomorrow from 10-2 and on weekdays from 9-5.  The number is 0808 800 6000

 

Very best wishes

 

Janet

BCC Moderator

 

 

Britbox
Member

New member, going through all the scary stuff!

Hi everybody. I've been reading posts on this forum for the past two weeks, and have found your posts very informative and honest .I can see the huge amount of support that you have for each other is a great help and inspiration, and a comfort too. I hope you don't mind me popping in, and am hoping to draw strength from the courageousness that you all show, and to follow in the footsteps that you have all taken before me, with hope.

I was recalled after a routine mammogram ..I got the letter that every woman dreads. All very carefully worded, but as you will all understand, the fact that you have been called to attend a hospital Breast Clinic is enough to convince you that it must be bad news..Me, I went into meltdown, wondering how I would get through the wait for the appointment, and at the same time, trying to get on with life, work etc. I spent those days panicking, feeling sick, drawing up my bucket list, and listing songs I wanted at my funeral!! I spent way too much time on the Internet, scouring every page that covered Breast Cancer, and frightening myself silly! All in all, the word 'cancer' has been in my nightmares, and has infringed on my waking thoughts to such an extent, that my brain must now resemble a distorted Salvador Dali painting!!!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, and to spare you all my diva type, dying swan, not sleeping, eating or functioning as a 'normal' , busy, middle aged woman, dramatics..I attended the hospital on 5th September, and underwent 'triple testing',. Mammogram, ultrasound, and core biopsy ..I saw on the screen, the image of a mass..It looked huge, but of course the radiographer explained that it was magnified..I laughed and joked all the time with the nurse, and doctor, they were laughing too...Ok. then I thought, you don't have a party going on when there 's cancer involved. I asked them if 'Clive' (that's what I ve called the nasty little mass that was grinning back at me on the screen) was Malignant,. The radiographer said that yes, in her opinion, it was looking as if it was. They said they'd bring my husband in..Everything went very serious then, they us put in that quiet room with the little three piece suite, flowers and tissues, and left us alone for a while.
They brought me tea and cake, and looked very solem explaining to my husband what they had found, and the fact that it looks highly likely that I have breast cancer...There was talk of lumpectomy, radiotherapy and , tamoxifen,. all I heard was 'you have breast cancer'.. Anyway at that moment, I feel like I became a different person, one that was ill, one that to explain to her family, workmates, friends that I had the dreaded disease..I felt guilty at all the love and support, because I didn't feel ill. ..
.I go back on Monday for the bipsy results, hoping that they've made a big mistake, and 'Clive' is just a carbuncle, and not cancer! at the moment, my emotions are everywhere, I cry, I mope, I'm scared of the future, or even if I have one...I feel so tired too, lack of sleep, and the stress I suppose, I feel ashamed to admit that I seem to have become a coward .. Hoping to make friends here with the brave women here who understand that I've not really lost the plot, but am doing battle with Clive. love and healing vibes to all that are fighting, and to those who have conquered. Xxxxx