Sascha, I understand completely how you feel and nonsuch summed it up perfectly too - we have actually met up and compared 'scars' and as she said the scars disappear altogether overtime! Please do not let this horrid horrid disease beat you. You seem to have faced other health difficulties and stayed very strong - breast cancer is a beast (thats putting it mildy) but it is treatable and there are many many ladies who have gone through the horrors you face and the feelings you have - you must not let the 'beast' win. When you wake up from surgery the 'beast' will have gone, it may have left you 'deformed' but heh you are still the same person you were and you are alive. As previous posts you can do something about your body image then. Lots of hugs and thinking about you xxx
Thank you - I cannot have immediate re-con, all my energy really is now going in to hoping I do not wake up from the surgery, I long to feel that sense of oblivion and never to feel like this again, I am not myself at all anymore, cannot believe how much of a wreck I am. If they were taking both it would be easier, it is the lop sided stuff that makes it so awful.......I have had years of other health issues that I have dealt with completely differently to this, strong, positive, even with heavy odds against me I stayed totally positive, but this has me beat.........
I recognise some of the words you use as I also saw it as mutilation. There wasn't anything my daughters could say to console me over about a week when the anger and terror were at their worst.
It was my first NHS treatment too, and I dreaded every test and every part of every test. I saw them all as mountains going into distance and all to be overcome.
I'd just like to say, like saffronseed says, it's a massive shock and a massive change for us to come to terms with needing to go through this but it is possible to come out at the other end with a good body that will stand up to beach inspection! I'm living proof despite all my earlier fears.
I was lucky enough to be able to have an immediate recon usng my tummy fat and my other breast doesn't actually need reduction or anything as it /they were pretty damn good before all this. It would have been very tough for me to wake up without a breast if I couldn't have had an immediate recon, but I've since met lots of ladies who have then got good symmetry after that.
But my refilled breast has ended up a little fuller than the other one, nothing major and no one can really tell, but the PS is going to take out a bit of the fat so it's a really good match. I've had a choice in what touch ups I will have, to get a result that is probably better than before. I have got a tummy scar that I didn't have before, but it's very neat and VERY low, and overall it's improved my shape. Once the scar has faded it will be almost un-noticeable.
I would be happy to show you what a good result theres been if that would help. Do PM me if I can help in any way. It's really tough right now but tomorrow is the start of putting the BC mountains into the background.
Thinking of you ladies this week. Mastectomy is a horrible thing to cope with from an emotional perpective - I cried - lots.
Can't think of much more to say that might be useful but people on here know what you're facing although the emotional impact is very indiviual and we all cope with it differently.
That was well said saffron,
You could have been talking to me too.
When I told my neighbour and colleague about my op etc... She told me a lady in work has a prosthesis and I swear I would never have known... I just thought she had magnificent boobs especially at 60 lol.
I think is horrid, but am hoping when it's done, it's done... You just have to get on with it... But waiting and knowing is really hard on your thoughts.
Sascha - losing your breast is a something that is difficult to get your head round - to be honest I was in total shock about my cancer and the breast 'loss' didn't really feature in my thoughts until I was due to go down to theatre on the trolly and I sobbed and sobbed.
I won't try and trivialise it and emotionally its worth than the physical operationa as the Op is fairly uncomplicated and you wake up feeling fine. emotionally then you have to come to terms with it.
I too am big breasted so i was lopsided. Like you I do ask about having the other one off at the same time and they are very reluctant to remove a healthy breast - at this time - but i do know that once you have recovered from the first op and if you still feel the same you will have councelling and then they will remove it if they feels it will help your general well being.
For me, I lost my breast and I mourned it very much but I did have a prothesis and when I went to be fitted for it a few weeks down the line I was quite excited about having something that resembled a breast rather than a 'sponge'. A prothesis is not perfect but it does fit in your bra, and wiggle when you move etc and for me it did make me feel like a normal women (fully clothed).
For me this wasn't enough so I went for a reconstruction. I did have to wait a while though as I had more treatment but now I have a proper breast which is part of me, I am no longer lopsided, and I can wear normal pretty bra's! I do have to have more surgery on my good breast as the plastic surgeons like to do a 'good job' in that they want them to exactly match and my other breast droops a bit more than my new one!
Two years ago I would not have believed that I could feel so positive about something so horrid. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You probably don't think so but there is. So whilst you are losing a breast, you are getting rid of that horrid cancer and then you will be in a postion to decide whether you want a reconstruction or whether you feel having the other breast off is the best option for you. You may actually prefer to stick with your prothesis (some ladies do). Its all a matter of personal choice. however one option not open to you is to keep your breast. xx
Thanks for the replies, talking does not seem to help, in fact I think it just makes me feel worse. There are too many unknowns and I am no longer the person I was a few weeks ago, she is gone forever.
My OH is no longer talking to me as he thinks I am impenetrable, and there is nothing he can say. I can see he is upset and that upsets me but I cannot change it as that means lying to him. I really do hope I will be the person who does not wake up from surgery (and that me taking the fall means someone who does want to live does not have to die as that is how statistics work)
Thank you everyone for your generous support and advice, I am sorry I was not able to make better use of it.
you need to talk again to someone as already suggested the helpline is there
This is a very rough journey and it would be a huge decision so need to talk some more about how you feel before you venture into such a big thing
I know that isnt what you want to hear but the whole thing is so distressing and its not always easy to make clear decisions whilst so upset so probably need more discussion to ensure you make a decision that you wont regret later. You have a lot to come to terms with
sorry csnt be of more help
lots of love and big hugs pops x
Sorry to read that you're feeling this way, do give the helpline here a ring and talk things through with them, they're here to support you as much as possible through this. Lines open this morning at 9am until 5pm (Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2) calls are free, 0808 800 6000
I'm quite large breasted, and after my reconstruction it will be a reduction on the other side. I will need to wait till all my other therapies are out the way tho to get it done properly.
I am not looking forward to the new lopsided me, but the end result all e it a good long while away ( in my case ) I think will be good. They do a very very good job.
Hope you feel better once it's over with.
Big hug xx
Researching it and found this, makes me wonder if prophylatic mx is the right way forward or if a significant breast reduction could be enough to deal with the lop sided issues? Does breast reduction increase risk of breast cancer?
Sorry for the graphic words but I want to convey how I feel accurately.
Tomorrow is the big day for me - to me it is the day I will be permanently mutilated for ever. I am SO upset about the prospect of being lop sided, and prostheses really do literally make me vomit so they do not feel like an option for me. I don´t think I will ever be able to see anyone again.
Originally I thought I would want re-con, post treatment, BUT more and more what I want is symmetry and to not have just one breast, that will just make it more obvious I have had an amputation. I have lobular cancer and that is so hard to detect, why isn´t that sufficient reason?
I have asked about removing the other breast (an E cup so not small, the imbalance is likely to cause problems in my back and neck) but they will not even consider it. I am the one who is supposed to live like a freak, not them. This is the first time ever I will be going into surgery (which normally scares me silly) truly hoping I really do not come out...
Can we ever insist on having the other breast removed?
If the NHS will not do it are their private plastic surgeons who will?
What options do I have to try and find a way of living so that I can feel ok - lop-sidedness is not one of them for me and nor are prostheses, I do literally vomit every time I even look at one online.
Sorry to bore everyone - I know many of you are dealing with much worse things.