I understand how you feel I think, I was driving home from dropping my sons off at school yesterday and started crying because I felt happy. I think it was a bit of a shock as I have felt numb for the last few months and although I am only halfway through my chemo have virtually no hair and a body like a patchwork quilt, I am starting to see a glimmer of the person I used to be.
I too have lost family members over the years Mum & Dad to cancer and 2 sisters one 34 and one 40, my youngest son had a major head operation at just 9 months old. Extremely sad as it is that we have had to face this horrible disease we are still here, and I am so so thankful for that. I never realised what a lovely life I had, I used to complain and worry about what now seem such trivial things. I have a lovely husband two super boys and a few very good friends. If nothing else good comes from having BC at least it has opened my eyes to this.
It's hard to see beyond what you are going through now, but I feel like I have been given a second chance at life and I think that's as good a way as any to look at it.
Lots of love
Keep your chin up - I had a horrendous 5 years leading up to this. Trouble with neighbours, my last house getting flooded and losing 80% of my stuff, my husband walking out of his job through stress, my dad getting dementia and having to be his carer. The latter involved moving back home, 450 miles. Dad died in October 2005 after a 2 year struggle, I was diagnosed with this in October 2006.
I like to say to myself that nothing else this bad can happen to me again, I've had my fair share now. My last house address was No 101 and people have often told me it is supposed to be a very unlucky number.
I am just thinking out loud really, reflecting on this year.
I am still smiling, I wonder why, I wonder if I am unable to get in touch with my feelings cos I have had a horrendous year but I am still happy.
My mum in law died of bowel cancer, I was close but it had a terrible effect on my OH.
My daughter was diagnosed with a stomach problem, she was given some medication that she had to self inject, but ended up in A&E with a severe reaction, so she is receiving no medication and feels ill all the time.
My son nearly had his house reposed so I had to take out a second mortgage to buy him out, (I was arranging this on the morning of my surgery)
My mum had a skin cancer but luckily no further treatment is required
I developed breast cancer in July, and 3 weeks ago my little sister found a large lump in her breast. Her first appointment is this afternoon.
My OH has had a bad back for 2 months, so I have had to do everything, from working full time to housework shopping, cooking etc, we also spent last Thursday night in A&E, they diagnosed kidney stones, very painful but at least not a long term problem. (Tell him that, he now acts as if he is very very ill).
I am wondering if my life will go back to how it was. I liked my life.
Perhaps I smile alot as I have two wonderful pugs that make me laugh every single day,