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November Newbies 2013

Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, I feel that your friend is being very unsupportive. I am quite shocked that anyone would say something like that ie that you will loose all your friends or your job. Does she believe that there is a time frame to this and that by a certain time we should be feeling on top of the world again? It makes me realise why I am reluctant to actually tell any of my friends how I am really feeling. 

 

I am so tired today. I did go out last night for dinner at some friends' house and had a few glasses of wine and once again didn't sleep well - although strangely I didn't have as many hot flushes as I have been getting recently. Maybe red wine is the answer!

 

I have heard that there is an alternative liquid tamoxifen that is less harsh with the side effects. I'm not sure if I imagined this though. Has anyone else heard of it? I'm not sure I can take 5 years of this myself. 

 

Take care Sal. Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend xxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi all

Fingers firmly crossed that no news is good news Tracy xx

Well I had a very interesting conversation with a friend today! I wasn't in a very good mood to begin with. So was hoping she might help cheer me up, or at least listen to me and make me realise that things could be worse! Instead she told me that she had never seen me quite this down and glum, and that if I carry on like this I will lose all my friends and my job. So maybe it would be better for me to stop taking the Tamoxifen and get my life back! Think she put it, quality of life over quantity!!

I've spent the last few hours thinking hard about everything she said. I go from completely understanding what she is saying (partly because I have already thought the stuff myself) to being completely shocked that she suggested this. But also that she didn't see it as a difficult decision!

I obviously don't want my Cancer to come back, but at the same time I would like to be able to enjoy life again. Because right now, I'm not!

I'm not stupid I wouldn't just stop taking the drug, which is what she suggested. But I really will be discussing things with my Oncologist, because if they can't offer any relief from these hot flushes and lack of sleep, then I really will consider taking my chances without the Tamoxifen!

Sam how you getting on with the hot flushes? Did you try the Relonchem brand?

Hope everyone else is staying side effect free! Anymore ideas on combatting these bloody hot flushes/disrupted sleep, would be gratefully received.

Sal xxxxxxxxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

We'll I haven't had a callback from my BC nurse, hopefully no news is good news. Sal & Tara sending you both big hugs.

Have a lovely weekend all
Love Tracy XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Tara

Sending you a hug right back 🙂 I'm sat on the sofa watching rubbish TV. Too knackered to walk up to my room!

I finally heard from my BCN who was very apologetic. She has managed to get me in for an appt on 17th. So a week longer than I was hoping, but better than 2 wks. I just hope whoever I see can help! I can't go on like this much longer.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend xxxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Just seen your post Sal and am sending very big hugs. I feel exactly the same as you and am getting frustrated with myself that I am still so lacking in energy and motivation for most things in life. How long is this going to go on? I am aching horrendously at the moment and have pain in my back, hip, arm and knee. I'm fed up!

 

I think your friend sounds very uncaring. I just spoke to one of my friends and realised how much I pretend to people that I'm ok and 'upbeat'. At the end of the conversation I realised I hadn't said at all how I am really feeling. Maybe its because I feel I've got to protect people. I think you are right and nobody can understand the numerous feelings involved with this disease. Sometimes I feel I'm getting worse rather than better.

 

I have been waking up numerous times in the night either freezing cold or roasting hot. Its really disturbing my sleep and leaving me tired all day. I presume its the tamoxifen. I can't every see myself being 'normal' again because I am constantly going to worry about cancer coming back. 

 

Anyway Sal, I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Sending lots of love and hugs xxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sorry Tracy I lost track of what everyone had done, surgery wise! Well fingers firmly crossed it's nothing! Xxx

My day was c**p! Children both at school, so back to school runs. I'm really struggling 😞 I feel about 90! I actually feel less able to cope now, than I did through the whole of Chemo and Rads 😞 my legs ache, my back aches and I just don't feel right! I don't know if it's the Tamoxifen, or the after effects of the Chemo or if I'm just being pathetic!

I REALLY need to see my Oncologist to discuss things. BCN hasn't replied to my email. Friend who was supposed to be coming to have a coffee tomorrow, has cancelled, because I said I wasn't very good company right now! Strangely enough if a friend said that to me, my response would be...it sounds like you could do with a chat, and I wouldn't take no for an answer! But clearly my so called friends don't think the same way 😞

I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I just don't feel like anyone understands or cares (except you lovely ladies) but you know when you just want someone to take your hand, or give you a hug and tell you that you are doing okay, and things will get better! No one wants to know me when I am feeling like this, but if I put on the fake smile and pretend everything is great, then friends respond with how great it is, that I'm putting all this behind me!! I just can't win!

I'm starting to question everything. I'm not sure what I want out of life, but it's not this. I'm sick of feeling like this and sick of feeling so alone. I want to feel like I matter. Right now I feel like if I dissappeared tomorrow, my bosses are the only people that would notice 😞

I just want to go to bed and sleep, sleep properly. I want to wake up and find all this is one big nightmare. I want my body back the way it was. But more than all that, I want to believe that things will improve, and that I will be happy again, because right now I can't see that happening 😞
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I've had a bilateral mastectomy with immediate implant / strattice reconstruction so no mammograms for me Sal. The only checks they do are 'feeling' once a year when I'm discharged from my plastic surgeon. My surgeons brilliant and won't discharge until 12 months after surgery and as I've decided to consider lipomodelling (softens the implants) I'll be under her care for another 10 months +. I'll let you know what the BC nurse says tomorrow once she's spoken to my surgeon.

Hope everyone's have a more positive day today.
Love to you all
Tracy XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi Tracy

Sorry to hear you have more worries. It's never ending isn't it! Are you not due a mammogram soon anyway? I know my hospital says 1yr after surgery! I had mine early because of my scare earlier in the year. But otherwise would of been due one, this month. I hope they do offer you a ultrasound. After all we've been through, we need to be 100% sure that these little things! really are nothing sinister.

Sending everyone a big hug! Let's all try and get through another day!! Xxxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Keep moaning away ladies it's what keeps us all sane 😀

Like Sam I also visited my BC nurse yesterday as I could feel a small lump in the reconstruction of what was my good boob. It felt totally different from my original thickening / lump and after a mini meltdown sense prevailed and I worked out it was probably an internal suture but wanted it checking to be on the safe side. The nurse gave me a full checkup and she agrees that it certainly feels like an internal suture but she's going to have a chat with my surgeon when she's in on Friday. They may decide on offering me an ultrasound to put my mind 100% at rest (think I may need it just to be sure in my own head).

We'll done on ditching the wig Jane 👍 I braved the school run on Tuesday with my short hair. I got a few strange looks but hey I'll be old news by Friday. I really dislike my shorter hair even though it's grown really well. I'm at the in between stage, almost fully covering my ears and crazy kinks at the back but it looks a bloody mess.

Sam and Tara you'll both go back to work when you're ready, I don't feel like I've ever been away now.

Love to you all
Tracy XXX
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

THATS MORE LIKE IT...............KEEP MOANING LADIES.............BETTER TO SHARE!!!!!

Now I don't feel so unusual. Sam I have issues with my breast too. What annoys me is they say to look out for changes, and when you spot something. They then tell you that is 'normal' so why doesn't someone explain to us, what isn't normal. I swear these experts make life more stressful than it needs to be!
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Jane your Ken Dodd comment did make me laugh. I look like tank girl !!! Google her If you don't know what she looks like
Sam xxxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi ladies, Tara no idea when I'm back in work. I just can't be bothered ! My boss called me this morning for a catch up, he told me how it's going, who has moved where & what they are doing & the whole time he was talking to me I was chatting to my friend on Facebook ! I just couldn't care less. My friend told me that is may be a sign if depression to have no motivation whatsoever so I've booked myself an apt with the GP & ill see what they say. I'm happy to take any help they can offer to pull me back to 'normal '
I went to the drop in at the hospital yesterday as my bad boob is very firm, hot and my scar tissue is hard & uncomfortable. I actually ended up seeing my BC nurse but she says ur is all normal & the way it has firmed up is due to the rads. I thought this wud be the case but just wanted it confirmed. She said it may be like this for up to 18 months after treatment.
I have a mammogram booked in for next month but cannot find my letter 😔 ill give them a call to confirm but I also feel a bit abandoned. I got myself another sick note for 3 months today too.
I've had my hair cut this morning & it's way too short. I had one side shaved & I lookalike I should be out picking up woman ! My husband will freak when he sees it. I hope it grows fast !! Anyway, I'm currently sat in a waiting room while my car is polished & de kidded from all the footprints & dirt that has gathered over the school holidays.
Keep smiling everyone & moaning coz we are all here to listen xxx
Love Sam xxxxx 💕
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Tara, don't get me started on flaky friends!! I have been horribly let down by some of them. There's one friend I used to see twice a week for years but once diagnosed she stayed away and now I see her once every few weeks very briefly and she acts like she's nervous around me. So odd! Some friends did text occasionally when i was having chemo but when I intimated I would appreciate some company, maybe a quick cuppa or something, the mobile went silent! I agree Tara, I wouldn't treat my friends in such an uncaring manner but it unfortunately seems to be the case that there are lots of people who do. I could rant on for days about this. It doesn't take much to show some kindness but rarely do people put themselves out in their busy lives. Trouble is, as you say, the more isolated you feel the more you withdraw and the more you rely on your own resources which others interpret as you being ok. If only they would sometimes ask how you feel and then actually listen to answer. However, all is not lost as we can sound off to each other and at least we know we are a caring bunch.
As for the hair, I think I look like Ken Dodd!
Xx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Another moan! I am so disappointed in so many of my friends who just haven't been there for me. One who I hadn't heard from for a while I decided to send a text to (just to remind her I was still alive) and she replied with 'I've been thinking about you but have just been so busy'. I wish I could be busy - well actually I don't but however busy I was I would always make sure I spent a few moments checking in with someone I knew was going through something like this. After all how long does it take to send a text. I hate myself for critisising my friends but I just can't see myself treating someone else the way many people have treated (or more to the point, ignored me). I think thats why I become more and more 'self-sufficient' and keep things to myself. But Sal, you have reminded me that is what this forum is all about so beware!

 

WELL DONE Jane for ditching the wig! I still resort to mine occasionally when I get so fed up of seeing the new me and suffer a lack of confidence. The curly bits are starting to look ridiculous - like yours Sal, they are sticking up in all directions and no amount of gel will tame them! 

 

Enjoy the rest of your days and I will probably be back for another moan very soon! xxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks ladies.

Tara please moan away......it'll make me feel less pathetic! But sorry to hear you are still struggling. I do love the way the 'experts' keep telling us all this is 'normal'! But they don't offer solutions or ideas on how to help. I think it's great that so many people are surviving cancer these days. BUT maybe they need to look at helping people after the main treatment. I know it's all a money thing, but would be nice to feel someone cared and was available to answer any questions.

I know what you mean about seeing the 'minions' the lady I have seen twice is useless. She spends lots of time talking to colleagues, but then can't get the patients in and out quick enough! So annoying!!

Jane congratulations on losing the wig! That's a huge step. Have to say I understand the hating short hair. I hate mine. I think it's party because of the stupid curl that seems to have my hair going in all directions, and the fact that every time I look in the mirror, it's a reminder of chemo! But I suppose it'll grow, eventually.

Sending big hugs to both of you, and anyone else who might need one xxxxxxxx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Missed your post Tara, I think you need a big hug too! 

 

I think we are all feeling vulnerable as we adjust to life but acknowledging that doesn't make it any easier to live with does it?  My Oncologist said that crashing emotionally is very common and not a bad thing but it's very difficult to go through.  

 

xx

Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Another frustration on top of everything else.  It is enough to start driving you round the twist so don't feel guilty about sounding off here.  Lets hope the BC Nurse can get you a quicker appointment to discuss the Tamoxifen as it sounds like it is really getting to you. I get hot flushes - mostly a horribly sweaty neck - in the day and at night every part of me starts boiling up. When it interrupts your sleep it I'm sure it has an effect on your mood as it is bound to make you grumpy (I think I am grumpy but not sure if it is the Tamoxifen - meant to be a side effect - or just generally being emotionally tired of trying to constantly adjust to the "new normal"). 

 

I can relate to your being upset by your Aunts "sounding a bit down" comment as I get it from friends when I let my guard down.  I think it is because they want us to be well and to have moved on and when there is evidence of us not being our old selves they find it uncomfortable and are not sure how to help or know what to do. Maybe I am being kind and they simply just don't understand at all how altered we are by this experience.

 

Oh and I have to report that I have ditched the wig!  I hate my short hair but have come to the conclusion that I can't hide behind my false hair anymore and need to be out there with my new look. 

 

Been toiling in the garden today and feel achy as I have been tugging and pulling on giant weeds! Need to have a rest as in danger of over doing it. 

 

Hope everyone is ok but a big special hug to you Sal xxx

 

 

Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I feel exactly the same Sal, but I know that if I start complaining I'll never stop! My hospital are crap. I haven't seen the consultant since early in my chemo. They keep forgetting to make appointments for me so I have to chase it up and when I do get to see them I only see the 'minion' who can't answer a single question and can't wait to get me out of the door! I also feel just like I'm a 'number' rather than a person.  I have no idea when I'll be having a scan/mamogram again and it probably wont happen unless I chase it. I do have an appointment with the oncology team at the end of this month but no doubt I'll see the minion again who won't be able to tell me anything. I am feeling down most of the time - well I constantly swing from anxiety to depression. I've had three sessions with a psychologist but she has signed me off and says that everything I am feeling is 'normal'. Doesn't help much in helping me deal with it though. I dread going back to work and I know its going to make the anxiety/depression worse. 

 

I'm just trying to get through one day at a time which is easier when the sun is shining and I am trying to get enjoyment out of small things like home baked cakes (yet another plum cake made yesterday with the last of the plums). I still haven't put back on all the weight I lost after my diagnosis but am now up to 8 stone so the cakes are working! 

 

Sam, when are you planning on going back to work?

 

Anyway lots of love and hugs to everyone and Sam please don't feel bad about moaning. I will join in more to make you feel better but as I said earlier if I start it will just go on and on and on and on .......!!! xxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Seriously you ladies are going to have to start moaning more!! Then I won't feel like I am the only one who does!!

I am sooooooooooo p!ssed off. Had an email from my BCN yesterday, and in it she mentioned that my appointment with the Oncologist was at the end of Sept? Hmmmm I had it down as next week, and I was desperate to go and discuss things. Being that I haven't seen the Oncologist since I started taking Tamoxifen. (Great follow up care, I don't think)

Anyway sure enough I have just opened a letter telling me that it's changed, due to un foreseen circumstances! (Maybe a holiday?! Or something equally important)

I have been struggling on for the last few weeks, because I knew this appointment was coming. Now it's another 2 bloody weeks to wait. I've emailed my BCN and told her I can't wait that long. Surely I can see another doc, it's not like they ever know much about me anyway. I'm really starting to feel like I'm just a number to them. How the hell do you give patients a drug that they will need for 5years and not even offer them support, if and when they need it.

I'm tired, grumpy and fed up, is it too much to expect them to care, just a little.

Sorry ladies but needed to sound off to someone. That was another thing, I spoke to mum this morning and she said my aunt had called last night, and asked how I was? Because last time I spoke to her, I sounded a bit down?! Wow shock horror, I was feeling down! How the hell do they expect me to feel! I'd like to see how cheery they are with hot flushes, a sore boob and no decent sleep! God people are so annoying!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And breathe! Okay deep breath, wipe my tears away and back to work 🙂

Hope you are all having a better day than me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks ladies

I'm okay, just wishing the interview had gone ahead, to prove to myself that, I could do it! I just need to regain a bit of confidence.

So I'm awake again at stupid o'clock! Boiling hot! Sweating buckets and totally p***ed off 😞 I see my Oncologist next Wed. I really do need to discuss, what if anything they can do about these bloody hot flushes!

Sending lots of love to you all xxxxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I'm so sorry to hear the interview was cancelled Sal. Don't beat yourself up over this, it just wasn't meant to be on this occasion. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're managing much better than you realise. Onwards and upwards.......
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I'm so sorry to hear about the interview Sal. That is c..p! But as everyone else has said, I think you are doing brilliantly. Like Sam, the thought of going back to work terrifies me so much and although I know I am going to have to do it very soon I am in such a panic about it. I am still virtually a recluse and only seem to be happy and relaxed when I'm at home. So, you have moved on a lot more than me! 

 

Big hug and lots of love

Tara xx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Sam xxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Jane a hug is exactly what I need 😞 I just find that just as you think you are over the worse, another hurdle pops up. I just feel like I'm trying really hard to move forward. But this horrid disease is pulling me backwards. Thanks for listening xxxx

Now to try and get some sleep, hahahahahaha like that's going to happen. Oh well I must try xxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Jane, I know what u mean about xfactor !!! Strictly starts next week too !!!' Just means Xmas is almost here !!! 😔 xxxxxxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Oh Sal I'm sorry this has happened but the fact you even tried for a new role is moving on more than you realise ! I can't even begin to think about returning to work although I have to so don't punish yourself about this. I think you were right to tell her, things happen for a reason & this wasn't right for you. Please don't stop trying. I think you should have your holiday & then look again. When do you go away, who are u going with & where are u staying ? Wish I cud hop into your suitcase & come along !!! I'm knackered after 4 weeks with 4 kids !! Sophie went home yesterday bit Ellie didn't want to go so we have kept her for another week but she is almost 15 & easy to have around although she is like a human dustbin !!!
Anyway, I'm off to hide all my food from her.
Sal please don't beat yourself up, you are amazing & will continue to be so
Love Sam xxxxxx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

That's so disappointing for you Sal and frustrating too. You have every right to have a moan and sound off. I think you are doing brilliantly even applying for a new post - I for one know I wouldn't have anything like the confidence to do that. Unfortunately i think it's like taking one step forwards and two steps back with this disease emotionally and that's so draining. Sending you a big hug. Jx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi all

Well interview has been cancelled. She said they have found a nanny through a friend. Which is probably true. BUT that doesn't stop me feeling pretty c**p about it 😞 I really needed to get through this interview, just to prove to myself that I could do it, and that my health wasn't going to be an issue!

But I think it is going to be an issue and I'm angry and upset. Nannying is my life, I love doing it and I know I am good at it. BUT now because of this stupid bloody Cancer, I will have to constantly prove to people that I am still reliable and capable of doing my job 😞

I'm so down and fed up. I just want to be me again! The me before all this.

Sorry ladies, I know I do nothing but moan. You all seem to be doing so much better at moving on! I'm just fed up of the whole thing. I'm ready to tell the oncologist where he can shove the Tamoxifen, but I know stopping it isn't an option.

Anyway hope you all had a good wknd! Xxxxx
Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Good luck with your interview tomorrow Sal. I'm sure the lady will respect you more for being honest prior to your interview, I know I would. If she does cancel (which I'm sure she won't) then to be honest your better off out of there. XXX
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, good luck for the interview tomorrow. I'm sure it will go ahead. I'm actually really pleased you decided to be upfront beforehand as the more I thought about it it seemed the best thing to do. Anyway I'll be keeping fingers, toes, etc crossed for you. 

 

I agree with you Jane about the  cold weather meaning hats can come back into use. It will certainly make it easier for me as my hair is now sticking up and out and all over the place as the curls are starting to grow back and its wiry where it is grey and I just look so strange and not like me. 

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I've just been doing some weeding on the vedge patch and my back hurts like heck now. 

 

Take care xxxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Jane,

I decided to tell the woman that's interviewing me about my diagnosis 😕 not sure whether it was the right thing to do, or not. But I will feel more comfortable meeting her, with her already knowing. Of course she may now decide to cancel my interview. But we'll see. I just didn't want to go to the interview and them start asking questions, for me to then get upset?!

I'll let you know IF the interview goes ahead, or gets cancelled.

Xxxxxx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Good luck with the interview and here's hoping the flushes stay away (I'm sure they will). Let us know how you get on. Will have everything crossed for you.
Quiet weekend here, not a lot happening but no bad thing as the school run beckons next week and the old routine will start of trying to get my daughter out of bed in time to catch the bus!
With a teenager in the house i found myself idly watching the XFactor last night (despite vowing not to watch) and realising we have that in store right up until Christmas. Ugh!
I can quite happily say I am not a winter person so I am not at all happy to see signs of Autumn. However, looking on the bright side, with colder weather I can wear a trendy hat out so I can be braver about my hair/wig/no wig situation. Haha!
Hope everyone is ok.
Jx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi all

How's everyone doing? Hope you're all having a nice weekend.

I'm off back to London tonight. Back to work tomorrow, and interview tomorrow evening!! I am absolutely dreading it! Worried about having a hot flush, mid interview 😞 my life was so much simpler before diagnosis 😞

Anyway not much I can do about it.

Sending lots of love to you all.

Sal xxxxxxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Jane, I will obviously be happy to volunteer to be your chief taster! Happy to help out with tasting yours too Tara 🙂 xx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I make copious amounts of plum gin and plum vodka with our plums - goes down a treat at Christmas. Sal, I will get going on the apples!
Xx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, I can empathise with you about not being able to have children. I've never wanted children myself and at 48 I was never going to have them anyway but to be forced into early menopause is horrid at any age. Having worked as a social worker in the adoption and fostering field for many years I always felt that with so many children needing homes that if I did ever get a 'maternal instinct' it would be my duty to adopt rather than have one myself. I know how difficult it is sometimes to join in people's joy at a new pregnancy and I don't think you are a **bleep** at all.

 

With regards to baking - I have been making endless supplies of plum cakes and apple cakes from our trees and am making a blackberry cheescake today. Autumn is definitely here!

 

Love to everyone

xxx

 

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks Jane Just feel it's 'another' thing to cope with on this not so joyous roller coaster ride of emotions! As for your apples, I am very partial to a nice Apple Pie with Custard, or a nice apple cake 🙂 so get cooking 🙂 xx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, I am lucky enough to have children but my sister wasn't and I have an inkling as to how bereft you feel having talked to her about it. You don't sound like a b**** at all as it is a big thing you are having to deal with. Lots of hugs. Xx
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Morning everyone, hope you are all ok.

Tara, I feel the cold too and hate winter as I am constantly chilly so maybe the flushes will become a bonus not a minus!? I have not yet ditched the wig, but I am getting bolder. I am happy to go wigless with very close friends and with total strangers but its the acquaintances I feel most uncomfortable with so I wear it locally. How strange is that?

I don't work (resigned from a highly stressful job a while ago) and I know if I did have to go back I wouldn't be ready to deal with the stress so I can understand where you are coming from Tara and Sam. Tracy and Sal I think you must have more stamina (or maybe enjoy your jobs more?)
Know the summer is over as I am trying to find all the stuff for the start of term and the apples on our tree have started dropping so it must be Autumn. I must try to find my inner domestic goddess and look up Apple recipes.
Love to all xx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi all

Tara I am having the same issue with being cold! Although I seem to be on an hourly pattern of having a hot flush, followed by being okay for half an hour, then freezing cold with full on shivering, before being hit with a hot flush! 😞 I am getting so fed up with it.

I'm due to get my next prescription soon, and I will definitely try a different brand...got to be worth a try. Right now I am struggling with the thought of dealing with this for the next 5years!

On top of that I have my sister who is going through a type of IVF and I don't think she realises how difficult I find, hearing her talking about it! I really hope they are successful BUT at the same time I am so sad and jealous that I'll never be pregnant 😞 and yes I know what a b**ch I sound 😞 sorry!

Other than that I have had a nice relaxing week. Only 44 days til my holiday to Florida. Really hoping to sort out the hot flushes before then!!

Tracy it's good to hear that you are doing okay on Tamoxifen. I think it gives us all hope. I was also wandering if the side effects were also connected to how near we all were to natural menopause! I'm 39 and my mum went through menopause in her late 50's so assuming I was going to follow that pattern, I was realistically around 20years away from natural menopause! When I look at it like that I sort of understand why my body is 'confused'!

I plan on having a good chat with my Oncologist when I see him in a few weeks. I certainly won't be having the usual brief appointment. I will go armed with a list of questions and moans 😉

Anyway I will leave you all in peace!

Lots of Love to you all.

Sal xxxxxxxxxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hello Newbies. How is everyone? I'm hoping that as its been quiet on here that everyone is doing ok. I am finding that now the weather is getting cooler I am freezing cold all the time (except for the hot flushes in the evening) and am sitting with a hot water bottle on me a lot of the time. I know some of you don't like the heat but I love it and am really not made for English winters. I wore my wig to the supermarket the other day and was really glad to have it on as my head and neck get so cold! I still haven't gone back to work. I just can't face it and am still just trying to get through one day at a time. If I think about the future it sends me into a panic. 

 

Anyway let me know how you are all doing. I'm thinking of you all. Big hugs xxx

Tracy1967
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi ladies hope you're all keeping well. I changed my iPad and forgot my BCC password, all reset now and back in business.

I'm so sorry everyone is having problems with tamoxifen, if possible try giving Teva a go, there's no way I'll try another brand unless I'm super desperate. Well being at work last week has made me feel like I've never been away, everything's rush, rush, rush.

Good luck for Monday Sal, I'm sure you'll do great in your interview. Sam I hope the arms easing now, the pain I had with a pull muscle was immense and drove me crazy. I'm so glad it's finally healed.

Tara & Jane hope you're both keeping well and have both ditched the wigs. The lovely pixie cut is in for 2014.

Love to you all
Tracy
Willow1
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi everyone, just to add to the discussion, I have a tender collar bone much of the time as well as sore ribs so hopefully it is normal. My boob is quite solid compared to the other one too. It also aches (and the odd really nasty shooting pain) mostly towards the end of the day.
Sam, your comment about Roisen made me laugh. Oh and the age old dilemma of girlfriends and boyfriends in bedrooms. You want them to have privacy but not too much!!
Sal, hope phone interview goes well, sounds like an ideal opportunity.
Hope everyone is enjoying the long weekend.
Jx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Thanks ladies.....always nice to be reassured that things are 'normal'!! Xxxx
Tazzles
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi All. Just got back from Tescos after doing an hour and a half walk with the dogs and feel like I've done a full day's work!

 

Yes Sal, my boob is swollen much of the time and the bit around the collar bone is really tender and feels bruised. Some of my ribs do too. I am hoping this is normal and from what everyone is saying it seems to be. 

 

Have a nice time with your folks Sal and enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone else. 

 

xxx

alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal yes to the breast !!! I was all ready to go to my drop in centre on Tuesday about this but then one of the November ladies asked the same thing & quite a few of us said we have the same. My bad boob is warmer, looks darker than the other. It's quite firm/solid and where the lump was there is hard scar tissue. I also get pains in it, it can ache & my normal
Boob feels squishy & fine. There is a definite difference in them, as it's much firmer it seems bigger but I don't think it is. Anyway, once I'd realised that this is the case for quite a few of us I relaxed. It seems that the rads is the cause, they keep on working for months afterwards and cause the firming up and warmth. My nipple sometimes hurts too but it was right in the firing line of rads and it is solid but that was the rads too.
This new job does sound good. I think you should mention your history but at a later stage but before you start work with her. See how you get on with her and I'm sure you will know the right time to talk about it. a change may be just what you need x
Anyway still in bed, I only just woke up although was awake many times in the night. Gaz is making pancakes and then hopefully by midday we will be out for the afternoon. We don't seem to be very good at getting going plus the two teens don't emerge till about midday and Jamie doesn't come with us snymore. Ellie also stayed at home yesterday while gaz & I plus the two younger ones went out & met my dad for lunch. Jamie has a new girlfriend called Roisen or raisin as we prefer to call her. she is from N Ireland & i do like her but she was here all day Friday & they were in his room with the door shut so now I know they are going out that will have to change.
Anyway, must get up !!!!
Hope everyone is ok
Love Sam xxxxx
Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

I'm with you Sam, the cooler weather is great! Hope you have a lovely day out today. Let's hope it stays dry for you.

I ended up having a phone interview, as they had something else come up. But she sounded lovely and I would have the option of working for 4 days instead of 5 for the first 5months! Which might be nice! I don't want to get my hopes up. But she sounded VERY keen. She's a first time mum, who admitted she doesn't have a clue what to do with a baby! (She's having twins) So I think she would be really good fun to work for, and would appreciate the help and advice that I could offer her.

Meeting her for a face to face interview on Sept 1st! Just have to decide when to mention the health stuff!! Think I will just wait and see if they ask anything first. If not I will bring it up at the second interview, IF I get that far!

Can I ask you ladies a question. Do any of you find that your breast swells during the day? My breast is 'normal' feeling, first thing in the morning. But as the day goes on, it gets firmer and fuller feeling! If that makes sense. I have also noticed that the area above my collar bone, also swells up. I'm wandering if that's just normal, or if it could be a sign of lymphodema? I will ask when I see my Oncologist in a few weeks. But thought I would just see if any of you have had the same thing!

Well enjoy the rest of your weekend ladies. Lots of Love to you all xxxxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Sal, how did your interview go ? Was it wednesday just gone ? Will you want to leave your charges ? Mind you a change may be the best thing for you ?

I'm worried about relochem now but yes we are all different so hopefully it will be kind to me but i'm not holding out much hope. My arm is still as bad, painkillers do work for a while but i really think its a trapped nerve. Anyway, hopefully it will ease.

OMG Jane i cannot belive someone told you that you had aged, that is so rude. I know i have but to be told that is unreal. People just really don't think do they xxxx

Tracy, i'm glad you had a good hol, i really wish that we had just gone to Florida but i just didn't want to take all the kids on such a big hol and we are going to America next year so that was another reason why but at least with Florida you know what to expect.

Anyway, at the end of week 2 with the girls, gaz is back at work on monday so i have them for the last week but we willdo cinema, shopping, food......i really need to stopeating - cannot wait for school hols to be over so i can get my routine back to normal. I'll be starting my 22 years of sick notes ha ha.....not really but i think i'm going to get another one. I'm just not ready for going back to school just yet.

Anyway, we are watching Zombieland - not sure its suitable for an 11 year old but dad says it fine??? 

Think we are going up to Casleton Caverns tomorrow, weather looks like it will hold for us but i am loving the cooler weather 🙂

Hope everyone is having a good weekend xxx

Love Sam xxxxx

Nanny_Sal
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi All

Sam I'm sorry to hear you are struggling too! (But nice to know it's not just me having issues) I was starting to think I was just being pathetic! Relonchem is the brand I have had most issues with! But we all know that different drugs affect us all in different ways. I'm back on wockhardt and although I still have the hot flushes, they aren't as bad!

I plan on having a serious chat with Oncologist. I know we need to have this drug to prevent a recurrance! But the thought of dealing with this for the next 5-10 years, just makes me think, is it worth it? I'm tired. (Actually Knackered) I'm aching after minimal activity, I feel about 90, I just feel generally low! This isn't how I want to live for the next 5-10years.

Jen good to hear from you. Glad you are happy with getting your hair sorted 🙂 hope you have a lovely weekend. Hope the weather holds out for your street party. Don't forget to include me in your meet up 🙂 I'd love to meet up with you lovely ladies ( I'll even promise, to not moan about anything)

As for your mammogram next month. We will all be here to listen and hold your hand. But more importantly here to celebrate when you get the all clear 🙂 I promise you having the mammogram, wasn't that painful. It was uncomfortable, more so than before surgery. But not that bad. Also the staff are aware of the fact you had previous surgery so are more caring about making sure you are as comfortable as you can be.

Jane, Tracy and Tara hope you are all well? Any nice plans for the weekend?

Sending lots of Love to everyone. I'm spending a week at my parents. So hopefully will be able to have some fun (if I have the energy) xxxxxxxxxx
alabamasam
Member

Re: November Newbies 2013

Hi everyone, sorry not been on for a while, recovering from the holidays which were just something else. Turkey was lovely, as you know wud have been better if I'd been on my own ha ha but I enjoyed it. Cannot say the same for Ribby Hall, what an awful place & such a rip off. We are in the process of complaining but I did a Trip Advisor.
Anyway, one major issue was a really uncomfortable bed and now I'm so achy, I've changed tamoxifen brands so don't know if that may be causing my pain but I ended up in A&E this morning as I have an unbearable pain shooting down my good arm. Anyway, X-ray showed nothing so I have strong pain killers & anti inflam drugs and also a physio referral but OMG it hurts ! I can't even open a door it is so weak but hopefully it will ease. I'm going to go & see my doc next week & see if I can switch to liquid tamoxifen.
Sal, what brand do you have now ? I was on wockhardt but flushes were bad, I've switched to generics but I'm really aching and once I've stopped & sat down that is me done. I can't sleep, even if I'm tired once I'm in bed I'm wide awake, maybe get to sleep about 2 then I'm ride awake again at 4. I always now sleep with 2 paracetamol by my bed plus at the mo with my arm if I move in my sleep then I wake up. I've been to get another brand tonight on my repeat script but they were out of stock so ill have to stick with this till next Friday but I'm going to try relonchem.
FJ where do you live ? It would be good to be able to meet up,
Ill have a proper catch up tomorrow or Sunday if I can prise one of the kids off the computer ! Living with 4 kids is hard work !!! 😊
Love & hugs Sam xxxx