I know this is breast cancer care but I feel like a fraud being here and I think it’s cos I just can’t believe I have become a member of this special club. And everything hurts! It’s probably not even real pain and nothing to do with my diagnosis but I just can’t help my thoughts running away with me. Every twinge I think it’s spread already. I suppose I’m
just reaching out to others who may be also newly diagnosed or who have been through it for some comfort.
Just briefly, or not as the case may be! I found a lump, GP, one stop breast clinic, biopsy and doc said very suspicious and 80% chance it was cancer. After a confusing and horrid weeks wait it was confirmed on weds invasive ductal carcinoma. Even though I had prepared myself it was such a shock for hubby and I. Feel so detached sometimes as if it’s not real and other times crying. Keeping busy but can’t turn my brain off.
Today we told the kids, 4 aged 13 to 24. It felt so painful to bring cancer into their lives with all the worry it brings. We are a close family and we will get through it but like everyone it’s a club we didn’t want to join. Every one sounds so brave here and I don’t feel brave at the moment I just feel scared and actually a bit hopeless.
And now it’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I’m having bubbles (sorry I don’t know the technical terms yet!) in the nodes on Monday to see if it’s in the lymph nodes. Ultra sound didn’t show it. Does it mean it’s very unlikely they’ll find it’s spread? Also Ultra sound found I had crystals? in my other breast and and I have to have a prone table biopsy on my left breast on Tuesday. Has anyone had this done? The lady that booked the appointment didn’t really know anything about it apart from I lie on my tummy and my boob goes through a hole?? And I am lying awake because my left boob with crystals is really aching and under my arm and down my arm and I’m panicking that it has already spread and that’s why it’s hurting. I had a Hadfields procedure a year ago in the crystal breast so doc and Macmillan nurse said it could be scar tissue and it’s very common but it doesn’t stop me worrying.
Sorry for whining on and writing so much. Thank you for taking the time to read my moaning and hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks xx
Welcome to the BCC discussion forums where I am sure you will get lots of good, honest support from the many informed users of this site. If there’s anything you need to ask, just ask there’s always someone here to help either other users or our helpline staff who are just a free phone call away and here to support you through this. Calls to the helpline are free, 0808 800 6000 lines open weekdays 9-5 and Saturdays 10-2.
I have put for you below links to a couple of BCC’s publications I hope will help you along.
Hi Mindymoo
I understand your fears and dark thoughts in the middle if the night. My path is similar to yours I have invasive ductal carcinoma but mine is big so I start chemo on Monday and I’m scared. I also had calcification in the other breast and had to have the biopsies done in the way you described. It wasn’t to bad I had to lie still for a while a bit of local anaesthetic and then very similar to the first biopsy I had. I really didn’t feel it that much.
I find that I’m bring given so much information but all I can think of is will I be here for my son who is 12 I’m a single mum as of this year. I too am waiting to find out if mine has spread and it scares me. Lean on your family and friends let them carry you through. Everyone says that this waiting is the worst bit once you start treatment you start to focus on getting through this.
I’m now on the thread going through treatment on November starters. It’s difficult but try not to think to far ahead it messes with your sanity in a big way. Lots of people get through this and we have to believe that we will too.
Big hugs
Thank you so much everyone. It’s so nice to talk to people who understand. One day at a time is very good advice and I think I’ve got to learn to do that. Xx
Hi Mindymoo, your body is hypersensitive right now and you’ll notice every ache imaginable, I was exactly the same. I think the test you’re referring to is an MRI, you lye face down and your breasts go into 2 holes for imaging. I was diagnosed back in September 2013 with invasive lobular cancer and requested a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. This was followed by FEC-T chemo, rads and now tamoxifen. I finished chemo in March 2014 and rads in May 2014. At the start of my diagnosis I was so scared and felt like my treatment would take forever but I can honestly say the time went so quickly. Once you have your treatment plan you’ll have a direction and won’t feel so helpless.
Wishing all you newly diagnosed ladies a speedy recovery, stay brave and positive, you will beat this horrible disease.
Poor you, i was in similar place to you last year, September.
waiting, screaming inside and crying privately- yes i wa there.
use your partner, friends the breast cancer care nurses and contact MacMillan. They will all want to help and you will hear helpful stuff from them all.
At all my hosp visits i cried and couldn’t speak, poor husband!
give kids what they need to know, it is the unknowns that are scary.
finally i found nights and Thursdays dreadful, ist cos it is dark and you can t get help and 2nd cos panics would build over a week…so hosp often had a call on Friday.
take care, one step at a time
Helen
Hi all,
Newly diagnosed grade 2 which has spread to breast tissue. Waiting for other breast biopsy in 10 days time.
Can anyone tell me if this waiting time is normal as they told me I would need a masectomy so waiting 10 days to check other breast seems long time.They said they are not going to give me chemo before op for some reason. Not sure what size my lump is but feels big. Feel very anxious.
Regards Trish
Hi Sam
So weird to think so many of us are going through this at the same time. Feeling ok today. Results tomorrow so just knowing that the waiting is nearly over feels better. Good luck on Tuesday. Please let me know how you get on. Mindyx