Interesting post Sue, when you are out of control it helps to feel in control of as much as possible by planning how you will get by, though of course we all know that things don't always go to plan ... Today I have started thinking about who I will ask to help me and my dependants through the next few months. Different friends for different roles etc ...
Hi Sue H-S, I hope your onco appointment goes okay tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you xx
I had my second op on Wednesday 13th, the experience was okay having been through it a few weeks earlier. If anyone out there is nervous about operations, speak with your GP about getting a sedative for the night before and the morning of the op. It helped me alot, kept me calm and in control. I also asked the anesthetist for a sedative before the op. I'm not saying I skipped through it as it is still a nervous experience but it helped alot. When I had my gall bladder out last September I wasn't offered anything before the op and believe me I was sooo nervous, blood pressure and heart rate was off the chart so I wouldn't want that experience again.
My scar is a little rougher than last time, like you Sue H-S my under arm wound feels tight when stretching. Until the swelling has gone down I'm not sure yet how much of a breast I have left so can't decide yet if reconstruction is needed.
My doctors have said if I want reconstruction I could have fat injected.
I'm glad I asked for a copy of my pathology results, they are complicated to understand but with the help of this website I got to understand what they were saying as they have a guide you can print off and work through.
I've not had my second set of test results back yet so hoping they have removed a clear margin. I was also offered a Oncotype DX test which will apparently tell me the chances of this cancer returning and if I need chemo. Has anyone else out there had this test? If so, what did you think?
I've been told I need radiotherapy but the thought of chemo really scares me.
Do you know....even now I hear myself say these words...cancer, radiotherapy, chemo and I don't believe it's happening to me.
What I find frustrating is that doctors don't know enough about cancer, they test, cut out and treat you with radiotherapy and chemo then what??? No-one seems to know, it's a guessing game. I continue to do a breast exam and I do worry if a lump will appear in my other breast.
What I have learnt so far is that this is a journey for all of us and where loved ones, friends, colleagues think that just because you've had an op to remove a lump the journey isn't over yet. It's not like putting a plaster on a cut. Our healing is not just physical but emotional too and will take as long as we need it to xxx
Hi Jobe68 I am just feeling so hurt and so angry and so pi&&*d off right but I also just
keep asking myself why did this happen, Mylife was going great I had just got engaged about
3 weeeks before.so I go from being on cloud nine and on top of the world, to being brought
back to earth with a bump and a bang with what turns out to be a breast cancer diagnosis.
thanks forf taking the time to reply Jobe68.
And good Luck with your results.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you that everything goes of for you.
hi thanks for that charys, that was a great way to put it about the squash
you have just managed to sum up exactly how I am feeling and exactly
what is going on in my Head.
Thanks for that Charys.
I only now feel able to talk about my experience. I've looked at many of the threads and have found comfort in knowing I'm not alone and you all have helped me understand what I'm feeling.
I found a lump in my breast in January, had mammogram, ultra-sound and biopsy (ouch! that did hurt a bit), waited a few weeks (hated the waiting, still do) for results and was then diagnosed with ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma) in February. Being given that sort of news was beyond shock. I just went numb. I honestly thought my emotions were not acting like they should but having read some other threads, this is not the case and I'm thankful for that.
On the 18th March I had surgery for a wide local excision on my left breast to remove the lump and sentinel lymph nodes which is apparently standard practice these days to check for cancer cells. I was quite surprised that this procedure is performed through the same day admissions unit. I was very happy to go home the same day to sleep in my own bed but sleeping was not to be. Trying to find a comfortable position was difficult. Haven't really slept much since January with worry.
Surgery went well, my armpit area has been quite sore because of the removal of the lymph nodes but with the daily exercises this has improved alot. Since the recovery I've developed a seroma (fluid) in the wound site. Had it check by BCN. All quite normal! Sore and uncomfortable I'd say.
Received my pathology results yesterday from the surgery.....confirmed the lump was an ILC, the size was 21.5mm but they also found a Invasive Tubular Carcinoma which I think is a IDC (but I could be wrong) next to the ILC, the size was 9mm, unfortunately there wasn't enough of a clear margin of healthy cells, so I need more surgery to remove more tissue!
Provisionally I'm having surgery on Wednesday 13th April, feel a bit gutted in some ways as I'm only just getting over the first surgery and now I need to do some more healing after next Wednesday. One step forward, two back!
Great analogy! Yes the squash will begin to get diluted.... Some days it will even taste just like plain water!! 😉
I guess this is the proverbial emotional rollercoaster Nancy, we are currently sitting on. To me it feels like everything you could feel over many years, being intensely compressed into a few weeks. Fear, shock, anger, despair, moments of strength and positivity, tears, love, lack of control, surreal thoughts, an aching heart, and the rest......all intensely concentrated like a tiny teeny bottle of that fruit squash that gives the same number of drinks as a full sized bottle. As I said earlier, you feel what you feel, there is no right or wrong, go with the flow. I gather from others on this forum, that eventually the roller coaster slows and you start to have glimpses of normality which become more and more regular. That 'squash' gets diluted !!!
Bless you Charys, I so want everyone of you in the early days while your filled with fear to know that it gets better and you will get a sense of normality back and even when like me waiting on results you will be able to do it and keep a level head of sorts! I've got some control back now and I'm keeping hold of it 😉 Xx
....and Jo you are not only waiting yourself but encouraging others, that's so fantastic and selfless. I hope to be able to do the same in the future.
Nancy your feeling just how we all did upon diagnosis, world spun upside down, disbelief that this is happening to you!! Anger that it's you and not someone else, it just wasn't in my plans, I live a lovely happy life and this wasn't supposed to happen , I spent weeks feeling rage at it for daring to do this to me but some how you start to find a way to get your head around it, you realise it is happening and you have to face it but you don't right now, you are allowed to go through all the emotions before you come to a sort of acceptance and you will although it may not feel like it right now, I'm now a year on waiting on mammogram results from Monday and I'm actually feeling ok, I'm surprised that I am but there is no big melt down like I was expecting, I'm anxious of course but I can't change the outcome and I won't let this b*%$*#&d bring me down any more!! Xx jo
People have said to me that there is no right or wrong way to feel, you are feeling what you are feeling and your emotions can swing wildly at times.....every shade of emotion will have been experienced by someone somewhere. Each of us has our own unique lives, personalities and ability to deal with shock and process it. A doctor friend said to me ' don't try too hard to feel a certain way, just let yourself be whatever you are right now'. Whatever you feel right now won't always be.
Hi thanks Helli18, I am proberbly feeling just about every emotion under the sun right
about now. I mean I just don't know how I feel, Or how I should be feeling.
I just wish that someone could tell me how and what I should be feeling.
It just feels that right now it feels like my whole world has been turned
upside down and topsy turvy If you get what I mean.
Hi Ladies, I just want to offer some words of support. My wife was diagnosed last Auguest, the initial diagnosis is horrible for you and your family. You question your mortaility, there are many tears and if you're with someone you'll realise just how much you love them. Once treatment gets under way, things do improve, Mainly because you're preoccupied with dealing with that. Take each stage at a time, don't get ahead or try not to worry about possible treatments until you have them.
This forum was a Godsent to us both.
P.S my wife was 36 when diagnosed and they kept on saying how young she was, that pee'd her off at times.
Sending hugs to everyone x
Nancy, I was diagnosed in February abd felt that the bottom had dropped out of my world, and that somehow they had got it wrong. It's a really difficult time as there is a lot of waiting and no clear plan. It does get more manageable, please don't have any fixed expectations of how you should feel ask away on the forum x
snap. I was diagnosed last Thursday and seeing my BCN tomorrow morning for the first time. I can honestly say, like you, that I've never experienced anything like this emotionally. It feels as if the world has stopped turning, as if the shock is so deep that you can't recover. The depth of fear, and desperate feelings are beyond description actually. Every thought you could have in your nightmares comes into your head, I know as I am feeling it too, it is surreal and not something that I can even begin to understand how to tackle. If you want to share with me on the times ahead then I will find out how to get private messaging on my account.....but no oressure if you don't want to either! Do what's right.
It feels like 'being mortal' hits you in the face and it's a terrifying experience. I have taken comfort from coming to this forum, just as a way to try and get my mind into a place where there is support and positivity. Just to know there are others there is a help.
Take care x