'Normality' and wobbles

[delly]

Yes SJrt,

I think it must be the same with having survived any form of potentially life threatening disease - it sharpens your emotions and senses. I am a far more outwardly expressive emotional and empatheticperson from it. No longer put a "brave face on" as I used to always to do and people had difficulty in reading me. The old adage "better out than in" is better for both yourself in the release sense, and to other people who can see and therefore perhaps better understand its effects on you 

My advice would be to just let it all flow, don't hold back (but preferably, if it's anger, punch a pillow or suchlike !!). I had a couple of good friends at the time who were brilliant listeners and HUGGERS, no matter how many times I wanted to off load or vent. Listening is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give to someone in these circumstances, a genuinely sympathetic and patient ear is like a diamond.

We all need a ROCK at times who'll put a gentle, loving arm around or underneath us should our emotional knees be giving way.Be it husband/partner, close family, friend, neighbour, fellow ward patient, Forum friends, support groups . . . .

I'm a single person, 8 years on from losing both boobs - not even a year apart! and I STILL get wobbly though nowhere near as often. STILL have that seed or mistrust of whether it could be lurking/lodged elsewhhere in my body. I lost my most solid rock 4 years ago, who practicallly lived through the whole two seperate experiences with me and was the most brilliant diamond of all - my Mum !! Bless her big cotton Briget Jones knickers!! And no, her death was nothing to do with cancer, there was no family breast cancer history. 

Keep kicking it up the bum

Delly xx 

[lexilou3]

Hey Catchpole,

have you investigated the U3A ( university of the 3rd age) my mum participates in several groups & runs one on silk painting in her local area. She also does conversational spanish thru this, & my Aunt joined a walking group. They have men & women in the groups & you already have a common interest. Maybe worth investigating - doing something fun with others? Good luck to you x x

[catchpole]

O goodness feisty flora and all you others, can identify with you all,

I live alone with little family, have friends but most coupled up which means i spent lot of time on my own not doing a lot before and i didnt like it much then now i hate it, I finished my rads last week and feel i should be enjoying myself more embracing ;life but here i am on a sat night sitting in alone.  Ok im over 60 retired freluctantly,  but ive always been young for my age, now feel i want to do more exciting things but who with.  My friends were all over me when though i was seriouslyu ill, now all i get is do voluntary work,why i wouldnt do it before, ive had cancer not turned into Mother Theresa and join things, anything whats the point in joining something i might have no interest in just to stop being on own \One friend even suggested WI.lol  Also a bit of male company would be nice b ut of course woman of my age are invisible to men.  

I find myself weeping for no reason whether its frustation with my situation or my hormones, perhaps its rhe tamoxifen or perhaps its just me i dont know,but i feel i want to embrace life do exckiting things but thats damm hard on your own. My friend said other day you were always negative before you had cancer. Whu do people say you are negative if you dont want to do boring things they think you should, things suitable for !a pensioner"lolJune

[feistyflora]

Yes, cancer does change your attitude to life.  I am more feisty now, hence the name.  I love just sitting quietly watching nature. I refuse to stand nonsense from anyone and heaven help them if they try to give me any grief - I give it back to them in spades.  I am more tolerant and less judgmental. I am open to new ideas, embrace change and dress in a much younger way. I exercise regularly, have a slim figure and my BMI and blood pressure are in the perfect range.  I am much better at judging people. I can spot a 'user' or a con man (or woman) a mile away and I am ruthless at cutting this sort of person out of my life because these ''energy vampires' don't give a damn about me so why should I give a damn about them?  I only want nice, kind people around me now and thankfully there are plenty of them about.  I was just minding my own business having a quiet meal with my family in a well-known popular pub chain/restaurant today when an aggressive weirdo (who was obviously alcohol dependent) decided to be verbally abusive to me - I just told the irritating to bod off (or words to that effect) - I have no patience with that sort of time-waster. I make the most of life now, don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy every day to the full. 

[SJ19]

Hi, yes my head maybe all over the place but I know what you mean about tolerance. I look on people differently. Everyone seem so stuck in their little ruts and don't want to do anything about it. Perhaps they are happy but I want to go screaming down the road and grab life as I never have before. That's probably why I have wobbles as reality doesn't care about cancer or cancer about reality. That's probably why coming to terms with all this is harder because there are a lot of things I can't change and I want to.

[lexilou3]

Hi ladies,

I am different, my perspective has changed. I dont feel doom ad gloom, but i am less tolerant. Active treatment ended sept 2014, first year mamo NED.

So.... what is the issue ? It is me, my needs that were never great are now different. As i accept this change is afoot.

Good luck with any changes you instigate or not. My inner voice in this instance is right, but am still trying to keep a rational head too.

Definately not going to start base jumping or pot holing, (am not changed that much, nor that adventurous) but am re-evaluating.

Much love LL xx

[SJ19]

Thanks for that. It's hard when everyone says how good you look. People don't look beyond that and see what else might be going on in your mind. I certainly don't feel the same person as before the diagnosis what with the new boob and I am sure anyone who had cancer would feel the same regardless of any reconstruction. I have been told it takes 18 months for the boob to be back to normal. Perhaps the mind might be by then as well.

[SML1903]

Hi SJ19

I know exactly how you feel and even after finishing my treatment in Dec 2014 I still dont feel I am back to normal. I think it's a case of taking each day at a time and allowing yourself time to heal physically and psychologically. I have heard some ladies say that they never really get over it and it's with them every day but I am hoping that given time it will get easier and I hope it will for you too. Don't try to rush it  or become upset with yourself. You have been through so much over the past months so you deserve to be gentle with yourself. Take care x

[Janet_BCC]

Hi SJ19

While you are waiting for some replies to your post I've attached a link to the "Moving forward" section of the website.  I hope some of the information there might be helpful for you.

Very best wishes

Janet

BCC Moderator

[SJ19]

I was diagnosed in November followed by mastectomy/DIEP reconstruction. I am now finding it hard to get back to some sort of normality and have weekly wobbles. My BCN has been great but I would like to know how other people deal with this and is it the mind catching up with the body.