sorry that you have had to find your self here but i know we are all different with the cancer in differing places and different types and hopefully you will get support from us ladies here
i was originally diagnosed at the age of 43 in 1995 my next official diagnoses was in 2010 but i had symptoms long before that, with my back i was even struggling as a nurse at work with the pain i wanted to cry but kept getting told it was muscular i use to roll on the floor in pain it was in my spine it had also grown from behind my implant (which i had done after in 1995) into my chest wall i am er+ her2- i have good days and bad days had a few different treatments. what i would like to say is try and keep calm no stress if possible
look for support (we have no groups in my area at least no one has told me about them) you should have a breast cancer nurse appointed to you who should see you at least once a month till you settle and then she may come every 2 months and should be available at the end of the phone should you need her. yes it is frightening the fear of what will happen i have been through all that and still do on occasions but we have to try and tell our selves we will not let it beat us and live our lives as best as we can even if it only from scan to scan. i hope you have a good network of friends to support you as that is what has helped me. they come pick me up and we go off for weekends they know i can not move as fast as them i may be awake most of the night but we still manage to have some laughs we also lunch every couple of weeks sometimes with other friends i can be out for lunch every week. and that is what you need
hope we can help you
Thank you ladies for all your very kind words. I am getting used to navigating the site and have been reading a lot of the posts. Hope everyone is ready for a hood weekend xx
I'm back! Thank you so much for your wonderful,supportive replies they made absolute sense. I have sort of come to from the shock and am treading water but still afloat! I am normally a resilient,humorous kind of person so the total freaking out was a shocker to me, funny I have always been a strong woman and this totally floored me. I have had first chemo which was rough but as this was two weeks ago I am at the moment feeling a bit more human 😄 I have also been doing some research as I am the kind of person that needs to know and hopefully this treatment regime will slow things down. I have been allocated a palliative care nurse from our GP surgery which took me aback but she is lovely and is working on hubby to open up as she realised how distressed he was though he tends to bottle things up, whatever she said worked we are now slowly talking things through. I get the 'friends' thing it happened when I had my primary diagnoses and I sort of worked my way through who was who quite depressing but I am much happier with those who stuck the course with me. I want to say many thanks ladies for being here and getting it, I still can't talk to people about it all but then I don't feel the need to explain either. I have snuck out from the duvet and even after the initial tiredness started walking the dogs with hubby so lovely to do 'normal' things once again. Sending hugs to all with heartfelt thanks Emmy
Stick with us - we get it!
Think we've all found that some 'friends' don't seem able to handle our illness, it's very sad and quite hurtful but ultimately we don't need friends like that, we need people aroind us who will let us be as we need to be at any particular time.
It's hard for family too but whilst we need to recognize that we also need to start putting ourselves first, we need our energy to deal with treatments, scan anxiety etc.
This is a great place to feel free to say all those things you feel you have to bottle up to protect loved ones.
My heart goes out to you. This is a cruel disease and it affects every aspect of our lives. The early days are so very hard, we are trying to take the news in, digest it and learn how to adjust and cope and on top of that we have to see the pain it causes our loved ones and we want to protect them.
My partner fell to pieces the first few days but has been my strength eversince and is supportive and caring, I'm very lucky, but I do still feel guilty (illogical I know because it;s not my fault) and I know she has to live with this daily just as I do and it's har, we just have to try to live each day at a time.
It does get easier, you will find your own way and you will cope, yes you will have bad days and wobbles but they become less regular. You need to do what is right for you and if that is being on your own then do that but not for too long because you do need people and if you become too cut off it can increase the chances of depression. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself space and time. I won't lie, things are never quite the same, they can't be, but you will find a new kind of normal and you can and will live with cancer.
My mantra is 'hold on to hope'.
I send you love and strength, the experience hat things become easier to deal with and hope that treatments work well for a long time (I'm 6 years bone mets next week) xx
Hi Emmy, it is sooooo hard watching someone you love hurting because you are ill and they can't do anything. I frequently feel so guilty about putting my husband through this. His way of coping has been to be active: he massages my back when the pain us awful, he has become an expert in aromatherapy (and spent a fortune on the oils to relieve pain, inflammation!), researched every alternative therapy going and has me taking sodium bicarbonate, essiac tea, turmeric, all sorts of stuff: all because he refuses to give up and is doing everything he can to keep me going. I wish he didn't have to and I wish I could protect him and my kids from it all. It hasn't got easier but we have definitely got stronger.
Don't be hard on yourself for hiding under the duvet occasionally. There is nothing wrong with wanting to hide from it all sometimes. But don't forget to try and do nice things with each other sometimes too.
Sending you you strength and love.
Sorry ladies I posted then...............freaked out!! I think putting it down made it more real and I went into foetal position,pulled up the covers and let it wash over me. Since then I have started chemo taxatere (spelling) along with Herceptin and Perjita 7 more chemos and H&P for life which scared the bejaysus out of me specially having a pic line but it's been a godsend. I had a 4cm lump removed in 2011 with two WLE,rads and Herceptin along with arimidex I tootled along quite happily then began suffering severe shoulder pain which was treated as trouble with Trapezia but then I suddenly developed a lump on my sternum and swelling of my right side collarbone so what should have been my 'very last app to be told bugger off and get a life speech' , that became you need a ct scan and the rest is history. I am trying so hard to be cheerful, I don't want people to feel sorry for me so I have drawn up the drawbridge for now as I can't cope with people right now. Hubby has taken this hard and after reading the posts on guilt spoke so,so loudly to me. I can handle things but watching those you love hurts so much more,will that go away ? I think I need ladies who understand what's happening I have been diagnosed with shoulder,lung and sternum after tellin doc I had breathing issues but hey it happens I just want reassurance from someone cos I don't like my night company (too much to think off) bless you all I hope this missive made sense xxxxxx
Glad you found the secondary section. Lots of lovely,helpful, caring women here. You will get lots of support and you cn ask anything - nothing is a stupid question.
I had my primary dx in 1999, belts and braces treatment : CMF+Doxorubicin, Rads, Tamoxifen, oopherectomy. After several months of complaining of pain to GP I was dx with bone mets n 2010. Had rads,and am on Zometa and Letrozole plus pain meds and generally managng ok.
Look forward to getting to know you xx
You've certainly come to the right place. I especially get benefit out of the Live Chat on Tuesday's at 8.30pm. I was diagnosed last year, secondaries (bone mets) at same time. I'm a 47 year old single mother of 2 gorgeous girls age 8 and 12. I try to keep positive (for my girls) but also a bit realistic.
Some days/weeks/months can be harder at times, both physically and emotionally. But we have to take each hurdle as it comes, make the best of things and get on with enjoying life. Xx
Hi there - sorry to hear that you are struggling a bit and hope you can get some support here. I think we can all struggle at times when things aren't going so well. I feel for you having to give up work. You haven't said what you are struggling with? Have you got any centres near you that have support groups? I tried "the haven" in Leeds who have a group specifically for people with secondary breast cancer ( and their families). Is there anything like that near you? It can really help to connect with people like that.
Sending you you good vibes and hugs
Hi. Just wanted to introduce myself to the group. Original dx in 1999 breast cancer no spread so chemotherapy and move on. Secondaries to skin and lungs in 2009 chemo, oophrectomy and Anastrazole and that's me! I retired on ill health 3 yrs ago from teaching which was becoming too stressful for me and since then I have struggled to cope. So just looking for a little support and hope I can support in return....thank you.