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Not really sure in right place....

14 REPLIES 14
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi,

 

I don't think my husband is having an affair but has had several emotional ones. I was in the middle of being tested for other symptoms (MS suggested) and I had a lump come back. Weeks later husband and I break up. Now I too am going through whatever is in store for me alone and have exactly the same feelings. He wants to help out, come to appointments but I already have people who can do that. I need from him what he has not given for ages. 

 

I completely empathise with everything you are going through. It is a lonely place. Especially the bit about being the pathetic ex. 

 

I see this was last month. I hope things have improved for you since then. 

 

Please keep intouch as it sounds like you are going through the mill. I haven't been diagnosed yet and I don't really look forward to the prospect of going through all that you have alone. 

 

xx

grumpy
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Lexy, I really feel for you, to be facing infidelity of your OH when you have got BC to cope with.

Like everyone else says, you have to concentrate on YOURSELF, and bu##er the other two people. I reckon it's up to them whether or not to tell her family: they will be found out in time no matter what you do. The day you tell him to leave may give them some hint of what's going on.

Can you face a solicitor? If not CAB can offer confidential and accurate advice.

Yes someone at home who can support you would be wonderful: until you find that person, remember you have a team of medics including a MacMillan nurse who will help, and this forum is fabulous for ranting, getting emotional support, and good kosher information about BC.

all the very best

grumpy

 

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi lexyB,I think you have enough to cope with,it starts getting better when you cut looser husband free from your life. You need to concentrate on YOU. He won't help you through ths difficult journey. Sending you hugs.
Rosa.
ashbymeadow
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi Lezy1.Hey what is this partner??P lease now put your health first and get yourself on track.Rant anytime thats why we need this site.Thinking of you x
Jaine
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi Lexy. Sorry for all that you are going through.  It doesn't seem fair we should only have one thing to worry about.  I think the posts are right though your husband does not seem the right person to be there for you right now. Rant away we are here to listen and I am sure you will find true friends to support you through this

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Lexy - this is awful but it will get better
As harsh as it sounds but at a time like this you need to focus on you and not your awful husband and woman - it's bad timing but also good timing as he is not the type of person you need in your life right now and you will realise this very soon. Right now you are hurting and also having to deal with the BC shock!!! So you should be with people that will give you support.
Sorry for my harsh words but I'm sure everyone reading these threads will want to help and say the same to you. Keep in touch xx
Lynsey
Jo_BCC
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi Lexy

 

If you need someone to talk to in confidence then please don't hesitate to phone our helpline which is open now and until 5pm today.  The staff are here to offer emotional support as well as practical support.  0808 800 6000.

 

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

LexyB
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi ladies,

 

thank you for your replies, it is very much apreciated.

 

Got a telephone appointment with a private fertility clinic today at 12.30 and then my oncology appointment at 2pm.

 

I was out until 2.30am meeting "the other woman" who was trying to persuade me not to tell her husband and her family that in actual fact finally my husband told me that it wasn't just texts and phone calls, they'd been sleeping with each other. 

 

I told her and my husband (the really awful part of all of this is they are related so if i spill to everyone it affects their entire family) that i am concentrating today on my treatment appointment and once i'd gotten through that and processed the details I would make a decision on whether I was telling anyone or not.

 

I feel like i'm frozen, numb.

 

Thanks again for your replies guys x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hello my friend,

 

You just have to face it and then it all loses its power.

 

You must now put yourself first and that may mean making some difficult decisions about friends and relationships etc.  You will find support because most paople are very kind indeed.

 

Dont shy away from whatever is causing you pain, think of yourself as being cradled by love and support from the specialists, friends, family and loved ones.  USE them, thats what they are there for

 

Br strong my friend.  You can do this

 

Frances x

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Not really sure in right place....

sorry to hear your having such an awful time. You are defo in the right place here. You will find lots of help and support. You need to think about yourself first and that will help you to put everything else in perspective. Try to think practically and methodically. This is just a blip in your life and you have to be strong to deal with it. Willing you to be strong and sending power hugs to you xxxx

4littlecherubs
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Im so sorry everything is happening to you at once.
There are lots of lovely ladies on here that can give you support and of course there is the helpline but you really need someone at home too. Do you have a close friend or family member that can be there for you?

It does get better and easier once you find out your treatment plan but you really need someone close to you too.

If you ever need to talk feel free to get in touch.....im may not be much help but I can listen and im quite often awake in the early hours....I dont mind rants 😉

Take care and big ((((hugs)))) its bad enough going through cancer without having everything else to deal with too xxxx
Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi LexyB
It sounds like you are having a tough time of it at the moment, our helpliners are on hand with emotional and practical support for you on 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 during the week and 10-2 Sat

Here's a link to the BCC 'Just diagnosed' pages where you will find information and further support ideas :

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis?utm_source=Homepage&%3Butm_medium=help_you&%3Butm_campa...

Take care
Lucy BCC

Betty80
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi LexyB,

I am so sorry to hear your news, at a time like this you really need all the support you can get. Have you got family and friends around you who you can rely on? I have found these forums fantastic, I've noticed you wrote on here at 1am...I still wake up in the middle of the night and come on here for reassurance but it would be nice to have some support at home too.

At the moment you need to concentrate on getting better. If your hubby isn't being there for you, please ask a friend or family member to go to appointments with you because you will need some support and I have found that as much as I am trying to take it all in, if someone else is with you they can understand what is happening with you.

If you need any support on here, please always free to write, it has really helped me through the last few weeks xxxx
mary32
Member

Re: Not really sure in right place....

Hi Lexy

 

I am so sorry that everything seems to be happening at the same time, no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

 

You will find lots of support on this forum.

 

Thinking of you.

 

Mary

LexyB
Member

Not really sure in right place....

So, this is probably not the right place but ladies I am going insane so need to write it. I might delete it all before posting but writing might calm me down...

I had my WLE and SLB done on 16th October, diagnosis was really only about 2 weeks before that and discovering lump maybe 2 weeks prior so it's all a bit of a whirlwind. Roughly my timeline goes as-
1. Found lump
2. Discovered husband cheating on me with his ex (oh but we didn't do anything, it was only calls and texts)
3. Pathetic wife has BC diagnosis, decides to forgive husband, believes would never do it again.
4. Next week go on holiday to Orlando with special 1 off surprises of a lifetime I'd already arranged for loving husband
5. Return home and following week have surgery.
6. Take husband on another amazing sporting trip to tennis with amazing front seats
7. Husband drinks and treats me like dirt
8. I go to fertility dept on Friday to be told because of my high BMI egg collection is out of the question so all hope of having a child is lost
9. Today I find that in fact the messaging/calling/emailing has never actually stopped, see some of them where they talk of how much they still love each other, always
10. Have oncology appt on Tuesday to find out exactly when the chemo, radio and tamoxifen I have in store starts.

Sorry for the depressing rant ladies but I'm just broken.

When does it get better?