Newly diagnosed and secretly terrified

[supertrouper]

Hello Deborah and other newcomers to this forum.
I was diagnosed in May 2012 but had chemotherapy first and then surgery. I had a mastectomy on December 20th last year and was home the next day ready to celebrate Christmas with the family. One year later I am clear of the disease and looking forward to reconstructive surgery early next year.
I doubt my life will ever be the same again, but I am happy, heathy and so very very grateful for everything.
My mantra during the dark times was to keep repeating to myself that "THIS TOO WILL PASS" and they did, and the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't a train heading my way!
Good luck with your journeys x

[Wendy56]

Hi leelaloo
welcome to the club nobody really wanted to join. We are all in the same boat here so say whatever you think and ask whatever you need to.
mine is also 4.8cm and I am having chemo first to start this month. Had BC 14 years Argo and have been fine ever since until now so you will recover aleakage your life back at the end of it. I have been unlucky having it twice and this is a new primary.
Wishing you luck with your journey and keep in touch on here
Wendy

[Guest user]

Hi deborah
it may not really helps but I feel the very same as you, what ive lived in fear of has come true ands its not nice. Not only do you have to deal with your own diagnosis but horrible memories/ thoughts are dredged up too. Ones that you may have been able to put in a box and put at the back of your mind til now.
my mum died if b.c. When she was in her early 30s in the early 80s, my sister was diagnosed 3 yrs back when she was 35, and me this summer. I keep telling myself that the screening has done its job and I will deal with it. Tackled head on, bilateral mx and chemo now.
i know lots of ladies with b.c and most have fantastic outcomes, so it's trying to focus on those ladies that helps I think.
deborah you're not on your own, but at times my sister told me that its lonely and it is, but you can do it.
have a happy Christmas as much as poss, I'm busy trying to sort through piles of stuff for my kids thinking where will it all go....some things just don't change do they 🙂
Mandy xxx

[June_BCC]

Hello Leelaloo

Welcome to the forums, I’m so pleased that you are finding them helpful.

We also have a free helpline where the staff can offer practical information as well as emotional support. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.

Best wishes

June, moderator

[Leelaloo]

Hi there,
I am new to this as well. Never posted on a forum before. I was diagnosed with invasive lobular bc on 30 October. I had WLE and SNB on 19 November, got results back last Tuesday. Grade 3 cancer which was 4.8mm. I have to have chemotherapy and am waiting for appointment with oncologist. I am very scared about everything and it didnt really sink in until last week. My mom had bc 12 years ago and has never really got over it. My family live in South Africa and we had a holiday booked back there in March. I had to tell my family I wont be coming. I am finding this all so difficult as it is just my husband and I here. I have been reading the posts on this site for a while and find them very comforting and I know I am not alone in this horrible thing.

[Guest user]

thanks so much, its incredibly comforting to know that I'm not alone, and also awful to realize how many people have breast cancer - I mean, I knew we all know someone but i had no idea that there were so many people - and i know that the treatment protocol is much much better than it used to be - that's why i was in the genetic group and managed to catch it, but it doesnt change that I always hoped it wouldn't actually get me.... and now I've been bust 🙂
its tough - I made the decision that I'd face it all head on and handle it - fit it into my life, not turn my life around for it - because we're all different and for me, that's giving in to it, or letting it have more power over me than I'm ready to give cancer.
So I decided to carry on my work till the day before surgery, and am currently writing this from a hotel room on the other side of the world, I get home next Saturday - gather the last things together and hopefully spend some untraumatized family time. Hospital Wednesday morning.... for lumpectomy and node removal... if the bruising is anywhere as bad as the biopsy bruising is - its not going to be very pretty 🙂
My husband is my rock, and that helps - and we talk openly. I've watched surgery before, so I have no illusions in this department and I spoke to the surgeon about where the incisions would be / how big / how much muscle tissue could be lost / whether I'd keep my nipple etc -how limited my arm movement would be with the node removal etc. so I know theoretically what will happen, but that's not the same as the actual event is going to be.
So great to hear that so many of you are so positive - it helps becuase as you know - this is a scary old path... and its much less lonelier knowing how many people are walking it at the same time.

[tracyld]

Thanks for your good news and inspiring post Carrie, just what these newbies need. Hugs to all. Tracy xxx

[carrie35]

Hi ladies just to say I know how you feel and how difficult Christmas will seem with the prospect of test results, hospitals appointments and operations etc... I was you this time last year and a year ago today I was in hospital having my operation. This time last year my life fell apart and Christmas passed in a haze. Who would have thought then that exactly a year later I would have been driving back from Hastings having watched my a daughter in her first paid professional job in pantomime, I am one very proud mum! I have just had the most amazing weekend and I am really looking forwards to Christmas and going back to Hastings for a week so that I can cook my daughter her Xmas dinner as she is working and it's too far to come home. If anyone had told me a year ago that this would happen I would not have believed them, I feel truly blessed and just wanted to reassure you too will feel differently as you pass through this horrid journey and come out the other side x

[Guest user]

Hi Deborah

You have found the right place hun... we are all or have gone through all different phases.. the support is invaluable.. I was scared to post at first cos it was a recognition of what I had got .. sounds funny I know.. still doesnt seem real .. like yourself I got everything organised.. presents wrapped.. cards wrote and posted.. food all arranged... Im determined christmas will continue as "normal" as it can be..I had a WLE & sentinel node removal 2 weeks ago... then an infection on top of that so not a good start... get results 13th Dec so fingers crossed....ps.. I gave up putting on a brave face and it really helped others xxxx

[dib]

Deborah,sorry you've had to join us but don't try and be too brave,you need to share the lows with someone,its a long road your on and you too need support.I too like you have a family history of BC andunfortunately none of those family members survived but they were a long time ago and treatments have progressed tremendously in the last few years,so try to remain positive,lots of ladies are here to offer you support and advice along the way,wishing you well for the future,good luck with your treatment hun,
Love Di.x

[Guest user]

Hi Deborah
Sorry you're one of us, but glad that you've taken the step to join the forum as it really is so supportive and everyone understands. I think getting organised helps massively. I have to admit I do think it's harder when you have relatives or friends who have not had such a good recovery. I lost my mum when I was 15, she died of breast cancer aged 44 and it's hard work getting my mindset the way I want it to be rather than falling into the past - if you see what I mean. However, we are all diffeent, have different circumstances, and treatment has come on in leaps and bounds with this disease it's incredible. A lumpectomy is a breeze, are you having a clearance of nodes? sampling or biopsy? I had a clearance after a positive sentinel node biopsy and that caused more discomfort but not to the point that I couldn't enjoy myself. Best of luck with everything. Let us know how you get on or if you have any questions. Alison xx

[chicita]

Hi Deborah,
I'm new here too and you've come to the right place. I've "met" some lovely ladies already and have found comfort and support. It's not easy when you're so scared inside but still think you have to put a brave face on for the family. At least here you can be yourself and admit just how scared you really are, after all everyone here is in the same boat and understands.
I'll look out for you here, good luck with your surgery.
best wishes
Yvonne

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Deborah,

You've come to the right place for support as the users of this site have a wealth of knowledge and experience between them and are brilliant at supporting new users to this site. For some added support our helpline staff are just a free phone call away, 0808 800 6000, nothing is a silly question, just ask what ever you need to. The helpline opens again in the morning at 9am (Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2).

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

[Guest user]

Trying very hard to be brave, getting all my work projects in a good shape, organizing everything at home - trying to make sure Christmas is still going to be Christmas for everyone My surgery is on the 19th, I've asked the surgeon all kinds of questions and rescheduled some work projects.
I'm truly blessed with the most unbelievably supportive husband, but it still feels like a very lonely place. I've got surgery (lumpectomy and sentinal node removals) lined up, and radiation but ...
Have a family history of it, so was always aware, but the rest of the family have not all got through this well, so not sure that's a great reference point for me. Dont want to let anyone know how scared I am, have to hold it together so I figure this might be the only place - its great to see that I'm not the only one.... have never ever posted on any of these things before either - so cancer is a new step and so are forums....