Glad your first chemo went well and that the cold cap wasn't too bad.
As long as bloods are OK, i'm due second FEC chemo tomorrow. I chose not to use cold cap, my hair has nearly all gone now and my head is shaved. Even that was not as bad as I thought it would be.
Hope the next few days are OK.
i spend to whole of Sunday crying, from the moment i opened my eyes until the second i dropped off. i guess it all finally caught up with me. was petrified to start chemo, all down the the fear of the unknown i would imagine. not slept much since then.
well i've started chemo today and must say it went rather well thankfully, just posted a big message in the 'starting chemo in Jan' thread if you fancy a nosey. basically it went really well, only se's at the mo have been a slight sickly feeling, slight tiredness (most probably due to the lack of sleep i've had past few nights) and slight dryness off the mouth but i've been drinking a lot to try keep it under control, will have to see how it plays out. i found i was able to tolerate the cool cap pretty well too so far so i'm a happy bunny. just got to wait and see what happens in the next few weeks.
thank you all for the lovely words you've all been great. hope you are all doing as well as you can. take care of yourselves.
I was diagnosed on 4 Nov, had surgery on 6 Dec to remove lump, then more surgery on 3Jan to remove lymph nodes. Waiting for results now. I had been coping really well but just feel there's so much to go through. Happy New Year just bringing a load of horrible stuff to face. I have lovely husband and work friends are supportive, but suddenly feel quite bleak about the next step.
Everyone was so positive at first, it's been caught early etc, but now it could have spread ....... Hard hard hard
You are right Jacqui,
It is certain things that set me off, and how tired I am.
I watched Mama Mia twice this week, once I sang most of the way through, the next time I got all emotional at the mum and daughter scene wondering if I will make my daughters wedding should she ever marry!!
I also took a long while to feel any emotion. The emotional bit came for me after my pre assessment apt for chemo. Suddenly I was crying at everything. I don't know why that particular process had the effect it did but since then I have felt that it is me going through all of it. However when I let myself start thinking about it too much I go to a scary place where I start thinking about reccurancies. I have to tell myself that many people get on with their lives after cancer and die in old age of something totally unrelated. I also read a lot of books which helped.
Had my pre-op appointment today and my surgery will be on the 17th Jan with a wire localisation and all the injections for the snb the day before...the intern who dealt with me was so optimistic my husband and i came away thinking ...what were we so worried about?
Lumpectomy 17th followed ny radiotherapy and the medication for 5 years ..probably no chemo NO CHEMO...!!!!Keeping my fingers crossed.
I've seen it described in the same terms as grieving for a loved one. Disbelief, denial, anger and finally acceptance and I think for me at least this is very true. I think we are all a way off anger and acceptance still; I still have to repeat to myself 'I have cancer' in the hope it sinks in fully at some stage and I often feel incredibly sad to have lost my old life but I also tell myself there is a new normal for me further down the road. I'm not going to put more pressure by trying to go too fast so I try to welcome all these feelings as part of the healing process inside.
Had a very emotionally torrid week (good and bad) so apologies for the somewhat philosophical babble! Normal sarcastic service will no doubt resume soon!
Really good to hear from everyone......love Zax
I think a lot of us feel the same. It is almost like a bad dream and hard to believe we are really involved in it.
I also feel like my and my OH life is on hold, but everyone around us their life is carrying on as normal. Even though had x2 oparations and with no left breast and no hair it still doesn't feel real.
I think it must be a way of our minds protecting ourselves, if it really sunk in perhaps we could not cope , or at least cope a swell!
Alanaa - i'm totally the same. i've been the one who's held it together the most of everyone around me. i start my chemo on Tues, best of luck with your mx. i dunno how we hold it together i really don't, i've had very few tears. best of luck xxxx
Christine - it's just so surreal isn't it, so out of the blue. how are we supposed to come to terms with it? ah i haven't got to the stage of losing my hair yet but i'm sure by the end of the month i'll be heading that way. dreading it! best of luck with everything xxx
Lelly61 - thank you, it's so nice to hear i'm not alone. i too have shown very little emotion, infact you could say i've been very cold but i suppose that's just my way of coping. ignore it and it's not really happeneing. i went through the op like a zombie, they poked, proded, cut etc etc away at me but i just wasn't bothered, it didn't feel like it was me, i'm hoping i go through chemo in the same mode. best of luck with your mx and recon .. i will be thinking of you along with all the other ladies on here.
speak soon and thank you ladies xxxxxx
You are not alone Linzi. I have shown little emotion so far, apart from the effects of the mess when I had my SLNB. I think that is because I don't really believe it is me I am talking about.. Mx and recon next weekend so may hit me more then. I think it is my defence mechanism ?
Don't worry, it affects us all very diff entry.
Best wishes to all as we continue our journeys xx
Lynzie, it is a strange thing for me and my husband. He walked along the High Street the other day doing some shopping and he told me afterwards he thought to himself "my wife has cancer" just so sad. Or a couple of weeks after diagnosis he sat on the sofa and said "I can't believe this is happening to us" (he's 41 and I'm 42, we're married since nine years). But the most weird thing is, I personally don't want to return to a normality. I keep this "I have cancer, nothing is as it used to be" up, as I'm afraid if I try to return to normality the sad reality hits me again and it is just so horrible. I look into the mirror with my bald patchy head and think "this is not me, what's happening?"
Love from Christine xx
I have been feeling like you since I got diagnosed myself. I am well aware what is happening, but feel as if I am standing beside myself when I talk about the diagnosis and treatment to come.
Sure everybody deals with this situation in their own little ways but you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts.
I am going for surgery next Tuesday to have mx and am surprised that I am not sitting here in floods of tears every 5 minutes but am busy washing curtains, changing beds and planning to paint the hall before I have to check into Hospital on Monday.
Hope you are doing okay and keep your chin up.
A big hug to you (and everybody else of course)from Alanaa
i don't mean to pull you all back in time here if not but is anyone else still struggling to come to the terms with the fact that you/ i have been diagnosed with breast cancer?? i just cannot get my head around it, i don't feel like it's me??
Oh Zax that really made me smile. I went for one that is similar to my own but wasn't sure until I tried them on. It is darker than my own hair but son di not notice anything as I had it on when he came home from school. daughter and OH both did though! Thank you for the virtual doughnuts by the way, I did enjoy munching my way through those. Hope It goes well on 13th for you. It is such a hard decision to make but when you've made it you'll feel better. Well i did anyway, that is until the chemo date began to loom nearer.
Fiona- Thanks for your valuable insight into the dark and scary world of chemo. I know my SEs might not be like yours but I feel more prepared the more I hear about the possibilities. I began to follow the 'Into the Dark Woods' thread but became a little obsessed and had to come up for air as I'd only got to Feb 2011 and there were 700 odd pages of it. Might see if I can pick up on the later posts.
Must go to bed now, scarf shopping tomorrow!
Love Jacqui x
Hi Jacqui, Zax and Nov friends.
I had my head shaved tonight, day 15 and hair seriously falling out. It actually was ok, I was fed up leaving hair wherever I went!
Now I feel most of the things I was dreading have happened and I've survived!
I have gone for a wig like my hair, especially for work, but I think I may go for something different too.
Jacqui, felt sicky, like morning sickness for 3-4 days, pretty tired in second week, but now entering 3rd week I feel like normal, well as near to normal as I ever was!
Cheeky friends say my wig is better than by normal hair, and my daughter says I make a good skinhead!
Zax, I have so nearly sworn on here before, bet you felt better for that!
About the wig question.....I meant did you both go for wigs that were the same as your own hair style and not each others! Right head, wrong planet today for me.....Doh!
Hello gang, hope everyone is doing ok/well as can be expected/bit rubbish really (select as appropriate:-)
Shadders, have sent over a 3 foot high birthday cake entirely made of cinnamon doughnuts. I hope the thought of that will help take your mind off Monday. Sadly it's only virtual but hummm the very thought of it!
Fiona, check you out! You have got your sights firmly set on that finish line! Hope the fringe looks snazzy. Did you guys both go for wigs that looked the same or totally different?
Yup, bit frustrated but I have had some info from the BC nurse and Onc. The results will be back on Monday but Onc can only see me on 13th Jan. Unless the results come back conclusively in favour of chemo I suspect the Onc will say it's my choice. Brilliant!!! I know we are not supposed to swear on the forums but 'balls, bums and buckets of brown smelly stuff'.....I agonise over choosing a pizza topping!
Hugs to all.....Zax
Hi All, Got my wig today. A very nice man in Southend tried zillions on me and I plumped for the first one he'd picked out in the end. He was really kind and specializes in wigs even though he is a hairdresser. My lovely mum came with me and paid for it for my birthday!
Feeling very nervous about my chemotherapy staring on Monday. Going to Southend I think on Sunday for a long walk along the front finishing with cinnamon doughnut in the fifties style cafe there. Yum. Mum going to come for lunch with me on Monday before chemo so going to have something yummy. Might make a delicious soup.
Zax it's so frustrating waiting to hear when you'll start. I think it might be the worst thing. Have you chased them up about it? Was reading on another thread that they'd forgotten one poor girl. Might be worth phoning them if you haven't already.
Fiona it's good to hear that your SEs weren't too bad and that you'ver been out and about this week. How tired were you after the first? Good luck for the 11th. It's good to know that you are nearly a third of the way there!
Love Jacqui xx
Hi Jacqui, Zax and Other Nov diag!
I have my second on Jan 11th all being well. I'm on day 14 at the present since the first one and apart from the hair falling out, and a sore arm, I feel pretty good.
Much less tired than last week and have been out and about today.
My hairdresser is cutting a fringe in my wig tomorrow so all ready for total hair loss!
Still once number 2 over, a third of the way there- Yippee!
Fiona I am very jealous that you live near the coast. Maybe one day I will!
When do you have your 2nd treatment?
LOVE jACQUI X Whoops had caps lock on!!!
It is nice to know there are others out there for support.
Sometimes it can feel a lonely course and you don't like to burden your family and friends by chatting about it, seeminly all the time!!
Let's hope you don't need rhe chemo, but if you do, I step nearer to beating it all.
Hi all, firstly Fiona, sorry you had to join the club but you (and anyone else lurking) are most welcome in the gang! It's a comfort to know you're not in a boat on your own!
Pants to hear that the hair loss has kicked in, if there is such a thing as a hair dance like a rain dance I shall be jiggin' it for you guys to get a full bonce back ASAP post chemo!
I'm STILL waiting to hear if I am joining you on the chemo journey or not but at least as Fiona said you guys have started the journey so the finish line is closer. Felt a bit like that with Christmas this year....soooooo glad it's 2nd Jan to we can all get back to dealing with this little 'detour' in life! Maybe I finally get some confirmation this week....
Hope all the ladies here are doing OK, it has been a bit quiet due to the hols and commitments. Hugs to you all...zax
Not bad now, nausea lasted for about 3 days, but cannot say I could face a coffee even now on day 13. Definite change of taste buds! Alcohol still not particularly enjoyable either.
Hair loss also started today, very different story from yesterday on brushing my hair this morning. I have wig, hats and scarves waiting, but cannot say I relish having to start using them.
When do you start chemo? I think we all partly dread it for fear of side effects , but also want it to start as it means the end is nearer.
A drive to the coast is good, I'm lucky, I don't live far from it.
Fiona thanks for your comments, how are you feeling now? Are your tastes still the same. Does this mean you couldn't enjoy Chrimbo dinner? Apologies if you have already posted about that I've kind of lost track of who said what as am a bear of very little brain!
Anyway managed to have a great time despite not drinking in the end due to antibiotics. Everyone kept hugging me and saying I was beautiful and that they loved me which was hilarious as they were all completely p*****.
TTM a ride out to the coast sounds fantastic. We attempted the same on Thurs but didn't get there till 3ish [long story] and it was a dreary drizzly day so not the bracing sea air I was craving. Hope you had a better time today.
Love to you all Jacqui x
enjoy your party tonight with your funky hair do. 😉
hope all you other ladies are doing ok?
not doing anything tonight, having a quiet one, might have a ride to a pub somewhere just for one drink or something. gona have a ride to coast tomorra only a 1hr 30 mins away, get some sea air.
lots of hugs to you all TTM xxx
Enjoy tonight! I am now 11 days since first chemo ( FEC) and all alcohol, even the thought of it has been a definite no no since. I have had one glass of wine, but my palate has totally changed and I think most people are the same. Even non alcoholic drinks are difficult, coffee, squash and even water don't taste right!
But chemo is another step to the end of all this so don't dread it!
Have a great evening,I'm dreading the hair loss too!
Oh Chrissie that's Sod's Law isn't it? Just come back from hairdressers again, get me! in hairdressers all the time now! [well not going to need them for a while so thought I'd get the most out of my hair while I still can!] My son says that I look like a woman who wears a leather jacket and smokes all the time. Not quite sure what he's alluding to?!?! Anyway i think it looks good and I feel glam for the party tonight. Won't feel glam for a while either! After tonight I feel as if I need a detox before the dreaded C starts. Anyone else been for or thinking about it. Don't know how advisable it is.
Happy and Healthy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!
A few minor problems since mastectomy, but it has not been as hard as I thought it would be, and friends have been great.
M&S do a nice range of bras with matching undies, including thongs!
I haven't got my silicone prosthesis yet, have to be at least 6 weeks post op I believe, but the cotton wool type softie is Ok, perhaps just a little fuller than I was, and does tend to ride up in my bra!
I'm a very cup half full person and do try to see the funny side of life and there have been some definite laughs along the way. So if ever down contact me and I'll try my best.
fiona - i have found thread but dont know how to attach it.
so i have bumped it for you, so if you look on latest posts it should be on first page somewhere hopefully still at top of page. (hope this makes sense)
the thread is called ' top tips for getting through chemo".
hope this helps.
consider yourself part of the november dx group! xxx
i dont know a great deal about the chemo as yet, but i do recall a thread on here which i read ( i may have saved it i think) where ladies were discussing their experiences. one lady put a great list of tips together on it and possible side affects and things to help with them. i will try and find it for you.
i think you may be able ask for medication with the sickness thing though i am sure. have they given you anything for it or mentioned it to you?
it must be difficult losing your hair and its not ridiculous feeling like you do.
have you been ok with mx since the op, how have you been feeling.
big hugs TTM xxx
It gave me a real thrill to feel part of the group.
First chemo went OK after the first night vomiting!! Slightly dreading next one, but that only lasted one night. Then just a few days of " morning sickness" feeling.
Anyone any tips for that first night other than changing drugs?
Have to admit I'm dreading losing my hair, actually find it harder than losing my breast which is ridiculous. I suppose the latter is easier to hide!
hi fiona welcome to our november thread.
i hope you are feeling ok so far with the chemo treatment.
lots of hugs TTM xxx
I got my diagnosis on November 2nd, came out of the blue, I only had what I thought was a small area of thickness and was told mammogram was fine, but ended up having Stage 2 grade 2 cancer. My first wide excision was not complete and I went on to have a mastectomy, with reconstruction not allowed at this time.It all came as a massive shock. I started cheno on 21st Dec with x3 FEC and x3 Tac.
It is really difficult putting on a face for everyone that you are OK, but I do think I am also lucky it has been found while hopefully curable. I think you have to see each step as one closer to the finish, and getting rid of the enemy cancer.
I am not as young as some of you on here, but still only 49yrs, which I'm told is still young for this disease. You certainly realise reading all these entries how many of us there are, which although awful, I also feel there is a lot of support for us all.
Next chemo 11th Jan, good luck to all those starting, it is one nearer to the end.
I haven't posted since page 1, but keep a bit an eye on this.
Mgsm, my sister in laws sister works in a breast cancer unit in Holland and she said two weeks now or then don't make any difference. I personally don't like delaying things, but if you're comfortable with it, I'm sure it's OK. Your surgeon would have told you if it was all that urgent. Hope all goes well for you in January.
Love from Christine xx
Hi Shadders, Snap - had my hair cut on Saturday, love the new look - last night it started to fall out - what a bummer.
Love to everyone,
dont know whether to be reassured or worried....almost everyone here has had their surgery already and i only have my pre-op appointment on the 6th Jan! (diagnosed initially 24 Nov - confirmed from biopsy 9 Dec)
I did tell the hospital i was away for xmas 19 dec to 2 Jan and the doctor said oh Ok go away and enjoy Christmas,i expect he could have got me an earlier appointment. they dont class things
in the same way here in france (tho i'm in england as i write this) i know i have a less aggressive 8mm invasive ductal cancer so presume it could wait for surgery bwhich i am expecting to be mid January.
Got my threads confused and aswered your post Zax on Jan chemo. Anyway thanks for the info on donating hair but have already had it cut. My hair wasn't 7inches long though so I don't think I could have donated it. Also it was highlighted, I don't know if that makes a difference. I love my new hair by the way and everyone says it suits me. Unfortunately I haven't got very long with it! I think Ill have it in the same style when it grows again.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas
Love to you all, Jacqui x
PS Tax definately make sure you are ready for the new This Is England. I was still crying the next day!
Haven't been on here for quite awhile and I am amazed at how our little group has grown.Although I haven't been at work time has whizzed by, going into school to watch various plays, concerts etc( It was nice to see them from the front for once , instead of from behind the curtain!)
I went back for my results after my surgery and had a bit of a shock. They had discovered cancerous cells in my sentinel node when it had been removed ( hadnt shown before). I though I d be moving onto the next stage, but no , now I have to go back in for more surgery. (A full auxillary clearance) I was offered the 22nd dec, but decided to wait til 5th jan, so that i could atleast enjoy christmas. I have booked a special holiday in june for my 50th, but this is looking more and more as if i'll have to cancell it 😞
Shadders regarding school , my head and I discussed telling the parents the truth ( because of gossip) but in the end it was taken out of my hands and a letter was sent saying i had to have an op so wouldnt be in school before christmas and that it might result in more treatment after. I assume they would be able to read into it,what was going on.
Alanna regarding hospital , I took in pj's front opening, but in the end ,ended up just wearing the hospital gown as i had some weeping and didnt want to ruin my clothes!! lol As it was I was only in for 1 day. I also had a front opening bra which i got from john lewis I think MandS are better.
Take care everone. I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas xxx
Just a quick message to wish all you lovely ladies as happy a Christmas as possible. We will all get through this, especially with the invaluable support we can provide each other.
Take care and loads of gentle hugs xxx
Alaana, so sorry to hear your news but hopefully it will help a bit now that you at least know what you are dealing with, that is what I found. I also have to have my left breast removed mid jan but believe I will have immediate reconstruction. It is devastating but I am just keen to get rid of the "gremlin".
Ref nightwear, I have bought some zipped short sleeve terry nighties from QVC and tried one out for my SNB yesterday. It was great, easy to get on and easy for the nurses to open and access the wound. Also nice and light as hospital rooms are so warm.
Please try and be positive and focus on the holidays.
Hope all our lovely ladies are doing well. Had my SNB yesterday, didn't agree with the anaesthetic but everything else ok and better than I thought. Also pleased to have my mx date. Floodgates did open a little and think they will more now which w
I am sure will help.
Big hugs an love to all xx
Alanaa, really sorry to hear the results weren't better, I doubt there is much I can write that will help other than saying we'll be here to help where we can. Give that lazy cat of yours a bug hug.....sure that will help too! Tips on nightwear.....button tops so no lifting over the head needed, found the M&S staff really helpful about bras but you may need a bigger store to get a full range.
Seems like all us November Ladies are ramping up the water works except maybe Lelly but she might just let go of the flood gates next week after her op tomorrow. I'm catching you up TTT, started welling up at adverts now!
Shadders, nice to hear from you. Got This is England 88 recorded, top series but am still a bit freaked by the last one.....particularly 'that' scene so might wait a while before I watch it. Not sure how long your hair is but a lady on another thread donated her hair to the Little Princess charity who use human hair to make wigs for kids who have lost theirs through illness. She said it made cutting her hair much more bearable. It does have to be over 7inches in length thou...
Hope everyone is doing ok and I'll be raising a virtual glass of something to us all at the weekend. Right, I'm off to watch the Disney channel to see if I can finish off that man sized box of tissues! lots of love Zax
Good morning ladies
got my results yesterday and was gutted when told that I have to have my left breast removed beginning of January and reconstruction 6 or 7 months later. Felt better after a good cry last night and will do some baking today to get into the festive spirit as my oldest girl and my son are coming home for the holiday.
Any tips re nightwear and bra for the stay in hospital as I normally only sleep in a t-shirt ( not to mention that I hate bras at the best of times) and don't think that is suitable for the hospital.
Hi Ann how are you getting on and nice to see shadders posted a message too.
Wishing you all a nice day
hi shadders nice to hear from you. hope your happy with the chemo start date. i know you were shocked at the prospect of starting before xmas and i suppose you had got yourself ready for that - but now you can a little break over xmas period and hopefully have a nice time and then you will be fully ready for starting in the new year. hope your hair appointment goes well on saturday, i am sure your hairdresser will do a great job for you. xxx
i have been quite tearful on and off last few days as well. i think its because anything else that crops up which i would normally have just dealt with (little things usaual stuff) just seems too much to deal with and i get upset. i think things have just caught up with me. at start first week or so i was crying all the time, then havent been so much. but i think its just hit me again. it seems weird that it is xmas day on sunday, i keep forgetting what day/date it is as every day seems the same, and i just wait for the next appointment to go to for something or other. sorry for waffling ladies.
hope your hair appointment goes well on saturday, i am sure your hairdresser will do a great job.
big hugs to you all
Just want to wish you luck. It will be ok. Try to keep positive. don,t worry about the crying days they are normal.
Please all of you believe me that the waiting is the worst but it will end. You will get through this
Hi everyone and it's great?!? to see so many new people here. Sorry I've not been here much but Christmas at school then Christmas at home took over for a while.I had my pre assessment appointment last week and they agreed to put my date for chemo back until 9th Jan. [Thanks for thinking of me TTM] Chemo nurse said that the 20th was a bit early as it wouldn't have been 6 weeks after my op by then. Got a feeling they had targets to meet. Just had my last scan yesterday so am all ready for the 9th.
Zac I felt exactly the same as if it was happening to someone in a story not me but since my pre assessment apt the floodgates have oppened and I have been crying at anything vaguely emotional. I started crying as the opening credits rolled for 'It's A Wonderful Life' and didn't stop till it finished. Cried when I heard a lttle girl having her blood test as I was waiting for mine. Cried when I opened a card from a little girl and she'd written her own writing in it. Cried buckets when watching 'This is England 88'. Don't know if anyone else saw it but what a fantastic series! I feel so much better now.
More scared than I thought I would be about losing my hair. Have a hairdressers apt on Sat and will go really short. Don't know if it will suit me. I love the pixie cuts but I have a big head and face so...
I had a phone call from someone who has been through chemo and it really helped me. She had a similar dx to me and similar chemo. Breat Cancer Care put me in touch with her and she's going to ring back when I've had my 1st treatment.
Totally agree....I am actually BORED of waiting!!!
Thx all for the kind comments about my results. Wont know what the score is till I see the Onc which may be next week or more likely next year now. Oh brilliant more waiting!!!
Jayne, can't help on the triple neg but I think the forum jargon for the back flap maybe DIEP flap and I've seen it mentioned loads. Hope this helps you find out more.....
Time to go try and count some sheep. Hope this s****y situation is not putting too much of a downer on the Christmas spirit...can't believe it this weekend. Why does waiting for something take so long but the good bits never come quick enough?????
Hugs to all....Zax
PS Lelly good luck with the SNB on Thursday....be thinking of you.
Everything seems to be going so slowly for me.I can't believe its 7 week since I went to my Gp. I have had so far a biopsy of lump,a week for the results then a biopsy of calcuim deposits, another week for resuts, they are cancerous. then yesterday had my SN biopsy.
So now waiting for 2 weeks for the results then will get a date for mastectomy and reconstruction.
I really want to know more about the back flap from woman who have had it done. I will have to search on here. I can go on a clinical trial about quality of life after mastectomy and reconstruction. I want to make sure its right for me.
I do feel emotionally much better since had SN biopsy may be its because things are starting to happen now. I have been a wreck since diagnosis and feeling guilty as not been to work and perhaps should save my sick time for post surgery. I really couldn't work though.
Nice to get this off my chest, enjoy reading about you all.
Is anyone Triple negative? that does stress me a bit.
Big hugs to all