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November Newbies 2013

Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, I cry every time I go for my chemo! xxx

Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

So pleased for you Sal - knew you'd come through! You've set the prevalence now so I guess we'll all be joining you soon 🙂

Take it easy and rest

XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi ladies

So I made it through Tax 1, so I'm 4 chemo done, just 2 to go!!

So none of you can chicken out now, if I can face my demons (even if I was pathetic and cried) then you can all do it too! Xxxxx

Sam I hope today went as well as it could. (((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))) xxxxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Morning
Just about to set off but Sal I wanted to wish you good luck for today and send a huge hug to you
Hope it goes better than you expect
Love Sam xxxxxxooooooxxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

As I'm still awake I may as well come back and say. Tara I'm sorry to hear you are feeling low too. Someone on another forum said this was a normal time to feel down. Half way through Chemo and what seems ages since diagnosis!

I've at least stopped crying for a bit! Maybe that's progress! Slightly worried that IF I do go tomorrow I will be a blubbering wreck when I get there! How embarrassing will that be 😞 Now I've started thinking that even IF I can get through tomorrow. I will still have to face going back for dressing change and line to be flushed next week 😞

Maybe I need to stop thinking and take things one day at a time!

Anyway maybe I could try and sleep now! Sending you (((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))) xxxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Well I'm still awake!! Possibly steroid induced (although not an issue I've had before) or maybe just stress?! Who knows.

Anyway just wanted to thank you for the kind words.

Also to say Sam I am pleased that you had some good news. Perfect timing! Something to keep your spirits up. Hope you have a safe trip xxxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, I had the same thought today ie I am not going to continue with this. I just got to the point of thinking what is the point when all it's doing is giving me so many other side effects - latest is sharp burning pain when urinating (suspect its a bladder infection). Also other extremely embarrassing and painful condition that won't heal cos of the chemo (won't go into detail here!). However I feel I have to try and fight this. We are worth it. As one person posted on the forum - her consultant said to her 'give me 6 months of your life and I'll give you your life back'. That meant a lot to me. Most of these professionals do really want to help us. You are unlucky you've had such a rubbish experience but maybe tomorrow they will communicate better will you and do their job properly. Is your BCN able to be with you when you get there? Big hugs and please go tomorrow. I need you to let me know what it's like so I can prepare myself for two weeks time! huge hug xx

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Tracy xxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sending you big hugs ahead of tomorrow Sal, all will come good for you XXX

Take it easy and get a good nights rest. We're all routing for you and looking forward to your post tomorrow letting us know that everything went well and you're ok.

Love to you Sal XXX

Safe journeys tomorrow Sam XXX
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Sal I feel awful for you, you have to go tomorrow as you will be closer to the finish, we only have 3 left to go then we are free of this !!!
You never have to apologise to us for anything. I'm off up to Newcastle tomorrow for a funeral and staying over night but ill check up on you xxxxxx
Some good news today, my critical illness payment paid out or was approved at least so hopefully next week ill be ok to stay off work a little longer and be able to take the kids away for a holiday and buy myself a car that is safe to drive.
Anyway, I'm off now as I'm doing the driving tomorrow so fingers crossed my sickness feeling goes away, I'll be filling my bag full if anti sickness and indigestion medication plus lots of pain killers !
Good luck tomorrow Sal, I'm sure they will treat you well, your nurse will see to it
Lots of love
Sam xxxx ((((xox)))) xxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi All

So in theory tomorrow I am due my first dose of Tax! I say in theory because right now I don't want to go! The thought of going back to the Chemo Unit just makes me cry! The silly thing is, it's not the Chemo that I am scared of, it's the fear that the staff may mess up again 😞 and maybe this time I won't be so lucky, and I might get an infection 😞 Ridiculous!!

The only thing currently keeping me going is the fact that my BCN is being VERY supportive and she listens to how I am feeling, and she understands why I am worried. She is also as angry as I am by the fact that I was doing really well, and all this upset could of been avoided, if the nurses had just done their job properly!

So she has spoken to the Manager of the Chemo Unit and she had explained how I'm feeling and she has asked them to please, take their time and communicate with me! I feel so ridiculous! So I think I'm making things worse because I am giving myself such a hard time! But they are supposed to make you feel relaxed and confident in what they are doing, not make you feel worse.

Anyway my BCN is going to call me in the morning to check I am on my way!! And as she said 'she knows where I live!!'

Now to try and get my emotions under control! Easier said than done, I think!!

Hope you ladies are all doing okay. Sorry I haven't been any help to anyone this week! I promise to be back on form soon! Just need to find my confidence and positive thinking, again!! Xxxxxxxx
Jules4422
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Nic,

So sorry to hear you're having a hard time of it. I would definitely talk to the school about your son, that is not on.
Take care.
Jx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Welcome Nic, sorry to hear about you're son being bullied. I hope the school sort it out quickly. He's got enough to deal with without someone at school upsetting him xx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Nic you could definitely do without the upset of your son being bullied along with se's of chemo- big hugs. My son was bullied when he first started high school, made me so angry I wanted to kill! I couldn't stand the thought of someone doing this to my little boy. I addressed this with the school and demanded they did something about it. I'd ask them about their anti bullying policy and get the incident documented with the school. I'd also be asking what action they're to take against the other boy as this is not on.

Big hugs for you and your son bless him XXX
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Nic,
Yes you are in the right place. I've just replied to your message about Facebook.How many chemo treatments have you had, i'm on day 9 after number 3. Felt quite sick in the last few days, easing a bit today but that is coz i am making myself clean house !
Can you go to school about your little boy, once is bad enough but three times !!!! I hate confrontation but now i have cancer i'll fight anyone for stuff like this. My son is 5 and visits me a various times in the night for a cuddle, never used to before all of this but even though it wakes me up and i can't get back to sleep i can't refuse cuddles !!!
I would go to school today and takm to the teacher about this and get it sorted as you can't have this on your mind with everything else.
Find me on Facebook
Sam xxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hello Nic and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so awful. We all seem to have these really bad days but we WILL come out of this. This is an absolutely awful disease and the treatment is horrendous too. The anxiety that comes with it is huge for me. I am going to get some counselling once I've finished treatment to help me deal with the anxiety about it coming back.

 

What sort of treatment are you having? There are a lot of us here who are on FEC-T. I had my third FEC last Thursday and have been totally wiped out emotionally and physically so I can understand some of what you are going through. If you have time read through some of the posts on this forum. I was a late joiner to the forum but found they helped me enormously, if only to make me realise I'm not alone in this roller coaster nightmare. 

 

You really could do without the added stress of your son being bullied. Have you spoken to the school about it? Do you have a partner or anyone else you are able to share the burden with? I don't have children myself but am a social worker and am aware how upsetting this can be. My advice is don't try and deal with it alone.

 

Sending you big big hugs

Tara xx

Nic Digby
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hello

 

I'm new to this thread. I started FEC-T chemo in November after a mastectomy and lymph node clearance, so hope I have chosen the right board.

 

I am feeling very very sad and anxious and desperate today.  I am at my emotional end. I am waiting for a call back from the cancer centre to try to get me some counselling, and I am seeing the GP this afternoon. I've been on the phone to the helpline here and she was lovely and suggested I contact these two people who should be able to help me. But I still feel so upset and negative and cannot stop thinking that I am going to die and that this cancer will come back despite all my treatment.

 

I haven't slept properly for weeks, I am on day 9 of chemo so still feeling knackered, and my 5 year old had me awake at midnight ; he has been hurt by another child at school 3 times in 8 days and now says he doesn't want to go to school anymore. It was heartbreaking, he loved school before and now thanks to another boy who pushed him over and dragged him along the ground until he cried, then broke his glasses and yesterday hurt him again, he says he hates school and is sad and worried. It is proving to be a final straw.

 

I hope you can help me a little bit. 

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Ladies

Sorry for being such a grump! I promise to be back on track, soon. Just having a tough week. I know IF I can pluck up the courage to go on Friday, I will be fine. But right now, I don't want to go back there 😞 I just need to give myself a slap!!

Don't worry Tracy I will always be here to give you a kick 🙂 in the nicest possible way. Just need to deal with my own demons first!! I'm just so angry that the fear isn't from the Chemo, but from the staff! Ridiculous!

Hope you are all doing well. Xxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Lol Tara re being censored 🙂

Oh Sal it's so unlike you to be this low, you're our rock who gives us a kick when times get tough. Hang in there, get Friday out of the way and you'll feel more positive again. I know it's not going to be easy going on the ward after what you've been through but you'll be ok.

I think we've all hit a wall just lately, had a wobble this morning as I really miss my long hair. I want to look in a mirror and see myself looking back again. I've tried to stay positive and think well March is not that long away but then i think about how long it will take for my hair to grow after this. I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes and are dreading losing these to T, I really hope I'm able to keep them. On a positive note Sam mentioned on Facebook that hair on head may start to grow again on T for some people, I've also read this on the forum. We're not sure why it takes the lashes and eyebrows though.

Take care and stay strong

Tracy XXX
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oops I've been censored again!! I really am a naughty person.

Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Sal, so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. It really is all **bleep**e isn't it? I've also been feeling more depressed since FEC 3 last Thursday. Can't seem to pull myself out of it but I am just trying so hard to focus on the end. I haven't had any word about radiotherapy but was also hoping this would be a cynch compared to the chemo and now I am starting to wonder. I had heard that it can damage the lungs and have also read that tamoxifen can cause ovarian cancer! It does make you wonder at times if its worth putting ourselves through all this. 

 

Anyway lots and lots of love and hugs and try to take every day as it comes. Even though Friday seems so scary it is one more day closer to the end. xxxx

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Morning Sal
I've not even had an apt come through yet to discuss radio but as mine was left side & I had a node infected I know my treatment is going to be the same. I guess yes it is shocking that there are side effects to it but there are ladies having rads & thru it in Facebook & they have been fine apart from mild sunburn & itching. The alternative is worse though so I am still positive that we are getting the best treatment.
I'm sure on Friday that all will be fine, is this number 4 for you ?
I've been quite down the last few nights, I think it is because Gaz has been working such long hours & I'm on my own so much more with the kids. It does take it out of you looking After
kids & these are mine !!!
I hope you have a better day today
Love Sam xxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks ladies xx

Meeting with the Radiotherapy Doc was tougher than I had expected! Which is odd because I sort of went into it thinking that after Chemo, the next step would be easy! Well easier! But I just wasn't prepared for the news that I would need 5weeks of Radiotherapy and that they would need fo treat the breast and my neck area 😞 I thought as I had had surgery for Node clearance that they would only need to treat the breast, but apparently they like to make sure that the Cancer cells haven't travelled into the nodes under the collar bone, the bit they can't really get to during surgery!

Then he went on about that fact it 'could' cause damage to my lung 😞 and that because it's my left breast it could cause damage to my heart, later on in life! 😞 It just seems so unfair that this treatment is in theory saving my life, but at what cost! I was healthy and happy 6months ago, and now I feel like my life has been turned upside down.

Sorry for the very miserable post. I know I will bounce back and find my positive spirit again! But right now I'm just fed up. Think all the c**p with the PICC line, hasn't helped. Plus I'm dreading going back to the Chemo unit on Friday 😞 I actually don't want to go 😞 I just don't think I can deal with anymore stress over this line. Lady from PALS promised me that my experience will be better, and my BCN told me I would be fine. So why am I not able to sleep, and why do I cry every time I think about Friday?? Am I just being pathetic? I'm so angry at myself for letting something so stupid, get to me. I know I am stronger than that. But right now my confidence is at rock bottom.

Sorry I will shut up now. That's enough self pity for one day.

How's everyone else doing? Xxxx
Jolou71
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

(((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

(((((xxxxxxxooooooxxxxxx)))))
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks for the Birthday wishes. It's been a tough day 😞 I could do with a hug 😞
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Happy birthday Sal XXX
Jolou71
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Happy birthday Sal! Xxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Happy Birthday Sal. Hope you manage to have a FAB day xx

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Happy Birthday Sal
Hope you have a wonderful day xxxxxxxx
Don't let the nurses get to you
Love Sam xxxxxooooxxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks for that Tracy, glad it's not just me being over sensitive! I'm off to see BCN this morn to have a moan! Then have an appt with the lady in charge of PALS. She's going to talk me through how to make a formal complaint! Then have appt this afternoon with radiotherapy doc!! That's the excitement of my day!!

Happy Birthday to me!! 😞 xxx
The
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal I have picc line and have had problems with certain district nurse not knowing what there doing one nearly pulled it out I had to tell her stop take your time! She came again and was dreading it same again I told office and other dn not to send her again. I have it changed in chemo unit the week of chemo when they do my bloods they are a lot better but once a nurse pulled it off no alcohol to loosen from skin which really helps she pulled off my skin so had raw patch and nearly pulled out line when I made a noise she said I have done this before snotty cow! I now say before they start how I want it done and tell them my concerns so they know they better get it right as I would go mad as I'd had enough. I find the best way is when they use that thing they click with fluid in wet the area and gently pull back plaster when they are coming to part where line is if they use the clicky thing to hold the line and gently pull the plaster the line stays where it should and I'm a happy chappy. I hope you understand what I've tried to say and hope you have no more problems. On one of the occasion when she pulled the a lot I pushed it straight back in... Naughty me but I couldn't face having it done again and thankfully it was ok xxx Tracy
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Sam, will have a look. This tax lark sounds really scary! xx

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Look at Rimmel nail varnishes as they do a lovely dark purple called black cherry xxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Just a question, but would red nail varnish do the same trick? I'm not sure I'm up for black. Could maybe do purple though. 

Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi FJ, another vote to either paint nails dark to block the light or gel / acrylic nails painted dark. Like the others I'm heading down the T route in just over 2 weeks ( not looking forward to this one though).

Love and positive thinking to you all

Tracy XXX
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi FJ
Same for me, I have dark purple painted nails but only had 3 fec so far, I gave acrylic nails and so far my real nails are looking good but the next few weeks will tell. I always have dark nails so I am hoping to keep them
Sam xxxx
Jules4422
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi FJ,

 

I was advised to paint my nails black.  I've only had one Taxotere as I switched to weekly Taxol but although I look like a goth, my nails are still in tact.  I think taxotere is light sensitive so blocking light to the nail bed must help the nails.

 

Hope that helps.

 

*waves to all the other lovely November Ladies*

 

Jules

FJ
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi All,

 

This week, like a few of you I am having my first Taxotere if bloods etc allow.

Done really well on the FEC just had a few sniffles this week so hopefully wont delay things.

 

I was wondering if anybody has any tips re looking after your nails while on the Taxotere?

Saw a lady the other day and she was really suffering with them lifting.

On the scale of things I know its not dreadfully important but I know we have to make sure no infection gets in etc.

 

Best wishes to you all and keep strong !

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Fingers crossed Sal, was just worried in case they said you needed the line replaced xxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Sam, but problem isn't actually with the line! That has been fine. It's the ability of the staff that I have had a problem with. Spoke again with PALS who have told me that the Chemo nurse is leaving shortly, and have reassured me that I will have a different nurse on Friday!

Seeing BCN for a chat tomorrow and then will speak with PALS again to make a formal complaint. As for my line, I won't know whats happening until they try and take blood on Wednesday!! Watch this space xx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, just a quick one for you this morning, Yvonne - lilinge has had a new Picc line put into this morning as her old one wasn't secure enough and she says it is far better so maybe this is the answer and hopefully not as bad as you may have expected xxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thank yo all for your lovely supportive messages. I'm feeling much better emotionally and physically today (only like a 70 year old rather than 90!). I do just need to remember that this beast is going to drag me down from time to time but I will defeat it!

 

I hope you had a lovely birthday Sal and hope everyone else is doing ok. 

 

Big hugs xx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Sam

Sounds like you are doing really well, so don't be so hard on yourself. I found I was more tired with dose 3, but after a week I was back up to okay levels! Not perfect! But not like a 90 year old. 🙂

I'm back to work again this morn. 🙂 Going to enjoy today, as it's the quietest day of the week! Then I have a week of hospital appointments, which I am fitting in around children and there pick ups! Feeling a bit like a juggler!

Hope you all have a lovely day.

Sal xxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Tara I had a moment like that last night. Just 5 minutes of why me but felt better afterwards. Finding it hard to get used to hubbies new hours at his new job. He goes to work about 11am and isn't back till 1am, thus includes weekends too so kids aren't seeing him and older kid Is very hard work at the mo !
I can't wait to not feel tired. I've done all the ironing today which normally wud take a few hours and I'm worn out, now facing my evening battle of making my 14 yr old eat food !
Sam xxxxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

What a lovely surprise Sal, the "monsters" sound lovely. Tara as Sals said you're allowed to have down days, you've been through so much over the past 5 months. Chemo is doable but it seems to find our weakest spots and plays on them. In a few days you'll start to pickup again and put the feelings back in their box.

Love to you all
Tracy XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi all

I'm having first dose of Tax on Friday!!! So will be on here letting you all know how it goes!

Just seen my parents off at the station, I cried!! Think I am just an emotional wreck at the moment! Can't decide if it's down to hormones, or the stress of all this, or just life!!

Arrived back at house to find my charges in the kitchen, making me a birthday surprise!!! Should be interesting! Life might be tiring, stressful and pretty rubbish right now. But the one thing that will always keep me going and smiling, is my two little monsters 🙂

Tara you're allowed to feel sorry for yourself. So don't give yourself a hard time. We all have off days. Just try and do something nice to treat yourself. Rememeber you won't feel like this forever, and at the end of march the worse will be over! Have another ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))

Lots of love to you all xxxxxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Just realised my post yesterday got censored!! It wasn't even a bad word but obviously the forum thought it was.

 

My last treatment should be 13th March if all goes to plan. It still seems such a long way away but I am sure it will fly by and then spring will be in the air so hopefully things will be looking more optimistic.

 

Just had a bit of a blub. Feeling so sorry for myself. Having those feelings of 'why has this happened to me? what did I do to deserve this?'. I know its not good to think like that but when I feel so rubbish - tired, weak, nauseous etc it is hard sometimes to be in a positive mood. 

 

I hope everyone else is feeling better and that you get things sorted Sal.

 

Thanks again for your support all of you. It means a great deal to me xx

Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Sal, the end is definitely coming into site for all of us, my last treatment is the 14th March if all goes to plan. Like Sam and Tara my next sessions are x3 T, are you staying on FEC or changing over to T (doxetaxel)?

Plan on painting my nails dark purple or black (look like a goth lol) to try and protect my cuticles from the sunlight on T. Sam already has acrylic nails so she's already sorted.

Love to you all

Tracy XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Tara

Sorry to hear you are feeling rough. Chemo is horrid, but try to remind yourself that the end is in site! I'm in for dose 4 on Friday! Where did that time go! Assuming my bloods are okay and all my appts happen on time. My last dose will be the end of Feb! Which isn't too far away 🙂

Sending you a ((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xxxxxx