71626members
375793posts
cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

6 REPLIES 6
JanB
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Hi Angie,

So sorry you and your mum are in this horrible position but I just want to say you can support each other with your shared experience, regardless of the geography.

They always say be careful what you wish for. My mum, who is 73 has lung cancer. When she was diagnosed I just wanted to take it on myself and beat it for her. Just as she was finishing her chemo I was diagnosed with BC at 48. Telling her was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I really thought it would finish her. In reality, we both cried for a bit then got on with it. Although we are no help to each other physically, now we trade tips on how to cope with the side effects of the treatments (especially the embarassing ones). We also understand things that no-one else does. It can be hard to talk to relatives who find it upsetting when you are down. You can't always be brave though and we find we can have a moan without upsetting each other too much knowing it will pass.

No-one wants to be in this position but hopefully you two will find a way to help each other through.

Jan xx

topsymo
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Hi Angie - I really feel for you as there are similarities between your experience and mine.
There is NO family history of cancer in our family but my younger daughter was diagnosed with triple neg BC when she was 32 and then had a new hormone receptive primary in her other breast when she was 36. She has coped with max, chemo and rads etc etc - and all the time I was really angry that she was having to suffer all this at her young age - and with 2 small children.

They say you should be careful when you wish for - many, many times I wished that it was ME instead of her who had the bl.......BC - and then sure anough, aged 65 it was my turn! This time last year I was dx with Grade 3 , Stage 3 - no help to her at all - in fact just one more thing for my dear girl to have to cope with.

Like you and your mother we live a long way apart = but she has been a tower of strength for me. She is a very private person and just 'got on with it' when she was ill- in fact it was hard to find out many details at all from her. It is only now, because of my own diagnosis, treatment and prognosis - and thro' these forums- that I have come to a much fuller knowledge of what having BC really means and I have come to realize just what she must have gone through - pysychologically as well as physically.

I am sure your mother really values your support; however much you would both have wished it otherwise, you are going thro the mill together and you will come out the other side, even closer.

The 'not knowing' is one of the worst things so I do hope you soon have a treatment plan - it does help you to move on from the initial shock and then the limbo of waiting for more test results.
Your happy life has suddenly been turned upside down - and I guess you are feeling pretty angry about that as well as worried . As for your course- everyone is different in how the treatment affects them and how they respond . My daughter went back to work after her 1st lot of treatment & before her 2nd dx - and has now gone back to work again after finishing treatment last year (she's a nurse)
If you find that you don't need chemo, I think you will be able to keep on with your course. I'm afraid if you have chemo I think you'll have to put your degree on hold just for a bit; it does tend to be a bit of a bummer!

angieday
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Thank you so much for your responses.

It's so good to talk to people who have been through this.
Mommyn just to let you know I am 42 and my mum is 69. I still can't believe we are both going through this. In a way the fact that mum is alittle ahead of me in her treatment etc has made my diagnoses easier to take!!

I do just wish I had a treatment plan and knew where I stood. I have 3 beautiful boys, twins of 7 and a 10 year old and i have just completed my first year of a part- time fine art degree so have a great full life and don't want to give anything up!!Has anyone got experience of carrying on with their studies while having treatment?

My mum lives 250 miles from me which has been very hard, but we get together when ever we can.

Thanks again for the support

Angie

dawnhc
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Hi Angie,

I am sorry that no one responded to your post the other day - it is always better to start your own thread. You must have been gutted after the news that your mum had got breast cancer to then find you had it too, and what a good thing you did check. This is always the hard time - waiting for results of tests and not being able to get onto treatment until you have them. I think with lobular breast cancer you will be having chemo - and it is good that the plan is to do that first. When I was diagnosed back in 1990 my tumour was quite large and I started with chemo first. It was good because you could tell the chemo was working as the lump got smaller. I am not going through the same stages as you now but wish you the best of luck and I am sure you will find a lot of support from others who are at a similar stage to yourself.

Dawn
xx

salopets
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Angie, I'm so sorry you got this diagnosis so soon after your Mum. This must be an extremely hard time for both of you. You will however find lots of support on this forum. There are so many of us - I never realized how many until I was diagnosed in December.

Like you I had lobular cancer, which was detected on my first routine mammogram. I too had an MRI, which showed that the other breast was clear, but showed up another suspicious area, so I had to have another biopsy (and another 2 week wait). Thankfully, that area turned out to be benign, so I was able to have a wle, had clear margins and lymph nodes, so just followed by radiotherapy, which I finished three weeks ago and tamoxifen. The MRI is noisy, but no problem, and takes about 30 minutes. Each case of bc is different and therefore each person's treatment is individual. It also depends on your age and I would say if they are talking about chemo first, then that's almost certainly what they'll do. They seem to be surprisingly accurate in their initial assessment of the situation.

I won't tell you not to worry, because that's impossible, but keep posting on her and asking anything you want. You can also moan, rant, cry etc - we've all done it. Once you have your treatment plan in place, you will find it easier, as you'll have something to focus on. The waiting time is definitely the worst.

Sending you positive vibes and hugs.

Sal x

mommyw
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Hello Angie
What a nightmare for you, with both yourself and mother going through this at the same time. I know it is hard - and we all go through so many highs and lows - but take every day one step at a time.
All of us here on this site have gone through, or are going through this. You and your Mom will be support for each other but unfortunately may not be able to look after each other if you are at the same stage.
How old are you? How old is Mom?
I am 62 and had my bc op in Feb and am now going through chemo. I am half way through almost but still a way to go and will have to have rads later.
You can come on here at any time and rant and rave, share your high's and lows or just ask for advice.
I am sorry you have had to join us but you are in the right place.
I am thinking about you and praying for you both.
Love and hugs
Pauline (mommyw)

angieday
Member

Newly diagnosed 6 weeks after my mum

Hi
I'm new to this well have posted once but not sure many people have read it so I thought I would try again.
I was diagnosed with lobular bc on friday the 26th June. This was just 6 weeks after my mum was diagnosed she has ducalbc and has had wle and lymph nodes and margin have come back clear so good outcome. She has the radiotherapy in the next week or so.

When my mum was diagnosed I checked myself and found a lump it took me a couple of weeks to convince myself that I wasn't being completely paranoid and when i did go to the gp she was very dismissive. Anyway she referred me and they took a core biopsy that day and after a hellish 2 week wait told me that it was cancer.I didn't know that there was a type of bc that doesn't show on a mammogram!!
I am now waiting again for an mri scan to determine the exact extent of it and whether it is in both breasts.Would love to hear from anyone going through something similar!!Wondering what my chances are of avioding chemo? Lump they can see is approx 3 cms and they have already talked about chemo to shrink it before they operate as I am quite small. Any advise would be great.

Trying to stay calm!!!!!

Angie