November Newbies 2013

[Nanny_Sal]

Okay ladies....... It's time for a (((((((((((((GROUP HUG)))))))))))))) I'm sure NONE of us have anything to worry about. We are just feeling vulnerable, which I think is totally understandable!

I will be contacting my BCN on Monday and see what she suggests. Otherwise I have appointment with Oncologist on 26th! Which right now seems a million miles away!

Hope everyone is able to enjoy their weekend xxxxx

[alabamasam]

Tracy are u taking tamoxifen ? I have pain in my arms too but I think that tamoxifen is the cause
Sam xxxx

[Tracy1967]

Omg I'm so shocked reading these posts as I had a meltdown myself this morning. I've had a muscular pain in my left arm now for just over 3 weeks. I thought I may have pulled something or the RA has kicked in again as I've not been taking any meds for this in last 10 months. This morning it dawned on me that it was my left arm, same side as BC and what about if it's bone mets. Hadn't entered my mind previously but with the ladies on Facebook having new lumps etc this got me thinking. I really hope its RA or a pulled muscle as I don't think I could go through treatment again. I'm going to call my oncologist on Monday and see if they'll X-Ray my arm, I'm scarred stiff XXX

[Willow1]

Just catching up on all your comments. I totally get the paranoia as I am a victim of that too and as Sam says I guess we have to try and talk ourselves down to a calmer place (something I'm not terribly good at and so much easier said than done). I ferret around my healthy boob and because I am naturally lumpy I feel all sorts of things which the next day I can't find and then the day after I find again. I have little confidence in examining myself so have told all those medics involved in my care that I am going to be bugging them regularly just to put my mind at rest. Also, one of the isolating aspects is that we try to keep our fears away from our loved ones which is a feat of mental strength in itself!

Anyway, in the spirit of "moving on" and banishing niggles for the day (wish i knew where i was moving on to - lots of processing to be done there I feel!!), I am going to pop to a garden centre and get some bedding plants for my hanging baskets and potter around in the garden.

Sam, my father had Parkinson's too - know what that is like to deal with.
Love to all xxx

[alabamasam]

Tara, i'm not sure about Sue or Natalia but Rachel is triple neg. The important thing is that all of them went and got checked immediatekly and are already being dealt with. We know that this is what has to happen if we think we have anything suspicious and we also know that this can be dealt with. My hospital were so wonderful, obviously i never want to go through this again but if i had to then i would. I hate the side effects of the tamoxifen but again, i'll keep on with it. My onc said we would need to give it at least 3 months to settle down. maybe after that time i will swap to a different brand. I had an awful flush yesterday just as i was paying my hotel bill....there was sweat pouring down my face, i had to turn away - it was so embarrassing.
Anyway, i'm going to go and get more coffee and try to aort out my nails - they are all falling off now. They seem to have lifted halfway up my nail bed so i have an apt on tuesday and i will have to see if she can cover them up - i'm not holding out much hope but we will see.
Sam xxxxxx

[Tazzles]

Sal, I also lay in bed last night and thought I felt a lump in my other breast. I am thinking and hoping it is just normal but like you I don't really know what is normal anymore. The other one is still tender and hard where the original lump was. I am going to try and just forget it and wait until I get my follow up appointment with my oncologist. I haven't heard anything about that though. Has anyone else see theirs since finishing?

Sam, witrh the ladies with second lumps on Facebook, d0 you know if they are Oestrogen negative? I am kind of hoping that the tamoxifen will be preventing further 'attacks' because I am oestrogen positive. 

Jane, how are you doing. I don't think you've been on for a while. I hope the rads are going ok and not dragging you down too much. 

Much love to you all and have a good weekend xxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Thanks Sam, it's good to hear I'm not the only one! Let's hope everyone finds out that it's nothing! Including you and your cough!! Think it just shows that this journey is far from over! Let's just hope that things get easier and less stressful as time goes on! Xxx

[Jo_BCC]

Hi  Nannie Sal

If you need someone to talk to, the helpline is open at 10am today until 2pm 0808 800 6000, they're here to support you.

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[alabamasam]

Sal you are going to be paranoid, I think we always will be. You are not on your own, I can tell you although I don't want to panic you that about 3/4 ladies in the November Facebook group have already found lumps and are getting then checked. Realistically if you are worried you must go & get it checked out. I have awful scar tissue under my scar & my nipple is lumpy and solid from the rads which I am now worried about. I also have a cough that I can't get rid if so now think I have lung mets and I have an apt on June 10th now to see my surgeon. I haven't told Gaz, I need to know for myself, I am not panicking though as I cannot do more about it so will just get checked out & deal with it if I have to which I'm telling myself I won't. Sal we will be fine and we just need to tell ourselves this.
Try to get through your weekend as normal, it's lovely & sunny here & I'm about to hang out my washing as my dryer has packed up. I have to go & visit my dad in hospital later, he has been in for about 6 weeks with various Parkinson's related issues which started with a chest infection but he will be out next week. It was his birthday yesterday so we will take him cards and some Chocs, hard to buy him presents these days.
Sal, please try not to panic, we are all here for you, I'm here all day if you need me, I can message you my number if you want it, send me a private message if you do xxx
Big hugs (((((HUGS))))) xxxxxx
Love sam xxxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Morning all

Sam, glad you and your 'mother' survived your days away.

How was your first day hospital free Tracy? Did it seem odd not having to go in for Rads?

Jane how you doing? Hopefully you are doing something nice over the weekend!

Tara how are you feeling now? Any more thoughts on work! Sending you a ((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))

Not sure whether to say this on here or not!! But i'm not sure I can get through the weekend if I don't. 😞 I am hoping I am just having a complete paranoid moment... But last night in the bath as I was washing I felt a firm area in my other breast 😞 of course my mind has gone into overdrive and I've been poking and prodding the area all night! I can only feel it when lying down, and I'm 99% sure I am just feeling normal breast tissue, but of course I can't compare to the other breast. As that no longer feels 'normal'. So just having a mini panic attack! Don't want to mention it to my mum as she'll only worry!

Sorry ladies didn't really want to offload on you, but I had to say something somewhere! I'm sure it's nothing and I'm just being Paranoid, but it's a bit scary! I think I have lost the ability to look at things with an open mind!

Hope you all have a good weekend, and I am okay to say no more on this subject if it makes any of you uncomfortable xxxx

[alabamasam]

I'm on my 3rd beer, sat in my bedroom as the kids (this analogy includes my husband !) play their new mariokart game 😀my mum is the most grumpy difficult person I have ever spent time with and she also says the most inappropriate things to random people, I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed as I've been over the past two days & I'm not contacting her for a few days ! She lives round the corner from me, she used to live opposite but I moved coz she spied on me !!!!! Now she spies on my mate who rents my house !!!! Sigh, at least having mums like this teaches us how not to behave 😀😜

[Tracy1967]

Glad your home Sam, hope you've managed to maintain you sanity and that you've not buried your mom under the patio 😜 think you deserve a few beers now - enjoy 🍻🍷

[alabamasam]

I'm home !!! I am mum free !!!! Woo Hoo happy weekend everyone xxxxxxx
Sam 😜

[Tracy1967]

Tara sorry you're feeling apprehensive re work, you have to go at your own pace. Only you know when you're ready to go back to work. I've worked part time through treatment but it's been easier for me as I work from home. I haven't had to face people on a daily basis. Would your works consider a phased return to work, maybe 3 / 4 hours per day or a few days per week to start off with? Try not to stress about this for now and concentrate on yourself XXX

[Tazzles]

Thanks Sal and Sam for your advice and support. I think the problem is that as a social worker I am dealing on a daily basis with some very damaged and angry people and I'm just not sure I can hold it together when I've got so much going on for me at the moment. I thought things would gradually improve but it continues to be up and down. I found two eyelashes (or brows) in my cereal bowl this morning so they are shedding again. I had read somewhere that this can happen but it is still demoralising when you think you are on the mend. 

Have a good night everyone xxx

[alabamasam]

Tara, my mum is just a grumpy old cow & I'm really struggling to spend time with her as she is really unpleasant. She hasn't got a nice thing to say about anyone, I cannot wait to get home and have my own space ! I've worked out my issue with her & I simply just don't like her !
Anyway, your issue with work ..... I am the same, I have no desire to go back to work, I know I have to but I'm just not ready. I don't care enough about it at the moment to do my job well. I'm a payroll manager/customer service manager & quite honestly I could t give a stuff if someone hasn't been paid correctly so I know I'm not ready. I'm going to get another 3 month sick note as I haven't heard from work and I've decided I want to spend the summer hols with my kids & then I will have to take the plunge 😞
Love & hugs
Sam xxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Tara we are all individuals, and each of us have dealt with things in our own way. That doesn't change now! I think because I worked all the way through I didn't have the hurdle of getting back into work. But I have heard other ladies say they were struggling to go back. If you genuinely aren't ready, then I would speak to your employers. BUT maybe getting back to part time work (if that's possible) would give you a chance to see how you would cope. I think that sometimes the thought of doing these things is more scary than the reality! Like facing the world with our new looks!

I think it's important to do things at your own pace, BUT sometimes we need a little help/support or gentle push to help us make a decision that might get us back to our new 'normal'! If that makes sense! Sending you a ((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))) xxxxxx

[Tazzles]

Well done Tracy!!! Now you get your life back!

Sam, I can't believe your mum is so insensitive. Can you tell her that what she is saying is really unhelpful?

I'm feeling a bit edgy. I am technically due to go back to work mid-June but I really don't feel ready. I know many people have worked at least part-time throughout their treatment but there is no way I could have done so and the thought of going back now just sends me into a complete panic. It makes me feel quite pathetic as I keep thinking I SHOULD be ready to get back to it like other people are. 

xxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy for TRACY!

Now to enjoy some time away from hospital appointments xxxxx

[Willow1]

Congratulations. I bet you are so relieved! I hope you get to celebrate this evening. X

[Tracy1967]

Rads completed - I'm a free woman again 🎉👍🍷🎈 just hope I can maintain some positivity now XXX

[Tracy1967]

You go Sal, that's brilliant. We all have to accept that this horrible disease has changed us physically and mentally but that doesn't mean it has the right to control us. Good on you Sal for taking control back XXX

Sam tell your mom you've put on a little weight but she's ugly and you can lose weight 👍😜 sorry you have to put up with this negativity but not long now and you'll be home XXX

[alabamasam]

There is no stopping you now Sal !!!! Yes you are right, I'm just ignoring her now. Just one more day to go 😊 xxxxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Oh Sam, that is so cruel of her. Sending you a ((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))) You have put on weight because of having Cancer and treatment! Your mother needs to learn how to be compassionate actually she needs a lesson on being a decent human being!

Hope you survive the day without killing each other. Just remember what you have been through, and that you are a beautiful woman inside and out! Unlike your mother!!

On the subject of looks! I have just ventured to the shop and back on my own scarf free 🙂 I am really proud of myself. Xxxx

[alabamasam]

And now mum has just told me I'm fat !!!! She is almost as unpleasant as my mother in law !!! Roll on tomorrow when I can go home & get away from her !!!!!

[Tracy1967]

Sal I'm so proud of you, well done 🎉👍🎉😀 I know the school run will be very hard for you but once it's over you're done. No one will bat an eyelid as they'll be busy looking for something else to chat about.

Sam, what can I say, you made me smile 😃 had visions of you kicking your mom out on the motorway. It's a shame the weathers not been good so you and Alex could wonder off together. Not long now and you'll be on your way home - peace 😀

Tara hope you're feeling ok today, this rains not nice weather for walking the dogs but least you can catchup on your reading. Hope the nails are holding on XXX

Jane good luck with your rads today XXX

Last rads today - yaay. Not sure though whether if it's good or bad. You seem to go from treatment to treatment with the hospital keeping close rains on you then 'see you bye'. My next appts are in 3 months time when the oncologist will hopefully sign me back over to my surgeon with the all clear.

Love to you all

[alabamasam]

This is fantastic Sal !!! I'm so pleased about this for you. Yes I'm afraid going away with my munis more of achore as she is hard work. She is similar to my mother in law & because I'm more ill than her she struggles with this so I for example I say I'm tired or I have a headache then she will be also way more exhausted and she will have a brain tumour !!! Her glass is always half empty and yesterday literally about 5 mins after leaving home she was picking a fight with me. I've stopped my car in the past and asked her to get out !!!! Unfortunately I couldn't do this yesterday ! Anyway, one more night !!!! Deep breaths !!!!!!
Sam xxxxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Sounds like the holiday spirit has left you already Sam 🙂 let's hope today is a better day for you.

Tracy last Rads yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Xx

Tara hope you are having a good week? Xx

Jane hope you are managing some normality in between your rads appointments. Xx

Well I felt REALLY nervous when I left the house, then just outside I bumped into one of my mums neighbours! A lady who had BC last year, her treatment finished may 2013! We chatted for a bit then I told her it was my first night out scarf free, and she said "it's a big step, but you'll be fine"! That really helped.

Then to be honest I just didn't think about it after that. I admit we sat in a booth, but we saw lots of people on the way in and another big table of people came in on the table next to us. Plus all the waiting staff! But honestly ladies it was fine! No one looked or stared, in fact nobody really cares!! So I do have to admit, that it's all in our heads and we just need to take that step!

Don't get me wrong I still HATE the fact I have very little hair, and if my sister tells me once more that it is growing so fast, I will be forced to shoot her 😉 BUT I won't be putting my scarf back on! My next challenge is catching the train back to London on Sunday!! Then to do the school and nursery run on Monday!! Dreading that, BUT once it's done, it's done! I feel like it's a really big step in moving forward!

Keep going ladies, we will all get back to our new 'normal' eventually xxxx

[alabamasam]

Morning everyone, well done Sal, how did you feel ??? I bet it was liberating 😀
Tracy, good luck for today !!! LAST RADS 🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆🎉🏆
I'm in Whitley bay, weather is awful, Alex is wingy & OMG my mum is hard work !!!!! One more day to go & I can get back home ha ha !!!
Have a great day everyone, keep slapping on the cream Jane 😊😊😊
Love Sam xxx

[Tazzles]

Well done Sal! 

Tracy good luck for the final day. Hope it goes smoothly. 

Have a good day everyone else xx

[Willow1]

Well done! Hope you are feeling pleased with yourself.
Xx

[Nanny_Sal]

I DID IT 🙂

[Tracy1967]

Good luck for today Sal, I'm sure you look lovely without your scalf, it's just different. Let us know how you get on XXX

Sam hope you have a lovely break with Alex and your mom XXX

Tara I loved your wig and twig message, made me smile. It must be so hard for you especially when you had lovely thick curly hair but remember it will come back and you're still here. Think about booking a well earnt holiday, you certainly deserve it XXX

Jane, hope your rads are going ok, keep clapping on the cream. The time will go by very quickly and before you know it the end will be in sight XXX

Well it's my last rads tomorrow at 3.05pm I'm also seeing the physio as I think they want to make sure I'm aware of lymphadima. I've been piling on the udder cream several times a day and my skin seems to have held out pretty well though I must admit it feels very warm under my arm and around the area where my lump was. Oh well, only 1 more zap to go - yaay👍😀

I've worked part time through chemo and rads but I spoke with my oncologist yesterday and asked for a 2 week sick note. I just want to have a few days chilling out and getting my head around what I've been through the last 9 months.

Love to you all, stay positive
Tracy XXX

[Willow1]

Hi one and all. Just sitting in the waiting room waiting for rad no. 7. Tracy, I bet you are relieved your sessions are nearly over. Sam, taking your advice and slapping on the cream.

Tara, the wig and the twig (sounds like a title from a children's book) made me laugh. My hair is thick at the back around the nape of my neck and very slow to develop at the front. As I have always hidden behind my fringe at the front all my life I don't think I will be going wingless for some while. Or maybe I will wake up one day and be brave ...... Um!?

Sal, I would love to meet up when I am next in London

Hope you all have a good day.
Xx

[Tazzles]

Go for it Sal! I'm encouraged by your description of your hair growth as I still have very little at the front and its very shiny and I was wondering if it would ever come back but it sounds like maybe its normal to be the last to grow from what you say (I've just read that sentece back and its rather long and waffly so hope it makes sense!). 

I keep thinking about how much I'd love a holiday but to be honest I just can't face the hsassle of planning/travelling and also think I want to be in my own environment for a bit while I'm getting myself back to 'normal'. If I could just magic myself to somewhere warm and sunny with a beach that would be perfect but the reality of a long drive to the airport and several hours sitting around in a busy airport (both ways) doesn't appeal. I think maybe by September I'll be more ready.

Hope the rads are going well Tracy and Jane. Not long to go now Tracy.

Have a good day everyone xxx 

[Nanny_Sal]

Hi all

Sam I hope you, Alex and your mum have a great time away 🙂 always nice to get away for a bit. Let's hope the weather is good for you. Although I love walking along the beach on a breezy day, something very soothing about the sound of the waves crashing! I always go to the beach when I need to think. Enjoy!!

Tracy not long now! 🙂 The end of the Rads really are in sight. Hope the last couple go well. Xx

Tara I also admit to laughing about the wig stuck on a branch 🙂 but am very pleased that it was just you and the dogs, because I know exactly how you would of felt if someone else had been there! Xx

Jane, you'll have to let me know next time your heading to London. I'm literally 10mins from Notting hill. We could maybe arrange a meet up! Hope your Rads are running to time, still a way to go but we are all here for you xx

Well big day for me (not really but feels like it) I am going out for a meal tonight with my mum, sister and 2 friends. I plan on going scarf free!!!!! Already dreading it, but I have to do it at some point. I am fed up with the scarf look now! Still hate my hair/lack of hair. But I do at least have a covering now! Up to now I had two thin spots at the front where the light would shine off it 😞 but it's now covered 🙂 so I just have super short hair! I was looking at hair dyes yesterday, but realistically how long do you think your hair needs to be before you can dye it?

I will be back on tonight/tomorrow to tell you if I did it, or failed!!

Hope everyone has a good day. Love to you all xxxxx

[alabamasam]

Hi all, just catching up for today. We have had some friends round for a BBQ today which is lovely but I'm so tired I can't be bothered after 8pm. We had a good time though & overdid the food as usual. Yesterday we had to go to ikea as I sat on Alex's bed and it broke ! He did confess a bit later that he had jumped on it & it had cracked so not 100% my fault but diet needs to start !! Anyway, bed arrived today, we got a metal kids day bed which has a pull out bed underneath for sleepovers so its perfect.
Sal I'm sorry you are feeling low, you are so right- up one minute & down the next. It's so hard, I am exactly the same. The sore under my arm seems to be healing up without infection, the skin broke down completely from my rads and I could smell it !!!! Anyway, cleaning it with water & no creams as instructed from the hospital has worked & the cut is dry. It's weird as it looked so angry & awful but it didn't hurt but now I'm on the mend 😊
Tracy I think your hair looks great, you can def Ditch the wig now, I think if you get a natural hair dye it will boost your confidence so much, it really helped with me. Tara I'm sorry about your nails, I have acrylic nails but they don't feel right, I think the nail beds are lifting, I am just making sure that I keep them as short as I can. I know it wasn't funny & I'm glad no one was about to see but I'm afraid to admit I had a little giggle at the thought of your wig on the tree branch !!!!
Jane, I'm glad you are getting thru your rads, the next few weeks will fly by, slap on that cream though, I don't think I did that enough and my skin broke down but it has healed so quickly & isn't painful although it looks pretty angry.
Sal try & enjoy your time away from work, I hope you feel better as the week goes on. I'm going to Whitley bay with my mum & Alex for a couple of days on Wednesday to see my cousin. I hope the weather is kind to us as the beach there is amazing. I must remember to take my tamoxifen joint killers with me, the pain in my legs is horrid & this morning I had pains in my arms !!! Lots of paracetamol to take with me too.
Anyway, off to bed now, not sure what tomorrow will bring as I have Gaz at home & the kids so should make the effort & go out 😃
Love & hugs
Sam xxxxxx

[Tracy1967]

Sal my hubbie and kids took the Mickey out of me when I had my hair cut, they were just trying to make everything light hearted. I laughed with them but inside I'm seriously mourning the loss of my hair how it was 7 months ago. I feel awful as I should be very grateful as I have a good head of hair and could get away without a wig once I've coloured it but I can't help it. I guess we all need to find a way if accepting our new looks, its not for ever and our hair will grow (but that's easier said than done when you've been through what we have).

Tara, losing a nail sounds horrible, hope you're ok. Mine seem more brittle than usual and have a nasty red / yellow tinge but don't hurt thank goodness.

We finish chemo and think everything will start going back to normal straight away but that's not the case. T side effects seem to carry on after the last treatment. My eyebrows and lashes didn't totally depart until after my last session of T. I'm so glad to say brows and lashes are now almost back to normal.

Rads number 13 of 15 tomorrow for me. I looked today and can see a little redness appearing under my arm. I did wonder if this was my vest top rubbing or the rads, well have to wait and see.

Wishing you all a lovely bank hols XXX

[Tazzles]

A finger nail departed company with my finger yesterday. The hairs on my legs are growing nicely but on my head it is very slow. Like you, Jane, I keep inspecting it from every angle with mirrors (several times a day) to inspect the growth (or lack of). Well done Tracy taking the plunge and getting the haircut. My wig got caught on a tree branch on my dog walk this morning and was yanked right off my head. Luckily nobody around to witness it. 

Sal, sorry to hear you are up and down. I feel like this too. So many emotions. Its going to take a long time for me to get my head round all that has happened. Hope you get the toilet situation sorted. 

Lots of love to everyone xx

[Willow1]

Just got back from Rads - it's raining so don't feel I've missed out too much on the Bank Holiday! Only 26 to go. Slowly but surely getting there.

I was in London on Saturday with a friend and we ended up in Nottinghill trying on wigs - it was hilarious but I still loathe them all with a vengeance. Sam, I understand how you feel, it's like your former physical being has been taken from you and you have been presented with a new one that you don't like as much. Sometimes psychologically it doesn't matter and at others it really really does!

Hope you are all having a good Bank Holiday.
Xx

[Nanny_Sal]

Hi all

Jane good luck with the Rads today, another one will be ticked off. I had bank holidays off, but although the break was nice, it did extend the treatment. Fingers crossed you are in on time and then can enjoy the rest of the Bank holiday.

Tracy well done on the hair cut! Let's hope after you have it coloured you might like it more! But I know exactly how you feel! Xx How many more Rads to go? The end must be in sight 🙂

Sam and Tara how are things going. If your anything like me, it's full of ups and downs!

I'm enjoying the break from work, but am feeling a bit grumpy and fed up. Having a few 'toilet' issues! Something that has been bothering me on and off since Chemo started! Just hoping that it's something that will eventually sort itself out. Nails still sore, as are feet. Still struggling with the hair thing! Not helped by family laughing and joking about it! Don't think they realise that I am struggling with it, and that I am trying to see a funny side (but I can't)

Anyway let's hope eventually we all get used to our 'new' image!

Love to you all xxxxx

[Willow1]

Tracy, that made me laugh. As a friend said to me (I think she thought she was being helpful): " you never know, you might look good with man hair". I think Tinkerbell sounds better.
Xx

[Tracy1967]

Well ladies I bit the bullet and had my remaining longer hairs cut off and I'm now sporting a very short pixie cut. I've never had hair this short and feel like a boy. I look like bloody tinkerbell ( Julia Roberts but not as pretty). I just need to get it coloured now and I can go wigless, just a shame I don't like it.

Rads 12 went ok, skin stil holding up.

Have a lovely bank hols everyone XXX

[Willow1]

Hi everyone, just back from Rads and only a 20 min delay so fingers crossed all going well so far.  Got to go in on Bank Holiday Monday, had thought I would have a long weekend but they are so busy they are trying to fit as many people in as possible!.

I totally get how you are all feeling, I am still undergoing treatment but I am having the collywobbles and feel emotionally up and down. 

Oh gawd the hair.  I studied my baldylocks in the mirror this morning and I found myself twisting and turning with the mirrors to look at the back of my head and decided the shape of it was distinctly odd!  I have one or two eyelashes growing back now so that's plus. My grey is more salt and pepper now (much more salt though) and it is quite long at the back with a little wave in it and almost nothing growing at the front.  It is a very attractive look!  I have been avoiding seeing friends from my old work as I am really aware of my wig (feels a bit drag queen now) and I have lost my confidence too.  It's good to share with you the hair/image problems as it makes me feel less peculiar!

Sorry that the nails are problematic, I have been lucky I think and only have the ridges but they are very yellow.  

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. 

Lot of love to everyone,

J x

[Nanny_Sal]

Tara I started taking evening primrose oil for hot flushes! Like you I go from boiling hot to freezing cold! Weird! Since taking evening primrose oil I have had better nights sleep!! Could just be my body getting used to the tamoxifen, but I'm happy to take it if it might help! It's actually evening primrose oil with starflower oil. GP said it was fine to take! Xxxx

[Tazzles]

I meant to say Sal, have a lovely week with your parents xx

[Tazzles]

I agree, we are nowhere near the end of the journey. My finger nails are painful and sensitive. I keep knocking them and because they have all lifted up half way its horrid! I just have to keep filing them down all the time and hope the lifted up bits will grow out soon. They look disgusting but as they are so ridged nail varnish also looks awfuyl. Hair growth is very slow too and lots of grey. I keep looking at it several times a day to see if there is any new growth. 'A watched hair doesn't grow' seems to be the case. I seem to be getting more and more hot flushes now but these are alternated with being really cold. 

I feel emotionally really vulnerable too. I feel I've been in this 'bubble' for so long and to break out of it is proving difficult. I have friends suggesting I meet them somewhere (not local) and it terrifies me but I know I have to try otherwise I'll become a total recluse.

Lots of love to everyone xxx

[alabamasam]

Sal just so you know you aren't on your own my feet have also started hurting again, it's more my heels & I have false nails but they feel lose but they aren't which means its my real nails underneath that are. I just have to be careful and not put pressure on them & I'm keeping them really short, I also ache really badly, I can barely move first thing in the morning & take paracetamol through the day. Not sure if this is the tamoxifen ? I think you are right, this isn't anywhere near over, the skin under my arm has also completely broken down & is open & angry, it looks worse than it feels but it's another thing to deal with. I'm just glad I only had 20 sessions as I don't know how I would have managed ?
Anyway Gaz is off today, he has done school run & I'm lying in bed 😊
Hoping to go out for lunch
Sal enjoy your week off with your parents, time to relax a bit xxxxx
Good luck Jane with your rads & I hope everyone had a good day xxxx
Love Sam xxxx

[Nanny_Sal]

Well done Sam and Tara on looking into a possible new career 🙂 very positive steps.

Jane good luck with Rads today, hope all goes to plan.

Tracy glad you had a better day yesterday, hope it continues.

I've decided that this journey is far from over! Especially the emotional side of it, although even the physical stuff keeps popping up it's nasty head! My nails, which look awful had started hurting again! My fingertips and feet are still numb 😞 My joints are now aching on and off. But I can't decide if that's down to the tamoxifen or me overdoing it!

I just feel that everyday is a struggle. At home with my parents for a week now, hoping that a break from work and some time to myself, might help lift my mood. Plus build back up some confidence!

Hugs to you all xxxxx

[Tazzles]

How's everyone today?Jane, you made me laugh with your description of crawling along the floor to find your wig before answering the door - that is exactly what I would do! I hope the rads experience goes well today. 

Great idea about the horticultural course Sam. I agree life is too short to be doing jobs we hate. Yesterday I enrolled on an online canine care diploma course. I really don't want to be a social worker any more and am going to focus on setting up a dog day care business.

I hope everyone has a good day and the boobies are not too painful xx