Newly diagnosed with a new baby + a toddler - anyone else?

[amd66]

Hi Kg,
like the others i am sorry you find yourself on here and im glad other young mums have come on who have babies and toddlers and could share what happened with them. and i hope that has given you a boost that you are not alone.
wishing much luck, glad you found the forum because you can just write whatever you want at any time, it will be a scary time so keep talking, crying and hugging those babies, the sooner you know the sooner it gets started.
much love and hugs
anne xxxx

[Guest user]

Hi KG
I'm sorry you find yourself on this site with a new diagnosis - it must be such a shock for you. My situation isn't too different from yours in that I have a baby and toddler to look after - although I also have a five year old too! I was actually 38 weeks pregnant with my third when I was diagnosed in August and I had to be induced the next day so they could begin the process of scans and treatment. I found it so hard - at a time when you're supposed to be happy welcoming your little one into the world you are feeling terrified. But it does get easier and I have found having my three little ones to focus on a welcome distraction - they are so innocent they help you forgot everything else that's going on. I had to go through the whole painful boobs thing and it isn't fun but it didn't take too long for the milk to go and now I try to focus on the positives of bottle feeding - ie, my husband can do the night shift! A low point was leaking milk onto the mammogram machine. But all that was temporary as it will be for you and as a few people have mentioned once treatment starts it's much easier to be positive - you can start ticking off the weeks and gradually seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
You will need lots of help from friends and family so don't be afraid to ask - I found that hard at the beginning but am ok with it now and most people do genuinely want to help. One of my friends has organised a rota so that we get some home cooked food a couple of times a week and that's a great help. Is your toddler in nursery at all? That would be a help for you.
Anyway feel free to PM me if you want. Good luck with everything.
Sx

[Guest user]

Hi KG, so sorry to hear of your situation and I send you virtual hugs, you are not alone. the helpline on here is fab too. I have a nearly 3 and a 6 yr old and am 2wks post mx, your babes will keep you going but accept all the help that you can. I echo the kind and practical words already said, it is especially important to get your support network around you, i dont have much family but my friends have been amazing, even other mums who i barely knew have been so helpful. My breast care nurse is great too, she always says the right thing.
for your engorged milk, seek advice as given already above, I have seen products also that help with painful breasts (Lansinoh have brought one out that you can heat or cool) though I have no personal experience of this I'm afraid. however i did have engorged boobs and this may seem funny but when i was breastfeeding and painful boobs, i used dark green cabbage leaves against my boobs with a layer of frozen peas then between the cabbage and my bra....
good luck with everything and just to say I found the waiting hardest, once treatment was started I was so relieved, it's not a stroll in the park, but its not always sombad either! bear in mind there are many types and stages of breast cancer, mine has been early stage and hopefully yours is too. Good luck and try the Facebook group, I have been using it more than here (although this is great too) 🙂

[Guest user]

Hi KG
I was diagnosed just 2 months ago and have gone through the trauma that you are going through. Although I am much older than you, I work with young mums antenatally and postnatally and appreciate how difficult it must ve for you with a young baby and toddler who very much need you.
My advice to you is to build upo as strong a team around you as you possibly can:
Your immediate family will I hope provbide the best support
Talk to your GP about everything that you are feeling - if you are not happy find another who you are confident will help you.
Talk to your Breast care nurse at your hospital and/or to one of tghe nurses on the Breast Cancer Care Hotline - they are amazing. maybe get a relative or friend to look after the children so you can have time to talk by yourself.
Ask the BCC Helpline to put you in touch with someone in a similar position - my lady rings me every week or so, but her experience and words have helped me through - I hold her words 'You can do it' very close and also told myself before each op to rememeber that in 4 weeks time I shall be feeling more comfortable.
Find a counsellor - sometimes you can ask your doctor to refer you to one that visits the surgery, or private counsellors will charge a nominal fee if you find it hard to pay. I found this a great help early on - she hlped me cope with everything I was feeling.
Confide in those you feel you can trust. I felt that I did not want to tell the world abpout it until I knew what was happening. My counsellor also said that I do not have to be concerned about others feelings, they can look after themselevs. We also talked about not seeing people who I didn't want to see - she suggested I (or my family) say 'I/She needs time and quiet with my/her family just now, seeing others people will only add my/her stress'. It has been very useful to keep fussy people away and stop gossips. I have found it hard not to tell the truth to everyone but is proving worth it since I had my mx 2 weeks ago.
Lastly, be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes, give yourself a pat on the back for every small achievement you achieve and most of all enjoy those lovely children! If you have no help, then Home Start may be able to provisde a volunteer to help you through the coming weeks and months - look them up on google - there are branches around the country.
A bug Hug! Hook your smile over your ears and keep going! Seagull

[Guest user]

Hi kg

Very sorry to hear of your diagnosis, Its crap. I was 31 when diagnosed, my son was 11 months when I started treatment and I was still breast feeding too when diagnosed. I wAs told to stop feeding immediately but I have since read that necessarily necessary in all cases, something that wasn't mentioned to me at the time (although maybe I wasn't one of the cases where it would've be possible). Surgeons were concerns about getting clear margins if I was still feeding. My son is now three and a half and bizarrely he remembers nothing of my illness or treatment. He doesn't remember my long hair or mummy not being well. Which is a blessing considering the angst I've had over not fulfilling the mummy role properly! He doesn't appear to be too scarred by it all. Focusing on his needs and milestones definitely helped me through my treatment and gave me a reason to carry on during the darkest days. He also enabled me to focus on the positives and the here and now-as that's what little kids do isn't it?

Tbh I very rarely come on here but tors mentioned you her the Facebook group she mentioned above so I thought I'd pop on. The group is really good and if you felt ready for it, there's lots of lovely young ladies out there who have sadly experienced similar to you and who can offer support, helpful hints etc. take care, wishng you all best xxx

[Guest user]

Hi KG, I'm 35 and was breast feeding my 8 month old when I was diagnosed this July. I don't have any other children, but also had to stop BFing very quickly like you have been advised to. My treatment so far has been chemo (I am due my last one next Friday) and then I will find out what the surgeon wants to do with me, before I start radiotherapy after surgery. I had chemo first because I was BFing, and my surgeon said he would not operate on me while I was lactating and that once I'd stopped BFing my boobs would take a while to get back to 'normal'.

I'm sorry you find yourself here, but hope that you will find support from everyone here. Feel free to ask any questions if you have any xx

[Guest user]

Hi kg
I dont have children, and I'm going to mirror everything that Tracey said. We are all here for each other to have a moan, share experiences or talk about shopping ( lots of that going on)
Thisa forum and the Facebook page remind me I am not alone and whilst everybodies experience is different we all have the same goal.
Cyberhugs to you xxxxx

[Guest user]

Hi KG, I'm so sorry you've had to join us here and just want to let you know we are here for you during this. I'm hoping you have a good support network of family and friends who will swing into action and take care of those wee babies of yours and you. I don't have any children myself, but I have nothing but admiration for those going through treatment whilst also looking after their families.

[Guest user]

I'm so sorry you've had to join us 😞
I can only imagine how hard it is to be diagnosed when your still feeding. I loved breastfeeding my children and it felt so natural, just what your breasts were designed to do, so to have that feeling destroyed must be awful. Your hormones will be all over the place too and I hear you on the engorged breast pain - so sore!
I am only 30 and was diagnosed in sept. I've had a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction and I start chemo next week. My children are 2 & 4.
There's nothing else to say except it's crap. The whole experience is crap but in a way we are lucky because our children need us so much we HAVE to survive, we HAVE to get on with treatment, we HAVE to be mummy. It takes your mind off it a bit and gives you a reason to live.
You will feel better once you have a treatment plan in place and know what's happening. The waiting for treatment and results is hell on earth but it passes. The kids will keep you busy!!
Let us know how you're getting on. We are here to help you through this.
Kerry xx

[Guest user]

Hi KG,
Big hugs first of all following diagnosis.
I am in a slightly different circumstance, am currently 21 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with breast cancer on the day of my 12 week scan. I have been advised that I will not be able to breast feed. I have to complete chemo before baby is born and then I've got further surgery, drug treatment and radiotherapy after birth. The midwives might be able to advise on extraction of milk, that's who I will be approaching.
It's definitely worth asking about the whether there will be surgery or just a drug treatment regime.
Have you got a good support network at home for support with childcare?
The hospital were on about offering me some sort of support network once baby is born so it might be worth asking questions about if there is any support available.
Thinking of you xx

[Guest user]

Hi KG, don't know what to say. But didn't want to read and run. Hugs, and love to you and yours. I'm waiting for my breast clinic appointment, so in the clueless stage, but can feel your pain as I'm 33 with a 6,8 and 10 year old. Just the thought of discovering it's BC is terrifying me and sending me to tears.
I'm glad there is such wonderful support here, and other young mums who will be able to support you and give you stength and wisdom. xxx

[tors]

hi Kg, I'm really sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It is so very hard dealing with the shock and isolation of a breast cancer diagnosis at a young age, and once you add babies not the mix life gets even harder. My boys were 2&4 when in was diagnosed in march 2010, and that was hard enough. But I was still their mum, I still did mum stuff, they have come out of it relatively unscathed and we got through. There is every reason to believe that you and your little ones will get through this too. There are a lot of us with young children unfortunately, you may get help in this forum or you may want to try our new Facebook group. I will bump up the link for you. It's a group of young women who have had a breast cancer diagnosis and are at various stages of treatment/recovery/reclaiming their lives. There are ladies there who are in your position now, or who have been in your position recently. You would be made very welcome and could chat in private, as well as obtaining the support and advice you need here.

Margaret, thanks so much for posting your story, it really does give us youngies hope.

Xxx

[Guest user]

I was diagnosed today as well but I am a grandmother of 68.it will be difficult for both of us but having young children must be overwhelming. No doubt family and friends will be tbere to support you

[mandyj]

Hi KG
I found when I was first diagnosed that I looked for anyone on the internet (basically famous names) who had been diagnosed with breast cancer to see their story etc.. I found the story of Amanda Mealing inspiring (she played Connie Beauchamp in Holby City). She was diagnosed whilst in hospital giving birth to her little boy!! You may want to have a look at her story and how she supports woman going through breast cancer. My little boy is 3 and I can only imagine how hard it is for you with two small ones, but your children will keep you going.
Good luck with it all. You will get through it.
mandyj.xx

[tracyld]

That is great news Margaret and should reassure KG that she is going to live a long time with her babies just like you did. Amazing stories like these are just what we want. Thank you love Tracy xxx

[Guest user]

Hi KG,
I really feel for you. I'm not in the same situation as you, but I was 31 with two little ones aged 1 and 3 when I was first diagnosed and I know how difficult that can be. I was offered, and accepted, help with childcare. I had two very good friends who looked after the boys whilst I drove to radiotherapy and back. It was difficult, but I did find that being busy with the children kept my feet on the ground and stopped me brooding too much.
My boys are now hulking great lads of 24 and 22 (and have a little sister who turns 18 in a couple of weeks).
Sending you a big cyberhug!
Margaret

[tracyld]

Sending you this to the top of the list for you young Mums to help out. I agree talk about the BC to everyone who will listen it certainly helped me to be open and honest and hide nothing away. You will need lots of support so involve all your family and friends. Dont try to be brave at this stage, if you want to weep then weep, but afterwards know that your babies need you right now and you are going to fight this and give it your very best shot. Sending you big hugs Tracy xxx

[flora]

Hello KG,
I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. This forum is a good place to find information and connect with other people in a similar situation. I'm not in the same position as you, although I was 37 when I was initially diagnosed with young children. The only 'advice' I would give you is to talk to people about how you're feeling (if that's ok for you) and if possible, inlist the help of friends and family. Coping with a toddler and a small baby is exhausting enough without the added stress of dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I really hope you have results very soon and a clear treatment plan organised. Then you will see a way forward and stay in control. Love to you and a hug 🙂

[Sam_BCC]

Hi KG

Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am sure you will find it a great source of information and support. I'm sorry to read of your diagnosis, the first few days and weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with things and getting to grips with your treatment plans, etc.

I'm sure some of the other users users will be a long soon to offer you their support. In the mean time you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack, it has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/diagnosed-breast-cancer/resource-pack-primary-early...

Also, do give the helpline a ring if you need any further support or information. They're on 0808 800 6000. Open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 10-2 Saturday.

Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

[KG0]

Hi, I'm 34 and have just been told this week that I have breast cancer (not sure of details yet). I have a 7 week old and an 19 month old and am still reeling from the news. Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? I've been told I have to stop breastfeeding immediately for the purposes of MRI and surgery. I'm finding it hard emotionally as well as physically - agony of swollen boobs! Not quite sure what I'm looking for from this forum, I guess just to chat with anyone going through something similar, or who has any advice. I am having an MRI this week to try to see the extent of the cancer but they're not sure they'll be able to see because of the milk. I've a meeting with the consultant next week to discuss results and work out a treatment plan. What should I be asking/ thinking about? All advice would be really appreciated. Thanks so much.