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Newly diagnosed :-@

14 REPLIES 14
Guest user
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Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Thanks Lozza, we just have the kids to tell now, and we are having them round today so more deep breaths! It's such a relief once we started telling everyone (thanks to the strength sent by Tracy too x), and we have another appointment with the surgeon tomorrow morning, when I think we will decide on surgery and I might even get my date too... He's recommending mx with immediate reconstruction, but I'm a little bit concerned in case it's the wrong decision... Although it sounds like I might be lucky and that it hasn't ventured from my breast yet. Tough time for all of us, but one step at a time is a good plan!
take care xxx
Lozzarooney1
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Well done Jane - you should be really proud of yourself! It's always hard trying to judge it - I still have several friends who don't know including one who's (I'm gonna sound like a horrid person now!!) a drama queen, and for whom I know will be cross that I didn't tell first! So hate the playground mentality that some people still have although I recognise it generally stems from their insecuriy...
As for looking ahead - I am trying to take it one step at a time as nothing ever seems to stay the same and I recognise that much will depend on the results from WLE/SNB as to my future treatment. However - we are all different and some like more information than others which is why this site is so wonderful. But do bear in mind though Jane, that this is VERY early days for us so be kind to yourself and try not to read too far ahead as a) you may not need the same treatment plan and b) your experience may be different.

I think the important thing to remember is that we will all be helped and supported through our traumatic experience by the others on this site who have or are 'walking in our shoes' - and for which I have found a godsend! When it's getting too damn hard and you feel like you're struggling - log on here and 'vent' out!! You'll feel a whole lot better!
Take care Jane - keep us posted on how it's going.
Lozza xx
Guest user
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Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

That was a tough couple of days! I'm sure for many of you reading this too, so big hugs all round x
Told my immediate family, and now have the horrible task to do again with my partner's family 😞
Deep breaths... Now trying to sleep, but can't stop thinking about next stages, like operation, possible reconstruction offered, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.....
tracyld
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Thinking of you both. It is so good Lorraine to read your posts to other newbies. You are doing so well , this positive attitude will get you through the next few difficult days.
Jane I send you strength to be able to tell your family today now that Christmas Day is over. Stay strong and just give them basic facts as they are usually so shocked they do not absorb the information well.
Love and hugs to you both Tracy xxx
Lozzarooney1
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi Jane
So glad to hear that your appointment with BCN went well - the waiting around is indeed the worst part - just feels like you're in limboland!
Hope you managed to have some laughs yesterday! We managed to have a few... plus a few tears (in secret) were had by my daughter... which we managed to turn around. It wasn't the best Christmas... but I think it was ok considering... and we did have a few laughs - especially at the end of the day...when we went over it! My side of the family seemed to have written me off already... am blaming it on ignorance... we'll fight this Jane... yes we'll have our ups and downs... but we'll get through this...
I have my surgery date now... seems ages away... 9th January for WLE/SNB... but no doubt it'll come soon enough though I did say I'd accept a cancellation... pre-assessment on 31 Dec... oh yes... you can see I'm going out with a bang!
In the meantime... I shall just continue to take one day at a time... its all you can do... today (so far) is good... everyone in bed except me and puss... and I may even do some OU studying and finally finish my assignment which was due in the day after I got my dx and for which I got an extension! The plan is to try and stay positive... have a laugh where ever and whenever I can... a cry if I need to... whilst I'm on this roller coaster. Sending you positive vibes Jane...
Take care sweetheart...
Lozza xx
Guest user
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Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Thanks Lozza,
Today' a big step, because we are with my side of the family and we decided to try not to spoil everyone's Christmas Day. We'll see how far we get, and if one of us wobbles then I guess we'll tell them.
Appointment with BC Nurse went really well yesterday, and we're some way to deciding on surgery, and she chased up my Her-2 and hormone receptor results for me too, so feel a little bit further down the line.
Hope you all manage to have a lovely Christmas.
Jane xxx
Lozzarooney1
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi Jane
I hope it went well with your BC nurse and she was able to answer your queries. We are all here for you and the best thing is... we are all at different stages so there is much advice and shared experiences on here.
I am also just starting my journey ... diagnosed with IDC (grade 3) last monday...
What I would say is... stick to this site and Macmillan - ignore the others and just take it one step at a time.
Big hugs to you.
Lozza x
Jo_BCC
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi Jane,

I'm glad to see that you're getting good support from your fellow forum users. If you need that extra bit of support over the festive period the forums are open 24/7 and a moderator will be on line at various points checking things over. Our helpline will be open 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday and 10am - 2pm on Saturday and also today, Christmas Eve, and New Year's Eve. The helpline unfortunately will be closed Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year' Day.

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. It's the first time I've used any kind of forum like this and can't believe the love coming through x
Did some Christmas visiting and pressie swapping with my partner's brother and family today, and managed to also have tea out with the kids with no tears (without telling them yet), so have more confidence that we can take a few deep breaths and get through Christmas Day like Tracy recommended.
I can see that it's not fair to shock anyone yet, when we don't have a plan in place (thanks Jayne), and (Maggie) you're right, I should stop trying to diagnose myself and trust in the professionals around me...
Let's hope my BCN appointment tomorrow answers some of the questions that appear minute by minute.
Thanks again,
Jane xxx
tracyld
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hello there,
I agree with the others that I would Not tell my family on Christmas Day. I know it will be hard for you when ever you decide to tell your family and friends but get through Christmas together on a united front and then break your news. Cancer affects the whole family network, best friends, close friends, work colleagues and acquaintances. Other people react to the news in different ways, some are of course extremely sad, some are very anxious and others are very flippant. I had one of the girls at work say Well its only a breast " but what she was really trying to say was be positive Tracy because you have not got to have a leg or an arm amputated! She was just being herself and getting Me to be strong.We all know others who are worse off than us in lots of different ways, so just take your time. Take some big deep breaths and get through Christmas day as best you can , then face the next few days together .
Wishing you and your family a good day . Sending you love and hugs. Tracy xxx
mggdggn@yahoo.co.uk
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi ya, thought I would tell you about how I dealt with my diagnosis. My sister was with me so I had great support, just like you have with your partner. My birthday was 2 days after diagnosis, my parents wedding anniversary was 3 days, and a trip to Rome that we were all going on was 7 days after. We decided to say nothing until after the trip, but we sat down parents and my 19 year old son and told them separately after we got back from a great trip.
Treat family members like you would like to be told yourself, don't frighten them, because they too will expect that it's the worse ever situation to be in, so tell them gently. Wouldn't advise telling over Xmas at all, it will only make them fret over you and this might make you even more scared then you are.
I kept everyone in the loop, when I appointments and surgery. I had Mastectomy 4 days ago, came home no drains or pain, and went shopping Saturday. Did I think I would be in this position and did I think I would be shopping after 3 days....No!

This journey will take you to places you never thought you Would see, but with great support and trusted medical staff you will get through it all.
We have all googled and came off feeling that we won't see Xmas, but you must trust the professionals and go with the flow.....I don't mean to be flippant when I say that, but you won't find on the Internet the personal care and treatment that applies to you.
That is what scared me the most I was diagnosing myself everyday, and dreading my future.
Stay on this site, it will keep you sane.
Best wishes and Merry Xmas
Maggie x
Jayne_m
Member

Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

JJnA I was diagnosed in July with IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma) and DCIS grade 2 so similar to you. As we had a holiday booked, I had a bit of a wait then a lumectomy in September. Luckily I had no nodes involved - I had a node biopsy at the same time as the operation. As my lump was 2.5cm I was offered the choice of chemotheraphy. It was made clear it was up to me as I was low risk of needing it (3%) but I decided to have the chemo and am now almost through it. None of this is easy but once you get a treatment plan it really is all doable. I have teenagers too and told them once I knew what the plan was (shortly after the diagnosis) - they were of course upset but have been briliiant once they got over the shock. I have been completely honest with them at every stage and also consulted them when I made my chemo decision whch they fully supported.

It is good you are seeing your breast care nurse tomorrow as she will be able to answer lots of questions for you and help you move forward. This forum is also here for lots of love support and information and if you just want a rant!

Take care and I hope you and your family are able to enjoy your christmas.

Jayne x
Guest user
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Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Thank you Sunshine Lollipops. I think we have come to the same conclusion about the internet, but I wanted to technically understand what was inside me... It's so daunting, unreal, and the word invasive is so scary. We were going to tell my family on Christmas Day, but are reconsidering it after your advice. We also see my Breast Care Nurse tomorrow, so we will chat with her, as last time was the diagnosis and it's impossible to take much in along with the devastating news about the results.
Thanks 🙂
Guest user
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Re: Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi JJnA,
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis - especially at this time of the year! I just wanted to say, please don't scare yourself silly searching the internet about everything - it can make you more anxious as there is so much information out there. There are some really good leaflets to download on the breast cancer care website that help to keep things more in perspective. My consultant's best piece of advice to me was to take one step at a time so things don't becoming overwhelming for you. Everyone's condition is unique to them and tailored specifically to address their own needs at different stages.
As regards the children, I am a strong advocate of honesty (like my Breast Cancer Nurse) being the best policy and tailoring the comments based on their maturity and personality. My children were 14 and 12 and I was honest with them from the beginning and I am sure they appreciated that (I am no good at acting anyway!). I assured them that I would be getting the best possible treatment for the condition and they seemed to take the news surprisingly and reassuringly well. Kids can be so resiliant. In fact my daughter (the 12 year old) was an absolute rock for me sometimes as she was so matter of fact about it all and sensible she really helped me come to terms with what I was facing! As you say that you have a good relationship with the children, I would not advise you jeopardizing this by keeping things from them (although you could spare them the nitty gritty elements! and refrain from telling them and the family until after xmas day). You don't want to lose the children's trust.
Finally, you will get through this, it's the beginning of a journey for you and your partner but you and your loved ones will cope and be stronger from it in the long run. Take good care of yourselves.
Sunshine Lollipops.
Guest user
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Newly diagnosed :-@

Hi, I was diagnosed with high grade DCIS with grade 2 carcinoma within it on Wednesday, and we are destroyed. Researching like mad and talking things over with my partner, who was with me when diagnosed. Really struggling to know how to tell the rest of the family, especially whne the next time we will see my side of the family is on Christmas Day!!! Any help or advice would really be appreciated. Also, my partner has kids (well 16 & 17) that I'm really close to and we can't decise what and when we should tell them - help please... x