November Newbies 2013

[alabamasam]

Tracy my collarbone got warm to but it's under my arm where it's not happy sorts if cream there & you will be fine xxxxxx

[Tracy1967]

Well I'm feeling more positive today, I've bit the bullet and booked myself in at the hairdressers for tomorrow evening when it should be quieter. Once it's cut I'll then get it coloured - moving in the right direction 😀

Sal answering the door to the postie is a big step in the right direction, I'm very proud of you.

Tara we also have blue tits every year and it's a wonderful right when the babies fly for the first time. A couple of years ago one of the babies flew into the house and crash landed on my desk while I was working. Fingers crossed the baby bird was ok, you can't blame the dogs or chicken as it's nature.

Sam the pandoras BC bead was a lovely gesture from Gaz. I think you should go for it re hanging baskets etc, life's too short to be in jobs which we hate.

Good luck with your rads Jane, number 11 done and breast is holding up ok so far but it's starting to feel warm now around collarbone area.

Have a lovely day all
Tracy XXX

[alabamasam]

Hi everyone, well on my last day of rads I did spend pretty much the whole day in tears, it is just such an emotional day and to try & realise that it's all done, no more treatment is so weird. Anyway, the beer Chocs & Chinese helped and then yesterday as I expected I was much better. Gaz went to London to a seminar & came back with a breast cancer pandora bead for me to celebrate finishing treatment.
Today I've done pretty much nothing, I nipped out for an hour to get a couple more empty hanging baskets as I wanted to do one each for my mum & best friend & I found all I needed & made them up when I got back home. I've decided that is what I would love to do so maybe ill look into doing some kind of horticultural course ?
Anyway I'm back on the sofa in front of my tv, just about to ha e a coffee & a rest.
Jane I think the journey to the hospital for rads is often more stressful than the treatment.
My skin is now all broken down but it is healing well, as long as I can keep it dry it seems fine and isn't painful. I think coz I know there is no more treatment makes it easier to deal with 😄
Anyway I hope you all enjoy the rest of today
Love Sam xxxxx

[Willow1]

Just got back from my 2nd Rad.  The traffic was horrendous (it took me over an hour) so it was me in danger of being late not them! However, arrived with 2 minutes to spare and then ushered straight in.

Sal, you are braver than me, I can't bring myself to answer the door to the postman without wig/headscarf - the other day I found mysef crawling on the floor to get to my wig past the window at the front so the postman couldn't see me so that I could put  it on before I opened the door!  I did have a rash moment when I showed my very short "hair" to my 15 year old daughters friends and they all sat there politely telling me it wasn't too bad but the fact that their eyes nearly bulged out of their heads said it all. Lol.  

Tazzles, your dog sounds like mine. You really like them until they do something like that and then you go off them a bit, but I guess that's nature for you.

Tracy, the radiographer said not to use sun cream for the duration of the treatment but that once the skin had settled afterward Suncream could be used.  

Just watching This Morning - they are talking about the right style for your face.  Great!!!

Lots of love

Jx

[Nanny_Sal]

Hi all

Tracy sorry to hear you had a rough day yesterday. Let's all have a (((((((((((((BIG GROUP HUG))))))))))))) sounds like we could all do with one.

I had an up and down day yesterday. All hair/lack of hair related! I wore my scarf for all the school runs! BUT I did manage to brave going scarf less when a nanny friend and her charge came over for lunch and a play 🙂 It took all my will power to open the front door without it on, but I did it 🙂 I was very proud of myself.

Then I even managed to open the door to the postman without it 🙂 so things are sort of going in the right direction! Now I just need to start liking what I see in the mirror 😞

Tracy on the subject of sun cream etc, my radiographer said using high factor sunscreen would be okay! I had the collar bone area zapped and there is no way I can always keep that covered, unless I wear a scarf! So once my skin looked okay, I just covered in high factor cream! Although having said that I am not a sun worshipper, so I try to stay in the shade as much as I can.

Hopefully by July your skin will be okay, and you'll be okay with high factor cream. It's like everything they have to warn you and say what's best, but the reality is we need to be happy and enjoy our lives, or what was the point of going through all this.

Good luck with your last few sessions. Not long now Hun xxx

Tara hope you have a good day, and Sam and Jane xxx

[Tazzles]

Sorry you're feeling a bit down Tracy. Not long to go and you can get your life back. Well at least get some normality even if we have to modify our behaviour with regards being in the sun etc.

I saw the blue tits fly from my tit box today which was so lovely (I've been poised with binoculars on it for the last few days). Anyway I was absolutely exstatic at seeing then fly off until ......................  one of my dogs found one and decided to play with it which frightened it so it ran into the chicken run and was then pecked by Gertrude the boss chicken and then it ran off into the hedge and I have no idea whether it made it out or not. Its mum was calling to it for ages trying to find it which was so sad.

Someone knocked on the door yesterday and I rushed to put my wig on to answer it and it was a delivery man who was totally and completely bald. I wish I had the confidence to go 'naked'.

Lots of love to everyone xxx

[Tracy1967]

What beautiful words Sam XXX

I had a similar experience to you Jane, last week I took the children over to see their grandad with my wig on. I have a convertible and the kids wanted the roof down on the way home as it was so hot. I removed my wig (as I didn't want it blowing off and looking like road kill ) , stuck my sunglasses on thought I'd be ok as it's motorway driving and I do have a full head if hair (which I'm truly grateful for). Unfortunately we got stuck in a traffic jam and I was so conscious that people were looking but I don't think anyone was.

Had a bit of a downer today, I'm sick of the don't do this, it's never ending. Weathers beautiful today but radiographer reminded me to stay out of the sun and when we go on our hols in July I must cover up (factor 50's not good enough) I've also had enough of this wig malarkey, I'm going to call my hairdresser tomorrow to see what he can do for me. I've been putting it off as it's a posh salon and I don't really want anyone seeing my rats tails and grey strands but it has to be done. I'll see if they can get me in last thing or when it's quiet.

Number 10 rads done on time today and skin still holding up at the moment, thank goodness.

Hope you're all keeping ok

Love to you all
Tracy XXX

[Willow1]

Sam, what a lovely thing for your husband to say. Sounds like you had a lovely evening.

I am in the waiting room waiting for my 1st rad session. How dull.

Sal and Tara, I went to the 20/20 cricket with my children last night at the Oval with my wig on (of course). Driving on the way home the in the dark I decided to take my wig off feeling a bit cavalier!! However that bravado attitude soon melted away as every time I came to a traffic light I panicked and wanted to dive into the footwell as although it was dark and no one could see I was convinced that everyone was looking at me - what a ridiculous state of affairs! Laughable really.
Xxx

[alabamasam]

Isn't it lovely and yes I have beer chocolates & Chinese food on its way xxxx
Hope everyone is ok. Sal you will get to the point where you can be scarf less & wigless but it is such a major step & we are baby stepping at the moment xxxxx
Lots of love Sam xxxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Sam that's lovely......top marks to Gary. That shows the true power of the written word! Xxxx

[Tazzles]

That really is so lovely. Did he get you chocs too? xxx

[alabamasam]

Tissues at the ready ladies,this is my husbands status update from facebook, we are staying in with a Chinese tonight and some beers as i've been crying all day - tears of happiness not sadness but anything sets me off 🙂 - here it is :

Several months ago we took a sharp intake of breath. Today and for the first time it seems like we can breath again. the relief is palpable. All we can do now is get better and hope that we have beaten cancer.

I am sure you are all aware of just how amazing my wife has been but let me tell you about the day to day of it. She never let it beat her, not once, not for a second, not even a little bit. Sure there were down days, dark days, shouty days and sad days, but she was never beat. She would get up again and not just have the capacity for coping with all of this with grace, but also to help those around her deal with it.

She carried on being a loving wife and a caring, incredible mother even when she felt like she genuinely could not go on. I would like to feel like I played some part in all of this but I was just a bystander, an intimate onlooker on possibly the most impressive display of fortitude I have ever seen. She did this, she takes all the credit.
I am crying a little writing this. This is not a post designed to elicit likes or comments, but to pay homage to possibly the most amazing person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. That person is my wife, that person beat cancer. I love you Sam Robinson Williams

[Tracy1967]

You're doing brilliant Sal, one day at a time XXX

[Nanny_Sal]

WELL DONE SAM!!!

Hope you enjoyed the doughnut! I also hope Gary stepped up to the mark and came home with something nice for you to celebrate! Now to enjoy some hospital free weeks!! My skin is now back to normal, other than looking tanned! Shame the right breast didn't go on the same topless holiday as the left breast clearly did 🙂

I had another difficult day! Was planning on picking youngest up from his friends house, without my scarf! But I couldn't do it 😞 so annoyed with myself! I just can't face all the looks and the fear that one of the other children will ask questions, that I'm not ready to deal with yet 😞 SO FRUSTRATING!!

[Tracy1967]

Well done Sam, YOU'VE DONE IT! 🎉👍🎈🍷 sorry to read that Gaz forgot, bloody men. I think because we look so well and carry on with our everyday lives they forget the milestones we've been through. Enjoy your doughnut and maybe even treat yourself to a Bloody Mary XXX

[Tazzles]

Well done Sam! I also expected to have a real sense of elation after finishing rads but actually felt very flat for some days. As you say, a bit of an anticlimax. Nearly 3 weeks on and I am still feeling a bit wobbly. Some days really optimistic and enjoying being alive, other days feeling terrified of it coming back and not really knowing what to do with my life. I really don't want to go back to work in my old job and am not sure whether I can justify more sick time. I will be on half pay from mid-June which was when I was planning on going back but the thought of dealing with my social work clients terrifies me and I just don't feel emotionally ready. 

Enjoy your doughnut and hope you get some treats from your hubbie later.

Hope everyone else is ok. xxx

[alabamasam]

Well that is it, i'm done. Like you Sal I need a kick up the backside, it is such an anti climax !!!
It is just over 9 months since i was diagnosed and now i don't know what to do with myself. I had been lucky with my skin up until yesterday and it started to breakdown, the radiotherapists have told me to leave it well alone, no antiseptic creams so that is what i'm doing. I don't think we are celebrating, i pretty peeved about that. My husband is obsessed by his job, he didn't even remember it was my last one today and then said if i get home early enough we can go out......no i don't think so. He has also just said to me that i don't like surprises but not sure how he would know that as he never has surprised me ??? Anyway, hoped that id come home to him really at home, flowers, taking me out for lunch but no, home, empty house and all the washing up as usual from last night........
Anyway, that is that, what a ride we have been on and not long now for you Tracy, just keep on with that cream.
Sal, i love the way your kids think you look cool, Tracy i think 2 inches of hair is more than enough to ditch the wig especially in this weather. I'm think i may go next week to get a hair cut, i really just want to back and side shaved off, i want to take it super short as it is very thin on top anyway, time for a change 🙂
Anyway, i'm going to celebrate myself as i've bought myself a krispy kreme, i never eat these abut love them and then tomorrow i guess the hard work begins, need to lose this weight.
I also just want to thank you wonderful ladies for all your support over the last few months. I could not of got through this without all your support & understanding and i hope we continue to do so over the next few months/years
Love Sam xxxxx

[alabamasam]

Ah thanks Sal !! 💕💕💕 ill let you know how I get on in a bit as my apt is 8.20 and have a catch up with everyone xxxxxx
Sam 😊😄😄😊

[Nanny_Sal]

LAST RADS SESSION FOR SAM!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Good Luck! Hope it goes well and you do something nice to celebrate! Xx

[Tazzles]

Hello everyone 

I hope you have enjoyed the nice weather. Looks like its on the turn tomorrow. Boo! 

I too have been struggling with my wig in the heat but not as brave as you Sal, and can't go out without it. I have a feeling I'll not be leaving the house and garden much this summer as I am not ready to bear my head and don't think I will be until I have a decent length of hair and I can dye it. I still only have a really fine covering of hair and a lot of that seems to be grey. Also eyelashes seem to be disappearing still. I thought I'd got away without loosing any until about 4 weeks after the chemo finished. I wonder if this is every going to end. 

Anyway off to get ready for bed. Night night. xxx

[Tracy1967]

Well done Sal, I'm so proud of you and the children sound lovely. I remember when you first lost your hair the children wanted to play pirates, made me smile. I have a full head of hair now, shortest hairs are about 2 inches long but I still wear my wig when out. I think I'm going to the hairdressers shortly to get my remaining longer hairs I saved while cold capping cut off. I've never had short hair and are dreading having it cut but least it's my hair.

Number 8 rads done and I was only 15 mins late going in. Skin seems to be holding up ok but I'm piling on the udder cream several times a day.

On a positive note over the last week my eyebrows and lashes have re appeared, I'm so happy to see them again. I can look in the mirror now and see myself looking back (minus the long hair of course).

Whoops, just realised I mentioned this yesterday, as you can see I'm so excited by seeing the lashes and brows 😀

Another lovely day again today.

Lobe to you all
Tracy XXX

[Nanny_Sal]

Well I have removed my scarf in front of the children! It was that or pass out! My youngest charge said I looked 'cool' bless him, he's a charmer! Now to face my bosses, then everyone outside school! This is harder than when I lost my hair 😞 I feel so stupid for letting it bother me!

Thanks Jane, it helps to know I'm not the only one who feels like this xxxxxxx

[Willow1]

It's a beautiful day - just been for longish walk with the dogs (in the woods away from anyone)! Saw some young deer - so sweet.

Like you Sal I am totally lacking in confidence with the new "hair" what little there is of it!!!.  I have lived in the same area for 20 years and know loads of people by sight to say hello to etc and going out with my new look is causing me problems mainly I think because I am trying to avoid the scenario where I have to explain my new short grey look when I really don't want to. I know a lot of it is in my mind and I should be brave and just go for it but something is holding me back.  So the wig goes on everytime I leave the house and it is so hot!  This moving on lark isn't as easy as it sounds is it? Big empathetic hug.  Jane xx 

[Nanny_Sal]

Hi

How's everyone doing? Enjoying the sunshine?

Too hot for me 😞 especially doing school runs! Off to park this afternoon, hopefully they have filled the paddling pool, I could do with a paddle to cool off!

I bought a baseball cap yesterday, but haven't had the nerve to wear it today! Bit angry at myself for being so pathetic about it! It's weird when I'm at home with my parents I just don't care! I go without a scarf or hat, but while I'm here and at work I feel so self conscious! I suppose part of me is worried that someone will say something and it will upset me, or worse still upset my charges! 😞

I think reality hit today! Which is that the treatment may be done! But the feelings and emotions just keep adding extra little hurdles! Think I need to give myself a firm kick up the backside!! Xx

[Tracy1967]

Wyn it's my understanding that the Naturtint doesn't have any peroxide in and its all natural but I'll certainly take a closer look at the ingredients, it's sold by Holland and Barrett. There's a few women now on the November newbies facebook page who've coloured their hair successfully but I can appreciate your concerns, our hair is so precious. The other option would be to use a coloured mouse on your hair which washes out and may work for you. Jane my lashes and brows hung on right until the end but I lost them after my last chemo, the good news is that they grow back very quickly. In the last week I seem to have eyebrows and lashes maraculously reappear - yaay, my eyes are finally starting to look like my eyes again. It's been horrible not having them as I don't wear makeup. I did watch a few youtube videos on how to create brows and lashes which has certainly helped but there's nothing like your own.

Well I hope everyone's ok, the suns shining which is always a bonus.

Enjoy your day

Love Tracy XXX

[Willow1]

Thank you for that info. My hair is still very short so maybe it makes sense to wait a few more months until it is longer and more robust. Oh well, maybe I will embrace the grey over the summer but like you Sal having had long hair all my life it's yet another hurdle to get over. My eyelashes and eyebrows have gone too - one of my daughters says I look like a baby vole!!! Oh the joys! Xx

[wyn]

Hi ladies just thought I would share info on hair colouring. My neice has been a hairdresser for over 20yrs and she said under No circumstances would she colour my hair for at least 6-9 mths after chemo. (she normally does my hair). I asked her about naturetint and she said because peroxide is in ingredients then she would advise against it as peroxide damages hair shaft/follicles and may cause hair to break particularly after chemo drugs have been at it.

Please be careful and get advice before colouring as we have spent long enough without hair and wouldn't like anyone to damage new regrowth.

Take care

Wyn x

[Tracy1967]

Party sounds fantastic Sal and well done for raising all that money. I though about you all at 8.00pm and raised a glass.

Jane I cold capped like Sam but didn't manage to save as much hair as Sam and did revert to wearing a wig in public. My hair thinned a lot but it's amazing how quickly it's filled in and I have about 2 inches of grey hair growth so no bald patches anymore. I'm thinking about going to the hairdressers in the next couple of weeks and getting myself a nice pixie cut (loose the long hairs which got me through chemo and stopped me from being bald). I've never had short hair but can't wait to throw the wig. As Sams mentioned Naturtint is very good at colouring the grey and is vegetable based (no ammonia).

Wyn and Jane it won't be long now before you start your rads, July will be here before you know it.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend XXX

[Nanny_Sal]

Thanks Wyn! I will have a look on that site!

I felt very uncomfortable today without my scarf on in public! BUT I did it! Only wore scarf outside as I needed something to protect my head from the sun! I'm sure I will get used to it eventually! But having had long hair for the last 20years, this is really tough!!

Hope you are all enjoying the sun! Xxxxxx

[Willow1]

Thanks everyone for your advice, I will have a look at all your tips. Will definitely be ditching the wig ASAP if this weather holds as I have just come back from shopping and my head feels like a furnace! Couldn't wait to rip it off!

Wyn, I start Rads on Wednesday for 30 sessions so I will only finish a day or so ahead of you - roll on beginning of July!

[wyn]

Hi ladies just popped back in to congradulate sal for finishing rads and having an amazing party,well done for raising that amount of money. you should maybe look at website hats4heads they have a good selection and reasonably priced.

Jane - there is always the option of trying a hair colour mousse that washes out after about 5 washes- Sally's sell one called Indola, My hair is also growing in white so that would be my intention once its long enough lol.

Sam - you will soon be celebrating with Sal after Tuesday (hooray).

My rads dont start until 9th June - 15+4 boosters so by the time I am finished all the nevember newbies will be well on their way to normality ( whatever that means for us now).

Take care everyone

sending hugs

Wyn x

[alabamasam]

Wow Sal, that is fantastic, how wonderful is your mums boss to double the amount. I had a beer in my hand at 8 to toast you !
I have my husband around today so we are off out to a local fair in an hour, they are doing their May Queen today and then BBQing later 🙂
My problem with this weather is that i have no clothes that really fit me for hot weather so that will be my issue for the day but i don't really want to buy new big clothes. I'm joining back into my diet club on June 3rd so that will give me a good 7 weeks before we go on holiday.
Jane, i cold capped thru chemo and managed to keep enough hair not to wear a wig but what is growing through is a strange colour and i ended up getting a naturetint veg dye from amazon although they also sell them in holland & barratt. You may be able to use one of these, they are quite good. The colour isn't as bright as i would normally go for but it is certainly better than what grew through.
Happy shopping and hope everyone enjoys this wonderful sunny weekend.
Love Sam xxxxxx

[Willow1]

That's amazing to raise such a large amount, and how generous of your mothers boss!. Sounds like you had a fantastic time too. 

I am looking for light weight hats that are not scratchy inside and I think I am getting a fettish about online hat sites! It's not helped by the fact that I seem to have a big head .  I agree it's getting too warm for scarves and wigs but having denied for years that I am actually grey (colouring it all the time) it has finally got its revenge and come back white with only about 5% dark in it. I am not sure when I can dye it as advice seems to differ so I am torn between going for it and showing the world my new grey or hide it until I can get some colour in it but that might be a few months. My practical side is saying just go for it and take the wigs/scarves off and my shy/vain side says NO way. In the meantime I'm off the shops with my wig on!

Love Jane x 

[Tazzles]

So glad to hear it went well Sal. Hope they all liked their personalised bottles of wine!

Have a good weekend in the sun everyone.

xxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Hi Ladies 🙂

The Party was absolutely amazing! Lots of chatting, laughing and a few happy tears! Everyone had a great time. By the end of the night we had raised an amazing £394 for Macmillan! Which my mums boss has said he will double 🙂

So a wonderful night and I feel I'm giving something back! 🙂

I thought about you all at 8pm! Hope you all have a great sunny weekend! Think I might have to brave a day out without the scarf today!! It's getting a bit warm with it on! Need to find a light weight hat, I think!

Lots of hugs to you all xxxxxx

[alabamasam]

Been gardening today, finally feel like I've achieved something as I mowed the lawns & that made a difference. I have Gaz off work all weekend which will be great so we are going to a fair tomorrow then maybe out for a walk and pub lunch in Sunday which will be great to see how far I get 😊 the tamoxifen is really affecting my joints and I ache a lot but ill take some painkillers & get out in this gorgeous weather ☀☀☀☀☀☀
Sal I hope the party is going well
Love sam xxxx

[Tracy1967]

Have a wonderful time this evening Sal and at 8.00pm I'll also raise a glass especially for all of us. Rads are going ok, had a day off yesterday as the machine needed servicing and only had a 30 min wait today. No redness as yet but it's still early days. Sam the finish line is in sight for you, I have another 8 to go but not long now. Tara hope you had a lovely birthday yesterday.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend, make the most if the sunshine 🌞😀

Love to you all
Tracy XXX

[Willow1]

Sal,

I hope you have a fun party Sal, as you say 9 months is a long time and it deserves a celebration! Cheers to you for 8 this evening!

I'm taking notes on all your experiences with rads and I have been given all my timings for the 30 sessions and they are all at 8.45 or there abouts so here's hoping it's early enough to avoid the delays.  

The sun is shining - what a lovely day. 

Jane x

[alabamasam]

Hi Sal, I'm excited for you !!! This day seems to have come round quickly, you are going to have an amazing night. Me & my husband were talking last night about having a big BBQ in the summer when all the kids are with us.
I would love to have a meet up, where do you live Sal, I can't remember.
Rads have been ok & running pretty much on time, I usually have 10 min delay but don't mind. I'm waiting to go in now, I'm on the boosts now & just 3 more left. I finish on Tuesday then it's half term then after that its diet time 😱much needed though !!!!
Have an amazing time tonight, ill get a glass in my hand at 8 to toast with you
Lots of love Sam xxxx 💗💜💗💜💗💜💗

[Nanny_Sal]

IT'S PARTY DAY 🙂

Wow can't believe this day is finally here! I've never been quite so excited about a party! But this one is really special, because if I'm honest 9months ago, I never thought this day would arrive!

BUT it has, and I intend on having a very special evening with my family and friends! I just wish you could all be here too! Because without all your love, support and gentle kicks up the backside, I really wouldn't of got this far! So tonight at 8pm I will a raise a glass to all of you! I hope one day we can arrange to meet up and enjoy a real toast together! 🙂

Sam and Tracy hope your Rads have been going okay, and keeping to good timing! Tara hope your birthday was amazing and you had a great time! Willow hope you are doing okay!

Lots of Love to you all

Sal xxxxx

[Tracy1967]

Happy birthday Tara, enjoy your day 🎂🎈🎉💝🍹

[Tazzles]

Thank you Sal, I have been sunning myself in the conservatory with my book and am about to go and collect friends from the train station, then go and visit my uncle's new piglets and then a walk with the dogs. Then back home to drink bubbles and out for dinner in the evening. Hope you have a lovely day of freedom! xxx

[Nanny_Sal]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR TARA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

Tara wishing you a very very Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great day! Today is a day for lots of smiles and laughter! 😉 hope your other half and dogs, spoil you! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Tracy1967]

Jane & Tara, sorry you're both feeling a little low today, this horrible disease has definitely changed us all. I think we all have negative days and as Sams mentioned, reading about Rachel's reoccurrence on Facebook has knocked us all for six. She's not finished her first bout of treatment yet nature deals her yet another **bleep**ty blow. But we know she will beat this crap! Sam I'm also like you, I feel like this cancer business and treatment has happened to someone else and not me. I sat the other day and though Trace you've just gone through months of chemo and then reality hit! Scary stuff........

Sam enjoy your plant shopping and Jane enjoy your weeding, we're all so easily pleased 😀 Tara hang in there, tomorrow's a new day, you've done brilliant through all your treatment. Sal hope you're enjoying your freedom, not long now to your party.

Enjoy the sunshine and smile XXX

[Willow1]

Sam, your post made me laugh - all those chickens eh!? . Reminded me of "why did the chicken cross the road" jokes!

[alabamasam]

I know what you mean Jane, I wander about in a bubble, the reality is so enormous that when i stop & think it is terrifying. Another thing that gets to me is that as I successfully cold capped I don't look like I am ill as i kept a lot of my hair & as no one sees me without makeup & I'm sick of people telling me how well I look, how brave I am etc etc. they wouldn't say that if they saw me first thing in the morning without my make up or if they had seen me after the docetaxel. I actually feel like this isn't really happening to me which is how I deal with it & I just need to think about the kids & our holiday and try to carry on as if this isn't happening
Love Sam xxxxxxx

[Willow1]

Just read your post after pottering around in the garden thinking how beautiful all the flowers were etc when and it hit me that the relatively relaxed carefree attitude I had this time last year has been battered and left damaged by this experience. I seem to go up and down (sometimes by the hour) and swing from really positive to really negative and quite often for no apparent reason. Looking forward is a challenge and my friends seem to think that once the treatment has finished all will be back to normal which only we know is not the case. That in itself is quite isolating I think but at least through this forum we can sound off. I'm with you on your thinking Tazzles so at least you know you are not alone. Janex

[alabamasam]

Hi Jane, i was out by 9.10 !!! They really are amazing at the Christie !!! They fixed the machine but they also moved people about to other machines...they have about 12 i think so it was all handled so well. I escaped and went to B & Q, the slightest show of good weather and i need to feed my plant addiction !!! I did a load of baskets and pots a few weeks ago but was left with a few plants left over so i bought more pots....then i needed more plants ha ha. I've also just bought some cuprinol shades to paint our two sheds with so i'll have to do it while my husband is at work as i'm not sure how he will feel about pink & turquoise 🙂
Tara, i think we all feel like this especially with what happened with Rachel yesterday but we are all different and we will be fine. I know that is easy to say and i have these moments too but for now we are ok and we really will be. I'm just now looking forward, i'm going to get another sick note for another 3 months. Work haven't got in touch and i am on half pay. I'm not sure how long for but it is being paid by an insurance company so clearly work don't care. If i get two more sick notes i won't be back till next year and if i just get the one i still have 37 days holidays to take so won't be full time for quite some time. I'm hoping that once i am back i can negotiate part time. Today i am especially grateful i'm not in work as on the junction i turn off the M62 a lorry crashed into the central reservation and it was carrying 6000 chickens !!!!! What a nightmare......
Anyway, i'm looking forward to the summer hols with the kids.
Hope you are all ok
Love Sam xxxxx

[Willow1]

Hope by the time you read this you will be out of there and home. Hanging around in hospitals gets a tad boring (understatement) especially when the sun is out! I'm hoping to do some weeding in the garden today and having spent from Nov to March mainly cooped up inside feeling lousy I'm overly excited by the prospect. Sad but true. Hope you have a good rest of the day. Jane x

[Tazzles]

Hi everyone. Hope you are enjoying your freedom, Sal and hope everyone else's rads are going to plan.

I'm feeling a bit emotional today. Just read an article about 'moving on' after cancer and I'm realising how difficult I'm finding digesting everything that has happened. I realise I need to make a lot of changes in my life and everything feels a bit daunting.

Sending big hugs to everyone xxx