i haven’t been on here for a while and there’s me feeling good about not having to be on here, when here i am again…
My hx - IDC, Pagets and DCIS 2004, bilateral mx, recon and recon removed so back to bilateral mx…
well, I’ve made a right idiot of myself at work today. I was dealing with something stressish (but not too bad that warrents bursting into tears over) when that’s exactly what I did - just burst into tears as I started to feel really overwhelmed with the problem I was dealing with- in front of my junior collegues.
What an idiot! Since I went through instant premature menopause I have felt fairly anxious, all the time really. It’s horrible but guess part of the lovley menopause.
Anyway, just feel such an idiot and angry at what this disease has done to my confidence over the years - my fault for letting it I guess.
I have been a bit stressed these past few months as I have had to have a few scans done to rule out secondaries - still have one more to go - but can’t believe I did that in front of my junior work collegues! How embarassing!! I’m so mortified - what must they think?
Sorry, just needed to offload with people who understand(hopefully).
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Oh love, what a day you’ve had! Poor you! I think there’s lots of us on here know and understand what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed by things just like you’ve described. I bet your junior colleagues weren’t thinking anything wrong of you at all you know. They’d just be really concerned about you, so don’t worry about what they might be thinking at all!
And you haven’t made an idiot out of yourself either! Sometimes we go on and on coping, and just dont realise how mucch we’re keeping inside ourselves - and then it comes out totally unexpectedly, and that’s what’s happened today for you! This horrible blooming bc rears its head again when we least expect it, and has no regard for time elapsed since diagnosis, treatment etc. I’ve been tearful and had support on here today, so I understand how you’re feeling, and there’ll be lots of others along to give you reassurance too.
Yes you’re right, a bc diagnosis takes away our confidence, and along with your premature menopause, it’s so understandable that you’ve felt and acted like you did today. You’re only human, and your colleagues will understand that. And you’ve got another scan to go yet - so you need lots of caring from people, and to be gentle with yourself too, n not go blaming yourself or being embarrassed for today.
OH shelley, what a lovely post- i have burst into tears again and they are streaming down my face right now… thank so very, very much for your lovely, kind words.
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Hi happyshopper, Bless you the crap days do come along and yes you get to a point where you just implode! I have done the same on the phone talking to someone of all things!!??? I bet your colleagues were more worried and scared than anything else, mine have been good they pretend it’s all normal my being such a clutz after being off for 13 months,even the new young girl just ignores my mistakes!!! Scary stuff and that end of the tunnel just keeps blinking and doesn’t let you see that light! It will come and I am sending you a BIG hug 'cos we all need them! Be a lot kinder to yourself you deserve it Em xxx
Hi. I’m coming to the end of active treatment and am having wobbles as big as my steroid belly. There have been some tears over the last day or so.
Sending a friendly smile :o)
You have been through so much it’s not surprising that you hit the wall. Thinking of you and maybe you could read the CCT article - Diana Moran describes something similar and well, I reckon a lot of us have had inconvenient meltdowns. Embarrassing but not as embarrassing as some of what we have been through.
Awwh Happyshopper, glad we’ve helped, even though we’ve also brought your tears on again as well. But that’s how it is isnt it. We cry cos we’re upset, then we cry again (with some relief in the tears this time) cos we get such kind replies on here!
It sounds as if quite a few of us have had a difficult day today, so big hugs to you all!
Jane, I’ve just looked at the Diana Moran article, and on the CCT website they’ve got the Dr Peter Harvey article as well - they’re both just so reassuring to read, arent they!
It’s a really good website. The picture of the red oval at the top of the article also really touched me, especially when I first had mx. I felt as though it was a picture of a missing breast, my breast. Still makes me feel something - don’t know what the feeling is so I avoid looking at it and just concentrate on the words which help me feel like I am not so ungrateful and unusual. All the contributions are good, I think it’s worth reading different bits over and over at different points in time. Most of all he seems to understand it’s not weird to be upset and feel bereaved for the body and life we had, most people just don’t get that.
Hi Hs
Got half way thro posting yestday & my phone gave uplol! Just wanted 2say u r not alone. Ive been down this wk, cried @home &work. The whole yr has suddrnly got on top of me. Cd be my hormones, dark evenings too. we have all been through alot, I think. Look after yourself.
Alis
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Well it is definitely catching! My boss was asking me how I feel today and I went into a right meltdown of tears because she had been so kind!! I know I have days like this and do try to hold it together but you are right it is the kindness of people that is your undoing! Well you are in wonderful company I have laughed and cried along with some of the postings of some of the kindest people on here so I now see it as wonderful therapy!!! Take care Hugs Em xxx