My lumpectomy op has been arranged for 23rd Feb, and I’m already starting to feel panicky! It’s the anaesthetic which scares me witless. I had a SLNB back in Sept and was very nervous but it wasn’t as awful as I’d anticipated, so in my rational moments I kinda know it will be OK, however I don’t have many rational moments, and mostly build it out of proportion even though I tell myself I’m being silly.
I’ve finished chemo 2xEC and 4xTax. Chemo, Tax especially, made me feel dreadful as I had extreme S/E’s but I never once felt scared of my infusions and always sat in the chemo chair with a smile on my face - I guess because needles don’t scare me in the slightest.
Did anyone else have the same fears regarding op/anaesthetic?
Let’s face it - who really looks forward to an op? I have one on Monday coming - nothing to do with bc at all - and I keep saying to myself that if I can come through my mx, followed by chemo and rads then I can do this one too.
Doesn’t stop me feeling anxious though so hope I am 1st on the list with no hanging about Monday morning so that the next thing I know is that I’ll wake up and it will all be over.
I shall try really hard to take on board supertrouper’s philosophy and enjoy the rest!
“I shall try really hard to take on board supertrouper’s philosophy and enjoy the rest!”
Me too, Mazzalou - just hope I succeed. Find a vein is no problem for me, I didn’t have a line fitted and my veins stood up well. The last two nights I haven’t slept as can’t stop thinking about 23rd Feb. I ALMOST wish I had another chemo cycle to face as it took my mind off what was to come, weied eh?
Well, there you go then Libsue, at least you haven’t got to worry about your veins. I DO have a portacath fitted, but it can’t always be used so glad I’ll be asleep when they start playing the ‘find a vein’ game!!!
We WILL succeed and I promise that I will just let them get on with it whilst I slumber sweetly away Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Good luck for Monday, Mazzalou. Do let us know how it goes. I’m taking a sleeping tablet tonight, I don’t usually take sleep aids but I didn’t get to sleep until 8.30 this morning! Body clock totally out of sync.
I had my mx first(Nov 8th)and am sitting dreading third FEC tomorrow because my veins play hide-and -seek and one has now gone awol.
Nothing will ever match the fear as I got close to the hospital on the morning of my surgery. Sitting between my shell-shocked husband and my second son, all I wanted to do was tell the taxi driver to turn around and take us home.
My second-youngest boy was getting married 11 days later and I so wanted to be there. Waiting in the pre-op room for three hours was not easy, but hospital routine took over and I just handed responsibility to them. Three hours later I was sitting up in bed texting everyone who would be worrying because my husband would never get round to doing it.
I danced until midnight at my son’s wedding and had a lovely weekend in London, resting when I needed to and doing tourist things when I felt like it. If you’ve got through chemo this operation will be a stroll in the park.
I know none of this will help your fear right now but you’ll arrive at the other side of all this just as Spring takes hold. Good days lie ahead.
For the moment, find any distraction you can. Do things you’ve always enjoyed even if you don’t feel like it. You’ll be surprised how often you forget to worry.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I know I’ll be just like you, I’ll want to turn and run but of course I won’t because I know I must go through with it. I so wish it was over. Your advice makes sense and I shall try to focus on other things; I suppose since finishing chemo nearly two weeks ago, and coping better this time with S/E’s I’ve not had to dwell on that, consequently I’ve had too much time to think about my op. My mobility and energy levels are poor so walking isn’t an option, I’m certain I’d feel better if I was able to get out and about. I intend to take short strolls and try to build my physical strength.
It was lovely to read how much you enjoyed your son’s wedding and the weekend in London, and so soon after your surgery.
Thanks too for reminding me that by summer all treatment will be behind me (I’m having rads a few weeks after op), I’m trying not to think of the worst case scenario eg: unclear margins necessitating another op!
I hope all goes well for you tomorrow, but if your veins play up have you thought about asking for a line?
Hi Libby - just wanted to send you a hug and hope you’re finding some kind of relief from your anxiety about the general anaesthetic. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel scared - I had my op in December and it was definitely the bit that worried me most.
I managed to forget about it for a couple of days before and then it all came back just as they were taking me in to the theatre - yes, all the worst thoughts. They also had piped music in there - some pleasant, calming reggae track, nice. But then on came Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler - what the ****?! I started to weep a bit, and one of the folk in green looked at me strangely over her mask, rubbed my arm a bit and stuffed a piece of bandage gauze in my hand to dab my eyes with… No tissues? I mean, surely I wasn’t the first person to have a few tears before an operation?
But, of course, before I knew it I was waking up groggily on the ward - it’s such a mad and amazing thing!
You’ll be absolutely fine - but go ahead and vent your anxiety, that’s what this site’s for, after all.
FC
Libby, you poor thing it is awful to have a great fear of something you know you can’t avoid. If you were sick with your last anaesthetic or during chemo tell them and they will try to prevent it for you. They will use stronger anti sickness drugs to help you. This horrible disease makes wimps out of all of us. I can’t bear needles since the chemo. I used to let students take blood from me when they were learning etc. …but not now!!! Many people fear anaesthetics and the staff will probably make sure you have that little bit of extra support or allow your family to stay with you if you tell them. They are so safe these days and in comparison to what you have been through with chemo relatively risk free.
You need a big hug and lots of support from everybody. The operation is one more step to getting rid of that lump. Hopefully because you fear it so much you will be surprised at how easy it was. I had a bilateral mastectomy and node clearance and was up and about the next day with only panadol for discomfort. I really feared the lymph node clearance but I have full movement, in fact with post op euphoria I was telling everybody on the way back from theatres that I could get my arm up so easily…it was such a relief to have little discomfort.
Radiotherapy too was a lot less stressful than I thought it would be. I just had a glitch on the last two days because I had "had enough ". That only showed to others in my bad temper!!!
I am crossing everything for you …I so hope all will be well
(((((((HUGS)))))
Cackles
Thanks FireCracker and Cackles for your kind and reassuring words.
I’m counting the days and think it’s helping a bit as 26 days seems ages away, whereas if I think 23rd Feb it seems nearly here!! Your experiences help me to see I’m not the only one to feel this way.
not been on for a while, broke my wrist which makes typing difficult but your thread struck a chord with me… I am not scared of the different procedures we have to endure but the words general anaesthetic terrify me.
I have however learnt that they take great care of you in the theatre, they are skilled people who know what they are doing and you are linked to many machines to read your vital signs.
Take heart from this and I know how you feel believe me you are talking to the woman who behaved as though she was going to the guillotine and not for a life saving procedure, I cried like a baby on the morning of my Mx all the way to the theatre!!! I think the anaesthetist knocked me out to shut me up!!!
Be brave, if you can do chemo you can certainly do this…as cackles says I was pottering around the next day, not quite my usual self but not far from it.
Lots of cyber hugs for you and all the best of luck. M
Libby if you look at page 177 of Starting Chemo in August it give a list if helpful things to take in for surgery…good browsing!!’ We will be there for you. Just PM I’d you need to
Big cuddle
Cackles
I’m a bit like you in that it is the anaesthetic I can wind myself into knots with. It will be fine, you will be monitored big style and before you know it you will be in recovery or back on ward getting tea and toast.
Isn’t it the best tea and toast ever.
I’ve had the WLE and was out walking the dog, very slowly, by the third day. My OH thinks anything is helped by a walk, whereas I would opt for a gin and tonic.
Thanks Cackles, going to page 177 now, you’re a star.
Julia, thanks for your encouraging words, I know you are right, and will try to think positively. My OH is you and your OH rolled into one, he thinks walks AND alcohol are a tonic! Rather just have a few glasses of wine myself and beggar the walk, well when it’s cold. I do like walks, but I’m a fair weather walker. That said, I was taken on long walks in all weather as a child, my parents believed the fresh air did us good! I too am looking forward to our meet up.
applestreet, sorry about your wrist and hope it heals soon. Your account of what happens when we are in theatre is comforting, thank you. I know it’s irrational to feel as I do but, it certainly helps knowing I’m not the only one.
Sorry for not replying sooner, I’ve only just found the thread, but have it in ‘saved discussions’ now.
please don’t be scared. I had a wide excision last week and asked to speak to the anesthetist before the op as I get very sick with a GA. He talked to me for a good ten minutes and listened to my concerns. I was given an anti-emetic which really worked. I will not kid you your hand will feel bruised and sore - mine is still bright yellow, but it is OK. Not great but bearable. My breast is sore and under my arm, also stiff shoulder but way better than I imagined. Nothing is as bad as your imagination. Tell them you are scared, they will help, they have heard it all may times before. Lots of love kit