Now its all over…
Now its all over… I dont know where to begin really. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last June and completed chemo and rads in feb of this year. I was given the “all clear” in May just before my holidays but to be honest I feel a bit strange.
I dealt really well with all the treatments and didnt even stop work unless I really had to, (bout of food poisoning and then the rads - had to go to Edinburgh for that).
When I was getting treatment, my head was filled with hosp appointments, medication, work and catching up with people, now its all stopped and I finally have a chance to think about what I’ve gone through, and I find that I am really angry at times and upset at others. Thing is i seem to be taking it out on others by being moody and upset. I feel really bad for this and want to know if this is “normal”. I dont want to hurt my family and friends by being like this but I dont know how to get rid of this feeling.
Sorry for going on a bit but I feel a bit lost and wondered if anyone else had experienced this and how they got through it.
Thanks for “listening”
Donna
Just keep going Hi Donna,
I did not have this reaction but I have read so many similar posts and I know it is a very common and natural reaction to all you’ve been through. I think I was helped by being informed beforehand that these feelings can and usually do develop. I read a very good (but long) article recommended by many women on this site.
Don’t have it to hand right now but I’ll look for it and post the address later. Other users may remember it titled something like 'Treatment over what next. ’ by a phsycologist ???
Anyway I’ll find it . Meanwhile just be selfish and put yourself before anyone else in your family and don’t feel bad you’ve been through a lot and I’m sure they all understand and if they don’t…well that’s their problem! Just keep on going.
‘Speak’ later.
Love Ali x
Me too Hi Donna
I was diagnosed in August last year, had chemo then unexpected Mastectomy (long story), managed to escape rads due to op! Then commenced on Arimidex, which have already been discontinued due to severe side effects.
I finally got the all clear in March this year and to be honest I felt totally empty & lost, I can’t really explain how I felt… angry, empty inside, lost, un-motivated, self centered, in fact you name it and I felt it and still do to a point. I have read the article Ali mentions and I know that how I feel is exactly what is described and it is normal to feel this way, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better!
I am sure we will get through this period of emptyness as we are all very strong ladies, it will just take time. I guess we need to think of ourselves and just slow down a little.
Lynn x
After treatment ends article I’ve had my last radiotherapy today and, like you, feel a bit funny, especially after having to go backwards and forwards to the hospital everyday for the last three weeks.
The article mentioned is called After the treatment finishes - then what? by Dr Peter Harvey. It is a long article but well worth a read. Iread it with tears streaming down my face. It’s reassuring to know that these feelings are normal.If you just google his name it’s quite easy to find, and then you can print it off. Hope you find it helpful
Linda
Thanks Thanks for the messages. I was beginning to think I was the only one to feel like this and having already come through depression (had it for about 7 years) I dont want to go back there again, but I was worried the signs were starting again.
Thanks for the heads up on the article, i will go and investigate that when I leave here.
Talking to someone isnt something I can do just now as my parents live in France (and lets just say my mum is one of the people I have hurt recently), and my best friend is ill herself at the moment and the last thing she needs is me moaning now everything is over. But I now know that I can come here if I need to ask anything.
You really are a lovely bunch of people and I wish you all well through your journeys.
DonnaX
I’ve just read Dr Harveys article and thank you all so much for pointing me in the right direction. i realise now that it is normal to feel this way and will show the article to my family as it explains things in a way I cant.
Thank you all again
DonnaX
You found it! Hi Donna,
I knew that when you were given the correct title and author’s name that you would most probably find the article yourself. As I said I had read this well before completing treatment and all my family read it too because as you say it explains things in a way we can’t or perhaps feel we might not be believed. I think it prepared me for the after treatment time and my family know that this is not behind me and still give me lots of support. Knowing you are not alone helps enormously. Don’t feel guilty about the way you feel and I am happy that you have taken the first steps in the right direction.
Love Ali X
Dr Harvey’s article Like Linda, I read this article with tears streaming down my face. I passed it to some of my friends and family, because I was unable to voice how I felt and he did such a good job in describing it.
Note to the webmaster (mistress?) of this site: how about putting a link to this article on this site? It is so very useful for those of us who feel totally lost after our treatment is completed and I’m sure the Cancer Counselling Trust would give their permission.
Or maybe BCC could produce a separate publication which gives us some idea of what may be round the corner when the rounds of hospital visits finish. When my tears and depression and anger hit I was totally unprepared and so were my nearest and dearest and it has taken me more than a year to start to get over the whole thing. Unless you’ve been through this, you cannot imagine what it is like and what an ungrateful wretch you feel for not being sunny and happy and so on.
I agree Just to say I agree with the above post - I’ve seen this article recommended lots of times and always appreciated so it would be really good to have a link &/or an equivalent leaflet.