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Not getting support I need

5 REPLIES 5
Carolina33
Member

Re: Not getting support I need

I know and now I feel terrible as I said some bad things to him . He's just so hard work typical grumpy old man haha. I want to do things my own way, he seems to think his way is right and everything I'm doing is wrong. We fight a lot anyway. I know he loves me but he has a problem in showing care x
MarthasSOS
Member

Re: Not getting support I need

I am so sorry to hear about your dad Caroline.

My mum is very similar - she freaked out when I told her I had BC and even now she doesn't want to know anything about it. All she wants to know is when I need her for the kids. My dad is ok and I can tell him about my treatment but my mum switches off.

I fully understand how you are feeling, I just want to shake her and tell her everything but I know she will breakdown. She lost her mother to cancer, her BFF, her sister and her nephew so she has totally shut herself off.

If you can take a friend with you to get your results, that would be great. My OH can't go with me next week so I'm going to ask my sister in law if she can come. I would love my mum to come but she'd be the one needing hospitalised if the results aren't good lol.

Your dad may still be in denial and this will also be bringing back some unhappy memories for him - Give him time. I'm sure he will have a hug for you once you get your results.

Squishy cyber hugs
martha xx
Mary_grace
Member

Re: Not getting support I need

Hi Caroline, it is a horrible and stressful time and there is no right way or wrong way to handle it. For me, I wanted to know the worst case and googled and looked up all the "what ifs" but other people don't want to know any details of the process or possible outcomes.
Eventually though, you will wear yourself out and find that you are going round in circles because you can't gain much certainty about your next few months until you get the results one way or another. I am sure your Dad means well and tht you are probably hitting out at him because you are hurting. What I would say though, as someone who went through all of this on my own - not by choice but by set of circumstances - is there may well be a lot of information to take in when you go for your results, whether they are good or bad, about what it is and what, if any, treatment you might need. It is useful to have some one who can take a few notes or might remember details which you don't, whether that is your Dad or a trusted friend.
There also come points when you need to keep yourself occupied and think about something else, whether by taking a walk, or whatever else might distract you for a while, otherwise the emotional intensity of worrying all the time will wear you to a frazzle.
This is a horrible time. Remember that lots of lumps are benign. Sending hugs.

MG x

poemsgalore
Member

Re: Not getting support I need

Caroline
I am so sorry you are in this position. Do you have a close friend you could take with you instead, and lean on them and let your dad continue denying this is happening to you?
I do understand the reasons for not wanting him with you when you get your results, but maybe hearing the medics talking might shock him into understanding why you want to find out all you can about this. But it is up to you entirely. If you find out you DO have cancer, he will have to face up to it somehow.

(((BIG HUGS))) Poemsgalore xxx
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Not getting support I need

Dear Caroline, I am sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time and I am sure your fellow users will be along with support for you very soon, please don't forget that our helpline is open 9-5 during the week and 10-2 Satursdays and you are welcome to call for further support and a listening ear on 0808 800 6000

Take care

Lucy

Carolina33
Member

Not getting support I need

Got myself all angry and tearful as my dad is being stubborn and annoying and stressing me out. He will not agree with the way I'm dealing with things . Ie talking about the ppossible cancer , talking on here , researching all day. But it brings me comfort. I want to know things. He says he'd rather know nothing and will not except I want to do this my way.

Im only child and we lost my mum 12 years ago to brain tumour. I know it's bringing back memories but he thinks he knows it all but I've told him times have changed. I was coping ok but I'm a mess now. Tired crying angry, I can't have this battle with him too I'm fighting my own probable battle.
Does anyone have any advice? In rage I've told him I don't want him to come to get my results