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Not long finished active treatment

5 REPLIES 5
Member

Re: Not long finished active treatment

My first post. I have just finished treatment. 2 ops one for a lumpectomey and lymph node removal and then 5 weeks later a mastectomy as the tumour was too large. No chemo thank goodness but 15 sessions of radiotherapy. 6 weeks on and I am still so sore. Can't bear bras, crop tops etc. I have found this last stage so difficult. Yes everyone keeps saying how well I have done and life is beginning to return to normal but I still have very sad days when I feel my life is changed so radically. Then I feel guilty because I am cured! I also feel so sorry for my husband who has been worried to death through all this and has coped amazingly but I know deep down he is hurting too. What a moany post. I promise I will be more positive soon. Has anyone else found radiotherapy really difficult and how long have you all been so sore.

Great to be in touch with ladies who have been through this journey even though it has been different for us all. I could do with meeting up with somebody locally who has finished treatment but don't know how to go about it? Val

 

Member

Re: Not long finished active treatment

Hi, I can empathise with you on this one. I finished radiotherapy on 11th December.  Only found my lump on 7th September,  so it has all been a bit of a roller coaster ( as we all know). I've gone from ( to paraphrase) Strong and Stable ( pre cancer) to Weak and Wobbly. I don't think think I've shed so many tears (hence bubbler nickname), but I've also come to realise just what/who are important in life.) . Every day when I wake up I think, you did it, you beat the b*****d, now do something  today, and don't sit around worrying. I'm finding a new normal. Coffee with the girls, walks and trips to the cinema with my OH.  More time for the grandchildren . Planning wee trips and days out. Mindfulness is good too. I understand how you feel about people saying how brave you are, and how well you're doing. And yes, I take myself away to a quiet place (hillside, beach) and scream or cry. Then I tell myself how lucky I am and start again. Hopefully  we'll both find ourselves who ever that is, now. I don't expect to be the same person I was before all of this, as there have been so many new experiences I have lived through. Wishing you all the best. Xx

Community Champion

Re: Not long finished active treatment

Lovelyjubbly

 

Well this is the place to let loose, rant, rave, whatever as we all get you and have experienced that.  I must admit I would say I am 95% there now and it does not take up my daily thoughts, but just occasionally I will have scary moments, I have learned to just let them happen so that my rational mind can take over again, and then I am ok.  The what ifs do get less and you will read on here ladies who are years ahead of us, who pop in from time to time and they say it is not the first and last thing they think about now.

 

Impatient, well I think I am up there with you on that one, I just wanted it over and done with, I didnt want to go into 2017 still having treatment, even though it was only 19 days into the year, but I was really angry about that bit.  I just wanted to get back to normal and I have it is just a new normal with the experience of bc behind me.

 

I was seeing a counsellor a year last December because I felt I was doing so well that I was scared I would crash and burn. It was lovely to have someone to talk to who didnt know me, was objective and that I would not have to worry about upsetting with what I was feeling.  At the end of six sessions I was ready to let her go which was a lovely feeling.

 

Oh gosh the biggest problem is that we do look well, there is no real physical sign of what we have been through, not like if you broke a leg or arm, but psychologically it is there. 

 

You are you, just with the experience of bc, dont beat yourself up about it, just give yourself space to recover and you will get there

 

Helena xxx

Member

Re: Not long finished active treatment

Thanks for replying Helena, yeah it’s was quite a hectic year and def not what I had planned for 2017. I really just want to be back to normal whatever normal is! I guess what I really want is to not be the one in my friendship groups to be the worry wart, not that I would want any one else to have gone through this either. I just want to be carefree not constantly this what if etc I know this will get easier with time but I’ve learnt I’m quite impatient and things need to happen at a quick pace for me! I’ve been seeing a psychologist throughout my treatment as I was really struggling at the beginning of my diagnosis and he has taught me to use mindfulness which does help but then other times I just what to scream so loudly about all the crap. I then feel guilt because I know that people are in worse positions than me and I should embrace how lucky I’ve been to catch it early and stop dwelling on the what ifs and starting living again it’s just so damn hard. People keep telling me how well I’m doing and how good I look but that’s just the surface inside I don’t feel like me anymore x
Community Champion

Re: Not long finished active treatment

LovelyJubbly

 

Oh my dear one thing you are not is a failure.  Wow reading your post you have been through so much in a short space of time  with back surgery and successfully getting through and finishing active treatment for breast cancer whilst bringing up a family, I absolutley take my hat off to you Smiley Happy Smiley Happy

 

It is a difficult time once active treatment is completed because for so long your life has revolved around hospital appointments and now that has stopped there is this feeling of being lost, but that does go.  I am 12 months post active treatment finishing now.  As you say, and we can all so relate to it, our diagnosis has taught us how precious what we have is. 

 

Never ever compare yourself to others, everyone is different and what one person does, does not mean that everyone else should do that.  This is about what is right for you.

 

I think that what you need now is time to take stock of what YOU want to do, that could be getting involved in some voluntary work, investigate what options there are to perhaps do part time work somewhere, plan days out or stuff to do with the family, is there a hobby that you have always fancied doing but really never had the time to do.

 

I remember a few years ago, before I was diagnosed with cancer, I took stock of of my life, I was doing a very stressful job, working 45/50 hours a week, I knew I could not and did not want to continue doing that and I was in my mid 50's at the time.  I resigned from the job I was doing because they were not able to offer me part time work.  I took 6 months off, and then got a job working 25 hours a week over 3.5 days which gave me the work life balance that I was after.  Yes the money is less but you get used to it and I am so glad now, with what has happened over the last few years that I did it.

 

Sending you a hug, and we are always here for you to help and support you in whatever way we can.

 

Helena xxx

Member

Not long finished active treatment

Hey ladies, this is my 1st post, I was diagnosed May 2017 I found my lump, gp sent me to clinic screening carried out etc. I went from carefree to total anxiety meltdown in less then 3wks. Lump found 7 May WLE 26 May. Results confirmed TNBC grade 2 no nodes stage 1 20mm. I’ve completed 6 chemo FEC T and 20 rads. It feels like I’ve never stopped since finding my lump and now it’s all done and dusted I just don’t know what I should now be doing. Prior to my diagnosis I’d just recovered from back surgery so my health at the time was not the best I’d had a year of back pain, just taken my redundancy at work where I’d been for nearly 20yrs. Now I’m not working I don’t have that normality to go back I just feel lost. I have three children under 10 so they keep me busy but I feel like I should be doing something else. I know I need time to recover from treatment but I hear of women who continue to work throughout and I just feel like a failure as I know I couldn’t have done that but now I don’t even have a job to go back to and I’ve no idea what I actually want to do. I know I don’t want to waste time if anything this has taught me life is too short equally I want to spend as much time with my kids and husband as possible!